I'm bored so I'll post up some really short stories that are hilarious and sad at the same time. No, these stories were not made by me. IF you know where I got them, please don't post it here.
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..."</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my crappy school reports from when I was his age.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?"</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my child says "Mommy. Sometimes my peepee goes up like a stick." I say "Well, honey, that's normal and ok." Then I ask when it does that. And he says "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes..."</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was leading a wheelchair fundraiser to raise money to make public areas wheelchair accessible. I had several guest speakers, all of which were confined to wheelchairs. About ten minutes after the fundraiser was supposed to begin, I realized that the stage was wheelchair incompatible.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, in class, I asked my teacher for a "rubber". I didn't realise that in America "rubber" doesn't mean "eraser", it means condom.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my crappy school reports from when I was his age.</div>
<div class='spoiler_toggle'>Spoiler: click to toggle</div><div class="spoiler" style="display:none;">Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?"</div>
