last person to post wins

Ever since its inception 5 years ago, Last Person to Post Wins has been a constant battleground. In this land, control is taken and lost within minutes, chaos being the only constant. I shall put an end to this. I shall be the final winner, bringing peace for the first time in this thread's existence.
 
i have returned for my winning spot but i could fall asleep at any point so i probably won't be here for long lol
 
“Omg, the 👑 !” I say as I see the crown left unguarded. I try to run and grab it, but end up knocking it down into a river instead. I impatiently follow the crown down the river side as I try to figure out a way to grab it. But behold! A WATERFALL is at the end of the river, and if the crown falls off the waterfall I may never see it again! I jump into the river and grab the crown. As I laugh maniacally, I fail to realize that I am falling down the waterfall with the crown in my hands. I finally hit the bottom with a “SPLASH!” After becoming oriented again with reality, I climb out of the lake I find myself in, only to notice that a stray raccoon has the crown! “Get back here with that crown, you dang raccoon!” I say as I chase it through the nearby woods. Wouldn’t you know that by the time I catch up to the raccoon, a wild EAGLE appears and grabs the crown, taking it away into the air. At this point I’m unsure of what to do, so I call my friend who has a hot air balloon service, get in a hot air balloon, and follow the eagle. As I close in on the eagle with the crown, I reach out and try to grab it from its talons. Unfortunately, not only does the crown fall off the eagle and into the sky below, but I do as well! As I’m falling I grab the crown securely. It’s too bad though, because now I’m sure to hit the ground and not make it! Somehow, miraculously, an airplane comes by and I land on the airplane, still intact. But the crown slips out of my hands and falls off the airplane! I think of what to do. There is only one solution. I hijack the airplane and fly it full speed towards the crown. I then jump out of the airplane as it crashes into a nearby mountain and try to grab the crown, but another feathered animal takes it instead. “Curses!” I say as I fall from the sky into some calm waters below. “Maybe next time...”
 
^^^

i...i don't know how to top that ;w;

oh wait yes i do. I'M THE WINNER
 
well ok, if we're making up random stories of winning, I'll join in.
*it was a dark day for tbt. All the mods and admins were asleep. Minus one. Since they are in charge of tbt, they check the threads to make sure everything is OK. Well, everything is OK. Minus one thread. This one. I grab the 👑, running away from the thread with has exploded into nothingness. As the admins lock the thread and give everyone warnings, I hide the crown in a golden safe. Everything seemed fine after that. Until.. someone makes a part 2 to this thread.* That's all for now kids. Chapter 2 is for tomorrow if my account isn't deleted.
Main point of the story: I won.
 
Ok, well.... today I checked my safe for the 👑 and it was still there. I took it out the safe and went outside to see there is a flame war over the crown. Before I can react, some kid takes the crown so I have to get it back. I tripped the kid and took it back. But then a crow takes the crown so I get it back by paying the crown al, my tbt. In the end I put the crown back into the safe and locked it with another safe which is l OK credit in another safe which is‐ well you get the idea.
Main point: I won aguan
 
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