Unlikely love ~CLOSED~

[Toffee531]

This thread is where me and my friend Snowsnap are gonna post a story, it's gonna be a Romance story and I'll be posting from the pov of Alex The mayors newphew who lost the rest of his family to a fire and snowsnap will be posting Abigal's pov abigal is a girl who's looking for an adrenture in a new town. We will plan to post 1 chapter a week but that might change later.

 

[Toffee531]

Chapter 1

Key: In {<--This-->} means thoughts

I wake up to a loud bell. "We will be arriving at Gyro shortly, please get all baggage," I hear the announcer say.
"Uh" I groan. I sit up and a blue and white cat with red eyes that seemed to stare right into my soul looks at me. He was wearing a red checked shirt, {This guy love red I guess.} He walks up to me and asks in a peppy voice, "Mind if I sit here?"
"Sure," I say.
"Thanks," he replies as peppy as before. "I'm Rover, what's your name?"
"I'm Alex. I'm moving here because my uncle is the Mayor," I state, trying to sound enthusiastic. I fail.
"Your uncle is Mayor Clyde?" he exclaims. At least he didn't pick up the boredom in my voice.
"Yep," I reply, this time succeeding in sounding enthusiastic.
"So, can I ask you some questions?" he asks, obviously fascinated.
"Sure, ask away," I reply.
"Okay so, What's your favourite colour? He asks,
"Emm, orange." I say. {That's are weird question to ask.} He then asks me a lot more completely pointless questions so I zone out. Now to tell you guys who I am: my name is Alex and I'm the Mayors nephew. That much you know, I guess, but time for you to know more. I'm moving here because all of my other family recently died in a huge house fire, set by yours truly. In my defence, how did I know spilling petrol on the carpet on the same day as my mum dropped my dad's birthday cake would be bad? After all, I didn't know she would drop in! I was lucky to survive. My uncle invited me to his town, Gyro, so I had somewhere to live. I am 21 and I have messy, spiky chestnut brown hair. I also have brown eyes and I wear blue glasses. My skin is quite pale and I'm not very athletic, but I wouldn't be what you consider fat either. I am wearing my plain orange t-shirt (because it's my favourite colour) and plain blue shorts with red trainers.

Anyway, back to the present, and time to check what the Rover is saying; it might be something interesting! Nope, it wasn't - just some gossip. He's just chatting away, ten to the dozen. I'm not even sure he's even stopped for breath! I wish this cat would just leave me alone...

Just then I catch an eye of a girl about the same age as me about 3 seats back. She has shoulder length brown hair, bright green eyes and pale skin, like me. I give her an expression that says "HELP ME," and she ponders before nodding. The girl comes over and asks to sit with us. I immediately say "yes," and she sits down. Rover, obviously annoyed, says he has to go somewhere else. Now that she's closer, I can see that she's wearing a black hoodie and gray joggers.
"Move over, I'm sitting here," she says boldly,
"Sorry." I say sheepishly. "Anyway, thanks for that," I tell her, as soon as Rover has now completely disappeared from sight.
"It's fine. He's a bit of a weirdo, isn't he?" she replies. "I'm Abigail." She puts out her hand, and I accept it.
"I'm Alex, I'm moving to Gyro."
"Me too," she says, and starts to play with her hair. "Since we're both moving there, we should be friends."
"Of course; after all, you did just save me! My name is Alex, I'm the Mayor's nephew, and I'm 21." I say.
"I'm Abigail. I'm moving here to be on my own, and I'm 22."
"So, do you have a house reserved?"
"Nah, I'll find somewhere," Abigail says with an air of confidence as the train starts to slow down. "Well, good luck."
Just then the announcer says, "We have arrived at Gyro."
"So, you coming?" I ask, taking out my hand to help her up.
Her cheeks tinge a light shade of pink. "Sure," she replies, and we both walk out, taking our first step into Gyro and our new lives.

 

[vexnir]

Just a friendly tip - use more descriptions, bare dialogue can be often perceived as boring. For example, describe the characters' feelings, actions, and such. It makes them stand out more - they're no longer just some talking things we cannot imagine, but instead, get fleshed out and gain more personality.

(Below is an example just to help you out and show you what I meant, I have no idea about their personalities so bear with me, also for the sake of this I just assumed that Abigal's hair is blonde)

Spoiler: an example

"So do you have a house reserved?" I asked out of curiosity, looking at the girl in front of me. She didn't seem like she was really prepared, somehow. At least, that was the feel I got when I glanced at her for the first time.

"Nah, I'll find somewhere." Abigal said, putting one of her blonde locks behind her ear and looking at the window. She then turned her eyes back on me.

"Well, good luck." I said as soon as she looked at me again.

I am not a good writer and English is not my first language, but I hope it helps. Keep going on, this may turn into something interesting!

 

[Toffee531]

Thx for the tip, This is the first story I've ever really done so yeah

 

[vexnir]

Thx for the tip, This is the first story I've ever really done so yeah

You're welcome. I like to give constructive critique because I know that critique I've received from others was helpful to me, so I am hoping I can give some tips out. I'll be sure to check back from time to time, good luck on writing and most importantly - have fun with it! Writing is really awesome and I love doing it, so remember to embrace it.

 

[Toffee531]

Ok I will, Constructive critique will help me because i'm not the best writer. anyway snowsnap Is a much beter writer than me so her pov will be better

 

[Snowsnap]

Chapter 1 Abigail's point of view

I walk up to the platform, the bag hitting off my legs with every step I take. I growl and hoist it higher so it just touches the edge of my hip. I pull my ticket out of my pocket and study it for a moment before finding the time of departure. 14:35. I glance at one of the clocks. Should be here any minute. The air suddenly thickens with the smell of burning coal and the peaceful silence of the train station is broken by a distance rumbling. I look over to the far end of the track and see a lime green train making its way over. As it pulls up in front of me, I press the door button and jump on.

The train seems empty except for a few animals I can see scattered around. One of the animals, a blue and white cat suddenly jumps up and begins to walk into the next carriage along. Intrigued, I decide to follow him. He wanders down the row in the next carriage and into the one after it. He keeps walking through carriage after carriage not stopping or acknowledging anyone. It's hard keeping up, my bag is weighing me to the floor and he keeps looking back. He knows I'm following, but he lets me. Strange.
“We will be arriving at Gyro shortly, please get all baggage.” The mumbling voice of the announcer seems to alert the cat. He stops, mid-carriage and looks back again, his crimson red orbs scanning the carriage. I duck down and sit the in the seat next to me. The cat turns to a boy sitting in the seat beside him. He then takes the seat across from him and begins to talk at him excessively. I take a moment to look out the window, nothing but plains of grass everywhere. Boring. I look forward again, the cat is still talking. The boy flicks me a glance, I tilt my head to the side before I work out what he wants. Help me. I quickly eye him up before accepting his request. I lift up my bag up again and wander over to them. “Can I sit here?” I ask the boy, the cat hisses slightly but regains his composure.
“Sure,” he says. The cat hisses at him again then gets up and walks away. “Thank you.” He says as soon as the cat disappears into another carriage.
“It's fine, he's a bit of a weirdo, isn't he?” I sit down and for the first time I take a moment to properly look at the boy in front of me. His t-shirt catches my attention almost immediately, bright orange. I wonder if it glows in the dark. I stifle a laugh and look up at his face. He's smiling, just like me. “I'm Abigail.”

 

[Toffee531]

Ok, there's alot to say, first sorry we haven't kept to the schedule, We've been busy (School, holidays, writers block).

Second I've started on chap 2 and have chap 3 planed.

lastly, is anyone would like to be part of this story, PM me your character, ideas, etc And I'll check it out and see if you can help.

 

[Toffee531]

Chapter 2

Alex's pov

I walk out of the train station with Abigail and to our surprise all the villagers had come to welcome us. After a while the crowed started to separate and a yellow poodle I've never seen before, approached Abigail and I. She immediately started fiddling with some official looking papers before dropping them all onto the ground, all the while talking at like Mach 4.
"What's her deal!?" Abigail pretty much screamed in my ear catching me off guard. I tumbled down bringing her with me in the process. She ended up on top of me. Both our cheeks were bright red, as I apologised.
Of course my uncle had chosen that moment to arrive and had simply said, "get a room," embarrassing us both. After some explaining he introduced the yellow poodle as Isabelle, his sectary, he then gestured for us to follow him, so we did. we arrived to what seemed to be the town hall and went in,
"Okay, so you guys need a place to live, have you reserved anywhere?" Isabelle said, gesturing at Abigail.
"Of course I haven't!" she stated proudly, which caused Clyde to chuckle and Isabel to literally face palm. After gaining her composure Isabelle looked at a sheet of paper before saying sheepishly
"Well, we only have one available house at the moment so one of you will have to wait for when someone moves out, which could be months."
"I don't mind sharing with Abigail, as long as she's okay with it," I reply. She looks over at me before nodding and saying,
"sure, I don't mind."
"Great, well if you could follow me I'll show you the way to you new house, it has two rooms, upstairs and downstairs." She replied happily.

On the way there I started to day dream about my future here at Gyro. {I hope I'll make a lot of new friends here, and can forget about my families death,} as I thought about them a single tear rolled down my cheek. Abigail turned around and rushed over to me asking,
"hey, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, just thinking about something sad." I reply wiping the tear of my cheek
"Well don't, think of this town as a new leaf, so don't be sad." She said, surprisingly caringly.
"You're right!" I stated puffing out my chest, Isabelle took that moment to say,
"we haven't got all day, chop-chop!" When we arrived Isabel left us to explore it but before anything Abigail stopped me and said
"If we're living together there are a few ground rules, no messing the place up and no touching my stuff."
"I agree to those rules." I say before we both explore the house.

Yay, I finaly have Chap 2 out, It's been forever, hope you enjoy.

 

[Propig18]

Great job so far on making this story!

 

[Toffee531]

thx, i try my best

 

[Toffee531]

We're gonna have tons of new shops in the story, so if anyone has any ideas you can fill out here

Shop name:
Shop owner's name:
Shop owner's age:
There personality:
What knid of stuff they sell:
Additinal info:

 

[Toffee531]

I am trying to get snowsnap to do her pov on chap 2 but she is persisnent, but don't worry if she dosn't do it soon I will.

Again if you want your character to be in the next chap andother chaps the fill out the form above, thx.

 

[Toffee531]

I got Snowsnap to start her POV, YAY

 

[Toffee531]

The post above is false, instead this story is in the bin, finished

But me and snowsnap are gonna start a new story soon.