The Concerta shortage is just...ugh. I haven't been able to get it for about 3 months now. There's almost no point getting scripts for it either, as they expire in a short amount of time and need to be claimed almost asap for it to be valid.
I've been prescribed Ritalin in the meantime, and it's not quite as effective. Really sucked having to change over and go through the side effects again. I suppose I'm doing okay on it, my body has gotten more used to it. But when I first started it, my brain would go dead and shut off at about 3pm lol.
Would be nice to get back on Concerta, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. I've had to spend a lot of time and money on GP appointments and script renewals lately and it's annoying af.
Another thing I've noticed since being medicated is that the stimulants seem to get rid of my maladaptive daydreaming. Like the MD doesn't usually come back until late a night. Perhaps MD is correlated with ADHD as it probably produces a lot of dopamine? It's fascinating really.
I love my loop earplugs!! I bought a pair of the Experience ones before attending a concert with Grace last year and I use them so much. I'll pop them in in the grocery store or when we go to in person workshops and it's really loud and busy. I hope they help make you feel more comfortable out and about
Which ones did you get? I got the engage 2 plus because I heard theyāre good for still being able to hear conversations (I plan on wearing them at work around the kiddies). Thank you Lumi!
For the past two years Iāve used this forum, Iāve debated sharing my story, but now I feel Iām in the right place to share it.
I was diagnosed with Aspergerās (2014) when I was 18. Prior to this, I was diagnosed with a learning disability in math (had resource math with smaller class), and had to see an occupational therapist due to my problems with fine motor skills. When I was 6, I saw a neurologist who diagnosed me with ādevelopmental encephalopathyā which is not used anymore. Basically, I have a nonverbal learning disability. (Meaning, no issues with words.)
As I got older, I stood out more because of how quiet I was. I hated school; it made me extremely anxious and I donāt know how I even attended. How I could even physically be there remains a mystery. I had a lot of interests, but I didnāt really fit in anywhere. However, I won a few essay contests in my school, so I had writing as a strength.
I became very anxious and depressed. When I was fourteen, I began wondering if I had a personality disorder. I went on the MayoClinic website and found one that made sense (schizoid personality disorder), so I just went with it. (Thankfully, the page for it now has MUCH better and more specific information. Itās not relatable to me anymore.)
As a teenager, the school took my IEP away and I was put in regular math. Now, this was in high school, where math is notoriously difficult. (I still hate geometry with a burning passion!) I had very low grades in it, which only improved once I saw a tutor.
I felt I had to put on a facade in order to succeed. People praising my abilities was nice, but put a lot of pressure on me. My skill in some areas was so high, I had to work harder in other areas.
In my later teens, I took some tests with a school psychologist. She suggested I see a psychologist, as I had anxiety issues and was likely on the autism spectrum. So I attended therapy. The lady was very kind, and gave me a lot of good advice.
However, I knew my mind was very stubborn and didnāt let up from one thing too easily. I kept thinking she would REALLY have to work with me, as my mind moved faster than all these breathing exercises could handle.
She diagnosed me with Aspergerās, and I was very much relieved. I seriously thought I had a personality disorder. (Not that thereās anything wrong with these, but I thought it would be more difficult to work with.) It made a lot of sense, considering my previous history.
Now, knowing myself better didnāt make all my problems disappear, but it did make me gentler with myself. It made me understand that my struggles werenāt my fault, or something the world had to cure. It made me learn more about myself and how I experience the worldā something no one should blame themselves for.
Another random realization I've come across - this time related to stimming.
I've always had stims that are considered socially acceptable, and some that are less acceptable. Playing with my hair or twirling my hair I can get away with, but I've always had a stim of shrugging my shoulders/twisting my arms about/flicking my hands about. I remember people telling me it was weird in school, so I've always suppressed it in social situations (or at least tried to).
But man have I been shoulder/arm stimming hard out lately. I usually only do it when I'm happy and/or excited, but I've come to realize that I do it to release stress as well. Never really noticed it until now! It's becoming a bit hard to suppress at work though...
I start ADHD Workplace Coaching on Monday. I didn't know this was a thing until it was recommended to me through Access to Workāa government service here that supports people with disabilities to find and retain employmentāa couple of months ago. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 31 so I've never had any support. I've spoken briefly to my coach and he seems great - also neurodivergent himself.
is anyone else who is autistic/ADHD weird about people using or borrowing your stuff? like, I live with my parents, but I have my own dishes (spoons, forks, plates, bowls, frying pans, pots, etc) and I don't like when my parents use them. my mum asked to borrow my sensory toyāa large rubber "banana" filled with gelāovernight, and I told her that I didn't know. honestly my answer was no, but she was pressuring me to say yes (that may be part of the reason why I wanted to say no, she gets mad when I don't let her borrow my stuff; and no, I didn't give in to her pressure, and she got mad ofc). I don't like letting others wear my clothes, I don't like when people borrow my electronics, etc etc.
[edit: by extension, I don't like borrowing their stuff either; I'd rather get something for myself if I need to use it.]
I think maybe if the person would take good care of it and then give it back exactly as I gave it to them, then I wouldn't mind quite as much. or maybe if they would only use it for a few minutes at most. but even then it's very iffy.
I think I'm only comfortable with letting someone borrow it if it's someone whom I feel totally safe with and I know I can trust; or rather, I'm not comfortable with it if the person has proven that I cannot trust them. my parents do not fall into that category of being trustworthy. but my partner does, and if he wanted to borrow something then I'd be happy to let him.
is anyone else who is autistic/ADHD weird about people using or borrowing your stuff? like, I live with my parents, but I have my own dishes (spoons, forks, plates, bowls, frying pans, pots, etc) and I don't like when my parents use them. my mum asked to borrow my sensory toyāa large rubber "banana" filled with gelāovernight, and I told her that I didn't know. honestly my answer was no, but she was pressuring me to say yes (that may be part of the reason why I wanted to say no, she gets mad when I don't let her borrow my stuff; and no, I didn't give in to her pressure, and she got mad ofc). I don't like letting others wear my clothes, I don't like when people borrow my electronics, etc etc.
[edit: by extension, I don't like borrowing their stuff either; I'd rather get something for myself if I need to use it.]
I think maybe if the person would take good care of it and then give it back exactly as I gave it to them, then I wouldn't mind quite as much. or maybe if they would only use it for a few minutes at most. but even then it's very iffy.
I think I'm only comfortable with letting someone borrow it if it's someone whom I feel totally safe with and I know I can trust; or rather, I'm not comfortable with it if the person has proven that I cannot trust them. my parents do not fall into that category of being trustworthy. but my partner does, and if he wanted to borrow something then I'd be happy to let him.
Yeah, I'm also pretty different about that as well. I do not like other people touching or using my stuff, especially if it's people I don't know very well, lol. Even my family borrowing my stuff makes me upset unless it's something simple like food, then I don't care. Most things are off-limits, but if it was someone I knew very well and could trust them, I wouldn't mind sharing.
I got officially diagnosed as having ADHD fairly recently after suspecting it for a while, so Iām still trying to find the right medication. Iām hitting a bit of a snag right now, though, for a bit of an unexpected reason: the Vyvanse Iām on right now is not playing nice with my sleep disorder. I have a non-24 hour sleep-wake cycle that I havenāt had good control over in years (COVID really destroyed my routine and Iāve yet to manage to fix it) and it turns out Vyvanseāat least that the 30mg dose Iām onākeeps me up for a really long time. So now Iām on day 2 of being unable to take it because Iām waking up too late to avoid sleep issues later. I actually tried to set an alarm to briefly wake up and take it early in the morning, then return to bed if I needed to, but I was so exhausted that I couldnāt do it.
At the very least I think the Vyvanse is helping with focusācertainly much more than the atomoxetine I tried before thisābut having so many competing, disruptive health issues really isnāt fun.
I always feel the need to compare myself to neurotypical people. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm not nearly as smart as much as any other adults around my age group who don't have autism. Ever since I found out about my autism, I lowkey felt like I was broken for being autistic.
Even though my autism is considered to be "high functioning," I feel as if I'm stupid or slow because I didn't achieve certain milestones at the ages I was "supposed" to (ex: getting my first job at age 20). Because of my autism, I would sometimes worry about my parents thinking I'm some kind of burden on them even though they've never treated me badly for being autistic. Idk if anyone else here can relate to this, but yeah. ;-;
I always feel the need to compare myself to neurotypical people. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm not nearly as smart as much as any other adults around my age group who don't have autism. Ever since I found out about my autism, I lowkey felt like I was broken for being autistic.
Even though my autism is considered to be "high functioning," I feel as if I'm stupid or slow because I didn't achieve certain milestones at the ages I was "supposed" to (ex: getting my first job at age 20). Because of my autism, I would sometimes worry about my parents thinking I'm some kind of burden on them even though they've never treated me badly for being autistic. Idk if anyone else here can relate to this, but yeah. ;-;
I meant to reply to this earlier, so I'll do so now before going to sleep.
I have autism as well and can relate. I've grown up my entire life thinking things would never change, not realizing life is always changing. I ended up graduating from university a year late and didn't land a good career job for another two to three years after that. I was basically just working retail and restaurant jobs until then. I'm also nearly 28 now and still don't have my own apartment or house, although I'm getting very close to accomplishing that.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with achieving milestones late or being in your 20's, 30's, etc. and not having everything figured out yet. Everyone takes life at their own pace and real progress takes time, and isn't linear at all because what might work for one person won't end up working for another person.
The best advice I can give, and advice I should probably take myself, is to not be too hard on yourself. I've been way too hard on myself with a lot of things in life and while I feel it benefitted me in some ways, it also put more stress on me than needed. As long as you're still working towards your goals, no one is ever a burden in life. That is what I truly believe.
Many people in my life have asked me over the years, āWhy is it so hard for you to get a job?ā or āWhy didnāt you start working sooner?ā
Hereās the truth. After I graduated in 2013 with an IEP diploma, the system didnāt guide me into adulthood; it abandoned me. I was pushed into ājob trainingā and āsocial skillsā programs that promised help but did the opposite. I was treated like a problem to be managed, not a person with potential. Instead of building me up, those experiences tore down my confidence and left me more confused and hurt than when I started.
Imagine being told youāre ānot fit to work,ā or being put through programs that made no sense, and then calling it a āgraduation.ā Thatās what I went through. Itās not laziness. Itās not a lack of effort. Itās being failed by the very places that were supposed to prepare me for the world.
So when you wonder why Iāve struggled, this is why. Because instead of receiving support, I was dismissed, misjudged, and left behind.
I donāt share this for pity. I share it because people need to understand that not everyone gets a fair path forward, and sometimes, the biggest obstacle isnāt the person, but the system that failed them.
Many people in my life have asked me over the years, āWhy is it so hard for you to get a job?ā or āWhy didnāt you start working sooner?ā
Hereās the truth. After I graduated in 2013 with an IEP diploma, the system didnāt guide me into adulthood; it abandoned me. I was pushed into ājob trainingā and āsocial skillsā programs that promised help but did the opposite. I was treated like a problem to be managed, not a person with potential. Instead of building me up, those experiences tore down my confidence and left me more confused and hurt than when I started.
Imagine being told youāre ānot fit to work,ā or being put through programs that made no sense, and then calling it a āgraduation.ā Thatās what I went through. Itās not laziness. Itās not a lack of effort. Itās being failed by the very places that were supposed to prepare me for the world.
So when you wonder why Iāve struggled, this is why. Because instead of receiving support, I was dismissed, misjudged, and left behind.
I donāt share this for pity. I share it because people need to understand that not everyone gets a fair path forward, and sometimes, the biggest obstacle isnāt the person, but the system that failed them.
I can relate and itās frustrating I feel like Iām not good enough for any job because of the qualifications. Also companies are less likely to hire neurodivergent people because they discriminate against themā¦
I wanted to revive this thread to talk about a few things.
I don't know if I have mentioned this in this thread (or even forum in general) yet, but I do have Neurofibromatosis Type 1 (NF1). From what my parents have told me, I believe I was diagnosed when I was one year old. I say this because I have looked into my condition and there is apparently a strong link between my condition (NF1), and both ASD and ADHD. I have said on here for years now that I strongly relate to both ASD and ADHD. And knowing that NF1 is a considerable risk factor, it further supports my theory of having one of them, or even both disorders.
Something I have been considering lately is RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). I have looked into it before, and it explains a lot about why I am sensitive to criticism, impatience, getting ignored, getting disregarded, etc. Like, the seemingly most minor things will send me to a deep state of unpleasant overthinking, even if the incident happened years ago. I wish I was joking. ;-;
RSD is commonly associated with ADHD, so knowing that I relate to RSD supports my theory even further.
When I looked into ADHD when I was a child, I thought there was no way I had it, because of how it was portrayed. It was exaggerated. So, I couldn't help but think, "Yeah, that is not me." -- I know now that symptoms and severities vary from person to person.
I started to finally realize my ADHD traits in 2022. It was late of me. Looking back at my school age years, I was already displaying ADHD symptoms that I didn't realize were (possible) ADHD until, again, 2022.
- I would often rush through homework projects because I couldn't stand having them hang over my head.
- There were times I wouldn't even bother doing them, due to my executive dysfunction (which in itself is another supporting factor) telling me, "No."
- I would leave jackets at school (my mom would get mad, yet she would still force me to take wear one).
- I would leave folders/binders and lunch boxes behind in other classrooms. I would constantly lost my pencils.
- I would struggle to stay organized.
- I would even struggle to keep up with homework and other papers I needed to turn in.
I know I am late to replaying but......
YES! YES I AM! I remember I had to let my mom have my phone for extended periods of time because she didn't have one (this was back when she still lived with me, my dad, and my brother). I always wondered why she couldn't borrow my neurotypical brother's phone instead. She almost lost it one time. ._.
Similarly, it really upsets me when someone eats off my plate, out of my bag, etc., especially if they do not even freaking ask beforehand. My brother did this to me back in December during our trip to Houston, and my mom would purposefully try to take my stuff during that time too, because she thought it was funny to take advantage of my vulnerability.
I wanted to revive this thread to talk about a few things.
I don't know if I have mentioned this in this thread (or even forum in general) yet, but I do have Neurofibromatosis Type 1 (NF1). From what my parents have told me, I believe I was diagnosed when I was one year old. I say this because I have looked into my condition and there is apparently a strong link between my condition (NF1), and both ASD and ADHD. I have said on here for years now that I strongly relate to both ASD and ADHD. And knowing that NF1 is a considerable risk factor, it further supports my theory of having one of them, or even both disorders.
Something I have been considering lately is RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). I have looked into it before, and it explains a lot about why I am sensitive to criticism, impatience, getting ignored, getting disregarded, etc. Like, the seemingly most minor things will send me to a deep state of unpleasant overthinking, even if the incident happened years ago. I wish I was joking. ;-;
RSD is commonly associated with ADHD, so knowing that I relate to RSD supports my theory even further.
When I looked into ADHD when I was a child, I thought there was no way I had it, because of how it was portrayed. It was exaggerated. So, I couldn't help but think, "Yeah, that is not me." -- I know now that symptoms and severities vary from person to person.
I started to finally realize my ADHD traits in 2022. It was late of me. Looking back at my school age years, I was already displaying ADHD symptoms that I didn't realize were (possible) ADHD until, again, 2022.
- I would often rush through homework projects because I couldn't stand having them hang over my head.
- There were times I wouldn't even bother doing them, due to my executive dysfunction (which in itself is another supporting factor) telling me, "No."
- I would leave jackets at school (my mom would get mad, yet she would still force me to take wear one).
- I would leave folders/binders and lunch boxes behind in other classrooms. I would constantly lost my pencils.
- I would struggle to stay organized.
- I would even struggle to keep up with homework and other papers I needed to turn in.
I hear you, and honestly, a lot of what you wrote hits close to home for me.
I do not have NF1, so I cannot speak to that from experience, but I really respect how much effort you are putting into connecting the dots and trying to understand yourself rather than just guessing. Also, you are right that ADHD gets portrayed in a really exaggerated way, so it makes sense you looked at that version as a kid and thought, "That is not me." A lot of people do.
The RSD part especially makes sense to me. The way you described criticism, impatience, being ignored or dismissed, and how they can turn into intense overthinking even years later is painfully relatable. For me, it is not even always about the "size" of what happened. It is the feeling that I was not understood, or that I said something wrong, or that people decided who I am without actually knowing me. That kind of thing sticks.
And what you listed from school, rushing work to get it off your mind, not doing it at all because your brain just locks up, losing things, struggling to stay organized, that is real. People treat it as laziness or a lack of care, but it isn't. It is like your brain will not cooperate even when you want it to, and then you get judged for it.
I also want to say this carefully, because I do not want to talk over you: self-understanding is valid, but you also deserve support that is more solid than carrying the whole "maybe I am this, maybe I am that" alone. If you ever decide to pursue an evaluation, I hope you get someone who actually listens and does not stereotype you.
Either way, thank you for sharing all of that. I know it is not easy to put into words, especially when you already feel like people might dismiss it. But what you wrote makes sense.
I know I am late to replaying but......
YES! YES I AM! I remember I had to let my mom have my phone for extended periods of time because she didn't have one (this was back when she still lived with me, my dad, and my brother). I always wondered why she couldn't borrow my neurotypical brother's phone instead. She almost lost it one time. ._.
Similarly, it really upsets me when someone eats off my plate, out of my bag, etc., especially if they do not even freaking ask beforehand. My brother did this to me back in December during our trip to Houston, and my mom would purposefully try to take my stuff during that time too, because she thought it was funny to take advantage of my vulnerability.
For me, it is not just "I do not like sharing." It's like my stuff is one of the few things I can control, so when someone grabs it or uses it without asking, my brain instantly panics, and I start overthinking everything. Even if the person thinks it is no big deal, it feels like I am being disrespected, as if I don't matter.
The food thing is a huge one, too. If someone eats off my plate or reaches into my bag, especially without asking first, it makes my skin crawl. It is not about being "dramatic," it is about boundaries. I already second-guess myself all the time, so when someone ignores something that basic, it sticks with me, and I cannot just shrug it off.
And when people do it on purpose because they know it gets a reaction, that is what really messes me up. That is not joking to me. That is someone taking something I struggle with and using it against me for their own amusement. It makes me shut down and trust them less, because now I am not just guarding my stuff, I am guarding myself.
