Opinion on long distance relationships?

[riinasuu]

I'm personally in one ( it'll be 5 years at the end of the year ;; v ;; )
and I can recognise that sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. As well,
it's not necessarily right for some people and doesn't work for them.

However, I don't believe that it can't be seen as a "real" relationship since it's
no different to having friends online from different states. It's a relationship
online which includes friends, family, etc.

There have been countless times (especially at the start) where people
have brought up the usual question "Oh but what if he's a 40 y/o virigin?"
which I always disprove with the fact that I've video skyped with him before,
which makes me think many people forget is a thing.. xD

I feel like many people are still iffy with the idea of online relationships which
is okay. But many believe there's the issue of "oh they could be cheating on you
since you don't see them" but regardless of distance, even someone who lives in the
same house as you could be cheating, it doesn't matter if they're 8000 miles away from
you or not.

Many LDR's work out and many don't. The ones that do, I feel means so much more
than the ones that are muuuch closer. As simple as it is, LDR's are hard, they're
difficult but if you really want to be with someone, you'll put up with the distance.

It's been almost 5 years for my bf and I.
This really has proven how emotionally and mentally involved we are, by the
end of this year, I'll be moving across the world to be with him. <3
I can't waittt. ;;_;;;

​

 

[Izzy Reincarnated]

I've tried but I can't lol it's just too much work being in a relationship I like being free

 

[Kittyinpink87]

Aww that's nice that you two will be together soon.
I agree it works for some , but not everyone. It worked for me and my Husband. We met online and dated that way for a couple years. We're married now , and have been together for around 6 years.

 

[That Zephyr Guy]

LDRs are hard, and definitely not for everyone.

Everyone expresses their love and affections differently.

I used to be in a few LDRs but I realized soon why they didn't work out well. I express my affection for someone through physical means. (Hugs, hand holding, playing with hair, that sort of deal.) Since I wasn't given an opportunity to express that affection, it dwindled, and since that sort of affection wasn't being given to me, it eventually faded.

I'm happy in a non-LDR now though.

 

[p e p p e r]

I'm just curious, have you guys spent time with each other in person yet? Hopefully the move won't be the first time...

 

[riinasuu]

I'm just curious, have you guys spent time with each other in person yet? Hopefully the move won't be the first time...

Not at all;; the move will be the first time xD
which I can understand would seem like a problem to most people
buuut I've devoted 5 years of my life to him, not gonna stop now ;; v ;;
​

- - - Post Merge - - -

LDRs are hard, and definitely not for everyone.

Everyone expresses their love and affections differently.

I used to be in a few LDRs but I realized soon why they didn't work out well. I express my affection for someone through physical means. (Hugs, hand holding, playing with hair, that sort of deal.) Since I wasn't given an opportunity to express that affection, it dwindled, and since that sort of affection wasn't being given to me, it eventually faded.

I'm happy in a non-LDR now though.

that's good if you can find someone close!
And I understand! I'm a lot into the physical side and having the reassurance
that the person is there with me but I put up with it;; soon enough I can
suffocate him with my hugs <3
​

- - - Post Merge - - -

Aww that's nice that you two will be together soon.
I agree it works for some , but not everyone. It worked for me and my Husband. We met online and dated that way for a couple years. We're married now , and have been together for around 6 years.

aa-- congratulations for you and your husband!
It's so refreshing seeing other couples that started out as LDR's
work out and end up being together ;;_;;

​

- - - Post Merge - - -

I've tried but I can't lol it's just too much work being in a relationship I like being free

Yeahhh ;; v ;;
it really isn't for everyone which is entirely understandable <3
and being free! Though I guess in a way I'm free since I don't
see them 24/7 and we have our little "me" times a lot more xD
​

 

[p e p p e r]

Not at all;; the move will be the first time xD
which I can understand would seem like a problem to most people
buuut I've devoted 5 years of my life to him, not gonna stop now ;; v ;;
​

but why haven't you guys met in person after 5 years - that's an extremely long time. I know you've dedicated so much time to this relationship, but I think it would be smart if he came to visit you for a few weeks before you decide to move across the world. If he is also dedicated to you... that really shouldn't be a big deal. People & relationships are very different in person vs online...

 

[riinasuu]

but why haven't you guys met in person after 5 years - that's an extremely long time. I know you've dedicated so much time to this relationship, but I think it would be smart if he came to visit you for a few weeks before you decide to move across the world. If he is also dedicated to you... that really shouldn't be a big deal. People & relationships are very different in person vs online...

It's our circumstances really. I can't move out any sooner because I still have my schooling (and no passport),
which is finishing this year, so any chances of me leaving is absolutely zero.
And my bf, on many cases has tried to visit but was unable to and I don't blame him for it xD

If I could of visit him during it or him visit me, it would of happened in a heartbeat;; ;; v ;;
​

 

[p e p p e r]

It's our circumstances really. I can't move out any sooner because I still have my schooling (and no passport),
which is finishing this year, so any chances of me leaving is absolutely zero.
And my bf, on many cases has tried to visit but was unable to and I don't blame him for it xD

If I could of visit him during it or him visit me, it would of happened in a heartbeat;; ;; v ;;
​

I wish you the best of luck. I really hope he's able to come visit you before you actually move though... I know when you're in love you're blinded by a lot of things especially if it's an online relationship because not a lot can go wrong, but relationships in person are very different and honestly you really have to spend a good amount of time with a person to really be sure if you can dedicate your life to them

 

[DarkDesertFox]

Every long distance relationship I've had has ended badly. I honestly fought and gave so much hope for it, but I don't think I'll ever do it again. The longest relationship I've had online was two in a half years. I was recently in one and I thought it was going to work out great, but there's just some things the other person hides that can ruin it all.

 

[riinasuu]

I wish you the best of luck. I really hope he's able to come visit you before you actually move though... I know when you're in love you're blinded by a lot of things especially if it's an online relationship because not a lot can go wrong, but relationships in person are very different and honestly you really have to spend a good amount of time with a person to really be sure if you can dedicate your life to them

Thanks for the luck! And yeah, I'm aware things like that happen xD
My stepmum had told me about it a year or two ago when she was with
someone else so I understand it. I have no doubt that everything will be fine ;; v ;;
but I hope he can visit me too since it would be nice to see him sooner than later <3
​

 

[Tao]

The only real long distance relationship I've had lasted about 12 months and I saw them in person twice/3 days out of that (one being 'over a weekend' the other being "I'm passing through the area for work today").

It just wasn't for me. The physical part of the relationship (hugging, holding hands, even just being in the same room as them even if there's no physical contact) is a big deal for me, so that pretty much not being there in the relationship was a huge obstacle.

It's strange in that even though I was in a relationship, the lack of any 'in person' stuff made it feel like I was more 'alone' than when I was single.




Now my long distance relationships are restricted to MMO's where I can pretend I'm IRL a girl to get free items.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Personally I need a physical relationship as much as an emotional one, I tried online relationships and I was in a similar situation where I was sure I was going to move there as soon as I graduated and everything but being with someone in real life is a LOT different then being with someone over the internet. I agree with pepper that you should probably meet and spend some time together before moving right in with him because that is a big step to go right into when you haven't even physically met face to face. People are a lot different in real life then they are online, I know from experience.

 

[visibleghost]

most internet relationships ive seen have not worked out but if yours works, then great for u.
as long as the people involved are serious and stuff it probably works fine. my brother lived in another city from his gf for a while (they had met irl while studyin abroad) and they traveled via train every other week to see each other. now they live together, but it was kinda tough for them to travel so far sice it takes like 5 hours with train... Ive never had a long distance relationship and i wouldnt want one lmao

 

[Verotten]

Totally agree that people have this mental image of messaging some random stranger who you "can't possibly know!". Yeah there's a different dimension to in-person relationships vs long distance, especially in terms of conversation (eg I talk way less in person), but you're still essentially the same person, and like you say, Skype is a thing... If you speak to each other fine in a Skype call, voice-to-voice and face-to-face, you'll speak to each other fine in person.
It also isn't so hard if physical affection/presence doesn't matter much to you.

My partner and I have been together 5 years, half of that was other-side-of-the-world long distance (on and off, which is so brutal haha and cost us a fortune).
However we met within 6 months of getting together, I don't know how you guys have managed to maintain the distance without meeting for so long! It was a major stress for me, that the physical chemistry wouldn't be there, and I think he was pretty keen to be sure as well.

Even then, three month holidays with each other in our respective countries didn't prepare us for life together.
He's such a lazy slob haha, and I'm a grumpy bossy boots. We were a little turbulent for a while as we settled into living together, but we're practically an old married couple now.

The visas are intensely stressful though, we're going to be applying for a spouse based visa for him to stay in New Zealand soon, which requires a whole bunch of evidence (of our relationship), medical/police checks and $400.
After a couple of years of that, we'd go for his residency, which is $1000 and months of processing... It weighs on my mind a lot, and I do often wish that we had it a bit easier.
So this is something to bear in mind and to start looking into/collecting paperwork for now if it's something you guys need to do!

As long as you guys are really good friends though, via Skype and text, then I think you have a very solid foundation to your relationship and I will cross my fingers that all goes smoothly for your move and future. C:

 

[hedgimon]

It's different for everyone.

My boyfriend and I were in an LDR for three years due to university. Despite the distance we managed to see each other every two weeks, but it took a lot of sacrifice (money and social life..!). To us, worth it. But it would be foolish to say everyone would see it that way.

We were also together before we became long distance. We went to school together and had been a couple for over two years before we moved away from each other. We also had a defined period of being apart - three years - before we knew we could be together again (and lo and behold, we now live together and will be celebrating six years together in just over a week).

So yeah. Rambling post and I'm not sure what my point is. Basically, LDRs can work but it takes sacrifice. And I am sure my experience would have been completely different had my boyfriend and I only ever met online - fair play to those relationships who start as an online LDR and move into ... 'Real life' isn't the term I want, but you get what I mean.

 

[Celestefey]

Yes I've been in an LDR before. It was difficult, and I feel like maybe had I been a bit more mature, it would have lasted much longer. I think it was nice though because we both shared very similar interests so despite the fact we lived a few hours away from each other (which I guess is really not all that far away compared to some people x3), we played videogames together and Skype called a lot so I suppose interacting with one another through activities like that really strengthened our relationship. I think though we struggled because of a lack of physical interaction but I honestly wouldn't get into an LDR again, unless it was with the same person. ;v;

 

[himeki]

mmm nope, but 2 of my best friends are online friends living in australia and an area about 3 hours away from me so its a long distance friendship c: i personally dont mind them, but you can easily get cheated or betrayed. i wish you the best of luck with your move!!!

 

[Belle of Pripyat]

My longest lasting relationship actually was long distance. If we had seen each other more often, I'm sure we would have broken up sooner. LOL

 

[kayleee]

I've never been in a long distance relationship nor could I ever be in one. The physical aspect of a relationship is huge to me, and since communication is such a huge part of a relationship I feel like it just couldn't adequately happen over the computer /phone /skype. The problem with long distance relationships is that the person only has to show you the parts of them they want you to see. You don't get to experience seeing them out in public and how they treat other people, how they are with money, how they act when they're angry/upset, etc., all factors that can be deal breakers in a relationship.

More power to you if it works out for you, but I know it would absolutely never work for me