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[-Apples-]

why you wailing on apple so much, breh? The topic is someone's relationship, not this gender stuff

Well I was the one who started it, but I was talking about my perspective until someone else turned it into a gender topic. So you're right.

@Sholee: If he cheated on you, then you should look for someone else who is faithful. Your old boyfriend should've not done that.

 

[Tao]

why you wailing on apple so much, breh? The topic is someone's relationship, not this gender stuff

I'm not wailing on her personally, I just dislike the whole "it's somehow worse for women" thing that gets thrown around quite a lot, which is actually relevant to the overall topic considering it's based around cheating on somebody.


It's similar to me saying "Women shouldn't be cheating, they should be in the kitchen making me a sandwich".

 

[-Apples-]

I'm not wailing on her personally, I just dislike the whole "it's somehow worse for women" thing that gets thrown around quite a lot, which is actually relevant to the overall topic considering it's based around cheating on somebody.


Her last post was 'clear' enough anyway that it wasn't intended in a bad way (so I assume), so it's a none issue.

Thanks. Now let's move on to helping out Sholee. She doesn't deserve people treating her like seen in the OP.

 

[Jarrad]

He has feelings for the girl.

If you ask me I'd break up with him. The more time spent with him the less chance you'll find your true love.

I get it that individuals each react differently to alcohol, but when I drink I'm able to make these conscious decisions in my head. I feel as though the excuse "because X was drunk/had been drinking alcohol" is being thrown around too much as an excusable reason to get away with things.

Just because somebody's drunk doesn't mean that they become a completely different person. Alcohol just concentrates all of your emotions and thoughts.

Look at it this way;
It doesn't turn you into a monster, it just dissolves the barriers keeping your inner-self (your monster) in. You've always been a monster, but with the help of alcohol people can see that more clearly.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I'm not wailing on her personally, I just dislike the whole "it's somehow worse for women" thing that gets thrown around quite a lot, which is actually relevant to the overall topic considering it's based around cheating on somebody.


It's similar to me saying "Women shouldn't be cheating, they should be in the kitchen making me a sandwich".

Apple is a 22 yr old guy

 

[Javocado]

All men are cheaters, and they always will be!

are u kidding me m8



this is no. #1 contender for worst post of the year

 

[Reenhard]

He has feelings for the girl.

If you ask me I'd break up with him. The more time spent with him the less chance you'll find your true love.

I get it that individuals each react differently to alcohol, but when I drink I'm able to make these conscious decisions in my head. I feel as though the excuse "because X was drunk/had been drinking alcohol" is being thrown around too much as an excusable reason to get away with things.

Just because somebody's drunk doesn't mean that they become a completely different person. Alcohol just concentrates all of your emotions and thoughts.

Look at it this way;
It doesn't turn you into a monster, it just dissolves the barriers keeping your inner-self (your monster) in. You've always been a monster, but with the help of alcohol people can see that more clearly.

Yeah, like I said. Alcohol shows who you truley are pretty much. "I was drunk" is never an excuse for me. But yeah, like I also said. Let him proove that he truley loves you and see what happens.

 

[Yukari Yakumo]

I would say these things:
1)remember that both YOU AND HE committed these indiscretions under the influence of alcohol.
2)his "I dunno" may have been the result of feeling guilty and "the nicest and most thoughtful person you know" while being confronted during his own confession; not an ideal circumstance
3)so far, both indiscretions resulted only in kissing and immediate confessions to the other person
4)It is possible you unintentionally turned your guilt into anger over this occurrence.
I would say, forgive as you were forgiven. If you still felt guilty for your actions, so might he over his. Mistakes happen and not every inconsiderate action is done out of meanness.
Couples counselling might be helpful and now is the ideal time to figure out if your relationship can handle hurdles like this.

All men are cheaters, and they always will be!

If you don't want to be bitten by sharks, don't get in the water, but you'll never be able to swim with dolphins

 

[Jarrad]

No, it doesn't make you a decent human being. But the reason why breaking a girl's heart is taken more seriously...it's hard to explain.

No it's not.

It seems like all you do on this forum is make stupid bias posts which evoke arguments...
Literally, you talk a lot of ****, and that's a HUGE insult coming from some body like me.

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Yeah, like I said. Alcohol shows who you truley are pretty much. "I was drunk" is never an excuse for me. But yeah, like I also said. Let him proove that he truley loves you and see what happens.

I believe that sometimes second chances shouldn't be given.
The OP creator should have expected something like this, considering he's replicated her own actions.

How can you show love towards somebody, but simultaneously have 50/50 feelings towards a childhood friend? :s

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All men are cheaters, and they always will be!

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sexism

take a break from the internet and educate yourself, my fellow fairy tale fan.

 

[Tao]

Thanks. Now let's move on to helping out Sholee. She doesn't deserve people treating her like seen in the OP.

Indeed.

Apple is a 22 yr old guy

I make mistakes sometimes. I usually don't use gender specifics at all unless I for some reason I think I know their gender.

 

[Reenhard]

No it's not.

It seems like all you do on this forum is make stupid bias posts which evoke arguments...
Literally, you talk a lot of ****, and that's a HUGE insult coming from some body like me.

- - - Post Merge - - -



I believe that sometimes second chances shouldn't be given.
The OP creator should have expected something like this, considering he's replicated her own actions.

How can you show love towards somebody, but simultaneously have 50/50 feelings towards a childhood friend? :s

- - - Post Merge - - -



http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sexism

take a break from the internet and educate yourself, my fellow fairy tale fan.

For many years ago before I meet my babe today. I had a ex boyfriend who was an *******. He was flirthing with others girls behind my back. And flirthing is already a sign of cheating. Because then there is something he dosent like about me and go to other girls. I DO rather the relationship just ends by breaking up than experience cheating. I did the same behind his back when he did that. But shortly I broke up with him because I knew he wasent the one for me. The love I got now, I could never cheat on him. And I trust him more than anything. So its importand finding someone you dont need always keep an eye on and you can fully trust him and he can trust me.

 

[Javocado]

also
" I asked him if it really was the alcohol's doing, he said "maybe 50/50"
I asked him if he liked her, he said "i dunno" "

you gotta get to the bottom of this fam
or it might be time to pull the plug
and if that happens then i wish you the best peach goddess

 

[Leela]

All men are cheaters, and they always will be!

No.

Sholee, if I were you, I'd end the relationship...

"I asked him if he liked her, he said "i dunno""

If he's even considering being attracted to someone else, it doesn't seem like his heart's fully in the relationship. I won't go into the time you got drunk and cheated any further than mentioning it, but it's been five years since then. I'm sure you've been through so much with him in that time, and you'd been together for much longer when he cheated.

Maybe he has commitment issues? He could be worried that he's settling down since you've been together for do long, and he might be questioning the relationship.

 

[Naiad]

I believe that sometimes second chances shouldn't be given.
The OP creator should have expected something like this, considering he's replicated her own actions.

How can you show love towards somebody, but simultaneously have 50/50 feelings towards a childhood friend? :s

Polygamy u v u
But yeah, I'd push him on the whole Childhood Friend thing. His replies just rub me the wrong way.

 

[Jarrad]

Polygamy u v u
But yeah, I'd push him on the whole Childhood Friend thing. His replies just rub me the wrong way.

plot twist: Op's boyfriend is an Indian prince with over 5 wives

 

[Naiad]

plot twist: Op's boyfriend is an Indian prince with over 5 wives

welp
at least he's a prince

 

[Jarrad]

welp
at least he's a prince

yes...

at least he's a prince...

 

[Peisinoe]

I didn't read the rest of the thread..

I think separating might be the best choice. If it was meant to be you guys will be back together.

I asked him if it really was the alcohol's doing, he said "maybe 50/50"
I asked him if he liked her, he said "i dunno"
I asked him if he felt this was a "*** for tat" and he responded with "maybe, .....I dunno"


That already shows you he's unsure.

What if she breaks up with her bf? Then she's single, if he still likes her more than a friend, and he doesnt want to tell you then deep down no matter what you'll still think about the incident.

- - - Post Merge - - -

He might think "I liked her for so long, and now I have a chance."

The kiss might have rekindled his feelings. Sure we can be optimistic that everything works out. But lets be realistic, sometimes people just go with the flow and what feels good.


You did the same, and you might say well... he forgave me, I should forgive him. But if he can't tell you 100% why he did it, and he can't be 100% invested in the relationship with you, and not think about the old childhood friend/used to have a crush on.

Then its time to let him go.

 

[mogyay]

i don't know you at all so i couldn't possibly know how you'll deal with these emotions but when my ex boyfriend cheated on me with his best friend i turned into a literal crazy person. i didn't sleep, i didn't see my friends, i called him constantly, i tried to make him choose between me and her, i'd get angry when he mentioned her name, i'd need constant clarification that he loved me, i ended up hating myself, by the end of the relationship i was getting next to no sleep and wasn't eating.

and it was horrible breaking up, every single day was so lonely and all i wanted to do was call him and say sorry and i made a mistake but looking back on it now (it's been about 8 months) i'm so god damn happy. i think you need to take some time out to understand how damaging this can make you feel.

also this is so irrelevant but my ex and his friend are in a relationship now (she too had a boyfriend at the time so i thought there was no way it could happen) i used to think i pushed them together until i realised that was bull****.



also what satani said basically, i don't think you need to forgive him because he forgave you, the circumstances i'm sure are very different. i understand in relationships it's normal and natural to have feelings (even if they're just sexual or whatever) for other people at some points but if you're in a monogamous relationship he shouldn't be wavering on his feelings for this other girl, that's not ok.

 

[kyukon]

I don't know if this topic is valid anymore or not, but I've also been in a similar situation. I personally would suggest taking a break. I don't know exactly how invested you are in the relationship, but obviously seven years is substantial and this decision might seem like the end-of-the-world, but it's really not. Sometimes, breaks are vital to a relationship in that it gives both parties the time to calm down and think rationally about both the situation and their individual needs. When you are still in the relationship, you're forced to be so close to the situation and often (like I unfortunately learned), your heart can get in the way of your best interests. I think taking the initiative to break for now will not only assert that you have your specific standards and morals, but give the both of you time to think about what you really want. You may find out (I hope this isn't the case, but speaking rationally and in your best interests) that your boyfriend wasn't completely sincere about the relationship and was using you. OR (a better alternative), you may find out that you meet someone better and that you were just sticking with him because of your long history and need for stability). I can't say much since I'm only going off of the little bit you said and sure, I'm making some assumptions (I hope none are out of bounds!), but it's just an idea to take away. I hope for the best, and you have a lot of support from everyone here! Be strong and trust in your own decisions and you'll be fine!

 

[Sporge27]

Woah. First I am upset at the responses jumping right on specific things. One of the biggest misconceptions people have about love and relationships is that you won't feel something for anyone else. That simply isn't true.

May be it is easier for me because I am gay and already question traditional love. Or that me and my husband actually can look at a cute guy and agree he is haha.

There are billions of people on this planet and you and your boyfriend are going to have crushes on other people from time to time. No matter who you are with that is true, and if that is a deal breaker for you I honestly think either you are going to end up with someone really good at lying or you might not find someone, because no one is flawless.

What is important is that you communicate, and understand what it means. When he says he doesn't know he likes this other girl, it means he probably does have feelings for her even if only slightly but he cares enough about you to A not want to lie about it and B not want to cause a problem. In my mind feelings for other people don't matter as long as he still loves you, especially if he is still putting you first and outright coming forward about it.

Life is to short to let jealousy ruin things so easily. Be open and empathetic, you even stated yourself that you have done the same mistake before, so you know it can happen. I also don't think he did it because you did he was drunk, which points to a spur of the moment kind of thing. When you put him on the spot asking that kind of a question, it is like a trap that makes him feel like some blame then gets shifted to you which is not what happens. Don't hold grudges, and don't expect him to hold a grudge either. If he had said "Well you did this before", that is entirely different than when you bring it up.

That said I cannot judge your situation too thoroughly I don't know you or your boyfriend, and I certainly don't know your history. 7 years is a long time. Don't do something rash if it was only a small smudge on an otherwise wonderful time.