What's Bothering You?

Having trouble keeping up with people. Actually realised as well that I missed the deadline to buy any extra flowers I wanted but that’s okay.

Maladaptive daydreaming again after a long time, putting my energy in that one guy was a huge mistake.
God please have me never fall for someone like that again. May there be no more love bombing in my life.
 
I have had the WORST week. My FP kind of left me, kind of didn't. Said we needed space and time away.
We keep texting. I don't know if that makes it worse, or better at this point.

I hate having BPD because I constantly feel like I cannot live without him. It makes me feel weak. I don't feel strong. Every time I get my head out of the water to surface level, I'm immediately pushed back into the water. I miss him. My heart hurts so much. I don't know if I'll ever be the same, or if I'll ever love again. I originally didn't want to post anything, but I really have nowhere else to go.. I don't have a whole bunch of friends who can relate, or can comfort me the way I need right now. I know I need to focus on myself, I know I need to take care of myself and not focus on my FP/my ex-bf(...? this is so hard for me to say).

A lot of people have enabled my behaviors, including him. But.. I'm just..so tired.. I'm so tired of feeling this way. I need to get a job, I need to go back to school. I need to forget about him and let go.. but it's too hard for me right now. I want to hold onto him and never let go. I almost got pink-slipped twice in the past week at my psychiatrist and counseling appointments. I really REALLY don't wanna go back to the hospital. I will lose my mind.. I can get over this, I can get over this.

I don't know if I can do this alone..
 
So, if some college athletes can get paid, how about I get paid to learn useful information that I can apply for future jobs? I may not be fully understanding the concept of this whole “image and likeness” thing, but in my mind, it seems unfair that struggling students who are trying to get a low-key education spend close to three decades paying off a loan, and many can’t even move out of their parents’ house after graduating and getting hired. Meanwhile, some athletes have it incredibly easy. I know not everyone is getting Clark money, but it still bothers me that being physically gifted can get you through college “rent free” essentially.

Tuition in general is really turning me off from going back to school. I’m not going to spend over $1,000 a month for 30 years for a degree that I may not even use. I’m already a victim of dropping out of college super early and facing the financial consequences. That’s why I hate the big schools so much.
 
i lowkey regret not getting jaw surgery when i had the option. i look in the mirror sometimes and i think to myself “damn it really IS that bad.” i know it’s trivial but it makes me so self conscious, i look like a fricking simpsons character from the side.
 
You all have real worries. I have something so small, that it is insignificant by comparison, but my problem makes me want to either run away, or stab something sharp into my ear drums.

I seriously can't handle people who chew with their mouths open and make smacking or slurping noises.

I don't know how to deal with noisy eaters. I don't think there is anything that can be said without hurting someone's feelings, or getting laughed at for pointing it out.
 
It's sad to see how many people her preface their stresses and worries by saying that it doesn't matter, or is not as bad as what other people are dealing with. Suffering is not a competition, and no one should feel like their pain isn't worth feeling or sharing because of what others are going through. I hope you all find peace in your struggles right now, even if its as small as stubbing your toe. 💚
 
The cemetery that my dad is buried at got bought out by new owners. Not only do they neglect to upkeep the area, they also take any decorations that are placed on the stones. (others have bombed it with 1 star reviews complaining about the same thing).

We can't do anything for father's day or his birthday now. Everything we place on his grave is taken away never to be seen again. We purchased these little sign post messages that have 'love dad' messages on them. Only to find them gone on our next visit.

It's such a shame. We can't celebrate this stuff with him, so is it too much to ask that we leave him a small gift on his resting place?
 
Change is hard, and I don't feel right all the time. They way I naturally talk? People think it's mean. My love for video games? People think it's childish. I don't like to swear, yet everyone—especially in my high school—does it all the time and every time I hear it I become apprehensive and feel like I missed out on something. And when I try to explain myself and my preference for quiet spaces, nobody takes me seriously. They want me to go out there and change myself. But how do I get started? That's what they never tell me.

I enjoy The Bell Tree and its community and I have no intention of quitting, but to be honest sometimes it doesn't feel right for me to go on there and interact with the regulars. After my English unit on Fahrenheit 451 (that happened before I became active here), I came to realize the fact that nothing can beat physical, interpersonal communication. People want me to make friends with the students, but I unfortunately feel alienated by their habits, so that's hard... Sometimes I feel like, at this point, I'm already living in Guy Montag's world, a victim to the parlor walls.
 
a lot of stuff has happened at my workplace, and i don’t feel comfortable working there anymore or working with a specific person, but i’m scared to talk to the main manager about it because the person i don’t feel comfortable with is the assistant manager, and they’re really close. i’m scared he’s not gonna take me seriously or not do anything about it, or change the way he acts towards me because of what i tell him. i really don’t want to just quit because i did love my job, i liked the people there, but now it just doesn’t feel right to be working there anymore. i work today and im honestly dreading it so much :/ idk what to do. and everytime i bring it up to my friends i feel like they’re so annoyed and tired of my problems i’ve had to just keep this to myself and it’s so draining lol
 
i felt really nervous earlier just about walking into a room in my house and talking to someone that came to pick something up i'm actually kicking myself about why i didn't overcome nervousness like 5 hours later. i just stayed in another room and listened because my inner voice said 'hey, it'd be awkward to just appear midway through conversation' so i didn't do it and ;_; someone else talked to them and they just seemed really cool and cute and aaa i'm just super annoyed at myself.

i need to just ignore my inner voice because it's holding me back and it's legit not the vibes at all
 
Doo said:
Could you be neurodivergent? The bit you said about people thinking you’re mean really resonates with me and I recently found out I’m autistic. You don’t seem mean at all to me if that helps
Click to expand...
Because we only know each other online. If we met IRL, you'll hear my tone of voice and you'll see why people think I sound like a jerk.
 
BobRocks20 said:
Change is hard, and I don't feel right all the time. They way I naturally talk? People think it's mean. My love for video games? People think it's childish. I don't like to swear, yet everyone—especially in my high school—does it all the time and every time I hear it I become apprehensive and feel like I missed out on something. And when I try to explain myself and my preference for quiet spaces, nobody takes me seriously. They want me to go out there and change myself. But how do I get started? That's what they never tell me.
Click to expand...
You basically described me. People call me childish as well for video games or the books I read. I play and read them anyway. I really don’t like swearing either but get told I’m too sensitive when I ask people not to swear at me. For some reason most people don’t understand ones needs for quiet spaces. I’m sorry people ask you to change you should only change if it’s what you want and will help you to be happy.
 
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