Giveaway tbt and collectibles in exchange for some words (trigger warning: suicidal/depressed)

Trystin

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life is kind of a mess for me right now and I feel like I'm drowning. I could really use some kind words tbh, at this point even if they're empty.
My mom has aggressive breast cancer, her surgery was a month ago but it didn't help. She had a port put in her chest yesterday and starts chemo tomorrow. She is really upset and I don't know what to do, I feel so tiny and helpless.
Money is also an issue, as it always is. Our insurance is refusing to pay for anything involving her cancer, despite how they said they would which is why she has done everything she already has. I've been trying to get a job, but it is hard with no experience and when I am still in high school.
When I do get a job, I want to save my money for a few months and buy a car, and then move forward with my emancipation. I have been waiting to get emancipated for 3 years, and once I can financially support myself, I will finally be able to file the paperwork. My family knows about it, though it didn't happen quite how I imagined and my entire family has disowned me, including my grandma who raised me. I feel like I am tearing my family apart and I'm not meaning to at all. I want to get emancipated because my home environment is very unhealthy for me mentally and emotionally, it's making me severely depressed and suicidal, giving me anxiety and making me ready to give up. I probably sound extremely selfish. I'm not sure if I care, though. I finally learned that self-help and self-love is more vital than anything else. In a way, I want to say I am also doing it for my mom, even though I know it'll hurt her. It will give her more income, when she doesn't have to take care of me, that she can use for her cancer treatment.
I know that right now I am emotionally unstable, I am tattooing myself as one of my escapes. Also, I want to work out more, which is what I do when I want to self harm. I've been wondering why I do what I do, why everything. I'm at a point where I want to drop out and just do everything I've ever wanted to do and then end everything because I feel like I can't do it anyway, and if I could I'm not worthy of the end rewards anyway.

thanks for listening to my vent.. if you're looking for a collectible, comment which one you want from my side bar in your post, but this doesn't guarantee that you'll get it. Either way, everyone who comments will get some TBT based on the length, sincerity, etc of their post. I have a little less than 900 TBT, so I'll give it out until it's gone.

- - - Post Merge - - -

also, feel free to move this mods/admins to wherever it needs to be. I posted in the museum because I thought it was gonna be a post different than what this is..

- - - Post Merge - - -

I probably won’t be replying to any comments, because I’m not sure what to say other than thank you, but I’ll like your posts to tell you I’ve read them and thank you for posting. If you PM me, I’ll reply if I’m able to (some days my mental capacity for things like that has been reached by 9 am lol). I’m also not on TBTF much anymore, but I’ll be checking in on this post from time to time. If you wanna directly reach me, just to check on me or if you’re wanting to vent to me, or anything really, my instagram is trystin.xoxo and my Snapchat is xtrystinx.
 
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Hey, I don't want any btb for my post or any payment. I understand how this feels (I have depression and anxiety), and it really sucks.
I still go through it, but I got the help I needed years before. My family has some financial issues and I didn't want to stress them more than they already were with my mental health. What I'm trying to say is things will get better and you can help the people you love. Go help yourself as well with a therapist, who give advice and treatment for this as a job. Get the help you need before you make huge decisions that can potentially mess things up in the future. Don't stop looking for a job and try to do whatever you can to help your mom. I'm not a professional, but this is based on my experiences and I hope I was able to help.
 
Hi, Trystin. I'm terribly sorry to hear about your mom. My mother went through colon cancer treatment a few years ago. She had a port also and I was sick with worry over her. I'm also sorry to hear that your home, which should be your safe haven, is hurting you so badly. No one should ever feel uncomfortable in their own house. I think it's admirable that you want to move out so your mom will have more money for her treatments. Insurance companies are run by the soulless. Since you're still a teen you may want to consider opening a dog walking business as a way to earn some money. We had a young lady in our last neighborhood that walked dogs after school and earned enough to pay for her senior class trip & had some leftover. With so many people working longer hours today, people actually look for dog walkers.

I wish I could wave a magic wand for you & make everything better. I hate to see young people feel like their lives aren't worth anything. I'm in my 40s and my younger years were rough. I was a single mom at 16 with parents who wanted me to be an adult yet tried to ground me if I acted like an adult. Twice I not only considered suicide but I attempted it. Both times I failed which I'll admit made me feel like an even bigger loser at first but after each time something come into my life that made me glad I hadn't succeeded. I know it sounds like bs when I say things will eventually get better. I didn't believe it myself at your age. I promise though that your life will have happy times and you will want to be around to see when and where they happen. I'm not saying everything's going to be sunshine & happiness in the future but you can't give up because you'll miss all the good things that are in store for you.

You can put yourself first and you can love yourself. You have every right to be sad & angry but I hope you take some time each day to try to find something to make you smile. Look at the sun or the moon. Look at the flowers or the animals around you. Find something to give yourself a little bit of happiness every day. It's a small thing but it does help.

I'm not interested in your collectibles or TBT. I just wanted to try to make you feel a little better if I could. If you'd like to talk more please feel free to PM me. I also understand if you just want to be left alone right now. I just hope that I'll continue to see you here on the forums for a long, long time.
 
I understand depression only too well, and have had chronic anxiety all my life.

I am wondering why you would want to be amancipated when your mum is so ill. :(
I can imagine the pressure, but emancipation is a complete divorce from her.

If she was a horrid mother, I'd understand.

My mother was horrid.
She wasn't ill.

I grew up in children's homes as my mother dumped me and my two brothers, and when dad found us he couldn't take care of three kids, and his mother. (My grandma)

I would have given anything to be able to come home to a family after school.

I lost my dad and grandma both within two years of each other, and would give anything for one more moment with them.

We had fights, my father hit me, a LOT, but I know he had a gambling problem, and after all the fights, and my own self harm habit I had back then, my father was my best friend.

Think about whether emancipation is what you truly want, because when you lose a parent - it's forever.

I wish you all the best.

I don't want anything from you either.
 
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(I'd talk about my life but I don't think this is the place for such things.)

For some reason, whenever people say that things are going to get better, I get really emotional and cry because I doubt if that's true. So instead of some comforting words, I have some advice.

Buy a book with blank pages of paper.

At the end of each day, write your thoughts down. It doesn't matter what it's about.

Maybe draw too if you like doing that.

If you run out of paper, buy a new book, but don't throw out the old one.

I've never actually tried this before, but maybe what doesn't work for me will work for you. If you don't have someone trustworthy to talk with about your issues and fears, then perhaps a book to unscramble your thoughts is the next best thing.

Good luck.

(I want some TBT, but I'm not sure if you'll find anything helpful in this post so my apologies in advance.)
 
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