How do I tell a friend something she doesn't wanna hear?

[Diancie]

removed

 

[focus]

i dont think her dad's death has anything to do with this. you should study together or something just try not to make it too obvious you're trying to bring her grades up because maybe she'll take it the wrong way :/ if you wanna do it thru text then idk man i wouldnt

 

[Aquari]

if i were you i'd just give her some time, let her sort her own things out

 

[piichinu]

if all you're going to say is, "go study," then don't even bother. she knows.

 

[N e s s]

If she's struggling on the matter, theres no need to bring up her dad to her. You could always offer to help by coming over to study with her.

 

[Mega_Cabbage]

You could just let her not study. She doesn't seem to be making such a big deal out of getting lower grades. Obviously everyone can't just be expected to get high grades. If her grades dropped because of her dad (not the case as you said), then that is when you should step in. Just let her know that you are there for her if she needs the help instead of forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do.

 

[Celestefey]

I think offering to study with her would be a really worthwhile experience for you both. You can never truly understand what is going through someones head. It could be she is just lazy and doesn't want to study but it could also be she's finding it hard to stay motivated to revise and she burns out easily when she tries. That's how I feel. It's not that I am lazy, it's more that I lack motivation, and that has stemmed from other issues I've had. So I don't know if it would really be linked with her dad, but even so, I think you being concerned about her shows to me you care deeply about her and want the best for her. I know if you told her outright "you need to study" she'd probably be offended and she'd feel like you're trying to be a parent who's controlling what she should and shouldn't do. Ultimately, it's her choice. I had friends who never studied or revised with their final exams, their parents made them stay in school to study, even though we were granted study leave. They didn't end up doing that well but I never knew that they weren't studying until I saw they were in the canteen as I was leaving one of my exams, and I knew they didn't have any exams that day. I wish I could have organised some group study with them, so we could spend time together and also help each other revise. Sometimes that helps some people! They need somebody there to motivate them. I think if your friend notices how hard you are working and revising, it might give her some motivation to go and get some work done - she may realise how far behind she is.

So, my advice? Don't outright tell her "you need to study". Organise a study group with you and her or maybe some other friends you have and make posters and notes together or just revise in whatever way is best for you. Make sure it's enjoyable, take breaks and bring snacks with you, because ensuring you're studying in a comfortable environment will make it seem more appealing to your friend. To keep check on her, you could ask her if she has revised a certain topic in a subject, and if she hasn't, you could offer to share some of the study resources you've used or created!

Edit: Also yeah I understand maybe that she might not want to study and may not care about getting good grades right now, but I know so many people (including my friends) who have regretted not doing well in exams, so there's no harm in trying out a study group with her and seeing how it goes.

 

[visibleghost]

i mean, you aren't responsible for her studies so really you don't have to tell her. and idk but if you think she might not want you to talk to her about it you probably should leave it but iDK

anywayS for ways to tell her i think you should let her know that you think it is really serious?? like, make it serious and offer her to help her study maybe ;;

 

[leahhhhaaaaa]

Like everybody is saying. You're not responsible for her studies. When you're older she'll see that she should have studied because you'll have a well paid job that you'll love and she'll end up in a job that she hates and gets low wage because she didn't study enough for a good job. Either that, or she'll be jobless. I know she's your friend and all, but I shan't worry about her. The more you worry about her grades, the more you'll forget about your own. I for one have had that effect.

 

[Alienfish]

Well if she's gonna be that nosy about not studying all the time sure she can take you saying she actually should do it. Sometimes you gotta tell people you like things they don't want to hear, that is life. Also I suggest talking to her directly if you can rather than texting (unless she's like the most annoying person ever like one of my old class mates).

And in regardless to her dad.. I understand it may take time to get over things like (I don't know how close they were or anything about their relationship so not gonna dwell into that) but yeah you can always offer your support and maybe studying help. If she doesn't want that I'd guess she better off without it then. You can't be responsible for everything.

 

[Chris]

If people are already telling her to study and she's not listening then I'd say don't bother. Sounds like she has enough people nagging her without another one to add to the chorus.

 

[Diancie]

Thank you for the help, guys!

I know I shouldn't bother but I'm going to invite her to a group study next week. She has always thought about the idea so I think it'll help her. I know it's none of my business but she's too old to repeat a year and I don't want her to go through another period of sadness when she gets her grades. I can see she has low self esteem which I guess is why she's not studying as much. She's definitely trying though! She has so much potential. I can relate to her self esteem issues so I can luckily connect to her. I'll talk rather than text.

 

[cIementine]

i'm sure as long as you say it nicely she won't mind. after all, she could either take it on board or ignore it, but it's not really worth worrying about. just try telling her that exams are important and you're only asking for her best interest. maybe ask her on a study date with a group of friends! or maybe providing her with some fun online resources?
also, maybe she just isn't a motivated studier and doesn't know how to approach it, so try helping her find a method that suits her.

 

[*Facade*]

I think offering to study with her would be a really worthwhile experience for you both. You can never truly understand what is going through someones head. It could be she is just lazy and doesn't want to study but it could also be she's finding it hard to stay motivated to revise and she burns out easily when she tries. That's how I feel. It's not that I am lazy, it's more that I lack motivation, and that has stemmed from other issues I've had. So I don't know if it would really be linked with her dad, but even so, I think you being concerned about her shows to me you care deeply about her and want the best for her. I know if you told her outright "you need to study" she'd probably be offended and she'd feel like you're trying to be a parent who's controlling what she should and shouldn't do. Ultimately, it's her choice. I had friends who never studied or revised with their final exams, their parents made them stay in school to study, even though we were granted study leave. They didn't end up doing that well but I never knew that they weren't studying until I saw they were in the canteen as I was leaving one of my exams, and I knew they didn't have any exams that day. I wish I could have organised some group study with them, so we could spend time together and also help each other revise. Sometimes that helps some people! They need somebody there to motivate them. I think if your friend notices how hard you are working and revising, it might give her some motivation to go and get some work done - she may realise how far behind she is.

So, my advice? Don't outright tell her "you need to study". Organise a study group with you and her or maybe some other friends you have and make posters and notes together or just revise in whatever way is best for you. Make sure it's enjoyable, take breaks and bring snacks with you, because ensuring you're studying in a comfortable environment will make it seem more appealing to your friend. To keep check on her, you could ask her if she has revised a certain topic in a subject, and if she hasn't, you could offer to share some of the study resources you've used or created!

Edit: Also yeah I understand maybe that she might not want to study and may not care about getting good grades right now, but I know so many people (including my friends) who have regretted not doing well in exams, so there's no harm in trying out a study group with her and seeing how it goes.

I agree fully. If anything in her life is causing her to stress or to simply be depressed, it will show a lot through her actions rather than emotions, especially if one is good at letting other's know she is "fine" through a facade. If she had recently lost someone as close as a family member, healing could take years to get over depending on how close she was with that deceased person. It is very sweet that you and your friends have caught her downgrading in schoolwork and grades and want to help however, sometimes an approach as simplistic as it may sound at the moment isn't always te best way to deal with a situation that could be more complex than you know. Organizing a study group is an excellent way to help a friend, as well as to get to know what's going on in her life little by little without seeming pushy or infiltrating on her work/study habits.

Now, has she always been this way her whole life when it comes to studying or have you just caught her acting this way now? If she by nature is just a natural procrastinaor (like myself lol) then perhaps this is just her method of doing things in regaurds to her lifestyle. However, if she had always recieved good decent grades and this sudden change is evident, then perhaps indeed, it most likley tells you something more is going on, whether it deals with her father, or some other personal issue, that is the question. Either way, as a good friend, your main concern is her (assumingly) sudden change in grades and not wanting her to fall behind so in the end, going about what is going on through an activty such as a study group really can be the best way if you ar more comfortable in numbers. In my opinion, if you are closest to her, I feel a sincere sit down could also be beneficial on your end as you display your sincere worry over her as she may be more than likley to open up to you.

Usually, when a good friend of mine is not letting me "in the know" about his/her life and it's showing in a negative way and hurting them, I simply drop a call, talk in person, or text to let them know. Hearing your voice or seeing her in person really shows more concern though as emotion can be hard to determine moreso over text messeges despite emoji. I usually start off by saying "Hey how are you? How was your day?" etc and then say what I feel,such as "You know, I couldn't help but notice the sudden change in your grades (or whatever lse you may have noticed is off about her) and I just wanted to know if you're ok? (most likley she will say she's "fine" to let you know otherwise and if so, then go about talking by saying something like "I really care about you honestly and I am a bit worried. Is there something on your mind as of late? Is everything ok?" If she persists she is fine, just continue reassuring her, you can even bring how you think studying together would be fun, just the two of you if she doesn't want a group) Talk to her like she is important. She will understand, and if she truly doesn't want to study with anyone, then maybe just spending time with her would be best until she is ready to do so. If she wishes to be a lone, sometimes people just need time to themselve. If she startsdisplaying erratic behavior or endagerment to herself, then getting her help would be good (Though, she doesn't seem thisway from your short description) Remember, you know her better than any of us. Just follow your gut and see what happens. What's the worst she can say? No? I wish you luck in all of your endevours!

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

It's really up to her if she wants to improve her grades or not. And I mean she COULD be studying but might not retain the information very well, some people studying doesn't work. I, for instance, never studied a day in my life and got mediocre grades because I didn't do homework, but aced classwork and tests, so much so that teachers asked me to tutor other students, even though I never did my homework. I wouldn't bother her about her studying and stuff, but I WOULD talk to her and console her about her dad, her depression can be playing a part in her effort towards school, but she doesn't need nagging she needs support and someone to talk to most likely.