I need your help!

[Winona]

I am going to apply for a volunteer service that would sent me abroad in order to work there after finishing school next year.

I needed to write a letter of motivation in which I try to convince the organization of my reasons and so on.
But since my parents can't speak English and I'm too afraid to hand it to my English teacher (I guess that there will be some stupid mistakes), I wanted to ask you if someone would re-read it and mark the mistakes.
I could send it as a document or in an e-mail via Bell Tree Forums.

The text is around a page long, so it's not too much work...

I'm not sure with some words, the tenses and the word order.
Please help me!

 

[JasonBurrows]

I will try and help you out if I can as I am good with spelling and grammatical errors.
I cannot guarantee whether or not I will do well, but I can do my best.

 

[Winona]

Thank you so much! I will send the text!

 

[D1llon]

What grade are you in? I could help your essay and give you criticism. But never be afraid to ask an English teacher for help; it really is beneficial to have a teacher or two to ask for help.

 

[JasonBurrows]

What grade are you in? I could help your essay and give you criticism. But never be afraid to ask an English teacher for help; it really is beneficial to have a teacher or two to ask for help.

I have checked over the letter and it reads very good to me, but I believe that you could give a second opinion, possibly?

 

[Mino]

Unless your English teacher is some sort of youth-hating harpy, this is probably the kind of thing he or she got in to teaching to do.

 

[BellGreen]

I will be happy to check it out as well. I was born in the US, so I have fluent english.

 

[Bacon Boy]

I can help give it another opinion. I've been editor of the paper and stuff for a while. I can look over it if you want.

 

[Winona]

I'll send it to all of you later, but right now I'm working with my laptop where I don't have the file.

And well, my English teacher would actually be really happy if I handed him something in, but since he also is our advisor in any job-matters and VERY strict, he may get angry if I made mistakes that we already discussed several times... that's the reason why I don't want him to see it.

 

[D1llon]

I sent you some edits. Really work on your ethos. Your drive for helping the community was good. But when you started to talk about how you knew other people who completed the program and how this would benefit yourself, I was bored and it didn't make you appear selfless.

I would incorporate an experience of you volunteering somewhere into your essay.

 

[Winona]

Yeah but the problem is that I have no such experience and that I never volunteerd before and that I'm everything but selfless, I just want to make something new, learn new culture and new people. And it seems even better to me if I can do something useful meanwhile. :/

So I don't really know how to work with your criticism... should I just cut the last part?

 

[BellGreen]

Yeah but the problem is that I have no such experience and that I never volunteerd before and that I'm everything but selfless, I just want to make something new, learn new culture and new people. And it seems even better to me if I can do something useful meanwhile. :/

So I don't really know how to work with your criticism... should I just cut the last part?

Its kinda bad to go with other opinions like mine, I suggest typing it up again and compare it. Like, when you type it, don't look at the old copy. Try and see what is different from the other.