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I really need help

Arjh

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I've seen that others on here have like a mental illness and I was wondering how do you cope with negative feelings especially suicidal ones?

Lately I've been feeling like there's no point in going on, I feel like a complete outcast and have nothing to look forward to anymore.
I've been bullied my whole life and have never had any real friends, even at work I'm just ignored. No one at work cares about me being in hospital for a week or that I nearly lost my mum to breast cancer, in fact little miss drama queen beside me was crying about the same argument her and hubby had for the millionth time. But no one noticed when I was practically in tears or was actually cutting myself at my desk.

I hate myself, I'm just too different, I'm hideous and talentless, feel like a complete loser and my life is completely pointless even the therapist I tried made me feel like I was wasting her time as apparently I'm 'not a serious self harmer'

What should I do to stop feeling like this or should I just give up all together?
 
I don't think suicide is ever the answer. You should consider talking to a therapist. Everyone is different. It's not a bad thing at all
 
I don't think suicide is ever the answer. You should consider talking to a therapist. Everyone is different. It's not a bad thing at all

I'm too nervous to after the last time, I've always felt like therapists have no right to tell me what to do or how to feel as they haven't been through what I've been through.
Think one of the toughest barriers to break through is my fear, like they say 'once bitten, twice shy'.
 
I'm too nervous to after the last time, I've always felt like therapists have no right to tell me what to do or how to feel as they haven't been through what I've been through.
Think one of the toughest barriers to break through is my fear, like they say 'once bitten, twice shy'.

Okay you said therapists don't know what you're going through. But you know, a lot of people on here probably haven't gone through what you're going through either. And you also said that they have no right to tell you what to do but you're asking random people on the internet what to do? I've gone to a therapist when I was younger and their jobs aren't to tell you what to do. They listen to your problems and give you options on how to deal with your problems.


I think you're better off talking to a therapist. They might not have gone though what you're going through, but their jobs are talking to you and helping you, and I'm positive a lot of them dealt with people who have suicidal thoughts.
 
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Okay you said therapists don't know what you're going through. But you know, a lot of people on here probably haven't gone through what you're going through either. And you also said that they have no right to tell you what to do but you're asking random people on the internet what to do? I've gone to a therapist when I was younger and their jobs aren't to tell you what to do. They listen to your problems and give you options on how to deal with your problems.

I guess so, it's probably just my previous bad experience of being treated like I was just wasting their time that's clouding my judgment.
I have also found it really hard to talk about my problems face to face, it just seems so much easier online.
 
Oh you must have gone to a horrible therapist then. They are never supposed to make you feel like you are wasting their time. They are there to help you, not the other way around. You should give it another shot. You shouldn't judge a therapist just because of a few bad ones. You can try a support group. Those people would know what you're going through and are a great resource. I understand the easier to talk to people online. Heck I rant and talk more online than I do in real life but I think if you are having suicidal thoughts, you should talk to a professional or support group face to face
 
Oh you must have gone to a horrible therapist then. They are never supposed to make you feel like you are wasting their time. They are there to help you, not the other way around. You should give it another shot. You shouldn't judge a therapist just because of a few bad ones. You can try a support group. Those people would know what you're going through and are a great resource. I understand the easier to talk to people online. Heck I rant and talk more online than I do in real life but I think if you are having suicidal thoughts, you should talk to a professional or support group face to face

Thanks for your help.
I'm actually going to contact the welfare officer again who has been helping me before and see if she can help me out with my problems at work, see what happens and I'll take it from there.
 
Well, first and foremost, your therapist is extremely unprofessional and not a good one by any means. That said, there are some amazing mental health professionals out there. I know it's scary and hard but I would definitely not let the previous one deter you from finding a good therapist. I would personally look for an experienced psychologist and make a list of questions to gauge if they're the right fit for you and their approach (different psychologists and therapists utilize different approaches). If you go to the first appointment and they just don't mesh with you, don't be scared to go on to look for the next one until you find one that fits or ask to talk on the phone first to get an idea.

As for what helps me...
Ultimately, I was in an abusive toxic situation so mostly getting out of that environment was beneficial for my mental health. Likewise, making changes to my environment and doing things I deserved to do but didn't know I deserved or could do was helpful. So, asking what you want and then putting together how you're going to make that a reality or what you need to go for those things. Also realize that that's something great to do with the professional you work with once you find someone great. Recognizing that you are worthy, amazing, and can achieve what you want for your idea of happiness.
Most of all, not trying to preach to you (but since you asked and it helped me the most), Buddhism helped me. Learning that nothing is permanent, learning about the concept of suffering, learning about responsibility of suffering, learning about attachment, learning how to live now and not the past or the future...etc...All those huge themes in Buddhism and the teachings were extremely healing for me. Talking to a professional to examine and understand the things I went through and doing research on my own on those things as well were helpful.

Now...this is going to sound bad...but..
My suicidal thoughts are always there especially as a suicide survivor. Having attempted suicide, suicide isn't really something that ever leaves for me (at least not thus far). Life can be perfect and somewhere in part of my day it is there. It's hard to explain why that is or what it means for me and I think it's really only something someone that has suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide understands. It's not even necessarily a negative in a way or something that bothers me personally. In a weird way it's almost like a comforting thing. In any case, all I know is that it doesn't control the state of where I am now, where I will be, or how I feel for life/future...it's there and I acknowledge it for what it is but then I still do the things I want in life, look to the things I want, make the changes that make me happy, love the people I love, love myself, and so forth.
Of course, we're all different and what you are experiencing is certainly going to be different and your journey is going to require potentially different things. That's okay and that's what makes having a great psychologist so beneficial in terms of working together to get to the root of things you're dealing with and to examine what to do.

Right now, I would really suggest lots of self care in the meantime until you find someone you trust. I know it may be hard especially if you feel so low in self worth. However, try to do things that build you up. Try to get out to places to treat yourself, try to do activities that give you release (swimming is one for me...for some, yoga..or running...etc), try to write yourself letters contradicting the negative perceptions you have for yourself, try to get out and experience the things that, for you, make life worth it. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to message me anytime.

Also, I'm really sorry to hear about your mother and that you were in hospital. I hope your mother and you are making good recoveries and I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.
 
After melsi posted that now I don't feel like I helped at all, because she said a lot of helpful things. -_-

But anyways, I hope you are able to get some help and figure everything out, but please don't kill yourself.
 
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i would definitely make a long post like melsi giving my thoughts and advice if i weren't sad myself rn lol

but i do want to say that i personally find it brave of you to post here and ask for help in the first place. if it were me, i'd be too scared to make my own thread about it, but you did even when you're in such a state.

reaching out for help is the first step. just keep going, one little step at a time. you'll be okay.
 
After melsi posted that now I don't feel like I helped at all, because she said a lot of helpful things. -_-

But anyways, I hope you are able to get some help and figure everything out, but please don't kill yourself.


Don't worry i actually feel a bit a better at the moment so I don't plan to do anything to harm myself a the moment. Posting here and getting helpful replies has shown me that I shouldn't give up.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Well, first and foremost, your therapist is extremely unprofessional and not a good one by any means. That said, there are some amazing mental health professionals out there. I know it's scary and hard but I would definitely not let the previous one deter you from finding a good therapist. I would personally look for an experienced psychologist and make a list of questions to gauge if they're the right fit for you and their approach (different psychologists and therapists utilize different approaches). If you go to the first appointment and they just don't mesh with you, don't be scared to go on to look for the next one until you find one that fits or ask to talk on the phone first to get an idea.

As for what helps me...
Ultimately, I was in an abusive toxic situation so mostly getting out of that environment was beneficial for my mental health. Likewise, making changes to my environment and doing things I deserved to do but didn't know I deserved or could do was helpful. So, asking what you want and then putting together how you're going to make that a reality or what you need to go for those things. Also realize that that's something great to do with the professional you work with once you find someone great. Recognizing that you are worthy, amazing, and can achieve what you want for your idea of happiness.
Most of all, not trying to preach to you (but since you asked and it helped me the most), Buddhism helped me. Learning that nothing is permanent, learning about the concept of suffering, learning about responsibility of suffering, learning about attachment, learning how to live now and not the past or the future...etc...All those huge themes in Buddhism and the teachings were extremely healing for me. Talking to a professional to examine and understand the things I went through and doing research on my own on those things as well were helpful.

Now...this is going to sound bad...but..
My suicidal thoughts are always there especially as a suicide survivor. Having attempted suicide, suicide isn't really something that ever leaves for me (at least not thus far). Life can be perfect and somewhere in part of my day it is there. It's hard to explain why that is or what it means for me and I think it's really only something someone that has suicidal thoughts or attempted suicide understands. It's not even necessarily a negative in a way or something that bothers me personally. In a weird way it's almost like a comforting thing. In any case, all I know is that it doesn't control the state of where I am now, where I will be, or how I feel for life/future...it's there and I acknowledge it for what it is but then I still do the things I want in life, look to the things I want, make the changes that make me happy, love the people I love, love myself, and so forth.
Of course, we're all different and what you are experiencing is certainly going to be different and your journey is going to require potentially different things. That's okay and that's what makes having a great psychologist so beneficial in terms of working together to get to the root of things you're dealing with and to examine what to do.

Right now, I would really suggest lots of self care in the meantime until you find someone you trust. I know it may be hard especially if you feel so low in self worth. However, try to do things that build you up. Try to get out to places to treat yourself, try to do activities that give you release (swimming is one for me...for some, yoga..or running...etc), try to write yourself letters contradicting the negative perceptions you have for yourself, try to get out and experience the things that, for you, make life worth it. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to message me anytime.

Also, I'm really sorry to hear about your mother and that you were in hospital. I hope your mother and you are making good recoveries and I'm keeping you both in my thoughts.

Thank you for your kind words, thankfully my mum is doing a lot better now.

Funnily enough I was thinking about Buddhism yesterday and looked it up, I'm not religious so thought maybe the spiritual route would be something to consider.

I'm also going to spend the weekend relaxing with my dog and doing some self reflection.
 
I'm glad to hear that about your mom!

I think, like with all religions or concepts, there are beneficial lessons in all of them. So, you may very well find something helpful It it whether the religion speaks to you as a whole or not. For Buddhism specifically, it can get pretty complex and there are so many different branches..but if it might interest you, this is one of the initial things I listened to for an understanding of some basics and I really enjoy his way of wording everything. YT: https://youtu.be/aWuyH0tTDY0
Even if you decide not really to look at Buddhism in a sense of religiously, you might find looking into "mindfulness" helpful and meditation.

:) That sounds like a lovely weekend plan. Animals are wonderful with emotional support so I'm glad you'll get to spend some time with your dog.
 
i dont cope, i mean i try to but it is impossible to truly cope with my **** brain lmao. i suffer through things and when my psychologist and psychiatrists have felt i was actually about to commit suicide (im Chronically Suicidal but when i have become way more suicidal i guess??? idk) i have been taken out of school, sent to the ER, been put under 24/7 surveilance and/or gotten new or more meds lol. there's no coping in that, it is all just emergency solutions to give me more time for treatment so i might uhhh not want death.

if you feel your life is at risk you should seek emergency treatment or at least tell someone. i'm not saying it will work, but it is what you're supposed to do and it might help you. very suicidal feelings and thoughts are usually not there for years and years so if you get some kind of help or if you're put under some kind of suicide watch for only a week or something you might stay alive for longer lol, which would give you more time for treatment and all that.
if you're not actively suicidal (no plans, attempts, thoughts about how and when) you should still seek out treatment. you and a psychologist or therapist can work on finding coping methods that work for you. there's no quick fix and imo coping is mostly just ways to make it a bit less super awful but uh yeah idk it can be worth giving it a try
 
We need less suicide in today's society. How do we do that? Look out for one another, improve mental health advocacy, make counselling/therapy cheaper (or perhaps even free).
I personally struggle with suicidal ideation when I'm depressed (even being slightly upset makes me suicidal). I'm in a high at the moment (schizoaffective bipolar), so I can't speak from current struggles and what I'm currently doing, but I'll tell you what does help: writing. Write all your thoughts into a journal, write a story, write the thoughts onto a piece of paper and burn it. Those all work for me.
When your therapist said you're not a serious self-harmer, that's real ****ed up. No one should ever have to hear that; all self-harm is serious. I'm so sorry about that. I'm ignored, too, so I know what you're going through. I know you don't want to hear that, but if it makes you feel less alone, well so be it -- that's definitely a good thing.
You're incredibly powerful for posting this here, despite not knowing us on a personal level. Not many people would do that. And the fact that you did that in the first place means you want to give life one more go. Do that. Do things that you enjoy: go for walks at dawn and feel the cool air, it'll make you feel more alive and invigorated (speaking from personal experience); play with any pets you have; play video games; read; write; have a nice, warm bath; listen to happy music; talk to someone online; call a helpline in times of need; talk to a professional on those websites that are basically helplines, but are messenger websites; buy something new; work out; eat healthily. There's so much you can do. Those are just personal pleasures, but they help me immensely. I think they might help you, too.

Also, look into Dialectical behaviour therapy. I used to do it when I was 15 for my old mental disorders (apart from anxiety; still got that :/ ). Or look up the DBT guides online and use them to further improve yourself. They help, believe me. My favourite is the one where you feel as if you're in the moment by feeling sensations. I can't do that anymore because I hallucinate that it's a complete different feeling. Feel something soft, feel the water gushing onto your body in a warm shower, or even feel ice. It'll really put you into the moment. This is especially helpful if you are feeling anxious.

Avoid using Tumblr. That website promotes unhealthy habits and suicidal/self-harm filled thoughts. Avoid looking at pictures of gore, it'll only trigger you. NEVER USE 4CHAN!!! I cannot stress that enough. I use it sometimes but not when I'm suicidal, only when I'm hypomanic. It really makes me feel worse. Never watch horror movies or thriller movies; they'll only make you more anxious and scared, and could even trigger your thoughts or self-harm. DO ****ING NOT WATCH 13 REASONS WHY!

I hope you'll be okay. If you ever want to talk to someone who's experienced turmoil so much so that I developed PTSD when I was younger and want to talk about your own turmoils, message me. My IG is linked in my signature.

Remember: you're loved, even if it's only one person that loves you (which I highly doubt). You'll be missed if you did commit suicide. Please be safe. Everything ends up okay in the end, believe me. <333
 
We need less suicide in today's society. How do we do that? Look out for one another, improve mental health advocacy, make counselling/therapy cheaper (or perhaps even free).
I personally struggle with suicidal ideation when I'm depressed (even being slightly upset makes me suicidal). I'm in a high at the moment (schizoaffective bipolar), so I can't speak from current struggles and what I'm currently doing, but I'll tell you what does help: writing. Write all your thoughts into a journal, write a story, write the thoughts onto a piece of paper and burn it. Those all work for me.
When your therapist said you're not a serious self-harmer, that's real ****ed up. No one should ever have to hear that; all self-harm is serious. I'm so sorry about that. I'm ignored, too, so I know what you're going through. I know you don't want to hear that, but if it makes you feel less alone, well so be it -- that's definitely a good thing.
You're incredibly powerful for posting this here, despite not knowing us on a personal level. Not many people would do that. And the fact that you did that in the first place means you want to give life one more go. Do that. Do things that you enjoy: go for walks at dawn and feel the cool air, it'll make you feel more alive and invigorated (speaking from personal experience); play with any pets you have; play video games; read; write; have a nice, warm bath; listen to happy music; talk to someone online; call a helpline in times of need; talk to a professional on those websites that are basically helplines, but are messenger websites; buy something new; work out; eat healthily. There's so much you can do. Those are just personal pleasures, but they help me immensely. I think they might help you, too.

Also, look into Dialectical behaviour therapy. I used to do it when I was 15 for my old mental disorders (apart from anxiety; still got that :/ ). Or look up the DBT guides online and use them to further improve yourself. They help, believe me. My favourite is the one where you feel as if you're in the moment by feeling sensations. I can't do that anymore because I hallucinate that it's a complete different feeling. Feel something soft, feel the water gushing onto your body in a warm shower, or even feel ice. It'll really put you into the moment. This is especially helpful if you are feeling anxious.

Avoid using Tumblr. That website promotes unhealthy habits and suicidal/self-harm filled thoughts. Avoid looking at pictures of gore, it'll only trigger you. NEVER USE 4CHAN!!! I cannot stress that enough. I use it sometimes but not when I'm suicidal, only when I'm hypomanic. It really makes me feel worse. Never watch horror movies or thriller movies; they'll only make you more anxious and scared, and could even trigger your thoughts or self-harm. DO ****ING NOT WATCH 13 REASONS WHY!

I hope you'll be okay. If you ever want to talk to someone who's experienced turmoil so much so that I developed PTSD when I was younger and want to talk about your own turmoils, message me. My IG is linked in my signature.

Remember: you're loved, even if it's only one person that loves you (which I highly doubt). You'll be missed if you did commit suicide. Please be safe. Everything ends up okay in the end, believe me. <333

Thank you so much!

I'm so glad I made this post and the responses I've got have definitely brought me back from the edge and I actually feel worthy now.

I'm definitely going to try the suggestions I've revived like writing down my thoughts and feelings, even cuddling the bear I've had since I was only 2 years old helps and of course there's my dog Jack who gives me purpose in life.

Don't worry I will avoid those sites and I only ever use Tumblr for qr codes and dream towns.

Right now I'm playing ACNL and funnily enough even my villagers have sent me letters telling me how much I mean to them, I know it's stupid but even playing ACNL gives me purpose and something to look forward to.

So thanks again for your help and kind words, they really have helped!
 
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