Why do people ghost on a trade?

[UglyMonsterFace]

I don't mean when real life gets in the way. I understand when this happens. It's just a game after all and no big deal.What I mean is actual ghosting. Like changing your mind and then not bothering to just say so and you leave people waiting. It kind of irritates me since I will wait on them and pause my game play just so I can be ready, and then... nothing. Especially when I reply to them within very few minutes after they ask to trade. I would very much prefer someone to tell me "actually I don't want to anymore" or "I found a better deal elsewhere." I wouldn't even be upset or disappointed. I'd just be happy I can go back to doing other things like closing ACNH and playing Dragon Quest instead. I don't like when someone wants to trade, I reply right away and exit my other games or stop what I'm doing for them, only to be ghosted. And I ALWAYS give the benefit of the doubt. ALWAYS. But if I suddenly see activity on the person's account the next day and not a single reply to my message just to cancel, it irks me. Still. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe people aren't being rude..

So please.. Tell me. I want a good reason why someone would ask to trade, then change their minds and not say anything about it, while still being active on the forums and ignoring messages. Especially for giveaways.. lol. I just want a good reason so I don't feel negative I wanna be positive and believe people are kind!

 

[FishHead]

Sometimes people are forgetful and get back to me in a day. That happens most of the time to me, but once there was a person I was trading with and they said to postpone it till tomorrow, which I happily obliged. So what I did was agree to the time she was available, which was pretty early for me based on my sleep schedule. When i woke up, I saw that they weren't even on yet. To this day I haven't been messaged by them, but part of it is my fault, since I should've messaged them, but they were just never on when i was. I try to be as punctual in trades as possible either by arriving at the exact same time or replying right after I receive my message from. Fortunately it happened once, but I can't imagine the anger you're feeling right now. My condolences.

 

[Romaki]

Personally I find it extremely awkward and umcomfortable to back out of a commitment, but you owe it to the other person that you aren't interested anymore. Otherwise they'll just wait on you and that's actually a bad thing.

 

[Millysaurusrexjr]

because some people are heckin' rude

 

[Imbri]

I've played message tag a few times, especially if dealing with widely different time zones. I know that isn't what you're talking about, but I still feel guilty if I ask to buy something then miss the person because we're on opposite sides of the globe.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

Sometimes people are forgetful and get back to me in a day. That happens most of the time to me, but once there was a person I was trading with and they said to postpone it till tomorrow, which I happily obliged. So what I did was agree to the time she was available, which was pretty early for me based on my sleep schedule. When i woke up, I saw that they weren't even on yet. To this day I haven't been messaged by them, but part of it is my fault, since I should've messaged them, but they were just never on when i was. I try to be as punctual in trades as possible either by arriving at the exact same time or replying right after I receive my message from. Fortunately it happened once, but I can't imagine the anger you're feeling right now. My condolences.

I wouldn't really say anger hehe. It irked me, but it's just a game really. I just wish that I didn't waste my time. My first assumption is never that I'm being ghosted when someone stops replying. I always imagine something in real life came up and they had to go and had no time to say so. That is fine for me. So I always send a message so that next time, they have a notification that they can be reminded to reply, even if just to cancel. But if they start doing other things on the forum the next day and don't reply to that message, I'll then assume the trade is canceled. It just kinda sucked cuz I was planning on doing other things, but because I was waiting on the person for a while, I didn't get to do those things just in case I started to doing something then they replied and I had to stop that again lol.

 

[FishHead]

I wouldn't really say anger hehe. It irked me, but it's just a game really. I just wish that I didn't waste my time. My first assumption is never that I'm being ghosted when someone stops replying. I always imagine something in real life came up and they had to go and had to time to say so. That is fine for me. So I always send a message so that next time, they have a notification that they can be reminded to reply, even if just to cancel. But if they start doing other things on the forum the next day and don't reply to that message, I'll then assume the trade is canceled. It just kinda sucked cuz I was planning on doing other things, but because I was waiting on the person for a while, I didn't get to do those things just in case I started to doing something then they replied and I had to stop that again lol.

Yeah, that sucks. Now that I think of it there has been two other times it has happened, but those were for flower giveaways. Speaking from experience, it has led me to just cancel the trade or put a time limit when they're able to get their stuff. If they don't message me back then i just give the stuff to someone else. it's their loss, since they just waste my time.

 

[loveclove]

I think real life happens, we may have to step aside for a moment and then just forget what we were doing before when we come back. We're all humans after all, and sometimes with very very different timezones... Maybe the person had too many notifications here in the forum and missed one. There are many explanations... I think it's best not to take it personally

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

Personally I find it extremely awkward and umcomfortable to back out of a commitment, but you owe it to the other person that you aren't interested anymore. Otherwise they'll just wait on you and that's actually a bad thing.

I totally get that it's uncomfortable. I've had to cancel on a few trades before so I can really empathise hehe. But I feel way more uncomfortable thinking about making the other person wait on me or maybe missing out on a sale just cuz they're holding items for me. I'd rather me be uncomfortable canceling than the other person be inconvenienced.

 

[Marshmallows]

Not everyone is kind and considerate.

That said, they probably did change their mind and are too embarrassed to say something. Or maybe they got distracted and forgot about the trade. Or maybe if it's a giveaway, they don't consider the time and preparation it takes and just figure it's the same as not showing up to a store or something.

 

[UglyMonsterFace]

I think real life happens, we may have to step aside for a moment and then just forget what we were doing before when we come back. We're all humans after all, and sometimes with very very different timezones... Maybe the person had too many notifications here in the forum and missed one. There are many explanations... I think it's best not to take it personally

Oh I'm not taking it personally, I'm just upset that I waited for nothing instead of being able to do something else. I'm over it. I'm just really trying to understand because for me, it's just unthinkable to not at least communicate cancellations, even if days later if I've forgotten. But that's just me.

 

[Feferily]

Ah, it’s a fear of mine that I’ve accidentally ghosted somebody because of my disassociate amnesia from having DID TwT but I think as to why people ghost others... they’re probably scared of confrontation. Usually they don’t know how to let others down or they think it’s easier for themselves to just let it go. I’d like to think it’s that over others genuinely just... not wanting to put the effort in?

 

[marshallows]

man, sorry you had a bad experience with some trades. i usually try my best to be timely with my responses + follow through whenever im in a trade with someone but i can't speak on behalf of everyone.

i had somewhat of a similar experience. lost a some of time waiting on a response that never came.

idk like previously mentioned, a simple no im actually no longer interested in going through with the trade is still better than completely ghosting. /shrugs. worse come to it i just make a mental note to not entertain the user again lol.

 

[loveclove]

Oh I'm not taking it personally, I'm just upset that I waited for nothing instead of being able to do something else. I'm over it. I'm just really trying to understand because for me, it's just unthinkable to not at least communicate cancellations, even if days later if I've forgotten. But that's just me.

I get it, it happened to me to take my time to open the gates, send the dodo, stop doing my things and be sitting in the bench in front of my airport for a long time for the person not to come. But I just thing that out of many successful trades, that might happen sometimes, and I might have forgotten to answer before, so I try to be patient so I get the same thing when I need it (I'm really sorry if I did this to anyone here lol, not on purpose, I try hard to finish all my trades and only comment it I really want to go through). But I understand if it's not ok for you, we all work differently and I'm sorry you had so many bad trades

 

[marzipanmermaid]

I always wonder if I did something wrong when I get ghosted. I’ve been ghosted a pretty good handful of times this week; I’m not mad? More just confused and worried I did something wrong. I normally send a message or two and then just stop/wait and see what happens. A lot of the time, it’s just time zones not matching up or real life, which I get. I just went back to work and it’s making things hard when it comes to setting up times, but sometimes, I feel like maybe they just changed their minds and don’t know how to tell me.

 

[John Wick]

I had someone cut connection during a trade, three times, saying they had a bad connection, yet they had been trading just fine before AND after that.

I did notice the item I was meant to be buying had been sold to someone else.

Why not tell me that, instead of wasting my time by killing the connection multiple times.

I'm not an ass, so I didn't leave negative feedback.

 

[Xara]

back when new leaf first came out in NA, i did a fair bit of ghosting on a different trade forum - in all honesty, i did it because i was a lazy 11 year old brat who was not good with commitments at all.

now, i don’t ghost once a trade has actually been agreed upon but there’s been times where i’m no longer interested in something that’s been offered/i wind up not having what i offered, as i have a tendency to open my big mouth sometimes and offer something that i think i still have, but apparently no longer do. in these cases, i typically ghost out of embarrassment; i feel silly for no longer wanting the item/having the item. i also have a very avoidant personality and so i find it better to hide rather than be upfront with people ;;

 

[tybalt_cake]

apparently it takes too much time and effort to say "im not interested" for some people :/

 

[Aleigh]

I found timezones are a huge factor in this. If someone in the US wants to trade with someone in the UK, that alone is a 6-8 hour difference and honestly can be so hard to get a time where both are on at the same time

 

[Corrie]

It's like this for sales on kijiji or something too. People will message you back and forth and suddenly just nothing. It's weird. Why bother with all that communication for something you don't actually want?

I figure if they aren't keen on working out a trade date, they clearly don't want the item. If they did, they'd be putting in effort.