I feel like my friend doesn't like me

[Twisterheart]

I've been friends with this girl for a few years now. We aren't very close, but we get along fine and I really like her. However. I feel like she doesn't like me as much as I was made to believe. Lately she's been so emotionless when she talks to me, almost like she doesn't really want anything to do with me. When we message each other she only replies with very short messages. And whenever I go to her for advice, or I just feel like talking she acts like she doesn't care. She's always brushes me off and then goes to talk about herself. That's all we ever talk about... her. How her day went, what she did, etc. We never talk about anything else.

Someone told me she might not know how to respond to what I say, but I'm not sure how to feel about that. She's like this all the time. I never feel like I'm having a genuine conversation with her. I don't know what to do though. I'm worried if I say something to her she'll get mad at me. Plus she's friends with my other friends and I feel like asking her would actually make her not like me if she didn't before. I really like her and I want her to stay my friend but I don't know what to do.

 

[boujee]

Then tell her straightforward how you feel. She can't get mad at you cause she's boring.
She's probably trying to act cool, like the "mysterious type".

 

[Hermione Granger]

maybe she's going through something herself and just does not want to interact with others lately
and not to be mean or anything, but maybe you are bothering her? if you're constantly trying to get her attention, then that can really get heavy after a while on someone. give her some space and see how it goes. if she keeps brushing you off, then, honestly, cut ties with her because you don't need to deal with that

 

[Twisterheart]

maybe she's going through something herself and just does not want to interact with others lately
and not to be mean or anything, but maybe you are bothering her? if you're constantly trying to get her attention, then that can really get heavy after a while on someone. give her some space and see how it goes. if she keeps brushing you off, then, honestly, cut ties with her because you don't need to deal with that

I hardly talk to her anymore. We maybe talk once a week. I've tried to distance myself from her because I feel like she doesn't like me. It's usually her who talks to me first

- - - Post Merge - - -

Then tell her straightforward how you feel. She can't get mad at you cause she's boring.
She's probably trying to act cool, like the "mysterious type".

She isn't like this with anyone else but me. She's very friendly and outgoing with other people

 

[Bowie]

It sounds awful but I'm actually like this with some of my friends, and I have no idea why. I think it's just her personality. If she's anything like me, she does care about what you have to say underneath, but she doesn't really know what to say. I'm sometimes like this around my best friend, and I don't really know what causes it. Either way, I doubt she doesn't like you.

 

[piichinu]

Then tell her straightforward how you feel. She can't get mad at you cause she's boring.
She's probably trying to act cool, like the "mysterious type".

is that really why?

 

[boujee]

is that really why?

duh

 

[piichinu]

plenty of people just have bad personalities and act passive aggressive for no reason, usually because they have low confidence, so thats what i feel like it is

- - - Post Merge - - -

oops i meant to post merge srry

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

Sounds like she's depressed or seeking attention, it's hard to tell, I have a friend like this and she is still my friend and I love her very much but it's kind of like a one sided friendship, in school she would only be there for me if it were convenient and she would leave me all of the time to hang out with "cooler" friends and then come running back to my once drama happened, and then she would just talk about the drama forever and ever, and I would try to say something and they most I would get would be like a "mm-hmm.." as if she was just passing that time until she could talk about herself and the drama again. it's pretty much still this way with her, we were talking about her depression in messages because she comes to me with her problems like always, and I was trying to tell her I'd had similar experiences with my mental illnesses and started telling her about mine as well, and then she stopped talking because I was talking about me... It kind of sucks having a one sided relationship with somebody, but I mean we have good times too, it's just like not a personal friendship I guess? It's only a fun one when it's convenient.

 

[Twisterheart]

Sounds like she's depressed or seeking attention, it's hard to tell, I have a friend like this and she is still my friend and I love her very much but it's kind of like a one sided friendship, in school she would only be there for me if it were convenient and she would leave me all of the time to hang out with "cooler" friends and then come running back to my once drama happened, and then she would just talk about the drama forever and ever, and I would try to say something and they most I would get would be like a "mm-hmm.." as if she was just passing that time until she could talk about herself and the drama again. it's pretty much still this way with her, we were talking about her depression in messages because she comes to me with her problems like always, and I was trying to tell her I'd had similar experiences with my mental illnesses and started telling her about mine as well, and then she stopped talking because I was talking about me... It kind of sucks having a one sided relationship with somebody, but I mean we have good times too, it's just like not a personal friendship I guess? It's only a fun one when it's convenient.

That's exactly how I feel in this situation. I feel like we aren't even really friends because of how one sided things are. If I ever tell her something she's just like, "That's too bad. Anyways today I..." and she never really is there for me. It's always about her and she always wants things from me. She isn't like this with anyone else though. When she's around our other friends she's like a completely different person. She listens to them. She engages with them. She actually seems like she cares. Not with me though. I kind of feel like she's just using me, because a lot of the time she only reaches out to me when she needs me, like when all her other friends are out doing something without her and she has no one to hang with. Otherwise I feel like I don't exist to her.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

That's exactly how I feel in this situation. I feel like we aren't even really friends because of how one sided things are. If I ever tell her something she's just like, "That's too bad. Anyways today I..." and she never really is there for me. It's always about her and she always wants things from me. She isn't like this with anyone else though. When she's around our other friends she's like a completely different person. She listens to them. She engages with them. She actually seems like she cares. Not with me though. I kind of feel like she's just using me, because a lot of the time she only reaches out to me when she needs me, like when all her other friends are out doing something without her and she has no one to hang with. Otherwise I feel like I don't exist to her.

Yeah, that's pretty much how my friend is too. Then she comes to me to complain how her "friends" are doing the same thing to her, which is kind of funny I guess. But yeah if you don't have the emotional availability to just be her rant listener I would suggest getting out of there and telling her you're not interested in a one sided friendship because it can really suck the life right out of you. I pretty much only get to see this friend when she has somewhere to go and doesn't want to go alone, and most of the time I'm either working or with my boyfriend so then she publicly *****es about me on facebook, because since I've been her go to she expects it now and takes it personally when I have a life and things to do for myself. So I mean, unless you want to go through that I suggest moving on because it wont stop you'll always be that kind of friend to her...

 

[glow]

She sounds like she's just selfish tbh

Act indifferent towards her and see what she does. Stop going out of your way for her. I'm the type of person that just mirrors how people act towards me. If they're indifferent then so am I. there's no need to stress about people who only care about themselves. don't waste your time, find a better friend. if she was ever truly your friend then she'll reach out to you.

 

[Aquari]

i feel that way with my irl friend she only talks to me like once a year to see if i want to sleep over or go to a party with her, i feel like shes only my friend out of pity, but im not really surprised because irl im a VERY quiet person and 99% of a conversation you have with me irl will be akward silence and small talk, although i hope she actually likes me back (as a friend) she has saved me from myself many times.

 

[Arcticfox5]

One of the largest problem-solvers that people seem to forget in situations like this is communication. Tell her how you feel, but avoid making it sound like you're personally offending her. Don't just list the things she does that bother you, but rather, tell her about how you feel. This way, she doesn't really have any ground for arguing with you, since she can't/shouldn't deny how you feel.

It could be she never realised she came across as indifferent to you, or it could be that she doesn't value your relationship as much as you do. If she realises how it makes you feel (which may be hard for her to accept at first), she may try and work on your friendship in the future.

I suggest if you are going to tell her how you feel, it would help to word out your feelings first (you could write it down) and try to change the way you put the things that bother you to avoid misinterpretations on her part (eg. her feeling offended because she may feel you're emphasising her flaws).

 

[JasonBurrows]

Lately she's been so emotionless

Emotionless, you say? Sounds like Chara... heh...

 

[Celestefey]

One of the largest problem-solvers that people seem to forget in situations like this is communication. Tell her how you feel, but avoid making it sound like you're personally offending her. Don't just list the things she does that bother you, but rather, tell her about how you feel. This way, she doesn't really have any ground for arguing with you, since she can't/shouldn't deny how you feel.

It could be she never realised she came across as indifferent to you, or it could be that she doesn't value your relationship as much as you do. If she realises how it makes you feel (which may be hard for her to accept at first), she may try and work on your friendship in the future.

I suggest if you are going to tell her how you feel, it would help to word out your feelings first (you could write it down) and try to change the way you put the things that bother you to avoid misinterpretations on her part (eg. her feeling offended because she may feel you're emphasising her flaws).

I agree with you. It's easy for us to judge other people but sometimes we don't realise what someone is going through. So just speak to her, let her know how you feel, and maybe she'll open up to you, too. If she's being indifferent to you there must be some sort of reason. It could be she's dealing with some personal problems and as a result she's pushing other people away as a result. She may not realise she is doing that, though, and it's certainly something I've done in the past, but I'm sure if she is truly your friend she will still care deeply about you, no matter what happens. Or it may not be that at all, and she may just be acting like that because she's changing as a person and drifting away from certain people, certain friends, etc. That just happens sometimes in life.

Regardless of all that, it's still not right that she treats you in that way so you need to communicate that to her, but as Arcticfox said, trying to pin the blame on her will exacerbate the situation, so it's better you just tell her how you feel rather than say "You've been acting so horrible lately because you barely speak to me" (kind of an extreme example but you know what I mean)!

Hope everything goes okay and if you need any more help just PM me!

 

[Skyfall]

If you open up to her but your situation with her doesn't improve, then you know you've done everything you can to be better friends with her.

I don't know how old you are, but this seems to be situation where you are in a group of friends, and you are still in school? Yes, I remember those days. For a long time, I remember hanging out with people I don't like or people who don't like me. But you are just bound by habit or mutual friends or whatever.

As you become older, you will end up hanging out more and more with true friends and stop wasting your time on people who don't really care about you. Because life is too short to spend your most precious commodity (your time) on people who don't enrich your life or make you happy. But this takes time, a lot of building of your own sense of self. No need to rush it.

In the meanwhile, if efforts to become better friends don't result in anything, just drop it. Not everyone you meet in life will like you. You won't like everyone. As in dating, friendships are also based on chemistry. There are people you just click with, and some you don't. This may be on acquaintance that you always end up dealing with an arms-length away. Which, by the way, is still a good skill to develop. Many times at work, at university, your significant others' friends, in-laws, whatever, for the rest of your life, you will be bound to hang out with people you don't particularly care for.

 

[jiny]

She seems like she only cares about herself. Try acting the same way towards her, so she can see how you feel. I usually do that towards my friends if they're acting like that to me.

 

[Bueller]

Having experienced this before as well, I can say the best advice is just find different friends and hobbies/activities to focus on for the time being. There's no reason to just drop her as a friend or acquaintance, but if you're not *into* your recent conversations and activities with her there's literally no harm in making other friends to also spend time with and lean on.

It might suck at first, because you'll probably think (Well what is *she* doing? What would *she* have said at XYZ thing?) but it gets fairly easy after a bit of time.

You'll be able to come back to her later and touch and go from there. I wish you luck!

 

[Radda]

Yeah its one of these relationships.Its a 1-sided relationship between you and her,in which you are giving much more action.Its not her acting that way,its because she's bored of you perhaps--or she wants to leave you for other people.Sorry if that sounded stiff,but from my recent relationships with those restless people,they get bored really easily,and is like on the verge of leaving you.