Depression & Regrets

[Lily.]

Depression & Regrets

So I think there was a depression thread before this, but it kinda died down, so I'm going to bring it back for anyone's who's been struggling. I know I also have a thread for people's problems, but this is more about depression and anxiety or anything you want to talk about. TBT is always here for ya.


Here's my story (it might be really long, you don't have to read it):

Soooo my life kinda is a mess. When I was three I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis (or CF). It's basically a disorder that messes with the lungs and digestive track and can cause infections. At first everything was great, I was young and oblivious to a lot of stuff that was going on. When I was around 4 my dad left because he couldn't deal with having two kids with CF. (my sister had it) Yep, he was an ******* good thing I don't remember him. 6 months later my mom found this amazing man named Mike and everything was good again. The hospital visits didn't bother me and I was overal a happy person. That's when my sister passed away on August 20th, 2011. I was 10 years old and about to go into my first year of middle school. Even though I was only 10, it was the lowes point of my life. My sister was my best friend and was 25 when she died of CF. With my sisters death I began to think about my life. The life expectancy of a person with CF is 35 years. I rarely talk about this and it is a very sensitive subject. When school started I was being bullied for many things and that's when I started having suicidal thoughts. That's when I did the worst possible thing a person with CF could do. Smoke. I got them from a 8th grader. I can't even think about smoking without crying, it ruined my life. I wanted to make my life shorter, I wanted to see my sister again. I did it for three months until I got a lung infection and my parents found out. I went in to a coma for 1 week and almost didn't make it. Why did I ****ing do it? Now I have twice as many hospital visits, I probably shortened my life, and I almost don't qualify for a lung transplant. It was summer. I had to get my life back on track. I started reading and becoming a social person. I told myself to try everything and to make new friends. I was the Vice President and the leader of I band. I had this teacher, Ms. T, she was my social studies teacher. She taught in a different way, she acted like the classroom was a stage and was an amazing teacher. It was around October when I decided to go back in to my sisters room, that's where I found The Catcher in the Rye. I was stupid. I knew it was a classic so I thought why not read it? Not even considering the fact that it was meant for high schoolers. What happen is Ms. T saw me reading it, she said it was her favorite book, blah blah blah, and even now we still talk. She was a huge part of my life, and inspired me so much. 8th grade was great, and now we are here. I'm starting to get depressed again. I ruined my life, I'm stuck in the hospital and can't go to school anymore. My optimism is slowly starting to fade away and I can't stop thinking about my sister and smoking. I have been talking to a psychologist, but it hasn't been helping. I am no longer afraid of dying, I just want to be able to say I've lived a happy life with friends and family, and I want to be a teacher. But I can't when I'm stuck in the hospital. I've been praying every night that I get better so I can live my life. I'm 14 now turning 15 in December, December 24th.

I'm sorry that was so long and boring, but I'd thought I'd share with the community my story (and please don't feel sorry for me that's not why I posted, I posted to discuss and talk to you guys). Have you ever been depressed? Did you over come it? How? Anxiety? PTSD? Anything. Write me a biography like I did.

The TBT community is accepting and always here to help.

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Holy crap this post is long XD

 

[Albuns]

I'm not actually sure whether or not I suffer from depression, but I'd like to imagine that everyone does at some point in their life through a individualistic way.

Back in 6th grade(when I was about 11), I had lost a few good friends I made as well as a little gift that I was passionate about. This lead me to experience guilt and regret for the first time in my life to a point where I started being cynical and pessimistic towards everyone and everything, to the point where I'd curse myself for being idiotic enough to put myself in that position in the first place. I had thought about suicide, but then that that turned into anger, at which I released through swinging wooden planks at an old fan I found in the garage. This started turning into a habit and eventually made me feel better about myself, like I had some sort of escape(the fact that it doubled as exercise was even better). A few months later, I would start my art hobby with sketching avatars from a website called Whirled and eventually it sprouted into something bigger.

I feel I could've coped with my problem in a better way, but oh well.

 

[ZetaFunction]

o: my story won't compare to yours, but it's still painful for me ;-; (emotional painful I guess?)

i was 10 and living a happy life in Arizona~ the sun was out and it was hot omg so hot so I went inside to get a drink, and then I sat at the breakfast bar of the kitchen and played on my mom's laptop (before I owned my own) and I was playing Fate (the original fate lol I loved weird fantasy rpg games back then idk). my dad was out back using a blow torch to torch weeds, and my mom was doing whatever (laundry??? idk my memories are fuzzy because I tried to forget that day~). I seen a weird light/smog in the corner of my eye out in the back yard and low and behold there's a small fire on the outside wall. my dad was running around like a chicken with his head cut off and stepping on the fire and screaming "FIRE FIRE THERE'S A FIRE" I was like wtf so I looked closely and yup, there's a fire. house fire yay! so my dad came in and starting smashing partially wet towels on it and it was ...... not working. my mom came down the hallway asking what's going on and why are you dragging sopping wet towels throughout the house!??! he said the "f" word fire and then all bloody hell broke loose. my mom called my uncle across the street, called 911, grabbed the cat and shoved her in her carrier, ran around grabbing important papers, money, etc. my dad was still smashing the damp towels on the fire and it just aggravated it and made it bigger so it spread to the hallways bathroom and roof. by now i was being shoved and pushed and told to go tell the neighbors??? i don't remember much from here on :/ I stood there watching the whole thing from the breakfast bar though when it starts, but I just feel horribly guilty because I was in immense shock, and just watched. i didn't do anything, i wasn't helping put it out or help gather important stuff, i just stood there trying to comprehend what was going on. i felt paralyzed and as soon as my mom went nuts my memory is gone, like I blacked out. I remember seeing bits of what went on but that's it. after that, the next thing i remember is i'm at my uncle's across the street sitting outside watching a blob of smoke float in the sky from the fire. the fire truck was there and the people were talking with my parents. I felt a part of my happiness and soul break off and turn dark and wicked. my life as i knew it was changed forever. i would end up moving 5+ times after that to different places, never see my two best friends there again, and missing the culture was the worst. the culture there was like spanish-english in a way? it was mostly english but spanish influences so it was fun living there. I've never been the same since then though, like a part of me died and burnt to ashes that day. idk. lesson learned: NEVER use a blow torch to burn weeds. what the hell was my dad thinking....

 

[Bowie]

I regret quite a few things.

 

[enchilada]

I regret quite a few things.

don't we all

 

[Llust]

ive been dealing with depression for roughly four years now. the first year want that bad, but it progressively got worse once i got through the third year. im at my breaking point and the sh-t i went through in the past is nothing compared to what im dealing with now. the issue for me now is loneliness. people think i actually have friends because i have a ton of skype contacts or hang out with people often. lol no, heres how it really is; those skype contacts? old internet friends from two years ago who are now inactive. the people i hang out with? they're not real friends, im just tagging along with acquaintances during gym class and group projects because i dont want to look awkward and end up being partners with the teacher when we start our sports units. im always alone - i have nobody to sit with at lunch or on the bus & i have nobody i can call an actual friend who doesnt treat me as some second option. so..i resorted to self harm. this was last year though, i stopped when my parents fought fire with fire. they threatened to do a lot of cruel things if i didnt stop and wouldnt let it go for days. i was terrified yet i could see how much they were hurting, i want to do whatever it takes to not experience that again. now im left with irritating scars to remind me of what i went through that time. im probably just over dramatic or something, but i get depressed pretty easily and even over stupid things. im tired of waiting for things to get better; i even tried forcing a better life onto myself on my own, but all i did was make things worse tbh. whenever im alone before school/during lunch or something, i always just stand by the wall waiting to be dismissed to class. there arent many places where i can actually stand alone with barely any people, so i have to stand in a place crowded with groups of people with their friends. what makes it worse is all those people in that general area are people who used to be really close to me; we'd skype every day, play minecraft or league of legends over skype and laugh all the time while trading immature jokes. now we're down to nothing. the walk past me and act like our friendship is in vain for whatever their reason is. whenever we cross paths, all of that goes through my mind every time. i feel so pathetic lol..ive been in the bathroom a majority of the time during lunch now crying in the stalls then walking out as if nothing happened, i'd even frequently ask to leave to go to the restroom during class just to cry without being seen or heard. its better than showing that im weak in front of everyone though. people just say im over reacting and that sh-t, but you dont know my whole story, so why tf are you judging? im hoping things get better soon, but im assuming the chances of that actually happening is slim

 

[Jacob]

Kinda depressed bc I know some of my friends on this site are probably mad at me. You know who you are guys. If you are mad at me please PM or contact me so I can give a proper apology and explanation.

Ily all, its all a big misunderstanding.

And if you have no idea what I am talking about then please carry on

 

[sock]

Kinda depressed bc I know some of my friends on this site are probably mad at me. You know who you are guys. If you are mad at me please PM or contact me so I can give a proper apology and explanation.

Ily all, its all a big misunderstanding.

And if you have no idea what I am talking about then please carry on

Sorry about that, Jacob. I'm not one of those friends but ilyt!

Aside from that, yes, there have been times when I've been depressed. When I turned 13, I felt like I was losing my childhood and realized how much I'd now have to face, exams, friendships, romance and later on mortgages, having a family, getting married, settling down, getting a job, paying bills, etc. My brother went through exactly the same thing 16 months later.

But anyway, I spent 10 months being depressed and feeling so alone, even though I was surrounded by loving friends and family.
This period of my life is so in the past now I can't actually remember that much about it, but I just remember feeling really alone. I suppose, what I wanted to feel was part of something, part of a community.

I was so lucky, that about 6 months later...I came across ACNL...

 

[Dinosaurz]

Just saying my opinion, I don't think it's a good idea to post this. As some people already struggle and don't need a trigger.

 

[AnonymousFish]

Just saying my opinion, I don't think it's a good idea to post this. As some people already struggle and don't need a trigger.

I think it's better for people to get it out there. For a lot of people, talking about why they're sad is hard to do with people they know, and well...on a forum this large, you most likely don't know who you're talking to.
This could be someone's outlet that they don't have in real life... But I don't really know.
I'm actually glad that this forum is so open to talking about the "bad stuff."...but that's just me.

 

[Mimi Cheems]

My story really delves into personal matters, but it relaxes me to let other people know what I've been through. Since, I enjoy typing and letting out all of my thoughts and feelings.

I was nine years old, with a broken arm. Sounds pretty fine, right? Well, that's when everything started to go down-hill. My parents were getting in a divorce. I hadn't known back then, since I was only a child. I had two brothers, Thomas, who was ten at the time, who struggles with mental disabilities, and Jason, whom was seven.
My mom was bipolar and had a hard time battling with depression. A few months after my father filed a divorce against her, she tried killing herself. Two bottles of pills; muscle relaxers and pain killers. Straight down the hatch. She was in the bathroom, running bath water, attempting to drown herself as well. The bathroom was right next to my bedroom, and I still wonder to this day; what if I had walked in? I would of been devastated.

My mother actually died on the way to the hospital, but God decided it wasn't her time to die yet, and sent her back. They revived her sorry a**, thankfully. I was so resentful, and still am over that subject today. In December of 2010, my mom stole us away from my dad. A few weeks ago, she told me that she told my dad she was taking us and leaving. Earlier today, my dad told me she was lying. During that time when she was packing everything up, I begged to call my dad, but she slapped the phone out of my hands and threatened me. She would of let me call him if he knew she was taking us, but my dad didn't know, so... yeah.

Where was my dad when she took us, exactly? He was a councilman for our city, and had to go to his council meeting, and that's when my mom decided it would be perfect to snatch us away from him. We didn't see him for days, weeks. When I finally got to see him, I bawled my eyes out, and I was mad at my mom for as long as I could remember.

Today, I deal with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), depression, and Aspergers syndrome. During the divorce, my mom was someone else, which left me to take care of my two brothers. Which is why I'm extremely overprotective of them, and I just can't let them go.
hnnn I don't feel like explaining anymore v_v

 

[Chocofruit]

Sorry, I feel to insecure having this here.

 

[Lily.]

Just saying my opinion, I don't think it's a good idea to post this. As some people already struggle and don't need a trigger.

That may be true, but it's more for people to get support and talk about things. If this makes you upset I apoligize.

 

[Dinosaurz]

I think it's better for people to get it out there. For a lot of people, talking about why they're sad is hard to do with people they know, and well...on a forum this large, you most likely don't know who you're talking to.
This could be someone's outlet that they don't have in real life... But I don't really know.
I'm actually glad that this forum is so open to talking about the "bad stuff."...but that's just me.

Hmm I'm not so sure.
I'm going through a really super bad tough time right now. And I just feel like if I talk about anything, it's just a burden to other people. And I'm being selfish just thinking about myself. :/. This forum is for animal crossing. But yeah it's a bloody kids game forum. But yeah I get whatcha mean but it seems like a place to brag about how bad your life is to me.

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That may be true, but it's more for people to get support and talk about things. If this makes you upset I apoligize.

I see it personally as a place to brag but it's fine. It just has no point to me but yeah whatevers

 

[boujee]

I see it personally as a place to brag but it's fine. It just has no point to me but yeah whatevers

LOL I don't think talking about your problems is like "bragging". "OH I HAVE PTSD!" "PFFTT I HAVE TYPE 2 BIPOLAR DISORDER AND MY BEST FOR 12 YEARS PAST AWAY FROM BRAIN CANCER".

No. Just no. There's nothing proud or self-impressive of one's depression. Maybe how they handled it for so long and is still here today would be very impressive but not "my problems are worser than yours"

 

[mdchan]

Hmm I'm not so sure.
I'm going through a really super bad tough time right now. And I just feel like if I talk about anything, it's just a burden to other people. And I'm being selfish just thinking about myself. :/. This forum is for animal crossing. But yeah it's a bloody kids game forum. But yeah I get whatcha mean but it seems like a place to brag about how bad your life is to me.

To be honest, that's rude; people are posting here because of hard times they're dealing with, and the last thing someone who's suffering needs is negativity. I learned from a recent experience that even if you disagree with something, sometimes it's best to not say anything in the thread itself (and just rant elsewhere).
I'm not trying to start anything, just pointing out that the choice in wording is very offensive (hey, I sometimes need people to tell me stuff like that, too, cause I'm bad with social interaction and often don't realize what I've said can be taken the wrong way).

Though, for what you said about not wanting to personally share stuff, I get that. I typically don't talk about a lot of stuff (particularly on forums), and the only place I really explain much of it is in my artwork since some of it relates to particular incidents or emotions.
Because I'm always dependent on my father due to my disability (even as an adult), I get the feeling of not wanting to burden others cause I already feel like a burden. That, and because I enjoy helping other people (and have/still do; I'm often in contact with people who need to vent, or who are feeling really down), so I feel kinda strange dumping when I'm supposed to be strong and be someone people can talk to if they're having issues.

For everyone going through tough times, depression, etc...you're not alone.
I struggle with lots of stuff, myself; despite a recent accomplishment in driving a particular distance (I have issues with stimuli, so driving is tough for me), there have been other things which can easily get me down.

Depression makes you feel alone...but just remember you're not. I know that's hard to remember when you're depressed, so that's why I'm say'n it.

 

[Tao]

Hmm I'm not so sure.
I'm going through a really super bad tough time right now. And I just feel like if I talk about anything, it's just a burden to other people. And I'm being selfish just thinking about myself. :/. This forum is for animal crossing. But yeah it's a bloody kids game forum. But yeah I get whatcha mean but it seems like a place to brag about how bad your life is to me.

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I see it personally as a place to brag but it's fine. It just has no point to me but yeah whatevers

I'm sure people who may have posted here just to vent and 'get it off their chest' appreciate you labeling their posts as 'bragging'.

That's the sort of attitude that makes people hesitant to talk about their problems and 'vent' somewhere in the first place, feeling like doing so is wrong.

 

[Dinosaurz]

LOL I don't think talking about your problems is like "bragging". "OH I HAVE PTSD!" "PFFTT I HAVE TYPE 2 BIPOLAR DISORDER AND MY BEST FOR 12 YEARS PAST AWAY FROM BRAIN CANCER".

No. Just no. There's nothing proud or self-impressive of one's depression. Maybe how they handled it for so long and is still here today would be very impressive but not "my problems are worser than yours"

I guess I just feel like that cause I feel like I have caused so much suffering to my parents and stuff :/. But I don't feel like posting here to bring other people down and cause other people have there problem. The only person I talk to is my best friend. Not random strangers.

 

[Albuns]

I guess I just feel like that cause I feel like I have caused so much suffering to my parents and stuff :/. But I don't feel like posting here to bring other people down and cause other people have there problem. The only person I talk to is my best friend. Not random strangers.

Wouldn't it be best to keep that opinion to yourself and not have posted to begin with then? Degrading one's issues by calling it bragging is a surefire way to bring others down.

 

[Dinosaurz]

Wouldn't it be best to keep that opinion to yourself and not have posted to begin with then? Degrading one's issues by calling it bragging is a surefire way to bring others down.

Sorry, I can't help it. I always do these type of things.