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Relationship problem thing?...

Bunnilla

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So I have a situation, that I will try to describe as best as possible below:

A dude is dating a girl (A)
So the relationship with this girl turns out being empty and toxic but they still stay in a relationship
Then the dude for not having any companionship/affection from the girl (A) starts fooling around (flirting, etc.) with another girl (B) even if he's still with girl (A) who does none of those things that he wants
So then, that girl (B) that he's fooling around with, thought it was real (and he says it's real), but then the dude says that he basically wants to keep the empty dead relationship while still having this side hustle thing.
The second girl (B), that he was fooling around with, actually wanted something serious and not side hustling around (like give all her care to 1 thing) not the dude (trying to "love" both at once supposedly)

He "loves" her back (B) , but also "loves" the empty toxic relationship girl (A)
But the side hustling girl wasn't okay with that, and just wanted an actual relationship with the dude, not this crap with 2 ppl

About the "side hustle" girl (B)
All she wanted was her devotion to one dude, and the dude basically said "**** that, I'm just going to be in a relationship like that with 2 ppl at once"
And she didn't like it like that, so she basically was done and gave up even if she thinks it would have been better than the toxic relationship that the dude only stays in bc he thinks the girl (A) will kill herself if he leaves, but if he leaves wouldn't it be better since they wouldn't be fighting and be in a toxic environment, thus making both happier?...

The empty relationship to the dude matters since he cares about the girl (A), but he basically only got into the relationship with the girl bc she was depressed or whatever and now can't get out of it or do **** so then the side hustle girl (B), who actually likes him and would only devote herself to him gets pushed to the side since she is only a 'side hustle' and the dude only did things with her because he wanted more things from his empty and dry love life with the depressed girl (A)

He does love girl (B), but wants to "love" girl (A) and (B) at the same time instead of just being with one :// and finds that okay of just having 2 girls at once instead of devoting himself to one

Extra details: The girl (A) was already in a relationship with the dude before, but they broke up and got together for some reason even though it's really toxic (they curse at each other)

The dude says he's liked girl (B) for a long time, but he says things aren't going to change anytime soon (with being with girl A) so why do it, it's just selfish
He also thought girl (B) was okay being like the side thing, and not the 'main' thing (which she isn't)

Yeah I basically want an opinion on this, since I'm having problems rn and I kinda want to know what ppl think

Sorry if bad grammar, I'm just typing this kinda tired
If you need any more details on smth (like personalities idk), lmk

Edit: I'm not personally in this but it's 3 close friends...
 
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They're both morons if they choose to stay with a man like that (who is also a moron).
 
I feel like this would be easier to follow if you referred to the girls by random names instead of A and B but then again I'm really tired rn

from what I do understand girl B should just go as fast she can in the other direction away from this dude, and girl A should get real help if she is suicidal because keeping a crappy relationship isn't the answer

guy sounds like a loser
 
I'm going to answer this based from own perspective if let's say I'm in the shoes of that guy as well as how I look at the situation based from your story.

First, I'm not going to judge him because I don't know him and obviously, haven't heard his side, but I guess I could feel that he probably genuinely loves girl A. I'm not going to stay in a relationship just because someone would end their life if I end up leaving (that's not going to happen anyway, but that's probably another issue so I'm not gonna talk about that). She's better than that. I'm not going to stay just because I need to, but I will because I want to. But then you said, he's been in a toxic relationship with A so he must be looking for something else, to make him feel good and happy, to have that positive thinking and feel less anxious and stressful. Luckily, he found it with girl B. As for this girl, she obviously like, or really loves him knowing that she wants to have a serious relationship with him. But the problem is the guy probably still loves girl A and at the same time, also have romantic feelings with girl B, that's why he couldn't decide who to let go. The worst case for girl B is that the guy probably loves girl A more and he hopes to see that kind of affection, care and every positive thing that she sees in girl B to eventually be transferred to girl A (like one day, girl A would change her ways). If I were to ask, I think he'd be in better hands with girl B but that's probably easier to answer if it ends up that he loves girl B more. She seems like that genuine and sincere person you'll rarely find nowadays so he better decide soon or else, he'll lose her or he will end up losing both of them.

Worse comes to worst, the guy is just playing around and that he seriously prefers having two relationships (just for show) to feed off his ego, but then again, I'm not going to judge him that easily.
 
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IMO none of them should be together. Unless girl A knows and is ok with him fooling around with girl B, she needs to get out of that relationship, he's cheating on her.

Girl B should see that even if he DOES break up with girl A to be with her that she will likely meet the same fate and have a girl C who can "do things for him that she can't." And unless it's an open relationship that's NOT ok. Guys always try to make it the girl's fault just like this, "I'm only cheating because she wont give me the love I need/blue balls/ etc etc"

If it is just a toxic relationship he needs to end it, tell one of her friends so if she is prone to suicidal tendencies he can have a buffer and someone there to console her and help her. It is not ok for him to just "kind of" be with her and cheat on her behind her back, what do you think she'll be more hurt by?
 
guy sounds like a d*ck that is actually secretly in love with the toxicity in the relationship with girl (a), otherwise he would leave, and he's using girl (b) as an outlet for the more domestic/normative style of romance that he wants to experience -- he wants the best of both worlds [might even be getting a small high out of "i'm with two girls at once, they both want me wow, *flex in the mirror*]

girl (a) sounds like she probably shouldn't be in a relationship like this (no one should imo, but whatever) if she's going through a lot of intense stuff and is depressed/sucidial. like, she needs a support group this guy obvs shouldn't be apaart of it. or at least not in a relationship with her if this is how it goes

girl (b) needs to woman the f up, hoenstly. idk why they both like guy the mans. imo, guys are a d*ck a dozen and this one sounds like an ugly(er than usual, [sub]burn[/sub],) one in the bunch. she should realize she's also probably exacerbating the problem by saying stuff like she's going "to devote herself only to him." like, there is fidelity, but then there's phrases that make someone kind of sound like a subservient doormat (unless that's your kink, go ahead)

this was all over the place bc i just woke up, but i think none of them should be with each other ;v;

hope things work out though and that girl (a) gets some help and a nice support group surrounding her for her problems she may be having (but i wish that for every1!!), girl (b) finds a nice person who's as equally into monogamy as her, and that the guy is able to stable himself out after getting out of a relationship with girl (a) and can eventually figure out exactly what he wants so he doesn't run himself, and other people, into an issue like this again
 
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They're both morons if they choose to stay with a man like that (who is also a moron).

Exactly what I was going to say, but I was going to say it more nicely. This is bad for everybody NO MATTER WHAT. It's bad. Nobody would not regret this later..
 
I think I understood, it was a little confusing though. Anyway, I'll give you my honest opinion on the matter.

The thing about cheating/fooling around with someone is that it's thrilling. Is it wrong? Morally probably, because it hurts other people. However, if (A) and (B) know about each other and didn't mind that he was flirting/messing around with both of them then it's not really a problem.

Relationships are so dynamic and complicated, so I'll just try to stick to the classic "One person should only date one person at a time".

If you believe in classic relationships then:
*If (B) knows about (A) and (A) doesn't know about (B), its wrong.
*If Boy refuses to tell (A) about (B) then its wrong.
*If Boy is only with (A) out of "obligation" because she might kill herself, then it's just ignorance on his part. No one is EVER obligated to stay with someone because they think they may kill themselves. Let them know you no longer want to be romantically involved. Will they cry, scream, get angry? Probably. Will they actually kill themselves? That's hard to say because I don't know the whole situation. If you truly believe so, then get the school councilor involved while you break up. Yes, I know that sounds silly, but trust me on this. It's better to have an adult willing to help (A) through the "crisis" of breaking up than it is for Boy to break up with her and let her deal with things on her own.
*If (B) feels hurt that Boy won't choose her over (A) then she honestly needs to step back and reevaluate the situation. You can't really help who you fall in love with. Circumstances are dynamic. It's not socially acceptable to try and "steal" a romantic partner from someone else, but like I said, relationships are dynamic and you really can't hold it against someone for who they fall in love with. HOWEVER, it is in my honest and PERSONAL opinion that Boy will cheat/mess around with someone else after he officially breaks it off with (A) and hooks up with (B). Then (B) is just going to be even more hurt because 1) he didn't choose her over (A) and soon he will like (C) over her.
*And one more thing, don't hold it against Boy. He's still learning the ropes of love and relationships. He's young and has potential to change. But now is not the time to hook up with him if someone is looking to get serious with him.

Take it from someone who stayed in a toxic relationship just like that (although I wasn't suicidal, I would have been (A) in this scenario.) Drop the boy. He's not going to treat (B) the way (B) deserves to be treated and hes already not treating (A) the way she deserves to be treated. (A) needs help and to leave Boy as well. Please help your friend if she's experiencing suicidal thoughts. Good luck with your friends and if you need anyone to talk to, don't hesitate to PM me <3
 
From what I heard, (A) was on one of those things to get help with her depression (like a person that talks to you) I think it was called Koko or something
If it helps (A) and (B) are really close friends, and (A) doesn't know anything about the guy fooling around with (B)
He also doesn't want to tell (A) since telling her will definitely cause problems since she would get really mad and cause problems with (B) too / the other close friends since they would start taking sides and things
I know the dude is genuine, like no womanizer or anything
He also said that it feels like he was in a relationship with (B), and (A) is like "a close friend kinda" but won't leave (A) for the reason of the depression, suicide, etc.
At this point though (A) still doesn't know anything and (B) just kinda backed off since she doesn't really want to start up problems / be with him if he's going to have like 2 girls at once
 
If it helps (A) and (B) are really close friends, and (A) doesn't know anything about the guy fooling around with (B)

After hearing that, B is a crappy friend no matter what happens and A deserves be given the agency to cut that person out of her life too.
 
After hearing that, B is a crappy friend no matter what happens and A deserves be given the agency to cut that person out of her life too.

Yeah she realized that too so that's why she stopped and wants nothing to do with the guy now lol

Edit: I know she's not a bad person either (misdirected I guess), it's just (B) and the guy have liked each other for some time now and when we went to a friend's house and played spin the bottle things just kinda happened.. (like peer pressure and stuff) so they flirted, etc.
Just highschool drama ://
 
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