needy acnl friends

[Charcolor]

about a year ago i met this guy who i'd streetpassed every day at school. we started playing animal crossing together, and it was fun at first, but then he kept asking me for bells. i have the gold badge for saving bells (it says 1 billion even though it's actually 100,000,000...) and since he wanted to get all the badges, he asked if he could have them and put them in his bank, then give them back after he got the badge. i told him i didn't want to do this because it would be extremely time consuming and tedious. (plus, i didn't even have 100 million anymore. i wasn't too far from it, but it still wasn't what he wanted.) he kept asking anyway. i offered to give him some bells to help, i think about 1 million. a few minutes later he asked for 5 million instead. i got really frustrated and cut him off.

i feel kind of guilty though. i feel like i was being greedy and stingy, you know? i would've let him borrow my money if there was an easier way to transfer it, and if i knew him for long enough to trust him more.

but he was always asking for a lot. i showed him my fossil dig site and he asked if he could dig them all up. i told him no, because it would take way too long to fill it up again, but he could take 5. luckily, in this case he agreed. and i decided that i could direct him to this forum so that he could get to do things with other players and maybe make some money by selling or auctioning a villager. all he cared about was the bells. after he started signing up he asked me where to go to get the 100 million bells. i'm pretty relieved that he never ended up becoming a member (he never confirmed his email) or else i think he would have bothered so many people asking for money without offering anything substantial in return.

as for the things i did give him, he was pretty bothersome with that sometimes, too. specifically, one day i told him he could come to my town but he had to wait, because i was waiting for someone to deliver things. he didn't listen. and because he didn't listen, the person trying to deliver stuff to me got annoyed and confused about not being able to come into my town, and the delivery got held up. (since it was stuff i bought on the forum, i was able to tell her what had happened and she was understanding about it.)

the thing is, though, as needy as he was, he was nice to me. he complimented my town a lot. i feel bad for cutting him off like that, but i really started to feel uncomfortable with him. i felt like he was trying to be manipulative. the good news is, he doesn't go to my school anymore, so i don't have to deal with awkward irl encounters.

idk i just felt like talking about this stuff...i think i could have handled it better, but i'm glad i don't have to feel so uncomfortable with everything anymore. has anyone else ever had friends (or ex-friends) like this?

 

[tiffanistarr]

I've never had this happen to me in relation to AC or any game, but I have had friends in real life do this to me. I find it best to just cut that toxicity out of my life. Even more so when it comes to a game! I'm only assuming here, but I assume you play AC because it's fun and it's a great way to unwind and get away from reality for a bit. To have that kind of negative experience when you're playing a game for fun then it makes gameplay not fun. When it starts to have a negative effect on your game play then it's time to nix it. I don't want to say he was using you, but sadly that is what it sounds like. The moment you start feeling uncomfortable around someone and they are making your gameplay less fulfilling I don't see a problem with cutting him off. I think you handled it fairly it sounds like you did with respect and had valid reasons for the things you denied. I'm looking at your town rules and you sound so generous with your offerings already so don't feel bad or feel like you should be obligated to anyone!

 

[hoodathotit]

That guy is a user. Unfortunately, they are not an endangered species and all you can do is to cut them off. You should never feel guilty about losing such a parasite. Be careful.

 

[Candy83]

The phrase—although it is not a quote—If I give you an inch, you will take a mile applies. The other person is the one taking a mile.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061206193515AA6TCcg

 

[John Wick]

I'm glad you don't see him anymore.
He's one of those people who doesn't want to work to earn what you earned.

I hate seeing people buying bells.
Catch bugs and fish like the rest of us who earned our 100 million.

 

[~Unicorn~]

what i would of done is give them a couple million. if they wanted more, i'd tell them that they need to earn bells themself. if they kept begging for more then, well, it's a beggar.

from what i'm reading, he pretty much just wanted to use you for self-gain. maybe just compliment a little to keep you connected and ask for more. not a real friend. especially if he didn't want to give anything at all in return and didn't stop begging.

glad you aren't friends with them anymore.

 

[TheGreatBrain]

I made friends with a player from Gamefaqs a long while back. I don't mind helping out. I would give him hydrids, orderable items, etc, but then he would ask for a million bells. I would give it to him. Then he's asking for 5 mill, then 10. I would tell him no, and he would start begging. He wanted bells so he could buy Marshal. I had to delete him. I felt a little bad about it, but not for too long.

 

[Nenya]

It sounds to me like you are a kind and generous person who is also wise and becoming wiser. There are genuinely needy people out there who are grateful and benefit by a hand up at times in their lives. Then, when they are able, they take responsibility for themselves again, probably gradually at first while getting back to health (whether physical, emotional, spiritual).

There are also the takers/users/parasites/manipulaters who are never satisfied and will (probably) never get healthier. (Still, one can only hope...) You are learning the difference and handled it beautifully and totally appropriately, imho.

Btw, the m.o. of those kinds of people is exactly as you described: nice sometimes, complimentary even, but that is only to try to get what they want, and they can turn on you in a second, as evidenced by his inability to wait to enter your town. That was a mild version of rudeness/selfishness; they can turn ugly, also, and probably would as the relationship progressed.

You got some great comments here, and hoodathoit said: "Be careful." Correct me if I'm wrong, H., but that warning is for the lovely, kind and generous people who these users are always looking for to try to exploit.

PS You have established some terrific healthy boundaries and you stuck with them. You paid due attention to that "uncomfortable" feeling. Yes, we all want to be kind, but we do not have to let people use and abuse us in any way!

 

[primandimproper]

This happened to me a lot because I have mental health issues and have trouble advocating for myself. I am in therapy for it and it is still an issue.
That being said, it is a good thing you cut this person out of your life because they were taking advatage of you. Don't stop saying no to people.

 

[amazonevan19]

Yeah, that guy sounds like a total user, and it's complicated by the fact that you knew him IRL at your school. I think you made a wise choice. Hate to hijack the thread, but I have a story about someone I met on CT that's related and a bit weird. Thankfully I didn't have to deal with any IRL stuff but it was a weird situation to be sure.

Background: I'm 21 years old and am going to college. I don't think it makes much sense for Nintendo to ban FC trading on the island, though it's obvious why they don't allow sharing of personal info. I made a wrong decision to get into further contact with this user, but at the time I didn't think much of it and thought it'd be innocuous. I haven't shared this story with anyone, and this thread gave me the motivation to write this all up.

I rarely go to CT for various reasons; I've had some interesting experiences (some good, some bad) and figure that tortimer's island is a much better place to go with friends I can know and trust. One day I decided to head to online CT. I met three people on there, we chatted and decided to swap FCs roundabout. (I won't describe how we circumvented the system, but just know it's easy to.)

I visited one of the towns of a girl from New York, and we became fast friends. She was 13 or 14, can't remember precisely, but she would give me valuable free gifts and let me pick from the stuff she had lying around town. She would frequently refer to me as her "bestie." Then she asked me for my phone number. I was extremely hesitant at first and was like "aw hell naw," but eventually relented. We exchanged some texts and she mainly used the texts to expound on her obsession with South Korean pop, as well as check in if we wanted to visit each other on ACNL. Nothing strange or out of the ordinary. She was a bit clingy at first, so I had to tell her about my busy schedule and not being able to talk all the time, and she understood. She always signed her texts "Jimmer" which was a bit funny to me, lol.

But eventually, things got really weird. Out of the blue one day, she asked me where babies came from. I said something along the lines of "you should ask your parents about it." She said they wouldn't tell her and wanted to know from me, and heard something about sex and was confused. At this point I'm just like "NONONONONONO I AIN'T HAVIN THAT ****" and I told her that it would be inappropriate for me to tell her, and to ask her teachers if her parents wouldn't talk to her about it. Unfortunately my old phone broke, so I don't have the text history, but I've never heard from her again after she asked me about sex. In game, I noticed after we hadn't talked for a while, she changed her profile pic to her mayor looking really distressed and her phrase to some weird lettering that said "Yuki I need you..." I never see her online anymore, and the last time I visited her dream town, it hadn't been updated since the last time I visited it. I think she's still on my best friends function to this day. I dodged a bullet there big time, but I always wonder what became of her and if her parents maybe found out what she was doing and got her in trouble or something. Another crackpot theory I had was that maybe it was some FBI agent trying to do a sting operation or something, but why over a kid's game?? Whatever, I'm just glad nothing bad happened. Stay alert online folks.

 

[Ghostkid]

Trust me people asked me for bells all the time and even stole my flowers and stuff when i wasnt looking
It happens.

 

[Suyeon]

Never feel bad about cutting off leeches. Trading villagers, cataloging rare items, RV visits, etc. is fine, but when it comes to bells? The first helping is a gift. Anything after that is just social engineering to rob you of all your hard work. It's so easy to earn bells - the island at night, selling through Re-Tail, stalk market, selling your town at a good time and getting paid in installments... No excuse. It sucks to have people ruin the experience of playing online when they make you uncomfortable.