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homophobic Parents?
- Thread starter biibii
- Start date
I'm sorry you're going through this, I hope that you can find some sort of solace in your situation. How old are you? I'm asking because the help that I would suggest depends on your age and whether or not you're financially dependent on your parents.
I'm assuming you still live under their roof, so I would suggest just not throwing it in their faces for a while. Obviously now they know and could need some time to come to terms with it, or if they are staunchly homophobic just follow their rules and then when you are able to, move out. Honestly that's probably not the advice you would want to hear but at the end of the day they are your parents and while you are still dependent on them it's kind of what they say goes. Of course there is always the option of having a CALM conversation with them, explaining how you feel/that you're still the same daughter that they have always cared for and loved as you are no different than you were when they didn't know your sexuality - basically anything that wont lead to a screaming match which will just make the situation worse for yourself.
As for being "banned" from your friend, that is pretty ridiculous but again, their house their rules. Find ways to see your friend elsewhere, such as school/etc. I don't really see how you could be banned from talking to her if you have a phone or a computer, but obviously I don't know the entirety of the situation so I can just give advice based on the info you've provided.
Good luck, I know having parents with views different from your own can be tough, and it sucks when they can use it against you or reprimand you for it. But at the end of the day they are your parents, and if you cannot come to terms with them just grin and bear it and as soon as you are able, get the hell out of there.
As for being "banned" from your friend, that is pretty ridiculous but again, their house their rules. Find ways to see your friend elsewhere, such as school/etc. I don't really see how you could be banned from talking to her if you have a phone or a computer, but obviously I don't know the entirety of the situation so I can just give advice based on the info you've provided.
Good luck, I know having parents with views different from your own can be tough, and it sucks when they can use it against you or reprimand you for it. But at the end of the day they are your parents, and if you cannot come to terms with them just grin and bear it and as soon as you are able, get the hell out of there.
MagicalCat590
Hippie Witch
Hey, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I was in a similar situation when I was younger. I'm bisexual and I came out when I was 17. My mom threatened to throw me out of the house if I ever brought a girl home. I don't speak to her anymore, but now that I'm married I have to deal with the fact that my in-laws are also homophobic and they've disowned me.
The best advice I can give you is to just ignore your parents. If you find yourself in a relationship, try not to talk about it at home and don't announce it to your family. Ask your girlfriend if she's okay keeping it under wraps for a while.
If you're parents are more open-minded than the people in my family, I'd recommend trying to find a PFLAGG meeting in your area and see if you can get them to go. If that doesn't help, see if you can ask your priest, religious official, or even your school guidance counselor/psychiatrist to talk to them or mediate between you guys. That way, you'll be able to talk about the situation openly.
Personally, I didn't go with any of these when I was a teenager. I just acted like myself and if I saw a girl I thought was hot, I just said it no matter who was around. I wasn't about to hide who I was because of my family. They got used to it, after a while even if they were a little weirded out at first.
The best advice I can give you is to just ignore your parents. If you find yourself in a relationship, try not to talk about it at home and don't announce it to your family. Ask your girlfriend if she's okay keeping it under wraps for a while.
If you're parents are more open-minded than the people in my family, I'd recommend trying to find a PFLAGG meeting in your area and see if you can get them to go. If that doesn't help, see if you can ask your priest, religious official, or even your school guidance counselor/psychiatrist to talk to them or mediate between you guys. That way, you'll be able to talk about the situation openly.
Personally, I didn't go with any of these when I was a teenager. I just acted like myself and if I saw a girl I thought was hot, I just said it no matter who was around. I wasn't about to hide who I was because of my family. They got used to it, after a while even if they were a little weirded out at first.
What do you mean by 'I tried to come out', like did you indirectly tell them or something? What kayleee said is probably your best bet. You don't want to end up in a really bad situation, if possible, the best thing you could do is just help them see your side, talk to a guidance counselor or something along those lines and see if they can help or talk to your parents.
00ToxicLove00
♥ Yours Truly ♥
I feel like my dad is homophobic so idk if I should come out to him yet. My mom is completely accepting but my dad in the other hand is complicated.
JamesParker
Fanboy
Nothing can really stop you talking to your best friend. Well done for coming out though. I only told my dad last year when I was 20, I was terrified to tell him for years. He doesn't like it at all, luckily, he said he still wants me in his life and to see me but we don't talk about it at all and he told me to keep that side of my life to myself, which for now, I am more than happy with. My mum was much more accepting. It wasn't until a full year after I told her that she came into my room and told me she is completely accepting and comfortable with who I am.
So just give them some space, let them process it. Play by their rules so you don't give them reason to use it against you and find someone you can talk to about it that you trust. Stay strong and please update us on how you are doing if you want too! <3
So just give them some space, let them process it. Play by their rules so you don't give them reason to use it against you and find someone you can talk to about it that you trust. Stay strong and please update us on how you are doing if you want too! <3
Um Well I told them and they snatched my phone away. They changed my schools and saved her number on their phones so they'd know If I tried texting her. Im 14 and Honestly, Imma get a job next year + try to move out.
I'm almost certain it's not legal for you to leave home without consent unless you emancipate your parents, also, moving out isn't a good idea at all, you still need the support of your parents/guardians. Try to reason with them first before jumping to moving out. If they're extremely against it and won't feel with you, unless they're being overly slanderous and abusive, it's best to abide by their rules/wishes until you're able to find a safe and accepting place/you're old enough.
I agree with the moving out when old enough plan. Unless they're abusive, you wouldn't legally be able to go away like that, and it wouldn't be as simple as going to live with your friend. I'm the same age as you and gay myself. If I were in your position, I'd just wait. Wait for them to either come around to the idea or for you to be able to get out of that negative atmosphere.
(I hope this story doesn't make you upset that it wasn't better for you, but maybe it'll give you hope that there are better people out there.)
My parents were actually homophobic for a long time. Well, homophobic isn't the word, they're more just against gay marriage. They don't hate everyone in the LGBTQ community like the "typical" homophobe. After 18 years, I decided to come out to them as bisexual, because it was so hard keeping it locked up inside of me. It was terrifying coming out to them, but very surprisingly, they told me they love me no matter what, and they're accepting of it. They told me as long as I'm happy, they're happy. They also said whoever I choose to marry, they'll attend with the same big smile. It was very comforting to hear all of that, as I thought they would hate me.
Maybe your parents' views will change over time. If not, it's your life, and even though they are your parents, it's your happiness that ultimately matters. They will learn to (at least) accept, if not learn to love, you for who you are eventually.
I genuinely hope things get better for you, and I'm a PM away if you ever need anyone to talk to!
My parents were actually homophobic for a long time. Well, homophobic isn't the word, they're more just against gay marriage. They don't hate everyone in the LGBTQ community like the "typical" homophobe. After 18 years, I decided to come out to them as bisexual, because it was so hard keeping it locked up inside of me. It was terrifying coming out to them, but very surprisingly, they told me they love me no matter what, and they're accepting of it. They told me as long as I'm happy, they're happy. They also said whoever I choose to marry, they'll attend with the same big smile. It was very comforting to hear all of that, as I thought they would hate me.
Maybe your parents' views will change over time. If not, it's your life, and even though they are your parents, it's your happiness that ultimately matters. They will learn to (at least) accept, if not learn to love, you for who you are eventually.
I genuinely hope things get better for you, and I'm a PM away if you ever need anyone to talk to!
EpicGamer12
Senior Member
It's funny, my whole family is very Christian (half my family is pastor or missionary) and if I were homosexual and told them they would be completely accepting of me. Sounds like your parents are either idiots or just terrible people.
I'm so glad things are improving for you. 7 Cups of Tea is an amazing website for live, digital therapy, if you ever feel stuck.
I'm glad to hear you'll be having better living arrangements soon! Moving out by yourself is extremely difficult; even as a 21 year old with a steady job, I wouldn't have been able to manage it without the support of an older guardian. I really wouldn't recommend doing that until you're at least 18.
I'm really sorry your parents reacted that way. The best part is, they don't have to be a part of your life when you're an adult if they continue to be toxic and closed-minded.
