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mutually using each other?

InfinityFlames

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i was thinking a lot about one of my "friendships" earlier today and it's been pestering my mind ever since, so i decided to make a thread about it and see what your thoughts on this are. i'm aware of how dumb this is, but i'm still confused on what the best action with the least consequences to take is. please, go ahead and be genuine with me, i won't get offended.

we're basically both using each other, and i'm pretty sure we both know it.
our friendship started off pretty normally, before it spiraled into this abyss of toxicity that we're in now. i had just moved to the high school that i'm at now, and i didn't know anyone. i met her through a couple of people i connected with who happened to be in the same friend group, and we grew closer because i realized she was in one of my classes so i sat next to her one day and we instantly connected. at the time, in that circle of friends, she was the one i was closest to. she was hilarious, and i genuinely thought that she was the greatest. god, was i wrong. i soon started to see how much of a snake she was. she started leaving out one of my friends whenever we would plan group hangouts (only because that friend was less popular), she started only being nice to that friend when she needed her for money, she never paid any of us back whenever she owed us money, she started acting out and exaggerating whenever we'd drink or smoke weed, and at one point i caught her literally stealing money from my wallet while i was in the bathroom and she tried to play it off like she was just kidding. my other friends and i started complaining about everything she was doing to each other, but then smiling to her face and acting like everything was fine in front of her eventually we just got tired of her bull and tried confronting her about it. although it didn't really work out, because not everyone got to voice their opinions (myself included). so the fakeness continued and worsened. it got to the point where we both knew we were talking **** about each other to our friends, but still acted fine to each other's faces. that's how it still is now, and to be honest, the only reason i still put up with it is that i get free weed from her. i'm pretty sure the only reason she puts up with me is that i take her pipe home with me every time because her parents check her bag. i don't know what to do about this "friendship." i don't know if this is right or wrong, because we're both using each other. i don''t know if i should try and end this or not. part of me knows that this is causing nothing but negativity in my life, but at the same time that other ****ty part of me still wants the free weed and fun times. i don't know how i'd end this either. there's also a possibility i'd split our friend group up. what are your honest thoughts on this? feel free to ask any questions. you also don't have to comment advice on my specific story, i'd like to hear some of your opinions/stories on these topics.(also, yes, after much thought i'm aware that this is a terribly cringy angsty teenage type thing, and i'm not proud of that or some things that i've done, but it's happened and there's unfortunately nothing i can do to change that fact )
Well, first thing, I think it's dumb that you're staying in this "friendship" so that you get free weed. She's treated one of your friends like crap because of the whole popularity BS. She's stolen money from you guys repeatedly. Why are you taking this abuse?

Tell me how it didn't work out when you tried to confront her the first time? Then when it didn't go according to plan and you're all just like, "Welp, lets sweep this under the rug!"

Do you really need weed to have fun? You can honestly have fun without weed and booze. It's not the end of the world. Honestly, that reason alone, "I need weed to have fun" or "I need weed because it's fun" is such a BS answer. Really? Are you kidding me?

Your priority is free weed thus you stick with this crappy person. Nice.

Clearly, if you hated this negativity, you'd leave. You would remind yourself, that you hate this. She doesn't respect you or the others. I don't know, maybe you like talking **** behind each other's backs. Maybe this is just normal to you.

This is a terrible group of people by the way. Those pals of yours are listening to that girl’s badmouthing session about you, just as you are doing to her. If they are taking your side, then they are just as well doing the same for that girl. Everyone is two faced in this group. Including you.

You know how to get out of this. You leave. Who cares about losing friends in this process? A few might follow you and you can actually have a genuine friendship with others than this fake idiotic crap.
you're making good points. i am being too faced. i suppose i am being pretty dumb as well.

a couple things i probably should've clarified/been more specific about:

- i'm aware that i don't need weed to have fun, what i meant was that despite the underlying fakeness, it's fun when we hang out, with or without the weed.

- it isn't the whole group who is listening to us. our main best friend group is made out of 5 people including myself. it's me, the girl who was left out, and one other girl complaining to each other and the other girl (let's call her "a" to avoid confusion), who then talks about the ****ty friend to us, and vice versa. a talks **** about both sides with both sides. she says that she doesn't want to take sides. a is close with the ****ty friend, and close with one of the other girls, who i am closest to.

i think after reading everyone's comments i've now made up my mind that i want to end this, but i'm still kind of afraid of tearing genuine friends apart.

Don't know how much of this story I can actually believe considering this girl overexaggerates when you smoke, but then owns the pipe and all the weed herself, but being completely blunt with you, I promise you can find free weed from other people

Find you friends who will pack you a nice bowl and happily share it with everyone

it's really easy to buy weed at the high school i'm in, as long as you've got a lot of money and you know someone (there are looottssss of people at our school), you've got weed. i live in washington state where it's legalized, so possessing it isn't that special/difficult haha. an example of one of the times she exaggerated was when she claimed that she forgot how to use the stairs, after smoking a little bit. i don't think marijuana does that to people, especially only a little bit to someone with a heavy tolerance lol. forgive me if i'm wrong. another thing she does is speak in a painfully exaggerated "high" voice when around the well known stoners of our school, but then she either forgets at some point and just completely drops it and resumes, or she just drops it when they've left.

please also avoid commenting if your goal is a debate, i'd like this to stay a discussion
 
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Well I hate weed personally so i'd say kick her to the curb she sounds like wayyy too much drama. However I do understand your pov. If you really think that it's worth it to get it free and act fake then I guess as long as you emotionally disconnect from her (incase things go bad) then I see no real harm in it. I couldn't act fake like that because i'd get mad and blurt out my feelings hhah. I'm sorry you've got this going on.
 
I'd try confronting this person again. Putting on fake faces is exhausting, I did it for a solid 3 years. My "friend" wasn't as near as bad as this, but she used everyone one of us for a long time. We stopped inviting her to our events and she questioned us about it, quite annoyed naturally. We told it to her straight. In my opinion it just isn't worth your time or energy surrounding yourself with terrible people like this, you've got to confront her if you can. Otherwise maybe just gradually try to detach yourself from her? Surely there must be better people to have fun times with without all this of ***tty stuff in between. But I also understand not wanting to act on things because it's a very hard step to take :/
 
Well, first thing, I think it's dumb that you're staying in this "friendship" so that you get free weed. She's treated one of your friends like crap because of the whole popularity BS. She's stolen money from you guys repeatedly. Why are you taking this abuse?

Tell me how it didn't work out when you tried to confront her the first time? Then when it didn't go according to plan and you're all just like, "Welp, lets sweep this under the rug!"

Do you really need weed to have fun? You can honestly have fun without weed and booze. It's not the end of the world. Honestly, that reason alone, "I need weed to have fun" or "I need weed because it's fun" is such a BS answer. Really? Are you kidding me?

Your priority is free weed thus you stick with this crappy person. Nice.

Clearly, if you hated this negativity, you'd leave. You would remind yourself, that you hate this. She doesn't respect you or the others. I don't know, maybe you like talking **** behind each other's backs. Maybe this is just normal to you.

This is a terrible group of people by the way. Those pals of yours are listening to that girl?s badmouthing session about you, just as you are doing to her. If they are taking your side, then they are just as well doing the same for that girl. Everyone is two faced in this group. Including you.

You know how to get out of this. You leave. Who cares about losing friends in this process? A few might follow you and you can actually have a genuine friendship with others than this fake idiotic crap.
 
I'd say reading that, I think you already know it isn't a very healthy relationship. Learning to be able to distance yourself from unhealthy people and focusing on the management of more healthy interactions will be relevant skills the rest of your life. Look at what boundaries you need with people, and be good about clearly setting and communicating them, then follow through with your actions. Anything less, you'll end up stuck in the loop of these sort of relationships.
 
Don't know how much of this story I can actually believe considering this girl overexaggerates when you smoke, but then owns the pipe and all the weed herself, but being completely blunt with you, I promise you can find free weed from other people

Find you friends who will pack you a nice bowl and happily share it with everyone
 
lol weed....
 
In the past, I would've said cut her out of your life because you don't need the drama but I've learned to make compromises too. I have a similar friendship but not as serious as yours. In the past, we were really cool but I had a thing with this guy whom she had a crush on. We never told people so she might've just been jealous that he was nicer and closer to me. I remember the day her attitude towards me changed. She asked if she could come with me to hang out with my friends and I waited for her at the station instead of going straight to the meeting place. She got angry with me for not being able to find the restaurant, even though she could've easily looked it up herself. Basically she'll say shady things about me TO my face (probably more behind my back) and I know she doesn't like me. I think she wants to hang out with me because she wants to hang out with my friends and she doesn't have many. I hang out with her because she does a lot of research about where we're going and she's good at directions lol. I saw her over the weekend and she stuck to the guy I used to have a thing with and would tell the group things I told her in confidence to embarrass me. I think that's the last time I'll hang out with her.
 
I'd rather buy weed than stay with that horrible person. Get out asap. It's only a matter of time before she does something worse or you explode from the amount of stress.
 
Get out before it gets worse. It doesn't even seem like an even "trade" when you're using each other - like you get free weed but on top of that a whole lot of other bull**** and having to deal with a ****ty person. It's not worth it.
 
lol'ed this is the dumbest story I've ever read so can't tell if fake or not

my opinion: leave her
 
First of all, don't be ashamed of your past decisions because there isn't anything you can do to change them. The only thing you can do is make the right decisions for the future.

Second, getting free weed and having fun is very superficial. Those things don't last, and you don't just have them with one specific person. There are tons of people out there you can be around who won't be as toxic as you both are to each other, who you can hang out with!

I say you cut her out of your life. It isn't a healthy relationship for the both of you, and since you've already confronted her, and nothing has changed, I say you come clear and end the "friendship" (if you can even call it that).
Life is always much better when you surround yourself with people who truly love and care about you, and that itself, as cringy as it sounds, is worth so much more than free weed and fun times.

Good luck with her! I hope you make the right decisions this time around. c:
 
Well, first thing, I think it's dumb that you're staying in this "friendship" so that you get free weed. She's treated one of your friends like crap because of the whole popularity BS. She's stolen money from you guys repeatedly. Why are you taking this abuse?

Tell me how it didn't work out when you tried to confront her the first time? Then when it didn't go according to plan and you're all just like, "Welp, lets sweep this under the rug!"

Do you really need weed to have fun? You can honestly have fun without weed and booze. It's not the end of the world. Honestly, that reason alone, "I need weed to have fun" or "I need weed because it's fun" is such a BS answer. Really? Are you kidding me?

Your priority is free weed thus you stick with this crappy person. Nice.

Clearly, if you hated this negativity, you'd leave. You would remind yourself, that you hate this. She doesn't respect you or the others. I don't know, maybe you like talking **** behind each other's backs. Maybe this is just normal to you.

This is a terrible group of people by the way. Those pals of yours are listening to that girl’s badmouthing session about you, just as you are doing to her. If they are taking your side, then they are just as well doing the same for that girl. Everyone is two faced in this group. Including you.

You know how to get out of this. You leave. Who cares about losing friends in this process? A few might follow you and you can actually have a genuine friendship with others than this fake idiotic crap.
you're making good points. i am being too faced. i suppose i am being pretty dumb as well.

a couple things i probably should've clarified/been more specific about:

- i'm aware that i don't need weed to have fun, what i meant was that despite the underlying fakeness, it's fun when we hang out, with or without the weed.

- it isn't the whole group who is listening to us. our main best friend group is made out of 5 people including myself. it's me, the girl who was left out, and one other girl complaining to each other and the other girl (let's call her "a" to avoid confusion), who then talks about the ****ty friend to us, and vice versa. a talks **** about both sides with both sides. she says that she doesn't want to take sides. a is close with the ****ty friend, and close with one of the other girls, who i am closest to.

i think after reading everyone's comments i've now made up my mind that i want to end this, but i'm still kind of afraid of tearing genuine friends apart.


- - - Post Merge - - -

Don't know how much of this story I can actually believe considering this girl overexaggerates when you smoke, but then owns the pipe and all the weed herself, but being completely blunt with you, I promise you can find free weed from other people

Find you friends who will pack you a nice bowl and happily share it with everyone

it's really easy to buy weed at the high school i'm in, as long as you've got a lot of money and you know someone (there are looottssss of people at our school), you've got weed. i live washington state where it's legalized, so possessing it isn't that special/difficult haha. an example of one of the times she exaggerated was when she claimed that she forgot how to use the stairs, after smoking a little bit. i don't think marijuana does that to people, especially only a little bit to someone with a heavy tolerance lol. forgive me if i'm wrong. another thing she does is speak in a painfully exaggerated "high" voice when around the well known stoners of our school, but then she either forgets at some point and just completely drops it and resumes, or she just drops it when they've left.
 
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I hope this thread doesn't turn into a debate about weed.

But, as hilarious as this story is, it's pretty darn toxic. I'm surprised that you get free weed from her if you both hate each other so much. Weed isn't easy to get (so I'm told).

Break it off. Don't surround yourself with toxic people. I find it pretty ironic that every high you get is thanks to someone so low.
 
get a job. (not hard)
then dump the ****ty friend
then buy ur own marijuanassss
more money (since shes not stealing) no negativity
and u still get ur weed

idk if weed is worth being unhappy but to each ur own
 
high school???!?!?!?!?! u need spanked

- - - Post Merge - - -

Don't know how much of this story I can actually believe considering this girl overexaggerates when you smoke, but then owns the pipe and all the weed herself, but being completely blunt with you, I promise you can find free weed from other people

Find you friends who will pack you a nice bowl and happily share it with everyone

then all of their friends would be leeches lol
 
After reading your story, I'd say, please please get out of that relationship. I know you're afraid of losing friends but you can always make more friendships that are healthy and genuine. I've been in your situation before (well minus the weed) and while I've been out of it for years now, I still feel like I'm recovering from the aftermath at times. The sooner you get out of it the better.
 
sharing is caring

sharing is caring if its like ur best friend or someone u always hung around even when it's dry.

but if that is the only time they come around is for a bowl or whatever(alcohol, money, pills, etc) then u need to find new friends. theyre not friends if they only come around for that. theyre friends if theyre down with u whenever u got it or not and will chill no matter what youre doing.

id just go to a bunch of parties if what u want is free weed and stuff
 
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