Editing & Proofreading by Ocelot~

[Liquid Ocelot]

Got a piece but no one to proofread it? Need a second pair of eyes to look over your work and make sure you didn't make any mistakes?

Look no further.~ I, and my English Major nerd powers are here to help. I like to read and correct things as a hobby, because- I don't know. Don't ask questions.

Basically, there's no pressure. I'll just look through your piece and check for errors if you need someone to do that for you. I might even post crap for YOU to look at. It's hard when you're writing by yourself, sometimes, to know if what you're writing makes sense- a trap I fall into a lot.

You don't have to take anything I say as concrete, either. If you think I'm just being dumb and not getting it, I probably am and I won't get offended if you're like "dude, wtf is wrong with you."

* You can post links to wattpad/tumblr/whatever, PM me if you want me to look at something you aren't ready for the world to see yet, or just post your writing here.

I don't know how well this'll go over. Probably not very. Trying it anyway.

 

[Shirohibiki]

i sorta wanna see how you feel my skills as a mediocre writer are

but im 2shy

 

[Aradai]

This seems nice of you! Unless you want me to ship my notebook to where you live, I can't show you my story....yet.

 

[Liquid Ocelot]

i sorta wanna see how you feel my skills as a mediocre writer are

but im 2shy

I won't say anything THAT bad. :C

- - - Post Merge - - -

This seems nice of you! Unless you want me to ship my notebook to where you live, I can't show you my story....yet.

Lol the perils of writing on actual paper.

 

[Shirohibiki]

I won't say anything THAT bad. :C

- - - Post Merge - - -

Lol the perils of writing on actual paper.

AHHHH IDK ... ... .MAYBE SOMETIME... but its also hard since i only write when i roleplay so it isnt like theyre?? uhm. structured properly. so IDk,

 

[Liquid Ocelot]

AHHHH IDK ... ... .MAYBE SOMETIME... but its also hard since i only write when i roleplay so it isnt like theyre?? uhm. structured properly. so IDk,

nothing bad could possibly come of it.

 

[Mayor Lark]

:U I might share a few works when I get online... This seems fun! I wanted to be an author when I was young, so I've written quite a bit.

 

[Shirohibiki]

nothing bad could possibly come of it.

idfk if i have anything worthwhile anymore, i havent done a starter post in ages. RIP nikki
ill look through my longer posts and see if theres anything interesting i can pluck out tomorrow

 

[Mayor Lark]

I found an interesting story I wrote a few months ago. It was going to be much longer, and I was inspired by the song "All Along the Watchtower" (BSG version), based on the idea of a "joker and a thief" discussing their problems with society... But I guess I never got around to continuing it.
I love writing powerful intros, and that's what this is.
But I haven't written anything seriously besides essays in years. I try to avoid repetition of words, but sometimes there just isnt a better way to write the sentence. I end up running out of synonyms quite often, too....

(also I just edited it but it's really dumb anyway)

Spoiler: 500+ words here we go

All along the watchtower

Bass shook the windows, music streaming through the walls like liquid. An angelic voice hypnotized any who listened.​

In the midst of the whirlwind of pure sound stood a sharp figure, swaying to each note. He absorbed the beats as if they gave him life. Invigorated, his head snapped up to attention. The music hesitated for a split second. A hush fell over the onlookers. Without warning, the music returned with a blast and the platinum blonde boy was moving. Noises of excitement shivered through the crowd as they kept their eyes trained on the otherworldly dancer.

He seemed to shimmer in and out of existence, twirling with a mystical quality.​

He bounced from foot to foot, balanced perfectly with the music. To the spectators, it appeared as if he was composing the resonances from his dance alone. His steps reverberated the bass, the twitch of his fingers mixed the sharp beats, and the inaudible moving of his lips created the smooth lyrics. The performance stretched on inexorably, but it was an energized affair.

The preformer stopped just as the last beat sounded.​

The audience was stunned into silence for moments before erupting in applause and praise. The boy lapped up the attention, his eyes glowing despite his expressionless face. He bowed lightly. The lights around him flickered off, finalizing the performance. The audience dispersed, and the blonde stepped offstage.

---

Wind poured through the open window, cold and piercing. Papers rapidly danced around the room as if in panic to the wind.​

In the midst of the flurry was a dark-haired boy. He watched the grey sky through his window with equally stormy eyes. His thick hair was tousled by the harsh wind, giving a devastated appearance to him. Humming along with the wind, which grew in crescendo, he stepped up onto his window ledge and watched the city below.

Gripping the windowsill tightly, he watched as traffic unceasingly poured through the busy streets.​

Crowds of people were walking quickly in either direction, eager to get out of the storm. Sirens in the distance were drowned by the wailing of the wind.

He knew it was a hurricane that was coming.​

He wasn?t sure what terrified him the most; the fact that he knew he was recklessly pursing danger, or the fact that he enjoyed the thrill.

He took a deep breath, standing on the ledge of his window with his arms spread out and clutching the frame.​

The boy howled with the wind, screaming his energy out. As he poured his energy into the summer air, the storm picked up as suddenly as it had come.

(And here is where it gets stupid because I just wrote this part)

Wind howled in righteous fury, and the boy sympathized so strongly with the furious elements that he started to silently cry.​

The tears that fell were quickly wiped away by unnaturally gentle gales, as if reassuring him that it would be alright. The storm raged on, and he could feel his shirt being tugged towards it. He knew he should have been terrified, but he felt elated.

To anybody watching, it looked as if he was going to jump. But as he took a step into the air outside his office apartment, he didn?t fall.​

As if realizing all at once what was going on, he started to laugh. Overjoyed, he stood in the center of the tempest, arms wide, and embraced the hurricane in all its terrifying magnificence.

 

[stellartoad]

Woohoo, go fellow English major (my concentration was creative writing)! Good idea. I don't have anything new at the moment but I am in the process of a few things. It's always nice to have an extra pair of eyes. If you have something that needs to be proofread I wouldn't mind checking it out for you.

 

[AnnaCerise]

I found an interesting story I wrote a few months ago. It was going to be much longer, and I was inspired by the song "All Along the Watchtower" (BSG version), based on the idea of a "joker and a thief" discussing their problems with society... But I guess I never got around to continuing it.
I love writing powerful intros, and that's what this is.
But I haven't written anything seriously besides essays in years. I try to avoid repetition of words, but sometimes there just isnt a better way to write the sentence. I end up running out of synonyms quite often, too....

(also I just edited it but it's really dumb anyway)

Spoiler: 500+ words here we go

All along the watchtower

Bass shook the windows, music streaming through the walls like liquid. An angelic voice hypnotized any who listened.​

In the midst of the whirlwind of pure sound stood a sharp figure, swaying to each note. He absorbed the beats as if they gave him life. Invigorated, his head snapped up to attention. The music hesitated for a split second. A hush fell over the onlookers. Without warning, the music returned with a blast and the platinum blonde boy was moving. Noises of excitement shivered through the crowd as they kept their eyes trained on the otherworldly dancer.

He seemed to shimmer in and out of existence, twirling with a mystical quality.​

He bounced from foot to foot, balanced perfectly with the music. To the spectators, it appeared as if he was composing the resonances from his dance alone. His steps reverberated the bass, the twitch of his fingers mixed the sharp beats, and the inaudible moving of his lips created the smooth lyrics. The performance stretched on inexorably, but it was an energized affair.

The preformer stopped just as the last beat sounded.​

The audience was stunned into silence for moments before erupting in applause and praise. The boy lapped up the attention, his eyes glowing despite his expressionless face. He bowed lightly. The lights around him flickered off, finalizing the performance. The audience dispersed, and the blonde stepped offstage.

---

Wind poured through the open window, cold and piercing. Papers rapidly danced around the room as if in panic to the wind.​

In the midst of the flurry was a dark-haired boy. He watched the grey sky through his window with equally stormy eyes. His thick hair was tousled by the harsh wind, giving a devastated appearance to him. Humming along with the wind, which grew in crescendo, he stepped up onto his window ledge and watched the city below.

Gripping the windowsill tightly, he watched as traffic unceasingly poured through the busy streets.​

Crowds of people were walking quickly in either direction, eager to get out of the storm. Sirens in the distance were drowned by the wailing of the wind.

He knew it was a hurricane that was coming.​

He wasn’t sure what terrified him the most; the fact that he knew he was recklessly pursing danger, or the fact that he enjoyed the thrill.

He took a deep breath, standing on the ledge of his window with his arms spread out and clutching the frame.​

The boy howled with the wind, screaming his energy out. As he poured his energy into the summer air, the storm picked up as suddenly as it had come.

(And here is where it gets stupid because I just wrote this part)

Wind howled in righteous fury, and the boy sympathized so strongly with the furious elements that he started to silently cry.​

The tears that fell were quickly wiped away by unnaturally gentle gales, as if reassuring him that it would be alright. The storm raged on, and he could feel his shirt being tugged towards it. He knew he should have been terrified, but he felt elated.

To anybody watching, it looked as if he was going to jump. But as he took a step into the air outside his office apartment, he didn’t fall.​

As if realizing all at once what was going on, he started to laugh. Overjoyed, he stood in the center of the tempest, arms wide, and embraced the hurricane in all its terrifying magnificence.

I liked this a lot! I think you have quite a bit of talent in writing as well.

Also to the OP: I hope you get tons of pieces to look over & are able to help many people. Best of luck, a big thank you to helping everyone out!

 

[tamagotchi]

I found an interesting story I wrote a few months ago. It was going to be much longer, and I was inspired by the song "All Along the Watchtower" (BSG version), based on the idea of a "joker and a thief" discussing their problems with society... But I guess I never got around to continuing it.
I love writing powerful intros, and that's what this is.
But I haven't written anything seriously besides essays in years. I try to avoid repetition of words, but sometimes there just isnt a better way to write the sentence. I end up running out of synonyms quite often, too....

(also I just edited it but it's really dumb anyway)

Spoiler: 500+ words here we go

All along the watchtower

Bass shook the windows, music streaming through the walls like liquid. An angelic voice hypnotized any who listened.​

In the midst of the whirlwind of pure sound stood a sharp figure, swaying to each note. He absorbed the beats as if they gave him life. Invigorated, his head snapped up to attention. The music hesitated for a split second. A hush fell over the onlookers. Without warning, the music returned with a blast and the platinum blonde boy was moving. Noises of excitement shivered through the crowd as they kept their eyes trained on the otherworldly dancer.

He seemed to shimmer in and out of existence, twirling with a mystical quality.​

He bounced from foot to foot, balanced perfectly with the music. To the spectators, it appeared as if he was composing the resonances from his dance alone. His steps reverberated the bass, the twitch of his fingers mixed the sharp beats, and the inaudible moving of his lips created the smooth lyrics. The performance stretched on inexorably, but it was an energized affair.

The preformer stopped just as the last beat sounded.​

The audience was stunned into silence for moments before erupting in applause and praise. The boy lapped up the attention, his eyes glowing despite his expressionless face. He bowed lightly. The lights around him flickered off, finalizing the performance. The audience dispersed, and the blonde stepped offstage.

---

Wind poured through the open window, cold and piercing. Papers rapidly danced around the room as if in panic to the wind.​

In the midst of the flurry was a dark-haired boy. He watched the grey sky through his window with equally stormy eyes. His thick hair was tousled by the harsh wind, giving a devastated appearance to him. Humming along with the wind, which grew in crescendo, he stepped up onto his window ledge and watched the city below.

Gripping the windowsill tightly, he watched as traffic unceasingly poured through the busy streets.​

Crowds of people were walking quickly in either direction, eager to get out of the storm. Sirens in the distance were drowned by the wailing of the wind.

He knew it was a hurricane that was coming.​

He wasn’t sure what terrified him the most; the fact that he knew he was recklessly pursing danger, or the fact that he enjoyed the thrill.

He took a deep breath, standing on the ledge of his window with his arms spread out and clutching the frame.​

The boy howled with the wind, screaming his energy out. As he poured his energy into the summer air, the storm picked up as suddenly as it had come.

(And here is where it gets stupid because I just wrote this part)

Wind howled in righteous fury, and the boy sympathized so strongly with the furious elements that he started to silently cry.​

The tears that fell were quickly wiped away by unnaturally gentle gales, as if reassuring him that it would be alright. The storm raged on, and he could feel his shirt being tugged towards it. He knew he should have been terrified, but he felt elated.

To anybody watching, it looked as if he was going to jump. But as he took a step into the air outside his office apartment, he didn’t fall.​

As if realizing all at once what was going on, he started to laugh. Overjoyed, he stood in the center of the tempest, arms wide, and embraced the hurricane in all its terrifying magnificence.

Hello there! I'm just being picky here, but I think you spelled 'performer' as 'preformer'. Sorry if that's the way It's supposed to be, though. I really like your piece. c:

 

[Mayor Lark]

Hello there! I'm just being picky here, but I think you spelled 'performer' as 'preformer'. Sorry if that's the way It's supposed to be, though. I really like your piece. c:

Oh, oops. I was proofreading it at like 6 am, and it slipped right past me. You have a good eye, though, and you're right. It is supposed to be "performer". Bluh despite being in AP & honors English, I still can't spell words right. (Like definitely)

 

[Liquid Ocelot]

I found an interesting story I wrote a few months ago. It was going to be much longer, and I was inspired by the song "All Along the Watchtower" (BSG version), based on the idea of a "joker and a thief" discussing their problems with society... But I guess I never got around to continuing it.
I love writing powerful intros, and that's what this is.
But I haven't written anything seriously besides essays in years. I try to avoid repetition of words, but sometimes there just isnt a better way to write the sentence. I end up running out of synonyms quite often, too....

(also I just edited it but it's really dumb anyway)

Spoiler: 500+ words here we go

All along the watchtower

Bass shook the windows, music streaming through the walls like liquid. An angelic voice hypnotized any who listened.​

In the midst of the whirlwind of pure sound stood a sharp figure, swaying to each note. He absorbed the beats as if they gave him life. Invigorated, his head snapped up to attention. The music hesitated for a split second. A hush fell over the onlookers. Without warning, the music returned with a blast and the platinum blonde boy was moving. Noises of excitement shivered through the crowd as they kept their eyes trained on the otherworldly dancer.

He seemed to shimmer in and out of existence, twirling with a mystical quality.​

He bounced from foot to foot, balanced perfectly with the music. To the spectators, it appeared as if he was composing the resonances from his dance alone. His steps reverberated the bass, the twitch of his fingers mixed the sharp beats, and the inaudible moving of his lips created the smooth lyrics. The performance stretched on inexorably, but it was an energized affair.

The preformer stopped just as the last beat sounded.​

The audience was stunned into silence for moments before erupting in applause and praise. The boy lapped up the attention, his eyes glowing despite his expressionless face. He bowed lightly. The lights around him flickered off, finalizing the performance. The audience dispersed, and the blonde stepped offstage.

---

Wind poured through the open window, cold and piercing. Papers rapidly danced around the room as if in panic to the wind.​

In the midst of the flurry was a dark-haired boy. He watched the grey sky through his window with equally stormy eyes. His thick hair was tousled by the harsh wind, giving a devastated appearance to him. Humming along with the wind, which grew in crescendo, he stepped up onto his window ledge and watched the city below.

Gripping the windowsill tightly, he watched as traffic unceasingly poured through the busy streets.​

Crowds of people were walking quickly in either direction, eager to get out of the storm. Sirens in the distance were drowned by the wailing of the wind.

He knew it was a hurricane that was coming.​

He wasn?t sure what terrified him the most; the fact that he knew he was recklessly pursing danger, or the fact that he enjoyed the thrill.

He took a deep breath, standing on the ledge of his window with his arms spread out and clutching the frame.​

The boy howled with the wind, screaming his energy out. As he poured his energy into the summer air, the storm picked up as suddenly as it had come.

(And here is where it gets stupid because I just wrote this part)

Wind howled in righteous fury, and the boy sympathized so strongly with the furious elements that he started to silently cry.​

The tears that fell were quickly wiped away by unnaturally gentle gales, as if reassuring him that it would be alright. The storm raged on, and he could feel his shirt being tugged towards it. He knew he should have been terrified, but he felt elated.

To anybody watching, it looked as if he was going to jump. But as he took a step into the air outside his office apartment, he didn?t fall.​

As if realizing all at once what was going on, he started to laugh. Overjoyed, he stood in the center of the tempest, arms wide, and embraced the hurricane in all its terrifying magnificence.

Did u kno

that this is literally REALLY GOOD. Other than that "preformer" error, I'd only have to say that the imagery is a bit abstract- but that's probably fine as it is- I know there's probably more to it than this that would bring it back to Earth a bit more. It's really strong. My poetry teacher would be like 'but what does it mean', but I think this definitely has some kind of potential- and it does make me want to keep reading it, just to see what it's all about and why things are how they are.