• Zipper is back! Join us for TBT's Fourteenth Annual Easter Egg Hunt where you can follow clues to find hidden eggs around the forum, redeemable for new and returning Easter egg collectibles. One skillful egg hunter will also be rewarded with the Golden Easter Egg! Meanwhile, get creative in TBT's Fifth Egg Decorating Contest!
  • Your hard work restoring The Bell Tree on April Fools' Day has paid off! A commemorative Shiny Ditto Easter Egg has now appeared in the Shop for 99 Bells.

I wrote a poem for ELA class. . . how is it?

raeyoung

p fly for a villain guy
Joined
Jun 18, 2015
Posts
4,251
Bells
99
Eggs
0
Switch
5304-8149-2418
Tasty Cake
Tasty Cake
Pikachu Easter Egg
Cake
Cake
Hi! So I wrote a poem for Language Arts, (it's emulated from the poem Oranges by Gary Soto) and I want to know if I did a good job! (I've been relying on opinions lately. . . :T) I've been writing poems since I was five so I am confident I did a good job, so without further ado, here's my poem:

The first time I made
A friend, I was five,
Alone and sad
With two eyes wet with tears.
February, pink petals
Beneath the spring trees, my tears
Upon my face, then gone,
As a girl walked toward
Me, the one whose
Eyes emitted happiness
Sparkly and welcoming, in every moment.
A wind roared in my ears, until
She invited me to play
At the playground, smile bright
With joy. I sniffled,
Followed her, and she led
Me to the playground, nearby
A swingset and a row
Of freshly painted benches,
Until we were standing
Before her friends. We
Ran, the school bell
Bringing all the children
To the school doors.
I looked at the girls
Running like sprinters,
And joined them in the run -
Happiness in their eyes, laughter
Starting as a quiet giggle
Then a roar. I felt
A tickle in my throat,
And when I least expected,
That tickle surged up my throat,
I started to laugh.
I looked at
The girl, then the others,
And stopped laughing at
The moment. When I smiled,
Their eyes met mine,
And smiled, knowing
Very well what I was to
Them.
Inside,
A few students walking past,
Sunlight shining like bright
Spotlights on the tile.
I took my friend?s hand
As we skipped down the hall.
Then released it to let
Us go to our classes.
I walked into my class
That was so warm unlike
The cold of February
That, for once,
My tears hadn't remained and
I finally felt warmth inside my heart.
 
Last edited:
It's good! But I have some tips: you can try using stronger verbs to bring it out. And, try to reduce the times you use the same verb twice. It gets repetitive, so I ask of you not to do that. And also I beckon you to use extravagant adjectives. As I read this it feels much like you're laying it out. I want to be able to feel the poem like a ghost. And the laughing part in the middle of the poem seems repetitive. Overall it's a good poem, but it could be better with a few edits. Hope this helps!
 
Back
Top