Suicide

[Bowie]

I'm sorry for your loss.

There is a line in a Bowie song which describes my occasional feelings toward life very clearly. "I don't want to die but I don't want to live".

I would never even think about ending my life, but there are often times when I wish that things had gone different, things would improve, and I wish that I could stop time for a while and just reflect on things and have peace of mind. Perhaps that would be considered a form of depression. I am a very anxious person and I sometimes have mild panic attacks. I'm happy that I have never had to legitimately deal with the question "should I kill myself?" Those thoughts have simply never crossed my mind.

I don't know anyone personally who has committed suicide, but I know somebody who got very close. I think it's awful life is so bad for some people that they consider ending it. Life is something to cherish, and to be happy I think you have to come to terms with life as it is, if there were no such thing as society or law or government. Life, as an existence, is something we should hold close to us and respect.

 

[visibleghost]

i dont know anyone who has commited suicide, but i have myself been suicidal for many years and i was put out of school for a month last year because my parents, doctor and therapist thought the risk of me commiting suicide was too high for me to go.
i've been very close to commiting several times, (was stopped by stuff like that it was hard to get to the place where i had planned to do it etc) and once i had done it if i wasn't stopped by a stranger on the street lmao. i can't go a day without wanting to die. i can't see myself living until i'm an adult and it's really hard to have to try to make decisions about my future when i don't actually believe i have one.

i have on several occasions been very close to being hosptialized, but thankfully i have been allowed to go home every time instead because they thought my parents had me under enough control and i really didn't want to be taken in lmao.
at the moment i'm under constant surveilance from my parents so i won't go off and kill myself, which is kind of working i guess lmao because i dont wanna run away to kms that would be Really Weird?? it's alright, but i still plan on commiting suicide, even though i'm not as bad as i was a few months ago.

I understand that it must be hard to loose someone to suicide, but for me personally i don't really see any other way out honestly.
it's probably worse for the person who dies than for the people around but i dunno

 

[xiaoxiao]

At my school, it was a very bad year last year, 5 students committed suicide during the year end exams, 2 of them were some upperclassmen I know. But it is something that will happen often so many of my classmates are no longer very shocked or sad when it happen. It makes me feel sad.

 

[hedgimon]

Yes, my uncle a few years ago.

It's a strange mix of emotions. I feel desperately sad that anybody could be in the position where they felt taking their own life is preferable to living. It must be horrendous.
I also felt angry for the hurt he caused my grandmother and mother. He actually rang my grandmother at 2am the day he did it. She didn't get to the phone, and didn't ring back because she thought it was an accident. I know she'll be forever wishing she'd managed to pick up / phone back.
And then I feel angry at myself for feeling angry at him because, as I've said, he obviously wasn't in a good place mentally and that wasn't his fault.

For me, it sunk in at the funeral. Though my main concern throughout everything was my grandmother and mum. I wasn't close to him and though I felt sad, it was more for the situation. Though I know that sounds awful.

 

[HungryForCereal]

my older cousin killed himself like 5 years ago? i cant remember when he died but i wasnt that close to him so when i heard the news that he died i wasnt really that shocked or sad. i was like 'WHAT?!' then i went back to what i was doing like everything's fine.

 

[KCourtnee]

M

There was a younger kid who used to hang out with the kids I babysat, he'd come over all the time and was really cool, he was like a totally "surfer dude" boiled down into a younger kid and he was always so happy, well on Thanksgiving he hung himself in a fort in his backyard while his family was making dinner, his sister went to get him and he was already gone... we went to the funeral and it was really sad and horrible. It's ruined Thanksgiving for me for life because I always just think of how happy he was and how you really can't tell how someone is feeling and hurting inside, we did a memorial art piece for him during a chalk art festival the same year and yeah... it was just really heart breaking.

My nieces funeral was the saddest I ever went to. It's one thing going to the funeral of someone who's older. You kind of expect it. But someone who's still a teenager, still so young, and seeing her in the casket is just heart breaking. Seeing her mom was the saddest thing I've ever seen. That was her only child and with how her life is right now (drug addict) she probably won't be having any more kids.

But the saddest part of the whole situation is that she left her son behind. He was only 10 months old at the time, so he won't remember his mother. She adored him and was a completely amazing mom. She just had severe post partums and was home 90% of the time. Being alone with your thoughts when you're in a deep depression is not safe.

 

[windloft]

i don't think i've ever known anybody who has killed themselves, but a few friends of mine came close to committing it before i intervened. a trans friend of mine felt like killing himself because nobody understood him and his desire to transition, and i helped him through. i don't want to think about what would've happened to him if i hadn't intervened.

up until recently i've never thought of committing suicide, but i was faced with an exam and a math test. i was... not in a healthy state, and i fervently thought about killing myself because of the stress. it's a scary thing to ever think about. it made me realize just how bad of a place i was living in, and how badly school has affected me since i was a kid.

 

[Celestefey]

There is a line in a Bowie song which describes my occasional feelings toward life very clearly. "I don't want to die but I don't want to live".

I would never even think about ending my life, but there are often times when I wish that things had gone different, things would improve, and I wish that I could stop time for a whle and just reflect on things and have peace of mind. Perhaps that would be considered depression? I am a very anxious person and I sometimes have mild panic attacks. I'm happy that I have never had to legitimately deal with the question "should I kill myself?" Those thoughts have simply never crossed my mind.

This perfectly describes how I feel. Even when I was incredibly depressed a couple of months ago or so, I had thoughts of suicide but I knew that I could never actually do it, there was something holding me back - perhaps the fear of actually killing myself was too much. I suppose sometimes I wish I'd just stop existing completely for a while. It's a very strange feeling. It's like, I just want to stop time and to stop existing for however long. Sometimes I don't feel ready to face something or sometimes things feel like they're getting too much.. Sometimes I just don't want to be around people who constantly bring me down and make me feel awful. And it just makes me wish I could take a break from existing for a while. Realistically, that's not possible. Time is constantly passing and I know I need to just work through it and deal with it, but sometimes I just feel like I need some time to back away and relax and not deal with life for a little while because it can really bring me down.

Anyway, OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. Suicide is terrible, I just wish nobody ever had to feel that way. It's just so dreadful, and it makes you feel so numb and empty inside, that the thought of not existing seems more appealing than living. Everyone deserves to have a good, happy life, but sometimes people make wrong decisions and sometimes people encounter troubles in their lives perhaps more than others which is why they become so desperate. And nobody deserves that.

I know of people who are/were suicidal themselves, and I have heard of other people from at my school who killed themselves. It was terrible. Even though I never knew the person personally, it just really weighed me down and made me feel sad. Everybody was sad. Suicides affect so many people, and it's often that suicidal people believe no one will care about them if they were gone. Truth be told, though, a lot of people would care and a lot of people would miss them. A lot more than they would realise.

 

[milkyi]

I know someone really close to me who tried and failed. It was an impulse decision, but she thought it would get rid of the pain forever. She says that she'll never try again, because she has gotten happier in life. She doesn't really feel the need to kill herself anymore, and it's great really.

 

[visibleghost]

i've spoken so many people out of suicide it's kinda scary. first time was when i was 11 and it was so awful. i dont know if all of them would really have killed themselves if i hadn't been there, but the thought scares me.

 

[tae]

morgan committed suicide in 2008 and i'm still not fully to terms with it. it's not really something someone just kinda gets over.. but i mean, i guess we are all different so maybe you'll eventually get over it / come to terms.

 

[TarzanGirl]

My sister in law killed herself a few years ago and it was so sad seeing her son and husband (my brother) at the funeral. I would never kill myself because I know how much it hurts other people.

 

[Xerolin]

No, I have not but I currently am going through a suicidal and depressed time in my life. I finally got around to asking my dad to take me to a psychiatrist and I have an appoinment on Thursday

 

[Soigne]

A boy in my class did two years ago & at first, it was pretty weird not seeing him around anymore. I wasn't friends with him or anything, but now that we're about to graduate I can't help but wonder if he would have been valedictorian or not & whether or not they'll have a seat reserved for him at the ceremony.

Again, I didn't know him personally, but I still went to his funeral out of respect. Since I didn't know him too well, I was never really deeply affected by his suicide. It's something we all had to accept in a haste at the time, because he did it so close to final exams & the school didn't allow any time for us to take a breather and come to terms.

I'm so sorry for your loss, though.

 

[ams]

I lost my sister to suicide almost 2 years ago now. For me personally the way that she died wasn't a huge factor in the way I felt about what happened. I know she suffered a lot in her life and I'm glad that she isn't suffering anymore. The experience definitely changed me for the worse though.

 

[TheGreatBrain]

My brother killed himself. My poor mother was so heartbroken.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Hatori]

I have had thoughts of doing such when I was younger, but I never brought myself to do it. Thinking back, I'm glad I never did because I believe there is so much more to live for. I still have things I want to do and accomplish and I don't want it to just end there, but there were times that I had wanted it to. I could also not bear to see how it would affect my friends and family. Fighting through it is definitely a huge step to take by oneself, but having the aid of others greatly helped me, and I'm sure many other people as well.

Unfortunately, friend of mine from elementary school had committed suicide during our last year of high school (about 3 years ago). I knew him very well and was good friends with him when we were younger but had later drifted off during high school. He always mentioned how he wanted to play sports, graduate, get a career, and have a family. He always seemed very cheerful and positive, but there was probably something lying under that overcame him. We had a moment of silence for him at school the next day and his funeral following shortafter and I just couldn't bring myself to hold back the tears, even if I hadn't been in close contact to him for a few years. It was one of the saddest moments that year and I'll never forget it.

I am deeply sorry for your loss, KCourtnee.

 

[inkling]

i lost my little brother. youre brave for bring it up. ppl say the stupidest **** constantly and nobody gives you room to breathe/heal. everybody pretends it doesn't happen. for me bc its so close its the worst thing ever and ive been crying every day for 5 years

- - - Post Merge - - -

also everybody thinks they have things worse and nobody remembers anything bad unless it happens to them or theyre currently going through. i have to constantly listen to suicide jokes and im usually the one loudest to laugh and encourage it. i feel like im lying all the time and im a failure and i hate talking about myself and my family

 

[Belle of Pripyat]

You all have my sympathy for losing loved ones in such a tragic way.

I've never known anyone who commited suicide. I hope I never do.

 

[Llust]

i've never lost anyone to it, but i am very touchy about the subject because i'm always thinking of these possible scenarios of what could happen and it just brings back thoughts that ive been trying to forget. we had a depression/suicide discussion in one of my classes today and these ignorant girls kept joking about self harm and taking the situation too lightly, it pissed me off so much. during the discussion, i had to excuse myself to go to the restroom and take a break from the bullsht. after calming down, even when i returned to the classroom, it was even worse and i couldnt control myself. had to ask for a pass to leave the room for remainder of the class period. anyway, suicidal thoughts, social anxiety and depression have been around for several years now. during those several years, ive been constantly thinking of suicide - but the only thing getting in my way is that im going to impact the people who are close to me - more specifically, my family. i dont want to hurt them, but i mean - the way i see it, its pretty selfish to force someone to live when they dont want to, especially when the easiest way out will cause the most damage. ive already decided that im sick of this sht long ago, but there are still other factors preventing me from doing so