And the time to return to school had finally come. The previous month I had spent it at home, only seeing my mommy, my daddy, my brothers, and Ms. Isabel. No one else was part of my world then. My brothers used to have people over, but that month they ended up going to their friend's. I literally had only seen that little people in one month - not even my close group of friends because I was avoiding their calls. I cried at the thought of returning to school. Literally. What were they going to do to me without a teacher? What will happen since I can't move? They are going to push me around like a toy! The Sunday before my first Monday of school after a long time was awful just because I kept overthinking things. When night came, I started crying a lot. I really did not want to go back. If it wasn't for my brother (not the oldest one - the one that comes before), I would have never returned. My brothers, my ever so loved brothers, spent hours just convincing me. Telling me "not all the people are bad, and you know it". Telling me how I was able to win the heart of people by just being myself. Telling me how my lack of presence in school was noticeable, and they told me they knew that because they received frequent calls, even from the parents of the people I wasn't a close friend with (according to them - they gave me names so I kinda don't think they were lying). That gave me a little bit of confidence, but I still didn't trust my classmates for all the wrong reasons.
And Monday came. The first few months my brothers would escort me to my classroom. I live in a third world country were no building is disabled-people friendly. They had to carry me up some stairs, skip some obstacles, and so on to arrive to my classroom. The first day I was really nervous, and people started entering the classroom too. All my classmates one by one. Some showing more surprise than others. Some asking me how I was, others wishing me the best. It was weird. I felt weird around them, and I know they felt weird around me. When it was recess time (yes - we have no lunch time here. Schools only have recess and you're free to spend those 30 minutes doing whatever you want), the teacher had to take me to the patio. I was with my closest friend from school then. Me and her, I was telling her everything that had happened to me. I confessed I ignored calls, including hers. She knew I didn't trust anyone then, but she gave me a warm hug, told me everything's fine, and everything started getting a little bit better. After a few minutes, one girl who I never got along with came to me. She was 3 years older than me and she had something-or-other to do with my family. A very indirect cousin? I still don't know. Everything she said was, and I quote: "This is what happens to little *****es like you!". I lost everything again. The affection I received from my friend was flushed away in a matter of seconds. To top it all, my "rival" and his group were coming my way too. I was about to cry of frustration. Everything blurred. I know my friend started a discussion with this girl, but I didn't hear any of the words as everything I asked myself was "why?". The tears were about to come out.
"Leanne. Leanne!". My "rival" was yelling at me and those were the words he used to bring me to my consciousness. I replied "What? What!?". And he, out of all people, recovered my hopes once again.
"You know I don't hate you or anything, right? Never really did". My heart was actually so brighten up, I put my head on his chest, tried to hug him, and cried. And thanked him. And his friends. Everything started to pick up nicely so suddenly there. I was started to seeing nice, and the thoughts I had that everyone was bad started to fade away. Slowly, but surely. I still had to rely on teachers to take me to most places I had to go to while in school.
It must have been one month. One month in which I started getting along so nicely with everyone in my class. The ones I clashed with slowly started becoming my friends. One day after that month passed by, none of my brothers could escort me to my class like usual. The oldest brother had some some job interview to go to, and the one that comes after had a very important test. So I was left alone. They told me I should wait for a teacher there. But I just couldn't wait there. I started spinning my wheels. I avoided many obstacles, and got to the one obstacle I can't avoid: Stairs. I started to think of ways that I could go up, but it was just impossible to beat. So my ex-rival and one of his friends arrived to school to where I was. He was the first friend ever who actually carried me, and I was really, really happy. His other friend just took the wheelchair upstairs. But I started to see there are beautiful people all over the world, and they were just hard to see at times. Who would have thought that the one person I thought would never help me, was the first one to do something so big for someone so tiny like me? I was like overflowing with joy. We talked for a few minutes until all the classmates and teacher would arrive. What he did suddenly became a small trend in my school. A trend that gives me mixed feelings to the day, but it was this trend that fully recovered my love for people. Good friends, friends, acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers carry me around now. I can understand if friends want to help, but the fact that people I didn't know had the sudden urge to help me, makes me feel really, really happy. I know I have said (or implied) that I don't like being helped all the time, but it makes me really happy that there are beautiful everywhere.
Sometimes we just don't see them. In the hospital, I just had the mental image that everyone was mean because of a few people. But I completely disregarded the nice people and their acts for me. My nurse, my ever so lovely nurse whom I never got her name, was beautiful. Not only physically, but in her acts. So patient, and so nice with me no matter the mood I was in. I wish I had properly thanked her for taking care of me for so long. I never thanked her in words, but I sent her a letter two months after I started school again.
Whenever you think people are mean, look on every corner of the world, and you will find people who are beautiful and nice with you, and everyone else ^^. The day after my accident I was depressed, but after seeing how beautiful people can be, I have managed to accept my life as it is now. Sometimes frustrated because I can't do much to show my thanks properly, but happy for the most part because the people who are nice actually overweight those who aren't by a lot. The warmth I receive from my friends and family cannot be compared to anything else.
Finally, there is actually a small chance I may get to walk again. A doctor saw some hope for me and I was supposedly going to get an operation on October, but it looks like it's going to be postponed. I hope I can walk so I can start giving everyone back of what they gave to me. If not, I will have to find alternatives to show my affection besides words. Not knowing her name was hard, but I really wanted to write to her, so I asked my oldest brother to drop the letter next time he went there (he has a friend who lives in a building near the hospital I was at).
If you read this much, I thank you a lot because I have been holding all this for a while. Actually, I decided to post it because my music teacher told me that if something bothers me a lot, I have to tell it to a big group of people. I don't know how big TBT is, but I feel a lot better after typing all that already. ^^
And Monday came. The first few months my brothers would escort me to my classroom. I live in a third world country were no building is disabled-people friendly. They had to carry me up some stairs, skip some obstacles, and so on to arrive to my classroom. The first day I was really nervous, and people started entering the classroom too. All my classmates one by one. Some showing more surprise than others. Some asking me how I was, others wishing me the best. It was weird. I felt weird around them, and I know they felt weird around me. When it was recess time (yes - we have no lunch time here. Schools only have recess and you're free to spend those 30 minutes doing whatever you want), the teacher had to take me to the patio. I was with my closest friend from school then. Me and her, I was telling her everything that had happened to me. I confessed I ignored calls, including hers. She knew I didn't trust anyone then, but she gave me a warm hug, told me everything's fine, and everything started getting a little bit better. After a few minutes, one girl who I never got along with came to me. She was 3 years older than me and she had something-or-other to do with my family. A very indirect cousin? I still don't know. Everything she said was, and I quote: "This is what happens to little *****es like you!". I lost everything again. The affection I received from my friend was flushed away in a matter of seconds. To top it all, my "rival" and his group were coming my way too. I was about to cry of frustration. Everything blurred. I know my friend started a discussion with this girl, but I didn't hear any of the words as everything I asked myself was "why?". The tears were about to come out.
"Leanne. Leanne!". My "rival" was yelling at me and those were the words he used to bring me to my consciousness. I replied "What? What!?". And he, out of all people, recovered my hopes once again.
"You know I don't hate you or anything, right? Never really did". My heart was actually so brighten up, I put my head on his chest, tried to hug him, and cried. And thanked him. And his friends. Everything started to pick up nicely so suddenly there. I was started to seeing nice, and the thoughts I had that everyone was bad started to fade away. Slowly, but surely. I still had to rely on teachers to take me to most places I had to go to while in school.
It must have been one month. One month in which I started getting along so nicely with everyone in my class. The ones I clashed with slowly started becoming my friends. One day after that month passed by, none of my brothers could escort me to my class like usual. The oldest brother had some some job interview to go to, and the one that comes after had a very important test. So I was left alone. They told me I should wait for a teacher there. But I just couldn't wait there. I started spinning my wheels. I avoided many obstacles, and got to the one obstacle I can't avoid: Stairs. I started to think of ways that I could go up, but it was just impossible to beat. So my ex-rival and one of his friends arrived to school to where I was. He was the first friend ever who actually carried me, and I was really, really happy. His other friend just took the wheelchair upstairs. But I started to see there are beautiful people all over the world, and they were just hard to see at times. Who would have thought that the one person I thought would never help me, was the first one to do something so big for someone so tiny like me? I was like overflowing with joy. We talked for a few minutes until all the classmates and teacher would arrive. What he did suddenly became a small trend in my school. A trend that gives me mixed feelings to the day, but it was this trend that fully recovered my love for people. Good friends, friends, acquaintances, and sometimes even strangers carry me around now. I can understand if friends want to help, but the fact that people I didn't know had the sudden urge to help me, makes me feel really, really happy. I know I have said (or implied) that I don't like being helped all the time, but it makes me really happy that there are beautiful everywhere.
Sometimes we just don't see them. In the hospital, I just had the mental image that everyone was mean because of a few people. But I completely disregarded the nice people and their acts for me. My nurse, my ever so lovely nurse whom I never got her name, was beautiful. Not only physically, but in her acts. So patient, and so nice with me no matter the mood I was in. I wish I had properly thanked her for taking care of me for so long. I never thanked her in words, but I sent her a letter two months after I started school again.
Whenever you think people are mean, look on every corner of the world, and you will find people who are beautiful and nice with you, and everyone else ^^. The day after my accident I was depressed, but after seeing how beautiful people can be, I have managed to accept my life as it is now. Sometimes frustrated because I can't do much to show my thanks properly, but happy for the most part because the people who are nice actually overweight those who aren't by a lot. The warmth I receive from my friends and family cannot be compared to anything else.
Finally, there is actually a small chance I may get to walk again. A doctor saw some hope for me and I was supposedly going to get an operation on October, but it looks like it's going to be postponed. I hope I can walk so I can start giving everyone back of what they gave to me. If not, I will have to find alternatives to show my affection besides words. Not knowing her name was hard, but I really wanted to write to her, so I asked my oldest brother to drop the letter next time he went there (he has a friend who lives in a building near the hospital I was at).
If you read this much, I thank you a lot because I have been holding all this for a while. Actually, I decided to post it because my music teacher told me that if something bothers me a lot, I have to tell it to a big group of people. I don't know how big TBT is, but I feel a lot better after typing all that already. ^^
