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LGBTQA - Discussion and support.

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My confusion is what can LGBT communities actually do for them other than say "yeah you exist", which we can already do without having them in our support groups and stuff? What else do cishet aces need support for?

i think it's about them wanting to be a part of something more than actually needing it. they don't don't benefit at all lol

- - - Post Merge - - -

I think asexual people and aromantic people should be included in the LGBT+ community, because I believe the community is about comforting minority sexualities, gender identities and so on. The LGBT+ community should be accepting of all the minority identities and sexualities with open arms even if they don't suffer nearly as badly as gay or trans people.

The community is about mutual understanding, respect and love so I don't think it's right to exclude asexual and aromantic people from that, even if they don't suffer like gay and trans people. I just repeated myself but I feel like it was necessary here.

ok. another point i'd like to make is minority=/=oppression. minorities who aren't oppressed do not need the lgbt community. the community was created because it was something that needed to be created. it's not about love and acceptance, it's about having a place where you're safe, which cisthet ace people already do
 
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I think asexual people and aromantic people should be included in the LGBT+ community, because I believe the community is about comforting minority sexualities, gender identities and so on. The LGBT+ community should be accepting of all the minority identities and sexualities with open arms even if they don't suffer nearly as badly as gay or trans people.

The community is about mutual understanding, respect and love so I don't think it's right to exclude asexual and aromantic people from that, even if they don't suffer like gay and trans people. I just repeated myself but I feel like it was necessary here.

They are accepted if they're also LGBT. Straight isn't a minority though and I don't see how not thinking people are hot warrants needing LGBT support groups.

i think it's about them wanting to be a part of something more than actually needing it. they don't don't benefit at all lol

Basically my thoughts on it. Especially after the #GiveItBack campaign which, I'm not sure if anyone here knows of it but back in 2015, ace people threatened to stop supporting an LGBT activist groups for acknowledging the A stands for Ally (which it does, however "ally" was code for closeted LGBT people originally) and not Asexual. They threatened to stop supporting groups that helped LGBT people who were kicked out of their homes and without jobs just because they weren't included in an acronym.

it's about having a place where you're safe

EX!!! ACT!!! LY!!!
 
Wow, I can honestly say that this is the first I've heard about Ally being code for closeted LGBT people! That definitely makes A standing for Ally make a lot more sense as opposed to cishets wanting to shove themselves in the limelight!
 
Wow, I can honestly say that this is the first I've heard about Ally being code for closeted LGBT people! That definitely makes A standing for Ally make a lot more sense as opposed to cishets wanting to shove themselves in the limelight!

Yeah unfortunately cishet people started thinking "wow that means me right :^)" and now people don't really use the A at all
 
My confusion is what can LGBT communities actually do for them other than say "yeah you exist", which we can already do without having them in our support groups and stuff? What else do cishet aces need support for?
They probably want to meet more people like themselves. Even though the its built around support I don't think that's all it has to offer.



I think LBGT needs to aim to become more casual and not a big deal. I hate it when ppl feel sorry for you or try to act like you're super interesting or controversial or some ****. Like no, I'm gay. That's literally it. Also gay/trans stereotypes need to die I feel like no one ever brings attention to that.
 
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Everyone needs a space to vent and I think a lot of people don't have a lot of friends to turn to or maybe don't have any friends that would understand what they're going through with their genders or their sexualities, so with that in mind I think everybody should be given an opportunity to contribute.
 
Everyone needs a space to vent and I think a lot of people don't have a lot of friends to turn to or maybe don't have any friends that would understand what they're going through with their genders or their sexualities, so with that in mind I think everybody should be given an opportunity to contribute.

Okay, I think everyone can agree with that however: what does being included in LGBT spaces or the LGBT acronym have to do with this? There are probably ace spaces online that these people can vent to. Even making a separate thread here would bring you support from both cishet people and LGBT people.

That's my main question for cishet ace people, and even aroace people. Say you're included in LGBT spaces already: What is the LGBT community supposed to do for you now exactly? We will already tell you that you're real, that you're valid, etc. You don't need to be in the acronym or have a physical group centre for that. So going further: you won't need LGBT spaces to house you after being kicked out for your sexuality. You won't need LGBT spaces to help you look for LGBT friendly jobs, since you won't be denied jobs for being aro/ace. So what is it cishet aces and aroaces need other than us saying "Yeah asexuality is a real thing", which we already do regardless?
 
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I don't think it makes a huge difference whether you're part of it or not, actually. It certainly hasn't done me any favours (or brought me any problems). I'm not really bothered.

If it makes people happy or feel included, I guess good for them. Just let people be.
 
I think asexual people and aromantic people should be included in the LGBT+ community, because I believe the community is about comforting minority sexualities, gender identities and so on. The LGBT+ community should be accepting of all the minority identities and sexualities with open arms even if they don't suffer nearly as badly as gay or trans people.

The community is about mutual understanding, respect and love so I don't think it's right to exclude asexual and aromantic people from that, even if they don't suffer like gay and trans people. I just repeated myself but I feel like it was necessary here.

i totally agree! i always cringe when i see people equating the lgbt community into a competition of oppression.
asexual people are not accepted by society all the time. they are subjected to corrective rape and emotional abuse, among other things. for example, in some cultures where marriage and childbirth is very important, there's no damn way an asexual person can do anything about the way they are. they will be forced into things they are uncomfortable with. i say this because as someone with a middle eastern ethnicity, forced marriages and being forced to have children is a really common thing around me (regardless of gender identity/sex). if an asexual person says they're asexual they are very likely to get emotionally abused as well, especially by families who may deem it a "shame" to their honor. in a relationship, an asexual person may often get coerced into sexual activity with their partner or guilted into it so they can stay together (this is rape btw, but different from corrective rape, which is where theyll force them to have sex with someone to prove that they really do "like" it). an asexual person tells their friends they're asexual; 1. theyll have no idea what the **** that means, or 2. they'll be shunned because its weird and u shud LUV sex!!!11 (this example i recently witnessed at my school by overhearing a conversation). younger asexuals when found out will 100% probably feel pressured ALL the time cuz u knw how teenagers are. then there's the fact that asexuality is treated as an illness. and im sure there are more examples but i CBA to think rn.

what do you notice about all these problems asexual people face? :) the fact that other members of the lgbt community face them too! corrective rape, bullying, invalidation, etc. so what's the problem here? do they need to be oppressed more to be included? this aint a ****in competition/oppression olympics or whatever you want to call it. just because other members of the community face more problems DOES NOT mean others should be excluded. then yall act like asexuals are satanic just because a few are *******s and some are intrusive cishetero people. guess what, there are misogynistic gay men, there are biphobic lesbians, there is **** in almost every group of people. i think people are far too clouded by their hatred of heterosexual people so they enjoy dumping it onto asexuals in any way they possibly can.

why would being included in the lgbt community help asexuals? maybe they want to find other asexuals to talk with. maybe non-aro aces want to date someone who doesnt want sex in a relationship. maybe they want to feel like theyre not "broken" for being asexual. maybe they want to be with people who recognize that being asexual is actually a thing, and wont be told that they will change when they find "the one?" i understand these reasons may seem trivial compared to the reasons other lgbt community people have. but that's not the issue. again, it's not a competition. they want support just like anyone else.

i personally, am asexual and aromantic. i dont luv anyone never have and never will. i have gotten **** from people after finding out im asexual.
"oh, did a boy break your heart?"
"you will change your mind when you find the one :)"
"have u gone to a doctor? (<--this one was legit unironic from an adult)"
now this **** tbh it doesn't affect me. im rich, im hot, ive got a strong personality so i can stand up for myself and people let me do whatever the **** i want without repercussions. its my privilege. but it's not the same way for other people. some people, after hearing those things over and over again, after experiencing far worse things than i have, will be affected by it. they will be hurt emotionally, they will be depressed, they will feel disgusted with themselves, they will have debilitating low self-esteem BECAUSE of their sexual identity. and that's why its important to include people into the lgbt community. ive said this like 10 times, but it is N O T A C O N T E S T or a race to whoever gets hurt the most badly. point is, asexual people face hurdles because of their sexuality. it shouldn't be ignored. and tbh, maybe they would be worse off than they are now if the average person actually knew what the **** being asexual actually is. :)

ps - i dont wantw to be in the community not only cos i dont need it bc of the reasons i said above but also bc its so toxic and many people in it are just annoying as ****.

- - - Post Merge - - -

side note, i once rejected some weird 25 yr old boy and i told him i was asexual and he said "no one will ever love you."
also another time i made some neckbeard mad he said "i bet u dont have a boyfriend cuz u cant get one, not bc ur asexual."

so , there's that .
 
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why would being included in the lgbt community help asexuals? maybe they want to find other asexuals to talk with. maybe non-aro aces want to date someone who doesnt want sex in a relationship. maybe they want to feel like theyre not "broken" for being asexual. maybe they want to be with people who recognize that being asexual is actually a thing, and wont be told that they will change when they find "the one?" i understand these reasons may seem trivial compared to the reasons other lgbt community people have. but that's not the issue. again, it's not a competition. they want support just like anyone else.

But again... why the LGBT community? Why not the ace community? Why specifically the LGBT community? Cishet non-ace people get bullied and invalidated for other reasons as well, and they definitely shouldn't be in the LGBT community.

As for corrective rape, LGBT centres will redirect you to rape support groups and/or therapy regardless so once again, the LGBT community isn't providing ace people a service they couldn't necessarily get anywhere else.

No one's treating the community as an oppression contest and no one's saying ace people don't have to deal with a load of nonsense, for lack of a better term. We're saying that for one cishet ace and aroace people just straight up aren't oppressed at all, and for two the LGBT community doesn't have anything to offer them anyways other than maybe validation? Which, again, you don't need to be part of the community to get.
 
i don't think the ppl who dont want cishet aces in the lgbtq community feel that way bc they hate aces or w/e it's literally just that cishets are cishets no matter how much or little sex they have. you can add a bunch of labels to your sexuality if you want to idc but that doesnt mean that someone's not cishet because they decided decided that they dont want to id as straight so they (a cis girl) calls themself androsexual (aka attracted to men/masculinity which in this case means Straight) or something.
use whatever words you want but you dont stop being cishet bc you describe how often you have sex or if you prefer men with or without beards in your sexual identity.
i get that some people might feel like their identity is overlooked when they're called cishet and they actually identify as asexual heteroromantic but i mean,. you only say cishet if you were talking about ace stuff, you'd say cishet aces/aros But when asexuality isn't relevant to the topic i don't see why anyone would need to specify that someone is ace or aro...?

if youre a cishet ace you can go to ace only spaces, you dont need to be in lgbtq spaces especially not if youre going to complain about the ppl in there being and discussing lgbtq....... (like ppl who go to support groups for lgbtq ppl and dont want anyone to discuss sex or romance or to show any pda. like... dude way 2 b Bad.)

i personally dont have a problem with cishet aces being involved in the lgbtq community as long as they "know their place" (idk how to put it but, like, as long as theyre respectful n stuff lmao). but cishets shouldnt be in certain spaces (like support groups where allies arent welcomed, ace cishets dont Belong there.)
there have been problems with asexual people being Bad in the community so i get why many non ace/aro lgbtq people feel uncomfortable with cishet aces trying to be in the community.

also @ other ppl in the thread who said theyre aro and ace: do u feel like you need to be in the community? or, like, idk but im aroace and i dont feel like i need to be in lgbtq spaces bc im aroace, it just feels kinda out of place for me but im wondering if you all feel any different.
idk i kinda think that there needs to be an ace community and i think it is great that the community can exist within other communities and that people there learn about aro and ace stuff but i feel like being ace/aro doesnt automatically put you in any other communities than the ace community.
 
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i totally agree! i always cringe when i see people equating the lgbt community into a competition of oppression.
asexual people are not accepted by society all the time. they are subjected to corrective rape and emotional abuse, among other things. for example, in some cultures where marriage and childbirth is very important, there's no damn way an asexual person can do anything about the way they are. they will be forced into things they are uncomfortable with. i say this because as someone with a middle eastern ethnicity, forced marriages and being forced to have children is a really common thing around me (regardless of gender identity/sex). if an asexual person says they're asexual they are very likely to get emotionally abused as well, especially by families who may deem it a "shame" to their honor. in a relationship, an asexual person may often get coerced into sexual activity with their partner or guilted into it so they can stay together (this is rape btw, but different from corrective rape, which is where theyll force them to have sex with someone to prove that they really do "like" it).

those are good points but that's almost exclusively about rape and sexual abuse, wouldnt it be better if ace people had their own space where they could talk about those things? corrective rape happens to lgbtq people as well but being sga is about a lot more than sexual abuse so it kinda feels like it'd be a better idea to have ace people come together. i know i personally would feel worse if went to some support group to feel less weird (or whatever) and all the people there could bond over being attracted to people they're not "supposed" to be attracted to when my issue is that i'm not attracted to anyone (so i still feel weird in that space because my issues are different from their issues.) it just doesn't seem like that would benefit anyone imo.
i think it would be better to have an ace only space instead of trying to put ace people in the same community as sga ppl, lol, like even in ace/aro spaces i have felt weird or not understood because most people in them weren't both aro and ace, and i don't think i would feel more understood if i were talking about being aroace in a community that is mostly centered around being attracted to people.

badgrl2 said:
an asexual person tells their friends they're asexual; 1. theyll have no idea what the **** that means, or 2. they'll be shunned because its weird and u shud LUV sex!!!11 (this example i recently witnessed at my school by overhearing a conversation). younger asexuals when found out will 100% probably feel pressured ALL the time cuz u knw how teenagers are. then there's the fact that asexuality is treated as an illness. and im sure there are more examples but i CBA to think rn.
it's true that asexuality is ignored and that people don't know anything about it but i don't think that means we're lgbtq...? everyone should learn about aro/ace stuff in sex ed, there needs to be more awareness about aro/ace things and people need to be less ignorant about it but that doesn't mean that the ace community and the lgbtq community are similar enough to be one community imo.

badgrl2 said:
what do you notice about all these problems asexual people face? :) the fact that other members of the lgbt community face them too! corrective rape, bullying, invalidation, etc. so what's the problem here? do they need to be oppressed more to be included? this aint a ****in competition/oppression olympics or whatever you want to call it. just because other members of the community face more problems DOES NOT mean others should be excluded. then yall act like asexuals are satanic just because a few are *******s and some are intrusive cishetero people. guess what, there are misogynistic gay men, there are biphobic lesbians, there is **** in almost every group of people. i think people are far too clouded by their hatred of heterosexual people so they enjoy dumping it onto asexuals in any way they possibly can.
now youre the one making this all about oppression by saying that bc ace ppl face many of the same issues ppl in the lgbtq ppl do we're lgbtq. i agree that many ace discoursers are crappy and people shouldnt be horrible to each other but having cishet people in the lgbtq community makes many ppl feel unsafe and i don't think it's because people hate aces or w/e it's just that being aro/ace and being lgbtq are very different things and that many cishet aces act exactly like other cishets do.

badgrl2 said:
why would being included in the lgbt community help asexuals? maybe they want to find other asexuals to talk with. maybe non-aro aces want to date someone who doesnt want sex in a relationship. maybe they want to feel like theyre not "broken" for being asexual. maybe they want to be with people who recognize that being asexual is actually a thing, and wont be told that they will change when they find "the one?" i understand these reasons may seem trivial compared to the reasons other lgbt community people have. but that's not the issue. again, it's not a competition. they want support just like anyone else.
having an ace community is important but it can be separate from the lgbtq community. obviously it's important that everyone knows that ace people exist and that they arent broken for not being attracted to people and ace issues have to be talked about more but that doesnt mean that the lgbtq community is where ace people belong.

badgrl2 said:
i personally, am asexual and aromantic. i dont luv anyone never have and never will. i have gotten **** from people after finding out im asexual.
"oh, did a boy break your heart?"
"you will change your mind when you find the one :)"
"have u gone to a doctor? (<--this one was legit unironic from an adult)"
[...]
side note, i once rejected some weird 25 yr old boy and i told him i was asexual and he said "no one will ever love you."
also another time i made some neckbeard mad he said "i bet u dont have a boyfriend cuz u cant get one, not bc ur asexual."
people need to be educated more on ace issues but i dont think anyone here is saying that being ace or aro means that your life is perfect and that you dont get any negative responses from society.

also ive heard those kinda things too and other variations of it lmao why do ppl exist. i usually don't tell people im aro ace i just say i'm not in love, i don't have a crush on anyone and that i never have experienced any romantic attraction ever and then people start w the whole "stop lying we know you like somebody :3" or "aww, you just havent found the right one yet" like yea ok thx but no.
the funniest ones are people who say im aro ace because i've been abused when i was aroace before it even happened like..... great logic my dude....,

badgrl2 said:
now this **** tbh it doesn't affect me. im rich, im hot, ive got a strong personality so i can stand up for myself and people let me do whatever the **** i want without repercussions. its my privilege. but it's not the same way for other people. some people, after hearing those things over and over again, after experiencing far worse things than i have, will be affected by it. they will be hurt emotionally, they will be depressed, they will feel disgusted with themselves, they will have debilitating low self-esteem BECAUSE of their sexual identity. and that's why its important to include people into the lgbt community. ive said this like 10 times, but it is N O T A C O N T E S T or a race to whoever gets hurt the most badly. point is, asexual people face hurdles because of their sexuality. it shouldn't be ignored. and tbh, maybe they would be worse off than they are now if the average person actually knew what the **** being asexual actually is. :)

ps - i dont wantw to be in the community not only cos i dont need it bc of the reasons i said above but also bc its so toxic and many people in it are just annoying as ****.

it is extremely important that ace people have a community where they feel safe n stuff but why should it be in the lgbtq community when we are so different. like, not being lgbt doesnt mean u cant have a community u know?

it's great that u feel ok abt not being in the lgbtq community but it's not that great to say that the entire community is toxic lol. there are problematic aspects to it (like w all communities) and i get that ppl are upset bc of ace discourse but the lgbtq community is huge and it's mostly not about ace or aro stuff so judging the entire community based on some aro ace stuff isnt rly fair imo
 
also @ other ppl in the thread who said theyre aro and ace: do u feel like you need to be in the community? or, like, idk but im aroace and i dont feel like i need to be in lgbtq spaces bc im aroace, it just feels kinda out of place for me but im wondering if you all feel any different.
I think I mentioned it earlier but yeah I'm with you on this, I don't feel the need to be included in the community.

I actually had no idea the A stood for Allies and read somewhere it was Asexual, never looked further into it.. but I was really confused because it seemed out of place. I'm probably? more neutral about it, but I definitely lean towards the "not important to be included in the LGBT community" side.

Being included in a community feels nice (NO ONE LIKES BEING LEFT OUT RITE) but at the same time it's like.. are we really supposed to be part of the community? It's great to meet others who are more understanding/open to other orientations and stuff, but at the same time it doesn't mean everyone in the LGBT comm is accepting (like someone mentioned there's biphobic lesbians etc). It's better off being in the ace community. I'm guessing because the ace community isn't exactly prevalent (I think??) like the LGBT community, we just kinda include ourselves in there instead? Like, "hey it's a bigger community meaning there must be a lot of understanding/accepting people" thing. I'm not really sure if this applies to everyone, but that's how I see it.
 
The LGBT community has a lot of its own intracommunity issues; misogynistic gay men was already mentioned, and there's also biphobia from LGs, transphobia from LGBs, and racism - especially antiblackness - across the whole board. The ace community also has its own homophobia problem. All communities are toxic in some form.

On the topic of anti-blackness in the LGBT community BLM was on the news just now and my stepsister felt the need to say "I don't agree with how they do things, they shouldn't have stopped Pride" and I just got so annoyed, like why do straight white girls with colourful undercuts always think they have a say in LGBT issues? Pride has a huge history of putting white gay people on a pedestal and glossing over the lives of black trans people (namely women) and black gay people. If she actually listened to what they had to say she'd know that.

Sorry that was kind of unrelated but I needed to vent about that somewhere 'cause I'm tired of The Straights.
 
All communities are toxic in some form.

On the topic of anti-blackness in the LGBT community BLM was on the news just now and my stepsister felt the need to say "I don't agree with how they do things, they shouldn't have stopped Pride" and I just got so annoyed, like why do straight white girls with colourful undercuts always think they have a say in LGBT issues? Pride has a huge history of putting white gay people on a pedestal and glossing over the lives of black trans people (namely women) and black gay people. If she actually listened to what they had to say she'd know that.

Sorry that was kind of unrelated but I needed to vent about that somewhere 'cause I'm tired of The Straights.

While I understand, because one of my best friends is in one of these categories, but cannot truly understand since ya know I'm not LGBTQA - I don't really like the term: "The Straights"...it's kind of dehumanizing, I guess? That's like saying "the Gays". It doesn't sound right :c
 
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While I understand, because one of my best friends is in one of these categories, but cannot truly understand since ya know I'm not LGBTQA - I don't really like the term: "The Straights"...it's kind of dehumanizing, I guess? That's like saying "the Gays". It doesn't sound right :c

The Straights =/= straight people
The Straights™ are really annoying straight people who are like "NO HOMO!!11" or think they have a say in LGBT rights despite being cishet
straight people are fine, gyro is refering to Steryotypical Straight People™
 
While I understand, because one of my best friends is in one of these categories, but cannot truly understand since ya know I'm not LGBTQA - I don't really like the term: "The Straights"...it's kind of dehumanizing, I guess? That's like saying "the Gays". It doesn't sound right :c

Basically what himeki said but even if someone doesn't add a quirk to "straight people", LGBT people have every right to be annoyed with straight people (and/or cis people) in general and we shouldn't be antagonized for venting our frustrations. If we say "straight people" or "The Straights" or "straighties" and what we are talking about does not apply to you, then it isn't about you.

Basically, if you want to be an ally and you see someone vent about "the straights doing x homophobic thing", instead of going "well I'm not like that" you should step back and think "hm, as an ally, how can I use my own straight privilege to prevent other straight people from thinking like this and doing these things?"
 
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^ adding on to what gyro and himeki said "The Straights" and other stuff like it are kind of a response to how ignorant cishets keep talking about "the Gays" or "the Transsexuals" (. lol ) amd stuff like that. kinda like how people say stuff about straight couples being too intimate and that theyre shoving their sexuality down everyone's throats by looking at each other because thats what The Straights do to lgbtq people. i get it if you dont like it but i dont think anyone who's lgbtq likes to be treated rly badly all the time and imo it isn't rly fair that cishets are Still Learning when theyre being ignorant and homophobic/transphobic (so you're not supposed to get upset with them :^]) but if one lgbtq person says "straight ppl are unfortunate :/" everyone starts talking about heterophobia and that lgbtq ppl make cishets hate them by saying stuff like that lmao

i guess negativity isnt the best thing ever but cishets always expect lgbtq people to educate, be nice about being treated badly and have patience with them but if cishets want to talk about heterophobia and cisphobia because someone didn't feel like being a Good LGBTQ Person... (aka someone that has go educate everyone, be super nice, never be offended, not get angry, not call straight ppl out on being bad and also lol they have to accept that the cishet might disagree with their ~Lifestyle~ and that we need to accept transphobes and homophobes because theyre human too uwu)
like. please do Not.

honestly im really really sick of cishets* lmao can i die

but as gyro said if youre not a Cishet™ you dont need to feel targeted because it is probably not about u


*disclaimer: this was not written with the intent of offending any cisgender heterosexual person. i accept everyone for who they choose to be and i have never in my entire life been cis- or heterophobic. i have cisgender heterosexual friends. my words were simply an expression of frustration, though i have to admit that it was not worded in a smooth and non-discriminatory way and for that i apologize. the next time i want to vent my feelings about certain individuals on an online platform i will make sure to be less ignorant and offensive so that i don't commit the grave crime of hetero- or cisphobia ever again.
if you feel i did offend or discriminate you even though that never was my intention please do hit the report button so you can tell the mods exactly why i, a known heterosupporter, should be banned for my sins. thank you
 
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, LGBT people have every right to be annoyed with straight people (and/or cis people) in general

But Gyro, I don't believe you should just be annoyed with us in general - as not all of us are like that. Again, I'm a minority and I see what my "fellow others" are trying to get at while saying we have every right to be annoyed with non-minorities - but in all reality, not all of them are of ill-intent, sure everyone biases, and a great majority of people are bigots/biased - some actually genuinely do not mean any harm. and definitely not getting mad at 100% of the non-minority population for something their ancestors did. At first, I thought: ok ok so it's just a term used for the annoying percent of us, but then when you said what you just said in the quote, I got a little idk....

Yes you should voice your frustrations, and yes you should speak out about what is bothering you and not always have to be nice and not annoyed, but no you cannot be annoyed with the whole 100% percent of a group of people when some of them literally did nothing wrong.

i actually get just as annoyed with people being mean/ridiculous about the LGBT community. first off being LGB is not a "lifestyle" it's just a sexuality and shouldn't be treated as something abnormal.
 
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