☆Need feedback on my manga (⌒▽⌒)☆

[Mewmewmewm]

Oh my gosh I'm not dead (^o^)

But the new page is up now XD wow it's been a while. It's just this was the last week of the semester and I was running around like crazy （≧∇≦）

Also I've been trying to take all the feedback I've received so far and put it into my work! So thank you very much to everyone who posted so far! I actually have everything I want to do written out and based on feedback Ill change and try to improve on my ideals

As always Thank you very much（＾∇＾）

 

[Mewmewmewm]

Bump for al dat feedbackz

 

[Mewmewmewm]

Another day another page (⌒▽⌒)

I can now go to bed peacefully (( _ _ ))..zzzZZ

 

[dreamysnowx]

Very cute i'd say! Keep it up <3

Also, I love your bubbly & positive personality ~

 

[staticistic1114]

The big hair is kinda cute haha (I got confused for a minute since it says "manga" but reads left to right though, heh n.n'...)

But on the topic of the thing itself, I'm not going to comment on the art level, because 1. You will get better, and you know you'll get better, and the fact that you can draw the same character in multiple frames and have it look the same, I appreciate that skill because I can't do that with my art.

As for the story: Yeah, its cliche, but most stuff is now. And while amnesia is another common tool, adding them together could make some better plot points. Its now up to you to write a good plot, to over come the "been there saw dead people" factor. I'm waiting to see how she handles the dead people and what they want.

And as for my earlier comment: Its not that its bad that its a comic, its just that I'm pretty sure it is one. Looking at language (and therefore structure), paneling, the fact that its colored and how the shading works, and that I can assume since its not structured as manga you yourself are not from japan, its a cute comic. Not a bad thing though!

Basically, I don't really enjoy seeing dead people plots usually, but I do like to see what people do with them. It's up to you to make this unique, and its possible. So many plots are cliche, and in the real world they get popular anyway. That's why so many people use them, and why they become cliche.

As someone who writes, and is terrified of leaving my characters as predictable, I suggest you work to build your characters in parts outside of the plot, and really spend some time putting your own spin on the situation. Add things. Develop everyone's goal. And make sure that while your characters purpose is to further this plot, that they have enough substance to exist without it. Manga, and comics, aren't only about the art.

(and I do appreciate the color, just to be clear)

if one day I become a manga artist, can you please become my editor?

 

[1980 Something Spaceguy]

Look's like it's going to end up as a gr8 story, but you gotta practice on the hair.

 

[Mewmewmewm]

if one day I become a manga artist, can you please become my editor?

Joonbug is amazing (⌒▽⌒) nuff said （≧∇≦）

Very cute i'd say! Keep it up <3

Also, I love your bubbly & positive personality ~

Thank you so much (⌒▽⌒)
Usually people get more annoyed at my personality though. The kids at my school are usually tired and grumpy and when I try to be positive they usually look like they want to strangle me...


ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Look's like it's going to end up as a gr8 story, but you gotta practice on the hair.

*currently going into EXTREME HAIR FIXING MODE**
Also I'm trying my best with the story but there's so much I want to do, but I don't want to rush it too fast and make sure I develop the characters we'll enough and...
BLARGG writing（≧∇≦)

 

[Mewmewmewm]

What is this....
Is it..

AN UPDATE!???!( ?Д`)y━･~~

As always still looking for feedback~! XD

 

[MintTea]

Hi~
Honestly I really like the big hair (I, too, have a big hair obsession, it's so freakin cute ;A; ) and the story seems interesting even if (as the others said) it's a bit clich? (but it's not too much don't worry).

But, I think that instead of drawing the characters at the forefront (and we can only see the characters so it looks like there is no background (even if I say that, I do exactly the same when I'm drawing xD)), you should make them a bit more in the back so we can see what else is around them. (sorry, I don't know if what I've written is understandable? x))

 

[olivizza]

Good luck!
Your artwork will improve with practise I'm sure! It's only really important to make the character designs and the actions clear anyway, people will often overlook art for a good story in manga! But if you're really determined just keep practising and drawing action poses from reference, etc~ And make sure to write up your story before you start drawing to make sure it all works out well and you don't have to end up redrawing pages and pages because of a little detail~

 

[Murray]

omfg the massive hair is amazing and it makes your style recognisable and unique anyone who tells you that the hair is wrong send them to me and i will deal with them for you ok

 

[Candi]

I saw this on deviantart! Does DemonicMinerX ring a bell?

 

[Mahoushoujo]

I think this is pretty cute! Is this your first one? I've tried ( emphasis on tried) drawing 2 mangas when i was like 8... was not good haha. Anyway, i think it is an okay story, would love to see more, oh, and the hair is nice in some scenes.. but when she was running, her hair looked really huge... not that it's bad, but it just kinda looks weird. ( to me )
Thanks for doing this, the feedback thing and how you are learning what to do and not to on your manga, it's good.

 

[Arcueil]

Wow, I really really like it! The story telling is great, and your pacing for dialogue is great too. All I could really tell you is to improve on your art style! But, I'm sure that'll get better with practice. Really, this was a very nice read! I look forward to reading more. o uo

 

[Mewmewmewm]

OHMYGOD IM NOT DEAD
*strokes manga* im so sorry i left you! I just school work and GAHHHH SO MANY STUFFS
Its been a long time since i updated this, and my style has changed a lot since then, and i really do think i've improved! I recently started working on it again though and am almost done with the next page ( ^ω^ ) it'll probably be up later today.
I never stopped thinking about the manga though, but there were definitely things that i wanted to plan out, and i've been working on character designs and the such (mostly by doodles in class, sorry Mrs. G, but i sadly don't know the difference between Whose and who's, i apologize ヽ(；▽；)ノ). So yeah, thats a thing.

But i can't believe all the support ive gotten! Looking back at these pages i'm like
"YOU IDIOT, WHY DIDNT YOU BLEND THAT, THATS NOT SHADING, THAT EYES CROOKED, JESUS THAT PINK HURTS MY EYES!"
So thank you for all being so patient with me! Hopefully in the future you guys can hopefully see my improvement.

Thank you everyone, and keep up that feedback! This is my first time i've ever done anything like this, so i want to learn from my mistakes, not keep them. Feel free to be honest!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! ヽ(；▽；)ノ i never thought anyone would be so willing to take time out of their day to help a crappy artist like me. It means so much to me, and thank you all again for sticking with me!

 

[Mewmewmewm]

*mewmewmewm used procrastination!*
*its not very effective. . .*
*mewmewmewm used OH MY GOD GET IT DONE ALREADY YOU STUPID NOOB.*
*it's super effective!*
*wild update appeared!*
*mewmewmewm fled!*

 

[Mewmewmewm]

So i heard you liek updates. . .

 

[Ami-chan]

oh my god! I just saw you updated~
I've been lurking this thread for awhile, and I can see you've really really improved a lot in your newest update!
continue the good work n v n


Oh and, did her shirt change color? u v u

 

[Mewmewmewm]

oh my god! I just saw you updated~
I've been lurking this thread for awhile, and I can see you've really really improved a lot in your newest update!
continue the good work n v n


Oh and, did her shirt change color? u v u

*dramatic turn*
What?
Shirt?
Change color?
Psh.
Never ψ(｀∇?)ψ
YOU SAW NOTHING.
NNNN thank youuu ( ；?Д｀) I feel inferior to all the artists commenting here, i feel like I should bow XD
*salutes* i shall try my best!

 

[jolokia]

Backgrounds. You need 'em.

At the moment your characters tend to exist in a variably colored void. Take this page: http://mewmewmewm1.deviantart.com/art/Normal-1-2-440925154 I can deduce from context that she's in a bed, but I don't actually see it. We've got a rectangle behind her head, and a horizontal line separating a block of fuchsia from a block of light pink, then a clock in front of another horizontal line. What does this room actually look like? Where's the bedroom? Where's the bed? You could show so much about the character just by showing some of the room, a few of her belongings, her taste in decoration, etc.

This page http://mewmewmewm1.deviantart.com/art/Normal-1-9-447183805 has an establishing shot and to be honest it's the point at which I perked up and started feeling interested, because now finally I have some idea of what the world looks like!

Now I know you're doing the shojo manga thing here, and I have to admit I'm unfamiliar with the genre - I do know it tends to be heavy on the impressionistic sparkles-and-cherry-blossoms panel fills, so that may be the reason you're doing what you're doing! However, I promise you, your work will still benefit massively from having a sense of place.


I just googled "shoujo manga" and got someone's tumblr, so these should be relevant, I hope.

http://37.media.tumblr.com/2f13928ff06628a69b2f2a084abd1a4d/tumblr_n5xvs3qxGx1rybiymo1_500.jpg Some characters goofing off. Note that you can see something of the room behind them--it's not much, just some straight lines for frames and furniture, but it puts them in a setting.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/d68902f365b13a2e5c9fd189cf89ea9a/tumblr_n5j8rmcqik1rybiymo1_500.jpg Characters walking by a railing, with a view over a river to some distant buildings. Would this image be as strong if the river wasn't there?

http://37.media.tumblr.com/4b8f38cc48193c38cfa1d3c0cf337955/tumblr_n5a3jrbQBY1rybiymo1_500.jpg Shows you don't need a lot of detail to have a background that works. This is literally black bars and scribbles (which might in fact be screentones so not even drawn scribbles).


As a general sort of thing you'd want an establishing shot every time you visit a new location, at the very least. This would let your readers know where your characters are and get a sense of them as beings moving and living in a space, rather than faces that just happen to exist.

If you're reluctant to draw backgrounds because you're worried they'll be crappy or think it'll be too much hard work - don't worry. Your readers will not judge you on wonky backgrounds. (I should know, I have a webcomic and I've drawn plenty of wonky backgrounds) And it doesn't have to be a huge work of art. Any attempt at a background is better than no background! All you have to do is show us enough that we know where your characters are - once you've done that, you can go in for the kill with awesome face-shots and let the cherry blossoms fly