Boyfriend's dad is being unfairly cruel

[Bunny D.va]

I can definitely say for sure that my boyfriend's parents are absolutely miserable with their lives and can be very abusive. That seems to be a common theme here on this thread. I forgot to mention they also just straight up took his car when his dad's car broke down... never gave money for it or anything, just took it. And it's not the first time they've done it to him either. My boyfriend is his mother's "scapegoat" child and his brother is the "golden child" who get everything. They pay his rent (he lives on his own) and they've bought him like 10 cars and they feed his ego like crazy. It all just makes me so sick and I want to get away from it as soon as possible... idk how.

Ugh I know how that is, B was treating like the problem child his whole life. His mother was physically abusive at one point towards him and F treats his grandson (and partially their sister) as the golden child. I can't believe his father just took the car, that's so unfair and cruel! I think B's dad may have been abusive but B doesn't realize it...at least now it's kind of showing. One of B's friends can get him a good paying job, but B wants to go through college so he's qualified. Once that happens we're going to move far away since he isn't on good terms with either parents and I'm not on good terms with my father.

I know it's hard but maybe a secret bank account if you two can manage it and save up a deposit for an apartment? I know that's easier said than done but I hope you guys can leave as soon as possible. No child should have to go through this, even if they're full-blown adults.

I think it's a common theme since I vented about it but I'm glad people are able to vent and talk about it. It's sad to see how often people are parents and treat them like dirt. I don't know how you can do that to your own child, whom you've raised since a baby. It's all horrible, I hope you and your boyfriend can get out of the situation as soon as possible and hopefully cut off all contact from them. Negative people like that don't need to be in your's or your boyfriend's life. ^-^

 

[Soot Sprite]

Yes, his father is being harsh and not the best father but I don't think he's being cruel. If he is B's landlord they should have a set amount of rent due each month and it's B's responsibility to make that rent. If he's not making that rent, he should get a new job (which I read he did). I don't think mixing business and relationships like this is a good idea for this reason. If it was a landlord you didn't know it wouldn't be seen as harsh, it would just be business. Unless they're paying less than they should be for where they're living now there is no reason to jack up rent because he got a new job.

F has a right to spend his money how he wants. He worked for it so if he wants to spend it on vacations then that's his choice. Parents have no obligation to take care of a child after they're 18. Most of them do because they don't want to see their child struggle, not because they have too. I was on my own long before I was 18, and I don't mean to sound rude or disrespectful but I've been just fine. I work in a resturant and pay my own rent, take care of myself, and pay for my own college. I don't make a ton of money, and that is something that my fiance and I have to worry about from time to time. I do get a lot of financial aid for my schooling. But I pay for a good bit of it myself, and I do have my fiance helping me out with school bills when I need it.

It's totally reasonable to expect an adult to take care of himself like an adult. Supporting him is the best thing you could do, because honesty I have no idea where I would be if I didn't have my fiance. It's hard, and money is tight for a lot of people, but that doesn't make it impossible.

I don't want to be seen as rude or just plain mean, it's just my opinion. I know I see this differently than a lot of people would. I do hope for the best for you guys, and I know your situation is terrible.

 

[Bunny D.va]

Yes, his father is being harsh and not the best father but I don't think he's being cruel. If he is B's landlord they should have a set amount of rent due each month and it's B's responsibility to make that rent. If he's not making that rent, he should get a new job (which I read he did). I don't think mixing business and relationships like this is a good idea for this reason. If it was a landlord you didn't know it wouldn't be seen as harsh, it would just be business. Unless they're paying less than they should be for where they're living now there is no reason to jack up rent because he got a new job.

F has a right to spend his money how he wants. He worked for it so if he wants to spend it on vacations then that's his choice. Parents have no obligation to take care of a child after they're 18. Most of them do because they don't want to see their child struggle, not because they have too. I was on my own long before I was 18, and I don't mean to sound rude or disrespectful but I've been just fine. I work in a resturant and pay my own rent, take care of myself, and pay for my own college. I don't make a ton of money, and that is something that my fiance and I have to worry about from time to time. I do get a lot of financial aid for my schooling. But I pay for a good bit of it myself, and I do have my fiance helping me out with school bills when I need it.

It's totally reasonable to expect an adult to take care of himself like an adult. Supporting him is the best thing you could do, because honesty I have no idea where I would be if I didn't have my fiance. It's hard, and money is tight for a lot of people, but that doesn't make it impossible.

I don't want to be seen as rude or just plain mean, it's just my opinion. I know I see this differently than a lot of people would. I do hope for the best for you guys, and I know your situation is terrible.

It's okay ^-^ I wouldn't call it mean but it wasn't the help that I was quite looking for. F has jacked up the rent recently so that is my reason to believe that he may do it again. And while it isn't unreasonable to expect it, I just find it cruel to be this way towards your children when parents should be helping them get through college, since you can't get a job anywhere anymore without it.

And yes it is his money, I've stressed that many times throughout his post, but I think it's frankly a bad way to spend money if he is a financial struggle with bills. And I'm glad you turned out fine by this but I still think it's rather cruel and unfair for any parent to do, though I know many do every day you don't have to agree with me but I just needed to vent on this post. But thank you for your input on it, I do love seeing different opinions, but I was looking more so on how to help him morally, and vent, because it has been stressing him out greatly. ^-^

 

[Radda]

Maybe your boyfriend's father has his own reasons for treating your boyfriend unfairly cruel. However, from how you describe him, he sounds like a very finicky and insensitive person. But as I said before, he maybe preparing your boyfriend for the future, by giving him tough love. I don't think this is affecting your boyfriend positively though so I'd advise you to advise your boyfriend to move out of the house. I doubt you need to listen to any of us because you're honestly being a great girlfriend/ boyfriend as you're unconditionally supporting him, cheering him up and influencing him to make the best choices for yourself. If I were you, I would go to a nearby bakery and get a slice of cake for myself.

 

[Bunny D.va]

Maybe your boyfriend's father has his own reasons for treating your boyfriend unfairly cruel. However, from how you describe him, he sounds like a very finicky and insensitive person. But as I said before, he maybe preparing your boyfriend for the future, by giving him tough love. I don't think this is affecting your boyfriend positively though so I'd advise you to advise your boyfriend to move out of the house. I doubt you need to listen to any of us because you're honestly being a great girlfriend/ boyfriend as you're unconditionally supporting him, cheering him up and influencing him to make the best choices for yourself. If I were you, I would go to a nearby bakery and get a slice of cake for myself.

Thanks ^-^ I don't know about being the best but I certainly am trying. The insight on tough love does make sense since that's how he was when they were children (from what B has told me). But I imagine it definitely affects him more than he admits. I hope he and his brother move, since it would be about half the costs of where they live now, but I doubt B will move if his brother doesn't want to. I can understand why but I hope they move. But a slice of cake sounds really delicious...perhaps I can get one at some point. ^-^