VanitasFan26
I'm just a ghost.
I’ve been quiet for too long. I need to get this off my chest.
I’m autistic. And living with autism is not easy—it’s confusing, isolating, and emotionally exhausting. I’ve spent years trying to fit in, trying to be “normal,” only to be brushed off, ignored, or told I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
Since I was a kid, every time I tried to open up about how I felt, I was met with things like “calm down,” “stop being so hyper,” or the classic: “It’s not a big deal, get over it.” So I learned to bottle everything up. I knew that if I told people what was going on in my head, they’d either laugh it off, change the subject, or treat me like I was being dramatic.
Even when people asked, “Are you okay?” I stopped telling the truth. Because when I did answer honestly, I got nothing but dismissive responses. “You’ll get used to it.” “You’re too sensitive.”
Eventually, I gave up trying to be heard.
I’ve had people in my life—friends, even best friends—who acted like they understood me, but in reality, they didn’t. They twisted my words, talked behind my back, and made me feel like a joke. One even spread lies about me, and by the time he apologized, the damage had already been done. I was humiliated. The trust was gone.
I’ve spent years isolating myself, not because I want to be alone, but because no one seemed to understand me anyway. I stutter when I talk, I constantly second-guess myself, and I struggle to interpret people’s intentions. And when I take too long to respond, I force myself to say something—anything-to avoid making the other person uncomfortable, even if I don’t mean it. That’s how disconnected I’ve become from myself.
And that’s the truth: I don’t even know who I am anymore. Sometimes, I function as if everything is fine. Other days, I’m emotionally drained, sad, and lost. I go back and forth between trying to be strong and feeling like I’m falling apart. And when people call that “rambling” or act like I’m being dramatic, it only pushes me further into silence.
If you've ever wondered why I keep to myself… this is why.
I’m not looking for pity or attention. I want to be understood. Or at the very least, not dismissed.
This is me. Take it or leave it.
I’m autistic. And living with autism is not easy—it’s confusing, isolating, and emotionally exhausting. I’ve spent years trying to fit in, trying to be “normal,” only to be brushed off, ignored, or told I’m making a big deal out of nothing.
Since I was a kid, every time I tried to open up about how I felt, I was met with things like “calm down,” “stop being so hyper,” or the classic: “It’s not a big deal, get over it.” So I learned to bottle everything up. I knew that if I told people what was going on in my head, they’d either laugh it off, change the subject, or treat me like I was being dramatic.
Even when people asked, “Are you okay?” I stopped telling the truth. Because when I did answer honestly, I got nothing but dismissive responses. “You’ll get used to it.” “You’re too sensitive.”
Eventually, I gave up trying to be heard.
I’ve had people in my life—friends, even best friends—who acted like they understood me, but in reality, they didn’t. They twisted my words, talked behind my back, and made me feel like a joke. One even spread lies about me, and by the time he apologized, the damage had already been done. I was humiliated. The trust was gone.
I’ve spent years isolating myself, not because I want to be alone, but because no one seemed to understand me anyway. I stutter when I talk, I constantly second-guess myself, and I struggle to interpret people’s intentions. And when I take too long to respond, I force myself to say something—anything-to avoid making the other person uncomfortable, even if I don’t mean it. That’s how disconnected I’ve become from myself.
And that’s the truth: I don’t even know who I am anymore. Sometimes, I function as if everything is fine. Other days, I’m emotionally drained, sad, and lost. I go back and forth between trying to be strong and feeling like I’m falling apart. And when people call that “rambling” or act like I’m being dramatic, it only pushes me further into silence.
If you've ever wondered why I keep to myself… this is why.
I’m not looking for pity or attention. I want to be understood. Or at the very least, not dismissed.
This is me. Take it or leave it.
