.

The agains lose power and just become repetitive after the first two. I also feel like the situation was comically over dramatic and not sure if that's what you were going for? It seemed like she was either just falling on the ground in a hallway, but then suddenly her peers were screaming and all that?? So idk.

But, honestly, when it comes to doing anything, if you like it, just keep going. Doesn't matter if anyone else says anything. It's hard to make much of a decision myself based on this because it's pretty short and generic. You haven't yet established much of a plot or character personaltiy, so it's probably better to get further in and then ask for critiques later on, if you're passionate about it.

Good luck!
 
I'm having a little trouble following what happened? Like the poster before me, the screaming kind of threw me off, as did the line about being eleven years old.

Assuming you want honest criticism: this is a very, very cliche little idea. Not to say that cliches are never worth pursuing, but the sarcastic, distant girl unimpressed by a stereotypically hot boy (who is suddenly, inexplicably fond of her, no less) is quite the tired trope.

More importantly, the girl being so rude is very... well, unappealing. I don't have much interest following the story of a character who is strangely bitter to a kind stranger, I suppose.

Does it make you happy to write? Then by all means, continue. If nothing else it's practice. :lemon:
 
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