Is my friend problematic?

[kikoola]

A few incidents involving a 'best friend' of mine have been troubling me recently but I'm unsure if I am overreacting or not.

The first incident occurred when we visited a town together. I wrote 'Black lives matter' on the noticeboard and he was queuing up behind me to write something afterwards. Eventually, he got his turn and I was curious to see what he wrote and it simply read 'ALL'. Was this connected to my post somehow? It was straight afterwards...

The second incident was even more concerning. He would run around my town in an akatsuki cloak and a fox mask, randomly typing 'CHIGGER!' after shaking the fruit on my trees. When I called him out on this he said that a Chigger was 'a type of bug' and he was shaking my trees to find them. I've made a lot of B's in Science and I have never heard of such a bug.

Should I be concerned about this behavior or am I overreacting?

 

[xTech]

Honestly it sounds like your friend is just being childish and immature. Just tell him that's it not cool and that you're not comfortable with this type of behaviour, and if he has any sense he'll snap out of it. Sometimes when your younger and hanging out with your friends you end up trying to impress them and act cool/funny, so I'm sure he just got a bit too giddy trying to do just that.

 

[eggie_]

the word ch****r is not a bug. it is a slur for chinese people. in my opinion yes, your friend does seem to hold some very problematic biases. and if something makes you uncomfortable, never think youre over reacting!! its important to pay attention to those kinds of feelings.

edit: i dont want to spread misinformation and as other people have said, there are actually bugs that have the name chigger! i just wasnt aware of this and made the assumption based on context

 

[loveclove]

Sounds a bit weird
But I feel like nobody here will be able to give you a better answer then if you just ask him why he's acting like that. Do you know him irl?Communication is important so he knows how you like to play the game and what he should/should not do in your island and around you

Post automatically merged: Jul 16, 2020

the word ch****r is not a bug. it is a slur for chinese people.

I did not know that. This changes things... You should maybe rethink this "best friend"

 

[ReanimatedSorceress]

The thing is, we're all problematic.

I'd definitely recommend trying to have a conversation with your friend about where they stand and maybe give them some resources to help them understand why their behavior and/or ideologies are not acceptable. Some people won't ever change, but it's important to try to get those who are willing to change the opportunity to do so. It's the only way we'll ever see real change in our world.

 

[LilBabyDelirium]

A few incidents involving a 'best friend' of mine have been troubling me recently but I'm unsure if I am overreacting or not.

The first incident occurred when we visited a town together. I wrote 'Black lives matter' on the noticeboard and he was queuing up behind me to write something afterwards. Eventually, he got his turn and I was curious to see what he wrote and it simply read 'ALL'. Was this connected to my post somehow? It was straight afterwards...

The second incident was even more concerning. He would run around my town in an akatsuki cloak and a fox mask, randomly typing 'CHIGGER!' after shaking the fruit on my trees. When I called him out on this he said that a Chigger was 'a type of bug' and he was shaking my trees to find them. I've made a lot of B's in Science and I have never heard of such a bug.

Should I be concerned about this behavior or am I overreacting?

A chigger IS a real bug (I've been chewed up by them before when I lived in Virginia) but it seems like your friend's usage of the word, paired with your first example, is meant to irk you.

Do you have the kind of friendship where they often try to get a rise out of you like that or is this new?

My recommendation is to bring the instances up to them directly, tell them how you felt about it, and ask them politely yet firmly not to behave that way again. Remember that you can't control what others say or do, but you CAN control your reaction to it. Try to keep your cool, and let them know what you will and will not tolerate.

Best of luck to you!

 

[Serabee]

Chiggers are a bug, you can Google them. I didn't even know they were a slur, but I knew they're a bug.

BUT they're not in the game at all, so that's gonna be a long search. And the "all" thing must be related to what you posted, unless there's some hilarious and innocent meme revolving around just the word "all" that my 28 year old self doesn't know anything about.

Personally, your friend sounds rather obnoxious and immature. My answer depends on how old you both are- if you're kids, tell him that's not cool, distance yourself a bit, and hope he outgrows it. If he's an adult, same, but he's unlikely to outgrow it.

Of course, this is just based on what you're saying, and IDK if he's purely trolling you and is otherwise a good friend.

Post automatically merged: Jul 16, 2020

A chigger IS a real bug (I've been chewed up by them before when I lived in Virginia) but it seems like your friend's usage of the word, paired with your first example, is meant to irk you.

Yah, we don't have them here (that I know of) but when I hear "chigger" I automatically pair it with "bite"- they're supposed to be just nasty little guys. And I agree, it sounds like he's doing something he can claim is innocent, but is obviously meant to annoy you.

 

[LilBabyDelirium]

Chiggers are also known as "berry bugs".

Trombiculidae - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

 

[SmrtLilCookie]

I don’t know how helpful this is, but if you’re curious there is actually a type of bug called a “chigger”; it’s a biting mite. But that’s not really the point. The point is that it can also be interpreted as a slur. And I’m not sure whether your friend knows this, and if they do whether the bug thing was just an excuse for poor behaviour.

I would say your best move would be to ask for an honest conversation. It could all be an honest misunderstanding, they may be deliberately trying to make you angry, or they could just be trying to be “edgy”... or something completely different. And the only way you’ll ever have a chance of knowing, and working out the best course of action, is by acting and listening.

 

[Proud African American!]

The word chigger is a play on words for “chink” (young Chinese men) and n*gger.... your friend is either deceiving you or you yourself are a racist and he’s simply calling you out on it


I’m not sure which yet

 

[seliph]

yeah you should get a new friend

 

[Hobowire]

if you feel hostility and uncomfortable why keep him as a friend?

 

[kikoola]

The word chigger is a play on words for “chink” (young Chinese men) and n*gger.... your friend is either deceiving you or you yourself are a racist and he’s simply calling you out on it


I’m not sure which yet

i am part Cherokee........

 

[Chris]

I'm going to close this discussion before it has the chance to turn ugly.

I feel the posts above have answered your question, but I'll add my own two cents in. Yes, you're right to be upset about how he's behaving. If it bothers you enough then you should talk to him about it. Based on what you've told us about him, he's unlikely to be particularly responsive to someone criticising his behaviour - but at least he'll know his friends don't appreciate it. If he's not willing to cut out the offensive jokes then it could be that you've reached a point where you've "outgrown" this friendship and need to find new people to spend time with.