Having a crush on your best friend...

[Croconaw]

I?m in that very typical and very common dilemma of having a crush on my best friend. Yes, it sucks.

I did tell her I had feelings for her, as well. Her response was basically:

?Aw I?m honestly really flattered you feel that way! I love you so much never forget that you deserve to be happy <3 me and my girlfriend probably won?t last forever!?

I told her prior to telling her I liked her that she was my very best friend and I don?t want me telling her to ruin our friendship and the connection we have. So yeah, she currently has a girlfriend, but I genuinely am happy for her and can say that honestly. I truly care about her happiness whether she is in a relationship with me, or anyone else. I just want her to be happy.

I?m definitely not trying to force things. I care about her too much to feel like I?m pressiring her into anything.

Can anyone relate?

 

[midnightdreams]

I was in an opposite situation from yours so I can't claim to know what it feels like. Coming from the perspective of your crush, these things are never easy for both people involved. But then again, life itself is never easy. Judging from the response you got it was either an easy letdown, although it could have been phrased better if that were the case, or she is/was interested in some point but the timing is bad. You're in the right state of mind though and I'm sure she appreciates that and your support. Sorry about the long rambling on but the point I'm trying to make is that it's hard. You're a good person for putting her own happiness and your friendship above your own wants and even if it's not romantically, she is lucky to have you in her life. This situation does suck but you're a good and strong person for persevering, I'm sure everything will work out in the end!

 

[Croconaw]

I was in an opposite situation from yours so I can't claim to know what it feels like. Coming from the perspective of your crush, these things are never easy for both people involved. But then again, life itself is never easy. Judging from the response you got it was either an easy letdown, although it could have been phrased better if that were the case, or she is/was interested in some point but the timing is bad. You're in the right state of mind though and I'm sure she appreciates that and your support. Sorry about the long rambling on but the point I'm trying to make is that it's hard. You're a good person for putting her own happiness and your friendship above your own wants and even if it's not romantically, she is lucky to have you in her life. This situation does suck but you're a good and strong person for persevering, I'm sure everything will work out in the end!

Thank you. It’s nice to hear from another perspective. I can see it being an easy letdown or simply that she is interested, but the timing just isn’t right. I can tell from our conversations she does really care about me. I feel a strong connection with her that’s different than anything I have felt with other people. Maybe the timing just isn’t right now, so I’m just taking this day by day. I genuinely value our connection, though. I’m staying strong!

 

[Elov]

I was best friends with my husband for 4 years before he and I ever got together romantically. That entire time I was in a relationship with someone else, and that entire time he loved me, I just never knew about it. Now I wouldn't suggest waiting around that long. My husband knew of my situation and respected I was in a relationship, and saw other people during that time period. He never got his hopes up and was perfectly content being just best friends and nothing more. But one day what was happening in our lives finally alligned up enough for us to be together.

My situation doesn't necessarily reflect what will happen in yours. You just never know in life. Quite frankly, if my husband and I got together back when we first met, we probably wouldn't of lasted. Because we were completely different people back then. So us having to wait actually worked in our favor long term wise. I suggest you keep your options open, don't wait around for something that might never happen. If it was meant to be, it'll happen, and if it doesn't, then it was for the best.

 

[chet_manley]

Emotions are unexplainable, in many ways. But why be someone's second choice?

That doesn't even address the notion that this person is looking at her current relationship as not something that is going to last. How would you feel if you were dating her and she felt the same about you?

 

[abc123wee]

Emotions are unexplainable, in many ways. But why be someone's second choice?

That doesn't even address the notion that this person is looking at her current relationship as not something that is going to last. How would you feel if you were dating her and she felt the same about you?

Yeah, I have to agree. She seemed to talk about her current relationship like it was no big deal, disposable even. If I were you (and I'm not, so this may not matter), I'd take that as a sign of a lack of commitment.

 

[Croconaw]

Emotions are unexplainable, in many ways. But why be someone's second choice?

That doesn't even address the notion that this person is looking at her current relationship as not something that is going to last. How would you feel if you were dating her and she felt the same about you?

Yeah, I have to agree. She seemed to talk about her current relationship like it was no big deal, disposable even. If I were you (and I'm not, so this may not matter), I'd take that as a sign of a lack of commitment.

That seemed to bother me, as well. Thank you for the advice! I’ll be very cautious. I have been in extremely toxic relationships in the past (they were all online, but one of the girls I have actually met in person) and I don’t want to get caught in the middle of more relationship drama. I’m currently remaining her best friend, and just seeing what happens. Seeing what happens as in, if we remain best friends or if it escalates. I am definitely very happy with the connection we have already. If it escalates more into a relationship, then that is cool, but if not, I’ll always be in her life as her best friend. I am happy we met either way.

 

[Princess Mipha]

"me and my girlfriend probably won’t last forever!"

Really? Why does she even stay in the relationship then?
That's so rude to think like that...

 

[Croconaw]

"me and my girlfriend probably won?t last forever!"

Really? Why does she even stay in the relationship then?
That's so rude to think like that...

Yes, that throws me off now more than it did when she first said it. I?m not exactly sure how she really feels about her current relationship. I?ve given her relationship advice in the past (she asked). Her girlfriend cheated on her once to which my best friend forgave her. She wants to go to college where her current girlfriend lives and move there. I don?t want to be a terrible friend, but I do not want her to get hurt either.

 

[lars708]

Yes, that throws me off now more than it did when she first said it. I?m not exactly sure how she really feels about her current relationship. I?ve given her relationship advice in the past (she asked). Her girlfriend cheated on her once to which my best friend forgave her. She wants to go to college where her current girlfriend lives and move there. I don?t want to be a terrible friend, but I do not want her to get hurt either.

It could be that she said that as an attempt to comfort you? As in, it won't last forever so you will have your chance eventually, you know? Don't know how realistic that thought is but who knows.

Personally I'm leaning to the more cautious side, toxic relationships can really ruin people's lives so I would at least try to find out if she actually values a relationship in the same way you do before doing anything.

Also can I just say how I find it funny that your best friend's love career sounds exactly like mine lmao

 

[tumut]

I only had one crush and it was on my hot English teacher, but we would talk all throughout study hall about music, books, religion, philosophy, politics, cartoons, everything.

But yeah he was married with kids and Catholic and not gay. Also illegal.

 

[Mimzybella]

I am agreeing with others saying it does sound weird how she said she won't last forever with her girlfriend. I would talk more about that with her, from a friend's perspective; she should be sure about the relationship if she plans to move for her, for her own happiness. Definitely don't wait around either.

I was friends with my boyfriend for before we started dating; he had a crush on me right from the beginning. For me it was that kind of a friendship that you just meet someone and trust them from the start and know they'll be good for you. He put his crush aside and was such a good friend, then I caught feelings for him and had to take the leap. As cliche as it is, it is great to really know someone before dating them. The timing is also so important; concentrate on the good friendship you have.

Also, go you for telling about your feelings! Once it is out there, it is easier for you to let go and see what time will bring, open your eyes for your happiness rather than obsessing over one person.

 

[Croconaw]

I am agreeing with others saying it does sound weird how she said she won't last forever with her girlfriend. I would talk more about that with her, from a friend's perspective; she should be sure about the relationship if she plans to move for her, for her own happiness. Definitely don't wait around either.

I was friends with my boyfriend for before we started dating; he had a crush on me right from the beginning. For me it was that kind of a friendship that you just meet someone and trust them from the start and know they'll be good for you. He put his crush aside and was such a good friend, then I caught feelings for him and had to take the leap. As cliche as it is, it is great to really know someone before dating them. The timing is also so important; concentrate on the good friendship you have.

Also, go you for telling about your feelings! Once it is out there, it is easier for you to let go and see what time will bring, open your eyes for your happiness rather than obsessing over one person.

I will definitely let her know about that! I don’t want to see her get hurt! I’ve been keeping my options open rather than just obsessing over my best friend who is taken at the moment! I’ll just wait and see what time brings for the current situation, but I’ll also make sure to warn her before she moves. Especially seeing as she has mentioned that she and her girlfriend probably won’t last forever.

Thank you!

 

[Acruoxil]

It's not uncommon. Has happened with me and I've been on both sides, it's not a good experience if the feelings aren't reciprocated by the other side at the same frequency.

 

[tybalt_cake]

GOD I RELATE SO ****ING HARD.

in 2016 i fell in love with a friend , at first we werent really close (we even got into a fight) but as time went on , we started getting closer , and then he became my best friend.
idk i loved him so much , then after the month of september his parents changed him from school and i always had hope to see him again at school and hug him....never happened lol

also in october 2017 i fell in love with my ex-best friend , an ******* that replaced me for other people and did many thing to me but still , back then i use to love him so much too. glad im not friends with him anymore

sad fact : i told both of them i liked them and they said no bc they arent gay so , .

 

[xSuperMario64x]

My friend was in a situation like that a few days ago, where he told his close friend he had feelings for her and she kindly rejected him. I had to calm him down at first cause he thought the world was coming to an end and that he ruined his friendship forever but it was all just overthinking on his part. The situation was fine about 30 min later.

He then proceeded to tell me to never do something like that, but I'm ace and I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic too so that prob wouldn't happen to me anytime soon

 

[Croconaw]

My friend was in a situation like that a few days ago, where he told his close friend he had feelings for her and she kindly rejected him. I had to calm him down at first cause he thought the world was coming to an end and that he ruined his friendship forever but it was all just just thinking on his part.

Yep, that was my fear. I trusted her enough and knew our bond was strong enough that our friendship would never be damaged by me telling her, though. It stings a little that it could have her a kind rejection, but maybe the timing just wasn’t right. She was taken at the time I told her, and still is.

 

[Saylor]

Yeah, I feel that. I have the biggest crush on one of my friends, but she's straight and nothing will ever happen, so I'm just gonna have to ride it out.

You're really brave for telling your friend how you feel! I think it's good to have your feelings out there like that. Whether she ends up with her girlfriend or the timing ends up being right for you two in the future, I hope everything works out for both of you.