Failing Friendship?

[vel]

I come to the forums to talk a lot... Sorry I'm burdening y'all with my problems, but I don't know it's a really friendly forum and my actual friends will give me crappy advice.

Anyways, I have this friend since 4th grade, and well..

She had a crush on this guy, and I also liked him too. He was nice, and he doesn't told me he didn't like her. I didn't try to take him I promise, he just talked to me more often because we both liked Pokemon. I gradually started to like him but I knew it wasn't going to go far since we were so young (I lived it real folks), so I brushed it aside. She hated me for that, because I "stole" him but I knew it was a petty crush and I couldn't do anything about it.

In 5th grade, he moved to China, haven't saw him since. Her and I were in different classes for this grade, and we were close-ish.

Sixth grade was when the real crap goes down. There are three guys, and they were like the "popular" ones in my core class. I liked one, and she liked the same person. I secretly liked another guy (holy crap what is going on) but I dismissed it. Well, I asked the first guy to the dance but he said no, and she somehow found out. She wasn't angry at that, but it was probably building anger. But one day she chatted me saying why I called a close friend of mine a sl*t, and I didn't. I was angry I was being accused, but I knew being angry wasn't going to change anything so I just kept calm and said "Sorry, I didn't." But, she kept going saying I stole her crush and she called me names and etc., but if I read the chats now, (I haven't chatted her since, it's been four years) I didn't say anything to her. She called me a liar when I denied it and she said she'd find me and kill me, and I blocked her. Luckily, she moved away a month before so I didn't have to see her at school, but I cried that night because I hated people hating me. Unfortunately, she still stalked me on social media and commented nasty things about me.

The next year she moved back and apologized, but even know she still thinks she was right. We were okay for a year and she unblocked me, and we were in the same group for two more years. Now, it's turning sour. We both easily forgot that fallout, but we bring it up for laughs every once in a while, but some drama went down. People started hating each other, my group split up, and she came with me. But now, she's getting annoying. She complains every two seconds about anything. She called one of my friends pretty bad stuff and spread rumors and told her to die, and when the girl finally shot back she acted like a victim. She keeps telling me "I didn't do anything! She's just attacking me wow what a *****." I didn't want to say anything, well I said you called her some pretty bad stuff, and she just said well she deserved it.

Also with complaining, she's inviting random people that are not happy with their group into ours.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Now everytime I see her I get annoyed, and she continued complaining. So what should I do? By the way, she gets angry extremely easily and can turn on you any second.

 

[RaineyWood]

She sounds very manipulative and just generally toxic.
Clearly her behavior hasn't changed in a very long time.
If she hasn't changed in all this time I highly doubt she'll change anytime soon.

Honestly in this type of situation, cutting her off from your life would probably be best.
She tries to play the victim when clearly she isn't, she has issues with being obsessive it seems.
Obviously I don't know her that well but just based on what you said, she just sounds like a toxic person, and generally speaking, having toxic people in your life isn't beneficial.
It'd be better to just cut her out and never let her back even if she does apologize. She probably doesn't mean it anyway.

But that's just what I would do.
I don't let toxic people linger in my life anymore.
I learned my lesson v:

 

[Avocado LaSchaap]

Haha wow, what a messy situation.

Your friend reminds me of a "friend" I once had who would do anything to start drama and lied constantly. Eventually I realized it was all because she was very immature and only wanted attention. . . in fact not just immature but just plain dim-witted. Our group tolerated her out of sympathy, but we cut ties once we reached high school.

I guess the case is that, because this girl is so vengeful, if you try and cut her off now, she'll just continue to be a pain in your butt, right? I suppose my advice would be to be nice to this girl and try your best to kill any drama before it happens. I hate drama personally, and can't stand people who thrive off of it. But don't treat her like a close friend, she sounds like a meanie. Put your effort into better relationships, and just do whatever you need to be polite with this girl, keep her at arm's length, you know? Maybe that's easier than it sounds when you have a lot of mutual friends. . . just hang in there! Eventually you'll be able to move on from her.

(and in case she makes up any more lies about you, just stay calm, be obviously more mature than her, and everyone will believe you and hopefully realize what she's really like)

 

[Seroja]

^ Basically this.

If you want to avoid from her turning on you, which would be a real headache because- pointless dramas, you should maintain a generally friendly relationship with her. Be in her good books or something like that but try not to get involved with her much. Stay away whenever possible. Once you're out of school, cut her out of your life immediately.

 

[KaydeeKrunk]

It sounds like she turned into someone you don't really want as a friend, it seems like you stay out of drama and she tries to bring it to you. People who are all about drama are not good friends. Personally I don't think it seems like a fair friendship and that you should try to get out of it, but because she's a drama queen she will likely 1) explode on you and cause a huge scene, or 2) (the more likely) will make you the target of a lot more drama and start rumors. That's the one thing that really sucks about getting out of a friendship with a drama starter, it probably wont go down easy. If anything I would just try to slowly distance yourself from here, maybe try to get back with the other part of your group that split or something and try to hang out with them instead of blatantly telling her you don't want to be friends anymore. In that way if she ever comes to you and ask you can just say you feel like you were drifting apart but that you can "still be friends" but really, just avoid hanging out with her unless she changes. But she probably wont change, they never do.

 

[Fleshy]

I would ask you one thing, are you ever happy when you're with her and if so, what portion of the time? There's no point being around someone that always makes you feel sad/angry/just not good in general.

It might be hard to stop talking to her since you're still at school but what do the other people in your group think of her? If you stopped talking to her, would you still have other friends? If you would still have other friends, I would suggest that it's a good idea to distance yourself from her if you can. Don't say anthing mean to her, just slowly distance yourself and see what happens. If that makes things worse then I don't know what to suggest, as being friends with her clearly isn't making you happy..

Anyway, I hope it all works out, whatever you decide to do!

However, I don't nessisarly think she's "toxic", I think people throw that word around a lot and it could be harmful. She might have things going on in her life and just needs somebody to talk to at the end of the day. I think that I act a lot like what you mentioned, I get angry often and act irrationaly but I never, ever mean to hurt anybody, I can"t help it. I guess most people wouldn't really understand though but w/e.

 

[vel]

I would ask you one thing, are you ever happy when you're with her and if so, what portion of the time? There's no point being around someone that always makes you feel sad/angry/just not good in general.

It might be hard to stop talking to her since you're still at school but what do the other people in your group think of her? If you stopped talking to her, would you still have other friends? If you would still have other friends, I would suggest that it's a good idea to distance yourself from her if you can. Don't say anthing mean to her, just slowly distance yourself and see what happens. If that makes things worse then I don't know what to suggest, as being friends with her clearly isn't making you happy..

Anyway, I hope it all works out, whatever you decide to do!

However, I don't nessisarly think she's "toxic", I think people throw that word around a lot and it could be harmful. She might have things going on in her life and just needs somebody to talk to at the end of the day. I think that I act a lot like what you mentioned, I get angry often and act irrationaly but I never, ever mean to hurt anybody, I can"t help it. I guess most people wouldn't really understand though but w/e.

I don't feel happy around her at all, she just annoys me. She keeps creating drama and it's annoying. And she tries to hurt people by victimizing herself, so I'm not sure. :/

 

[Fleshy]

I don't feel happy around her at all, she just annoys me. She keeps creating drama and it's annoying. And she tries to hurt people by victimizing herself, so I'm not sure. :/

I would try talking to her if you can, she might not actually know she's making you feel this way, she might not know what she's doing. If you can't do that or if it doesn't go well I would still suggest nicely distancing yourself from her, it might not be easy or might cause a little more drama at the start, but it's probably good to put your happiness first

 

[nintendofan85]

She doesn't sound like someone you need to be friends with. Sadly, people can become distant over time. I've dealt with situations like that before, especially since 2010.