Your first shirt? Your first villagers?

[Sloom]

I was scheduled to work a 6 hour shift. About an hour and 48 minutes into my shift the night crew supervisor tells me to take a ten minute break.

This means I would return in ten minutes and have to work without a break for 4 more hours straight. I asked her if I could take it in 12 minutes and she said "No you have to take it right now."

I told her that I just got to work and that I would be on the floor for four more hours and she said "So what? Take your break."

I told her I wasn't going to and she said "Fine go home."

So I clocked out and went home. Smh. Anyway...

A guy meets a sex worker in a bar. She says, ‘This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for ?300 as long as you can say it in three words.’ The guy replies, ‘Hey, why not?’ He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays ?300 on the bar, and says slowly. ‘Paint…my….house.’
China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.
A guy dies and is sent to hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one to spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in dirt up to their necks. The guy says, ‘No, let me see the next room.’ In the second room, people are standing in dirt up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally Satan opens the third room. People are standing with dirt up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating pastries. The guy says, ‘I pick this room.’ Satan says Ok and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, ‘OK, coffee break’s over. Everyone back on your heads!’
Sid and Irv are business partners. They make a deal that whichever one dies first will contact the living one from the afterlife. So Irv dies. Sid doesn’t hear from him for about a year, figures there is no afterlife. Then one day he gets a call. It’s Irv. ‘So there is an afterlife! What’s it like?’ Sid asks. ‘Well, I sleep very late. I get up, have a big breakfast. Then I have sex, lots of sex. Then I go back to sleep, but I get up for lunch, have a big lunch. Have some more sex, take a nap. Huge dinner. More sex. Go to sleep and wake up the next day.’ ‘Oh, my God,’ says Sid. ‘So that’s what heaven is like?’ ‘Oh no,’ says Irv. ‘I’m not in heaven. I’m a bear in Yellowstone Park.’
A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, ‘You should’ve been here at 8.30!’ He replies. ‘Why? What happened at 8.30?’
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbour. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbour says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible….But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.'
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: ‘I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.’

 

[oak]

Can't remember my first shirt, but my starter villagers were Bam, Coco, Chow, Broffina & Peggy.

 

[Sloom]

A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid samples from the chickens back to his lab, and returned saying, "I can tell you what's infecting your chickens, but I don't know how they got it." Meanwhile, the physicist had been sitting on the floor, scribbling madly on several notebooks worth of paper. Suddenly, he jumped up, exclaiming, "I have the answer, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."

A husband and his wife planned a trip to a hotel by the beach for their holiday. The wife had a business meeting, so the was going to catch an earlier flight and meet her there.
When he arrived at the airport, they wouldn't let him on the plane. He demanded they let him go, but they declined and he was forced to take a later flight. He found out that the reason they weren't going to let him go was that the city was in a heatwave. He was amazed at how hot it was so he rushed to the hotel to have a cold shower. Before getting in the shower, he thought he should send an email to his wife to keep her up to date. The man, however, made a mistake and the email was sent to an elderly widow, who's husband had died just a day earlier. She read the email and fainted in shock, collapsing to the floor. Her family heard and ran in, after checking she was okay they read the email:
To my dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know. Complications at the gate. Appeal denied. Took a while but I am now checked in. I look forward to your arrival tomorrow. You'll be surprised, it's much hotter down here than we expected.

 

[jolokia]

I had the purple shirt with the number on, whichever that is, and my starting villagers were Egbert, Tipper, Wolfgang, Rudy and Bertha. Still got a pic somewhere of me in the first one-room house.

 

[harime]

Green Emblem Blazer I think and Marcel, Broffina, Pekoe, Pippy and Frobert.

I don't like them as much xD But I love the town map so *shrug*

 

[marierock13]

I started with the default shirt for my face, the bubblegum shirt, and the first one I recieved after that was the argyle knit shirt.

My starting villagers (whom I love), were Francine, Bunnie, Stitches, Rudy, and Annalisa.

 

[SliceAndDice]

I can't remember the shirt, honestly, but my villagers back when the game was released in Germany were. Punchy, Tia, Nibbles, Cyrano and Jitters! Was that really 6 Months ago. ..

 

[nacy]

i always keep my first shirt because i'm lame. it was a rugby shirt

my first villagers were lobo, anabelle, frita, cobb, benjamin. i don't intend to ever get rid of lobo or benjamin

 

[Ishimaru]

Gelato shirt; Vladimir, Dizzy, Kyle, Gabi, Puck. That was in Liebchen, but pre-reset they were Puck, Jitters, Apple, Yuka, and Deena. I had actually intended on keeping Jitters forever, but lost him in a TT accident and gave him to my girlfriend. My worst restarting regret is having Jitters not recognize me anymore

 

[Bear_Crossing]

The Gelato Shirt was my first shirt.

 

[Sad Professor]

I had a sick crew to begin with, Hamphrey, Apple, Skye, Cube and Sterling.

Shame all but two have since left me.

 

[Selky]

Can't remember first shirt either. I think it was the white and pink polka dot one maybe that Marina wears. My starter villagers were Hugh, Curly, Apollo, Carmen, and Celia. My first PWP was a bridge. My first expression from shrunk was one of the angry ones. My first picture was from Hugh when he moved away. My first one that I earned without them moving was from Carmen. My first set to completely collect was Alpine followed by Robo. I can't remember my first fish, painting, bug, etc...
So that's all I got for now I guess.

 

[sweaterpixels]

dapper shirt and had Kabuki, Twiggy, Elmer, Savannah, and Teddy

 

[JellyBeans]

My first shirt was the folk shirt, which I loved, and my starters were Merengue, Drago, Rosie, Freya and Sterling.

 

[Sloom]

He decides to get everything he needs. The man goes out to the flower shop, and when he walks in, there is a very long line to get flowers. He waits in line, and eventually gets his flowers.
Next, he goes to a limo rental place, because he wants to be really fancy. Again, there is a huge line, but he finally rents a limo.
Finally, he goes to a tuxedo rental place. When he walks in, there is a massive line for renting a tuxedo. He waits, and thinks he is terribly unlucky, but gets his tuxedo.
On the night of prom, he picks up his girlfriend in the limo, gives her the flowers, and is wearing his tuxedo. At prom, they decide they should go get some punch. He goes to the punch bowl, and there is no punch line.

Scientists have created an AI, and asked it, "Is there a God?"
The AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer."
The scientists connected the AI to a powerful supercomputer and gave it access to Wikipedia, and asked it again, "Is there a God?"
Again, the AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer."
So the scientists put the AI on a distributed cluster of millions of computers and gave it access to all the data on the Google, then once again asked it, "Is there a God?"
And yet again, the AI replied, "Insufficient computing power to determine an answer".
The scientists spend years and years, and finally got the AI to be installed on every supercomputer, network, PC, console, mobile device, smartwatch, anything with a chip. They gave the AI access to every database, website, book, social media platform, every piece of software ever written and every piece of knowledge ever obtained by mankind. And for the last time, they asked the AI, "Is there a God?"
The AI replied, "There is now."

 

[Gizmodo]

Apple, Willow, Rolf, Mitzi, Stinky
3/5 were dreamies.. amazing

 

[Sloom]

I was sat in front of a couple I didn't know on the bus who were arguing. The girl was asking why the guy never made more of an effort romantically, but he's saying that it doesn't come naturally to him to make these big gestures. She keeps angrily saying he needs to be more spontaneous.
He says "I'm a guy, I can't just turn it on like a tap."
She says "Force it!"
He says "Fine, I can't just turn it on like a faucet".
Unsurprisingly, this didn't help. Neither did it help that the guy in front of them cracked up and turned around for a high five.

Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The Retail Store
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison
Have you heard the Cookie Joke? You wouldn't like it. It is pretty crumby!
What do you call a singing Laptop? A DELL
What Crime did the tree commit? Treeson
Why can't you trust the king of the jungle? Because He Is Always Lion
What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A CAT-tastrophe
Why shouldn't you play poker in the savanna? Because There Are Too Many Cheetahs There
What did the axe murderer say to the judge? It Was An AXI-dent
What do you call it when you shoot a gun in space? A Big-Bang
What do you call a turtle that pokes people? A Slow-Poke
Why did the chalkboard want to be a whiteboard? It Heard They Were Remarkable
Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet? Because He Was Always Lost At “C”
How many lips does a flower have? Tulips
What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney? You’re Too Young To Smoke
What do you call an old snowman? Water
How do billboards talk? Sign Language
Why did the smartphone need glasses? It Lost All Of Its Contacts
Why didn't the sun go to college? Because it had a million degrees
What vegetables to librarians like? Quiet Peas
What do librarians take with them when they go fishing? Bookworms
When do astronauts eat? At launch time
What holds the sun up in the sky? Sunbeams
Why did the kid study in the airplane? Because he wanted a higher education
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? Because he wanted to reach the higher notes
How do you get straight A's? By using a ruler
How did the geography student drown? His grades were below C level
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado
What's a pirate's favorite country? AAARRRGHentina!
Where do fish keep their money? In Riverbanks
Why does a Yeti know all the map symbols? Because he is a legend
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake
Why don't you do arithmetic homework in the jungle? Because if you do 4+4, you get ate
Why won’t the elephant use the computer? Because he’s afraid of the mouse
What kind of snack do you have during a scary movie? I-scream
How can you tell the ocean is friendly? It waves
Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot; Everyone catches a cold
Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice? No… but the ice cracked up
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts
Why was school easier for cavemen? There was no history to study
Why did the M&M go to school? Because he wanted to be a smartie
Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Her students were bright
What has given Mr. Bubbles nightmares since elementary school? Pop Quizzes
What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man? Sundae school
What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant? High school
What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer? Boarding School
Where are the Great Plains located? At the great airports
What do you give to a sick lemon? Lemon Aid
What do you get when you throw a lot of books in the ocean? A title wave
Why was the math book always worried? Because it had a lot of problems
Why did the robber take a shower? So it would be a clean getaway
Which state does the most laundry? Washington
Why are maps like fish? Because they both have scales
What’s the happiest state in the union? Merry-Land
If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of congress? Progress
Why was the teacher cross-eyed? She couldn’t control her pupils
What subject in school is easy for a witch? Spell-ing
What did the computer do at lunchtime? It had a byte
What is snake's favorite subject? Hiss-tory
Why did the teacher write on the window? To make the lesson very clear
What building has the most stories? The library
What color socks do bears wear? They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet
What do you call a grizzly bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear
What do you give to a sick bird? Tweetment
Two flies are on the porch. Which one is an actor? The one on the screen
How do fleas travel from place to place? By itch-hiking
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because it is always spotted
What did the cat have for breakfast? Mice crispies
What does an evil hen lay? Deviled eggs
Where to cows go for entertainment? The moo-vies
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It was the chicken’s day off
Why did the student take a ladder to school? He/she was going to high school
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ catholic
What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hotdog vender? Make me one with everything
What did the drug-dealing duck sell? Quack
What is the highest road? The highway
What is round at each end and high in the middle? Ohio
What is the fastest country in the world? Russia

 

[Stitched]

I don't remember my first shirt. My starting villagers in my new town were Stitches, Sly, Gwen, Chrissy, and Rizzo.

 

[Gummysaur]

First shirt was the gelato tee First villagers Pippy, Lily, Erik, Curt, and Claudia.

 

[juneau]

I think the Gelato shirt was my first, it was like a striped red and white sweater. First villagers were Merengue, Rosie, Ribbot, Camofrog and Biskit.