closed

[Jake]

Why not have a 3way it's a win-win

 

[infinikitten]

OP, I'm sorry your thread kind of devolved into weird jokes and arguments, and I want to remind you again that my inbox is always open if you want to have Serious Business Talk about this kind of thing. I don't know quite how stressful it is for you at the moment but I imagine it's hard and I hope that even if you don't reach out much online (beyond this thread of course) that you have a support network offline that can be there for you and help make it easier to process all of this.

Woah. First I am upset at the responses jumping right on specific things. One of the biggest misconceptions people have about love and relationships is that you won't feel something for anyone else. That simply isn't true.

May be it is easier for me because I am gay and already question traditional love. Or that me and my husband actually can look at a cute guy and agree he is haha.

There are billions of people on this planet and you and your boyfriend are going to have crushes on other people from time to time. No matter who you are with that is true, and if that is a deal breaker for you I honestly think either you are going to end up with someone really good at lying or you might not find someone, because no one is flawless.

What is important is that you communicate, and understand what it means. When he says he doesn't know he likes this other girl, it means he probably does have feelings for her even if only slightly but he cares enough about you to A not want to lie about it and B not want to cause a problem. In my mind feelings for other people don't matter as long as he still loves you, especially if he is still putting you first and outright coming forward about it.

Life is to short to let jealousy ruin things so easily. Be open and empathetic, you even stated yourself that you have done the same mistake before, so you know it can happen. I also don't think he did it because you did he was drunk, which points to a spur of the moment kind of thing. When you put him on the spot asking that kind of a question, it is like a trap that makes him feel like some blame then gets shifted to you which is not what happens. Don't hold grudges, and don't expect him to hold a grudge either. If he had said "Well you did this before", that is entirely different than when you bring it up.

That said I cannot judge your situation too thoroughly I don't know you or your boyfriend, and I certainly don't know your history. 7 years is a long time. Don't do something rash if it was only a small smudge on an otherwise wonderful time.

This is a great post and you should feel great. ♥

 

[Naiad]

Why not have a 3way it's a win-win

okay but
whatchu gonna do about the extra person u v u
Best Friend is taken remember

 

[Sholee]

Why not have a 3way it's a win-win

okay but
whatchu gonna do about the extra person u v u
Best Friend is taken remember

it could be a 4 way!


Anyways, thanks for all the response guys! I still haven't talked to him yet, still gathering my thoughts and i'm sure he is as well.

We are currently on a break and that's probably for the best. After reading everyones response, I probably should have added this to the first post, he definitely feels remorseful about it, he apologized several times when I was asking questions. I've only seen my boyfriend cry twice during our whole relationship, the first time was when i cheated on him and the second time was when he was apologizing about what he did.

This whole situation just seems so out of the blue, it's not like they were never drunk with each other before. They've been to countless parties together, some where I was there and some where I wasn't. So i do wonder if there was something about our relationship that may have spurred this to happen. Like someone posted before, maybe he is having committment issues? And i'm not even sure if I should ask, who started it? was it him or was it her?

I have even more questions to ask him now after posting this thread.


On the bright side.... it feels great eating this tub of ice cream! ahahah
Now i know why they always do this in movies~

 

[Jake]

it could be a 4 way!


Anyways, thanks for all the response guys! I still haven't talked to him yet, still gathering my thoughts and i'm sure he is as well.

We are currently on a break and that's probably for the best. After reading everyones response, I probably should have added this to the first post, he definitely feels remorseful about it, he apologized several times when I was asking questions. I've only seen my boyfriend cry twice during our whole relationship, the first time was when i cheated on him and the second time was when he was apologizing about what he did.

This whole situation just seems so out of the blue, it's not like they were never drunk with each other before. They've been to countless parties together, some where I was there and some where I wasn't. So i do wonder if there was something about our relationship that may have spurred this to happen. Like someone posted before, maybe he is having committment issues? And i'm not even sure if I should ask, who started it? was it him or was it her?

I have even more questions to ask him now after posting this thread.

Don't break up with him tho unless he is a real ****. You. 2 are my otp!!!

 

[Sholee]

Don't break up with him tho unless he is a real ****. You. 2 are my otp!!!

But i always wanted to check out online dating!

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

Also, remember that you're asking for relationship advice on the internet.
Grain of salt, you know.

 

[Ghost Soda]

50/50, meaning fifty percent of him was capable of making the decision to cheat or not. He chose to.

He "doesn't know" if he likes her?

...yeah, no. I wouldn't feel comfortable with those responses.

this seems like the best response.

yes, people can have other crushes, but you should be able to keep it your frikken pants anyway if you're taken.

 

[Peisinoe]

it could be a 4 way!


Anyways, thanks for all the response guys! I still haven't talked to him yet, still gathering my thoughts and i'm sure he is as well.

We are currently on a break and that's probably for the best. After reading everyones response, I probably should have added this to the first post, he definitely feels remorseful about it, he apologized several times when I was asking questions. I've only seen my boyfriend cry twice during our whole relationship, the first time was when i cheated on him and the second time was when he was apologizing about what he did.

This whole situation just seems so out of the blue, it's not like they were never drunk with each other before. They've been to countless parties together, some where I was there and some where I wasn't. So i do wonder if there was something about our relationship that may have spurred this to happen. Like someone posted before, maybe he is having committment issues? And i'm not even sure if I should ask, who started it? was it him or was it her?

I have even more questions to ask him now after posting this thread.


On the bright side.... it feels great eating this tub of ice cream! ahahah
Now i know why they always do this in movies~

Sporge is right though, 7 years is a long time. A lot of time invested, don't do anything rash bascially. And talk when you both are calm and not just reeling from what has happened.

I hope everything works out for you, and that you find happiness. That is all that truly matters.

 

[Tao]

But i always wanted to check out online dating!

Stay away from the free sites...From what I've seen and/or heard regarding female users, a majority of the men on there are utter animals.


Though some of the things you hear about these guys asking are delightfully hilarious (as well as ultra creepy).

 

[Heartcore]

That's a complicated situation. Alcohol makes things hazey, but at the same time, you can't really blame your problems on alcohol 100%. He said it was 50/50 so it sounds like he had some recognition about what he did. But you also have to take into consideration that you cheated. I wouldn't stay with a cheater, but I also wouldn't cheat. So I would say maybe you guys just aren't good for one another.

 

[Fearthecuteness]

I hate it when people blame alcohol on their actions. Alcohol is NEVER an excuse for cheating. If you drink so much that you can't control your actions it is still your doing, so you're still the one to blame.

Also, the guy is being a d**k. Just leave him since he probably wants to be with the other girl. Unless he cuts Her from his life then he's most likely going to cheat on you with her again. It just might go further next time.

 

[Murray]

I hate it when people blame alcohol on their actions. Alcohol is NEVER an excuse for cheating. If you drink so much that you can't control your actions it is still your doing, so you're still the one to blame.

Also, the guy is being a d**k. Just leave him since he probably wants to be with the other girl. Unless he cuts Her from his life then he's most likely going to cheat on you with her again. It just might go further next time.

I agree with the first thing that you said only, I think it's good that he is being honest and not blaming alcohol 100% (like you seemingly did 5 years ago). It seems like back then your relationship showed a crack that wasn't fixed because the problem was blamed on alcohol. You should let him think about it as, I don't think his response makes him a filthy cheating animal, but rather he is honest and either wants to repair the relationship properly or end it, so make sure you at least hear him out either way. But don't feel obligated to do anything for any reason, if you're not comfortable in the relationship don't feel like you have to stay out of guilt. ok bye

 

[Fearthecuteness]

I agree with the first thing that you said only, I think it's good that he is being honest and not blaming alcohol 100% (like you seemingly did 5 years ago). It seems like back then your relationship showed a crack that wasn't fixed because the problem was blamed on alcohol. You should let him think about it as, I don't think his response makes him a filthy cheating animal, but rather he is honest and either wants to repair the relationship properly or end it, so make sure you at least hear him out either way. But don't feel obligated to do anything for any reason, if you're not comfortable in the relationship don't feel like you have to stay out of guilt. ok bye

I agree with this person. At least your boyfriend was being honest.

 

[Reenhard]

it could be a 4 way!


Anyways, thanks for all the response guys! I still haven't talked to him yet, still gathering my thoughts and i'm sure he is as well.

We are currently on a break and that's probably for the best. After reading everyones response, I probably should have added this to the first post, he definitely feels remorseful about it, he apologized several times when I was asking questions. I've only seen my boyfriend cry twice during our whole relationship, the first time was when i cheated on him and the second time was when he was apologizing about what he did.

This whole situation just seems so out of the blue, it's not like they were never drunk with each other before. They've been to countless parties together, some where I was there and some where I wasn't. So i do wonder if there was something about our relationship that may have spurred this to happen. Like someone posted before, maybe he is having committment issues? And i'm not even sure if I should ask, who started it? was it him or was it her?

I have even more questions to ask him now after posting this thread.


On the bright side.... it feels great eating this tub of ice cream! ahahah
Now i know why they always do this in movies~

It is a big diffrent saying "I kissed her" and "she kissed me". If she was the one kissing him. He better not kissing back and better move back. I never understood things like this honestly... If I loved someone that much. Why should I go and kiss someone else? its totally stupid to me.

 

[Wishy_The_Star]

I read this and spoke about this with my own boyfriend of 2 years and he said that this is unacceptable. You should not forgive him if his answers were "i dunno". He probably does still love you, and i wont deny that, but there are clearly feelings there for this other girl. And if he is not 100% for YOU then you deserve way better.

 

[Tap Dancer]

All men are cheaters, and they always will be!

Because you've personally met every man in the world, right? And they've all shared that information with you? Give me a break.

 

[Sanaki]

This is why I don't tolerate when my boyfriends drink if females are there unless I'm there too or I don't drink with other guys. I may sound narrow minded but it honestly solves and prevents a ton of problems.

His answers are what bothers me. If he had answered with more thought, I'd have gone a little easier.

 

[Sholee]

This is why I don't tolerate when my boyfriends drink if females are there unless I'm there too or I don't drink with other guys. I may sound narrow minded but it honestly solves and prevents a ton of problems.

His answers are what bothers me. If he had answered with more thought, I'd have gone a little easier.

I dont want to have to babysit my boyfriend when he goes out and vice versa. By now, we should know our alcohol limitations and we should be able to handle ourselves like responsible adults in these situations thats why i never really worried about him going to parties without me.

I am bothered by his answers as well but i can understand that he probably is really confused right now. However, the next time we talk, i wont be accepting "i dunnos" as an answer anymore.

 

[Reenhard]

I dont wanve to babysit my boyfriend when he goes out and vice versa. By now, we should know our alcohol limitations and we should be able to handle ourselves like responsible adults in these situations thats why i never really worried about him going to parties without me.

I am bothered by his answers as well but i can understand that he probably is really confused right now. However, the next time we talk, i wont be accepting "i dunnos" as an answer anymore.

You should never baby sit him or antibe