Etiquette, Manners - Did I misstep?

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DonnaSue

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I'm a relatively new player, I got a switch for Christmas and ACNH as well. I've never played any AC prior to this (though I DO play a VR game on the FB platform).

My daughter told me I was rude and ill-mannered by AC standards when I visited her the other day and I want to see what everyone else thinks.

When I visit, I am careful NOT to touch anything without permission (she's gifted me roses and apples which are her island's fruit/flowers). She welcomed me to Nooks Cranny and Able's where she told me to feel free to purchase anything, touch anything. I was excited since she has a little more than I do even if she doesn't play often. The "bad manners" came into play when one of her islanders was near us. She's told me she has no interest in interacting with her islanders and doesn't like a one of them. I didn't realize that meant she didn't want ME to interact. The one thing i do is interact with mine multiple times a day when i AM playing and I quickly learned I got gifts and DIYs from them by doing so. Well, her islander was near so i just approached them and interacted. I was surprised (happily) when the islander gifted me a diy and offered to leave it for my daughter. She kicked me from her island and told me in real that it was rude to interact wth her islanders without permission.

Is this true? or is it just her? I've visited a friend and a new friend this week and am afraid of doing this again if it really is in the AC Etiquette Book that sadly did not come with my game.
 
I don't think so personally. Personally I think it was poor communication or establishing expectations on your daughter's part.
It's obvious you had good intentions and followed all the criteria that would majorly impact something (not taking items laying out etc).

In past games, by talking to a villager the villager would then mention you in the future having visited. If you didn't talk to them it didn't happen. So some people had the mentality of don't talk to my villagers period.
In New Horizons however, that's not how it works. You can never talk to the villagers and they will still mention xyz visiting. So your daughter is overreacting a bit imo.

Personally I never minded people talking to my villagers. I don't generally go talk to villagers on islands I'm not close to - more so bc it's usualy a quick trade or drop off. However, it's weird to me that this player is someone you're close to aka your daughter and she's upset at you talking to them lol. My friends and I wouldn't mind it.

I think if you're worried, the best thing to do is ask what might be okay and examine the context? Are you doing a quick trade? I'd just stick to the trade. Are you going over to play for a stretch of time then I'd ask what they all prefer you to and not to do. It avoids misunderstandings.
 
It's not very common to see a restriction about not interacting with the islanders, so it must be something specific for your daughter and a smallish group of people.

The usual "etiquette" is mostly the same: not picking things the host didn't give permission for, accessing the shops only after asking the host (and telling them if it's ok to buy a large item) and not exploring on your own.

If you want to be extra safe, you can always ask the host if it's ok to do something! In my experience, people on the community are very nice and accept/refuse kindly, so I've got nothing to worry when I visit other islands :)
 
In previous games, like New Leaf, this was the usual etiquette, but with how this new game will have villagers mentioning visitors despite never talking to them, it no longer matters if you talk to the villagers or not. A lot of players don't know this or are very cautious, so they still don't want people to talk to their animals. It's best to ask the host first in those cases.
 
It's just her. It's not really rude to interact with another player's villagers, and it has no side effect. But going forward, it's her island, her rules. So I guess don't interact with them next time if that's what she wants.

GnarlyGarden said:
When people open their islands on this forum, you sometimes see that they don’t want you to talk to their villagers. I suspect they just don’t want their villagers talking about random people who come to visit.

I think your daughter is overreacting.
Click to expand...

My villagers will talk about players who just dropped something at the airport and left. So like or or not, you can't avoid this.
 
In older AC games I definately didn't want visitors talking to my villagers, as they talk about that person until the end of time, and it may not be a person you want to hear about.

In NH they still talk about your visitors, but they don't do it forever, plus I have little to no interest in my villagers, as NH isn't (for me) a game I care about at this point, the way I cared about Wild World and New Leaf.
 
I don’t think it’s rude as you are mother and daughter. And by that I mean I don’t mind my friends talking to my villagers. Cause really what else is there to do besides shop and talk to villagers? But then my friends and I trust each other, we leave each other to explore and the purpose of the visit is usually for shopping. That said, we do ask before buying a big ticket item.
We don’t shake each other’s trees but we have no issue with each other talking to the villagers.

I don’t play online with strangers. I can understand not wanting a stranger to seek out a villager to talk to them as if it were me, I would want them in and out as quick as possible. But in NH villagers mention visitors or the other players even if they haven’t met them. I had a friend over New Year’s Eve and Bob is still going on about my friend’s title. My Husband started NH, placed a tent, talked to no one and and for weeks he was all my villagers would discuss and he hadn’t said a word to them.
 
GnarlyGarden said:
When people open their islands on this forum, you sometimes see that they don’t want you to talk to their villagers. I suspect they just don’t want their villagers talking about random people who come to visit.

I think your daughter is overreacting.
Click to expand...

Only in NL, does talking to them effect them.

I trade in NH and they never have the chance to speak to my villagers, but my villagers still talk about them.
 
you're going to come across these types of people in every game, regardless if it's "proper" or not.

when it comes to NH, before visiting an island, you usually have somewhere you can see that specific person's set base 'rules' for coming to their island. for example, you're traveling by DODO code for a giveaway, or to make a trade; usually if they have rules against something like that, they'll say so.

i think most players are honestly more concerned with people properly leaving their island, etc., rather than having their villagers talked to.

maybe, and i'm literally just grasping at straws here (i mean, obviously, i don't know you or your daughter), but maybe she was just a little upset because her villager seemed to be more interested in giving you something, and she hasn't experienced that kind of interaction yet because she doesn't like them? we've all been kids, we all know what it's like when someone in the family does something that's "better" than us in something we've been doing for a while. it's a normal, natural reaction 😅
 
This used to be a thing in New Leaf because villagers would only mention people who visited after they left if the person talked to them. And they would periodically mention them from that point on, forever, which some players didn’t like.

In New Horizons the villagers will mention visitors to the island even if they don’t talk to them, however unlike New Leaf they stop mentioning it after a day or two so it doesn’t matter. Nothing bad can come as a result of speaking to other people’s villagers on their island so getting kicked over it is a definite overreaction, lol
 
tajikey said:
You're the parent, she's the child. Tell her to chill, or you'll take her Switch away :)
Click to expand...

Maybe not. LOL.

1609963510715.png
 
Thanks everyone - at least I know she's probably the only one who will be upset by this. And for the record, baby gurl is 23 lol so you'd think she'd be over kid tantrums by now. I told her if she's going to get upset over this, than I will find other people to visit with instead. As of today, she's on quarantine so I guess it's a matter of how bored she gets upstairs by herself.

*I can't take away a Switch I didn't buy ;) Actually SHE bought mine for Christmas.
 
The problem is that when you talk to villagers from someone's island they will remember you and so when they talk to their villagers the next day they will forever mention how you visit them. It can be annoying because the villager won't stop talking about them so I can upset why your daughter was being very rude but still she should not be so overreactive like that.
 
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