Post some of the best quotes from that show!
Funeral director: We feel we know all our guests, in spirit.
Jill: Your guests? What is this, the Bates motel?
Randy: Let me get this straight. Mark gets fewer rules because he's a dork, and I get more rules because Brad's a dork.
Wilson: You know Tim, there's an old folk saying. Obsessions are like fire and water. Good servants, but bad masters. See the point is: do you rule your obsession, or does your obsession rule you?
[later]
Tim: I know I get crazy about cars, you know. My car, your car, anybody's car. But it's, it's like Bad Masterson said. You can't get obsessed the way old people drive through water, if their servants are on fire.
Mark: Sam has $8. 00. Billy has nothing.
Tim: Okay, let's use real money. $8. 00. I'll be Sam, you be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy 50% of what he has. Now Billy gives Sam 50% of what he has. Now, Sam gives Billy 100% of what he has left. How much does Sam have?
Tim: Nothing.
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam.
[Takes the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a very bright guy, was he?
Brad: Wanna go play some Zombie Sneak Attack?
Randy: Can't do it. Dad made a few adjustments. The zombies won't be coming back from the dead any more.
Al: I saw Mark in his costume. I always wanted to be the letter N.
Tim: That's impossible, Al. The song specifically says No Al.
[singing to the tune of Noel]
Tim: No Al, No Al, No Al, No Al.
Tim: Hey Cousin Randy, why don't you play with Cousin Gracie so Uncle Tim can go play with Mr. Hot Rod?
Randy: Well, Cousin Randy would love to, but unfortunately I've got to spend a couple hours with Uncle Chemistry and Aunt Algerbra.
Tim: [Playing with Buzz Lightyear doll] I am Buzz Lightyear. No, *I* am Buzz Lightyear. No, *I* am Buzz Lightyear. No, I come in peace.
Doll: I come in peace.
Tim: No, *I* come in peace.
Tim: Harry is acting like this is the greatest thing that ever happened to him, but you know what? I'm not buying it. They argue a lot, yes, he loves her and deep down somewhere this guy is hurting.
Jill: Oh my God.
Tim: What happened?
Jill: Did you just hear yourself? You've had an insight. And it was incredibly sensitive. Instead of taking Harry's behavior at face value, you looked deeper and saw his inner pain.
Tim: I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't mean to.
Tim: [They're in the car, driving to a wedding] I know where we're going. I know where we are.
Jill: There's a sign. "Adrian, Six Miles". Adrian. Adrian is on 223, we are down and right. We should be up and left. We have gone way out of the way.
Tim: Thank you, Rand McNally. And we're only an inch or so off.
Jill: I see, so when we hit Ecuador, you'll say we're off by about a foot and a half?
The Colonel: '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.
Tim: I would have, Sir, but I was 6.
Tim: [about a hotel room] The bed was like sleeping on a bag of rocks.
Jill: And the room was so small.
Tim: Small? It was so small the mice were hunchback. It was so small that when I put my key through the door it went out the window. It was so small all you could order was condenced milk. I had a folding toothbrush. It was so small there was no room for complaint.
Mark: Here comes the groom.
Brad: Shut up.
Randy: You know, Brad, we were thinking about places to have your bachelor party. How do you feel about Chuck E. Cheese's?
Mark: Yeah , the groom gets free tokens.
Brad: This isn't going to be one of your 'When I was a little girl' stories, is it?
Jill: No, now just sit down... When I was a little person about your age...
Jill: Randy yanked the shoes off of a kid at school, and filled them with Cheez Whiz.
Randy: But mom, you don't understand. He's a total geek.
Jill: Don't call him that.
Randy: What am I supposed to call him then?
Tim: How about the Whiz Kid?
Al: Last night, something very disturbing happened: Ilene... had a dream.
Tim: No! Not a dream. While she was sleeping? I don't know, scientists may want to study her.
Tim: What's the matter with Brad?
Randy: Well he's dumb and he's got a dorky haircut.
Tim: Heidi, my fire-starting device please.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Very high-tech, it's a *stick*!
[the boys are trying to stop Tim's snoring]
Brad: What if we hold his nose shut?
Randy: Then he'll breath through his mouth.
Brad: What if we hold his nose and mouth shut?
Randy: I think that's called murder.
Sorry it's so long, but these are great!
Funeral director: We feel we know all our guests, in spirit.
Jill: Your guests? What is this, the Bates motel?
Randy: Let me get this straight. Mark gets fewer rules because he's a dork, and I get more rules because Brad's a dork.
Wilson: You know Tim, there's an old folk saying. Obsessions are like fire and water. Good servants, but bad masters. See the point is: do you rule your obsession, or does your obsession rule you?
[later]
Tim: I know I get crazy about cars, you know. My car, your car, anybody's car. But it's, it's like Bad Masterson said. You can't get obsessed the way old people drive through water, if their servants are on fire.
Mark: Sam has $8. 00. Billy has nothing.
Tim: Okay, let's use real money. $8. 00. I'll be Sam, you be Billy.
Mark: Sam gives Billy 50% of what he has. Now Billy gives Sam 50% of what he has. Now, Sam gives Billy 100% of what he has left. How much does Sam have?
Tim: Nothing.
Mark: Exactly. Thanks, Sam.
[Takes the money]
Tim: Sam wasn't a very bright guy, was he?
Brad: Wanna go play some Zombie Sneak Attack?
Randy: Can't do it. Dad made a few adjustments. The zombies won't be coming back from the dead any more.
Al: I saw Mark in his costume. I always wanted to be the letter N.
Tim: That's impossible, Al. The song specifically says No Al.
[singing to the tune of Noel]
Tim: No Al, No Al, No Al, No Al.
Tim: Hey Cousin Randy, why don't you play with Cousin Gracie so Uncle Tim can go play with Mr. Hot Rod?
Randy: Well, Cousin Randy would love to, but unfortunately I've got to spend a couple hours with Uncle Chemistry and Aunt Algerbra.
Tim: [Playing with Buzz Lightyear doll] I am Buzz Lightyear. No, *I* am Buzz Lightyear. No, *I* am Buzz Lightyear. No, I come in peace.
Doll: I come in peace.
Tim: No, *I* come in peace.
Tim: Harry is acting like this is the greatest thing that ever happened to him, but you know what? I'm not buying it. They argue a lot, yes, he loves her and deep down somewhere this guy is hurting.
Jill: Oh my God.
Tim: What happened?
Jill: Did you just hear yourself? You've had an insight. And it was incredibly sensitive. Instead of taking Harry's behavior at face value, you looked deeper and saw his inner pain.
Tim: I didn't mean to. I swear I didn't mean to.
Tim: [They're in the car, driving to a wedding] I know where we're going. I know where we are.
Jill: There's a sign. "Adrian, Six Miles". Adrian. Adrian is on 223, we are down and right. We should be up and left. We have gone way out of the way.
Tim: Thank you, Rand McNally. And we're only an inch or so off.
Jill: I see, so when we hit Ecuador, you'll say we're off by about a foot and a half?
The Colonel: '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.
Tim: I would have, Sir, but I was 6.
Tim: [about a hotel room] The bed was like sleeping on a bag of rocks.
Jill: And the room was so small.
Tim: Small? It was so small the mice were hunchback. It was so small that when I put my key through the door it went out the window. It was so small all you could order was condenced milk. I had a folding toothbrush. It was so small there was no room for complaint.
Mark: Here comes the groom.
Brad: Shut up.
Randy: You know, Brad, we were thinking about places to have your bachelor party. How do you feel about Chuck E. Cheese's?
Mark: Yeah , the groom gets free tokens.
Brad: This isn't going to be one of your 'When I was a little girl' stories, is it?
Jill: No, now just sit down... When I was a little person about your age...
Jill: Randy yanked the shoes off of a kid at school, and filled them with Cheez Whiz.
Randy: But mom, you don't understand. He's a total geek.
Jill: Don't call him that.
Randy: What am I supposed to call him then?
Tim: How about the Whiz Kid?
Al: Last night, something very disturbing happened: Ilene... had a dream.
Tim: No! Not a dream. While she was sleeping? I don't know, scientists may want to study her.
Tim: What's the matter with Brad?
Randy: Well he's dumb and he's got a dorky haircut.
Tim: Heidi, my fire-starting device please.
Heidi: Here you go, Tim.
Tim: Very high-tech, it's a *stick*!
[the boys are trying to stop Tim's snoring]
Brad: What if we hold his nose shut?
Randy: Then he'll breath through his mouth.
Brad: What if we hold his nose and mouth shut?
Randy: I think that's called murder.
Sorry it's so long, but these are great!
