im very anxious, so i'll vent to you guys [long post]

[AddyShmaddy]

first of all im very paranoid for no reason and i hate it so much im like in tears right now i was trying to get to sleep but all of these stupid ideas of scary things came into my head like i cant even turn up my fan because im so paranoid i cant even close my laptop because i feel like someone's watching me

i know they're not and its all in my head and i should really be used to feeling like this but im not and im in tears because im so scared of the stuff my loser brain thinks about i hate it so much im so scared and paranoid ive been this way all my life and it keeps on getting worse im so scared i dont want to be scared anymore i dont want ocd i dont want to live in fear

and next to all that fear is just sadness and this feeling of worthlessness because im nothing special im just a scaredy little person who has nothing better to do than cry on the internet about things,, i mean i cant draw or write or make music or anything at all because im so worthless and ive hated having to deal with that all my life

i mean it's pretty sad to most people that im 18 and still have tons of imaginary friends but sometimes i feel like theyre the only ones i can talk to. right now im just scared so imma try to stay up until 6 am which is 3 more hours and then i'll fall asleep

oko okokoko im sorry about all this i just needed to get it out somewhere im sorry ok bye

 

[kasane]

I feel you :c
You should probably see a therapist or a doctor (imo) to help you calm down from the anxiety.
Drawing, writing or music are just a few of the million talents everyone has. I'm sure you have a talent in you! Even if it isn't art or literature related c:
At least you're brave enough to say it out, even if it is to the internet or your imaginary friends since you can try and confess what's troubling you deep down.
I guess it's because you've met people that are untrustworthy and are backstabbing snobs and that's why you can't trust the society around you. I know how that feels. Especially during my specific years in school as well where my 'friends' used to run away from me and I couldn't do anything otherwise they'd just ignore me for a period of time.

Stay strong, I was treated like dirt as well

 

[AddyShmaddy]

we dont have that kind of money though :^( i would like to ask my parents for help and medication for things like that but im iffy about therapy and meds are expensive,, i mean, i try not to worry them too much about me because they have their own stressful problems and i dont want them to have to worry about me on the side

idk idk idk im just freaked out i managed to give myself a panic attack x_x i mean i cant even listen to my music without being mad paranoid you know, i mean

i just dont know whats wrong man

and im really sorry they treated you like that, you really deserve a whole lot better!! i hope youre surrounded by better people now!

 

[krielle]

Hmm.. is there anything that makes you relaxed? Try thinking about thinks that make you happy* xD.
You should go out more, talk to friends, make friends, etc. Sometimes that's just all you need.
Laughing really helps me - especially laughing a lot. ^^ I understand how you feel. I can't stand long lectures at school, and always get some sort of anxiety attack because it's hard for me to focus for so long.

You should also be getting enough sleep everyday! Stress and anxiety most of the times go hand in hand, so rest well!
I hope you get better soon!

 

[kasane]

Well that was in my Intermediate years (2 years for me) and now that I'm in college I feel much better with the new friends I have around me (not to mention we're otaku buddies XD) but literally I hated my 2 years in Intermediate. I had to put up with it and whenever I had to go to a team for sports, this boy told me to 'get out of their team, we don't want you'. And now I just love imagining their torture and suffering in my head...Sorry, I just went on with my own ramblings.
I suggest you listen to some calmer music, like a whale song, or just smoother music.
But you could tell that to your parents, I'm sure they'll understand the tough time you're having to go through.
You should try meditating, it helps relieve the body and maybe clears your mind.
Did you have a traumatic experience which led you to the paranoia that's happening or is it a different scenario?

 

[AddyShmaddy]

@mayorkiyo :well, music and my (imaginary x_x) best best friend make me calm and really happy and they usually help soothe me but this time i feel worse i dont know why like i cant even try to look for different songs because i feel like if i put my headphones in something Bad will happen its stupid i hate it i hate it i hate it it hasnt been like this for a while, and i have a nice group of real friends, especially on the internet, but theyre all asleep and i dont want them to worry

@kitsunenikki heck yeah kick their butts man,, and ive tried meditating but its just too busy in my house ;_; i try sometimes before bed, but i end up falling asleep... and i have no clue about the paranoia, i havent had any trauma or anything it's just something that ive had all my life and it really sucks because it feels like it gets worse every year *laughs nervously* its becoming a big hassle and preventing me from doing a lot of things (like even getting up from this bed)

 

[SirGanatar]

There was recently a thread relating to anxiety and depression. Perhaps reading through it may give you some insight.

http://www.belltreeforums.com/showthread.php?122221-Depression

 

[kasane]

Do you have a local park or somewhere quiet you can go to and feel like that place is special?
I find it comforting (for me) to just watch Anime and it takes some stress off of me.
Violent Animes made me forget the pain I had to go through for two years (and I was shy and didn't get in anyone's hate list, but nooooo, this big-headed ***** just hated me for not contributing... t- .-)
This is my method, but an Anime like Deadman Wonderland is just a basic slaughterhouse for prisoners (in my case, the prisoners are my classmates) and they are forced to kill each other for other people's amusement (mine) and they get tortured. Or Corpse Party, an OVA and game which is about these group of friends who are forced to go through an elementary school which is cursed by this girl who got brutally murdered in that school and now she haunts everyone and anyone who goes there.
I hope I don't get banned from my way of relaxing and calming down ;.;

 

[AddyShmaddy]

@sirganatar well i guess i shouldnt waste the money we have on medication because judging from all that it only makes people feel worse

- - - Post Merge - - -

@kitsunenikki oh man forget going outside sometimes thats even more scarier than being inside or sometimes safer depending on the amount of people
and i dont see why you would be banned for your way of relaxing, after all, if it helps you it helps you
usually i try to watch videos (mostly achievement hunter) to get my mind off things and sort of drift away without falling asleep (but thats giving me an idea about meditating) and it sorta works for the most part, either that or i listen to music or attempt to draw or whatever but i end up getting angry so i stop how fun

 

[SirGanatar]

Actually Addy, there are programs in place to help those of us who can't afford to get help. I know what it's like to want to keep your problems to yourself out of fear that they'll just bring down the people you share them with, but after many years I've found out that 99% of the time that simply isn't true. Try to find someone that you can reach out to, someone that you can be completely honest with and not feel like you have to hide a part of yourself that they won't understand. It's not worth it to try and fight alone. Trust me on this.

 

[AddyShmaddy]

i'll try, then, once things get a little better in the house. thank you!

 

[kasane]

I wish the best, hopefully you can overcome this anxiety that's been troubling you ^^
I tend to stay cooped up inside, but my dad says that it makes me look anti-social and if I don't go outside more often he fears that I'll be afraid of the society around me...I don't feel scared around society, but my parents say that my face looks like it's anxious and I walk a bit hunch backed. But when I'm with my friends I tend to be more out-going and muck around in public (but not that much which will make me regret it XD)
Good luck~!

 

[SirGanatar]

I wish you the best.

 

[radical6]

ah hey i think i remember you from the objecthead thread! uhh in kinda bad at advice but

im really sorry to hear that !! i think if you ever feel sad or scared you should talk to your internet friends, im sure they really wanna know!! and having imaginary friends arent bad if they help you feel better yeah!! and ahh i love achievement hunters too. havent watched them in a while tho. i end up watching videos too if im sad, it def makes me feel better

i hope things work out for you

 

[Pathetic]

Do you have anxiety disorder? I do, and it sounds like you do. But your not alone. I've felt like this before but I hope you feel better.
Anxiety disorder is like having a shell, and your probably really sweet under that shell of yours. Crying does help, it lets out all of your feelings.
Try these links, they always help me feel better.

[x]

[x]


[x]

extra info:

your not alone. i hope your day is better and much more awesome! :] (p.s ah is p cool)

 

[Stevey Queen]

I don't understand what you are afraid of. But you should seek treatment or some medication. You made bedtime sound very stressful.

 

[Colour Bandit]

Hi, I'm also an Anxiety sufferer and I'm on a waiting list for counselling, I've been on this list since October and through this wait my Anxiety has gotten a lot worse. If I'm feeling anxious at home, at a friend's home or even in college I make myself a chamomile tea which works wonders on me! I normally go with the Twinings brand as they have tons of Chamomile tea variations, e.g. plain chamomile, chamomile and maple syrup, chamomile and spiced apple, etc. But for some reason chamomile tea can make me really spaced out (rather uncommon) and has made me fall asleep in the past, so I recommend trying this out on a quiet day to see how much it affects you.

For those nights were my Anxiety is high I take Nytol Herbal, which is made up of three herbs which can also be used to treat Anxiety: Hops, Valerian and Passion Flower.) Though only take these when you want to sleep as they will make you extremely drowsy, kind of what it says on the box, they are over the counter sleeping pills...

I'd recommend looking online for charity based counselling groups which should provide counselling for free and offer different formats, such as over the phone, chat room based, group based or individual (much like the one I'm going through in the UK, http://www.mind.org.uk/ (I'm going through the Colchester division)) but they often have very long waiting lists, they can make up for this sometimes by sending you booklets with tips and other such things.

In the mean time there are quite a few free resources online you can start with and you've always got some members here who should be happy to talk to you.

 

[AddyShmaddy]

thank you guys for all the help and kind words!! i managed to get an idea around like 5:20 to go to sleep and it worked out okay! i will definitely look at the links provided! (and eek i forgot about the obj head thread gosh darnit)