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Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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Does anyone else here have borderline personality disorder? I've been struggling with this particular disorder for a few years now and it's really torn my relationships with friends, partners and family to shreds. I've struggled with mental illness since I was little, but this stage of my life really takes the cake. It feels incredibly hopeless to defend myself and it makes me not even want to be alive. I'm associated with cheating, manipulation, abuse and even animal abuse. I'm not kidding.

"I have seen hysterical humans cling to the no kill nation ideal, and cost healthy, adoptable dogs their dignity, their comfort and eventually, for many, their lives. These people are delusional. Death row animals draw in borderline personality and hysterical people who need an outlet for the constant feeling of pain and/or emptiness. These animals also draw in the criminal element, who is only to eager to ?rescue? these poor souls while the unbalanced folk pay the price for their efforts."- Link
"Manipulation is one of many ways that people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) attempt to control others in their lives and influence their behavior. It is not usually a conscious decision on the part of the person with BPD to do this, but that doesn?t mean that it?s OK to allow being manipulated to continue." - https://www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com/borderline-personality-disorder-manipulation.html

Things like this are just blatant stigmatisation. It just sucks, I guess. Do you have BPD, or know someone who has? What stigmas have you/they faced? Do you have any coping tips, from one ''Borderline'':)rolleyes:) to another?
 
Well I haven't dealt with any stigmas mostly because no one I talk to even knows what BPD is. They think I mean Bi Polar so... yikes. The peak of my BPD was around 3 years ago because I had no idea I had it and I didn't know why I was acting the way I was. I've since gotten educated and learned to control a lot of my episodes. Everyone is different but here were some of my main issues I had I how I cope.

Problem
1. Always finding something to complain about or accuse them (my partner) of doing wrong.
2. Leaving someone before they get the chance to leave me.
3. Lashing out.
4. Manipulating.
How I cope
1. I still struggle with this but i've learned to step back and realize it is not a big deal, I schedule to see the person irl and talk it out with them calmly and it normally is resolved.
2. I used to get so deeply attached to people so quick. I would be terrified that they would abandon me like everyone else so I just do my best to emotionally distance myself from people until I am convinced they will not leave me.
3. I have gotten to a point where I rarely get mad at people besides my mother. Getting my emotions in a healthy way really helps me not lash out.
4. I was never really manipulative in a harmful way. I mostly just manipulated people into being in a relationship with me which is still bad but i never had any mean intentions. I still am learning how to control this. I mostly just step bad and daydream about the manipulating instead if that makes sense?

I am a lucky person because I am very strong mentally and over 6+ years have learned a lot of self control. It's kind of hard for my to remember all the things I used to do because my biggest coping mechanism is forgetting! Forget all the bad things that happened to you so you wont be chained down by your thoughts. It takes time trust me but that helps me so much. Dont think, just do. Get out and live! Thats what I constantly have to tell myself. Feel free to reach out to me if you need to <3
 
I don't have BPD (technically I don't have anything bc every mental health service sucks and apparently I'm fine(lol no)) but I do have some of the traits along w depression, anxiety and and ED. I've seen BPD stigmatised so much it's awful. I have so much respect for people dealing with the disorder and trying to beat it, you go guys
 
I'm still 99% sure my partner has this and I've always had a thing for people with BPD. I don't hate you or think you're bad. No way.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I do really want to know what I can do to make my partner a little happier. Do any of you have suggestions?
 
I don't have BPD (technically I don't have anything bc every mental health service sucks and apparently I'm fine(lol no)) but I do have some of the traits along w depression, anxiety and and ED. I've seen BPD stigmatised so much it's awful. I have so much respect for people dealing with the disorder and trying to beat it, you go guys

You're super sweet! I'm so sorry to hear that, I've had my fair share of awful mental health services :c

I'm still 99% sure my partner has this and I've always had a thing for people with BPD. I don't hate you or think you're bad. No way.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I do really want to know what I can do to make my partner a little happier. Do any of you have suggestions?

You seem like a great partner! I really don't know what specifically would make them happy but some things that help me are reassurance, small acts of kindness and care, leaving the house, and lastly.. reassurance! I can't stress that enough!
 
I do not have BPD but have family members who do; I am struggling with an ED. I just want to say thank you for being so open about this and fighting against the horrible stigmatization of this and other mental illnesses. Mental health needs to be seen as equally important as physical health!
 
You seem like a great partner! I really don't know what specifically would make them happy but some things that help me are reassurance, small acts of kindness and care, leaving the house, and lastly.. reassurance! I can't stress that enough!

Aw, thank you! This sounds a lot like what he always wants now that I think about it. Thanks for bringing these points up :) I really stuggle with the leaving the house thing, as somebody who is agoraphobic and has sensory problems. I always feel badly about that because I have shutdowns or panic attack a lot when we do go out. I try really hard to, but I see that it bothers him when it upsets me. I just wish he knew that it wasn't his fault, or anybody's fault for that matter. Thanks again!
 
I have a LOT of the symptoms, but I'd rather not self diagnose. I'm sorry that you have this disorder and I hope you find proper help.
 
Aw, thank you! This sounds a lot like what he always wants now that I think about it. Thanks for bringing these points up :) I really stuggle with the leaving the house thing, as somebody who is agoraphobic and has sensory problems. I always feel badly about that because I have shutdowns or panic attack a lot when we do go out. I try really hard to, but I see that it bothers him when it upsets me. I just wish he knew that it wasn't his fault, or anybody's fault for that matter. Thanks again!

Woah you're agoraphobic too? I TOTALLY understand that trust me!!! Mine goes hand in hand because since i am agoraphobic I never leave the house and that gives me tons of time to overthink and give into my BPD symptoms. I cant imagine how hard it is for you two but it sounds like you're trying your best and that counts for a whole lot! I know this thread is not about agoraphobia but honestly, if you try your best to zone out the outside world and only focus on your partner it'll help I hope! It helps me to completely shut off my brain in public that way I cant think and freak out.
 
I have Borderline.. it actually went once so bad,
that I grabbed my rabbit strong and threw him into his toilet.
I've never done anything to my animals ever again luckily
and I really hope it will stay like this.
I love them more than anything and I would rather hurt
myself than hurting them in any way.
Luckily my rabbit didn't got injured and he seems to still
have the same opinion about me.
I will always feel guilty for what I've done tho..
I hate having that disorder and yes, it got actually diagnosed
from a doctor or however you call that.. psychologist (?)
I have no clue since when I have it, but I would say around.. 9 years or so..?
 
I feel like I could have BPD, my dad is certified bi-polar so it can also be that. I tend to lash out in forms of self-destructive behavior. Mostly because my dad is emotionally and mentally abusive, though he tries to talk to us but sadly the relationship is so strained that it just doesn't work. So I guess I have this stigma about it since I don't want to marry someone like my dad and lash out because of it in fear. Because I need a ton of attention and just feel generally worthless. It's caused me unable to detect sarcasm so I take it to heart. (hooray!) And in general I feel like friends are more like an audience who would leave if they found out. I'm very thankful that my boyfriend has stuck with me and is very patient with my emotional outbursts. I genuinely don't mean to and I feel like damaged goods due to the abuse. It's a very big struggle everyday since I don't have anyone to talk to about it professionally.
 
Well I haven't dealt with any stigmas mostly because no one I talk to even knows what BPD is. They think I mean Bi Polar so... yikes. The peak of my BPD was around 3 years ago because I had no idea I had it and I didn't know why I was acting the way I was. I've since gotten educated and learned to control a lot of my episodes. Everyone is different but here were some of my main issues I had I how I cope.

Problem
1. Always finding something to complain about or accuse them (my partner) of doing wrong.
2. Leaving someone before they get the chance to leave me.
3. Lashing out.
4. Manipulating.
How I cope
1. I still struggle with this but i've learned to step back and realize it is not a big deal, I schedule to see the person irl and talk it out with them calmly and it normally is resolved.
2. I used to get so deeply attached to people so quick. I would be terrified that they would abandon me like everyone else so I just do my best to emotionally distance myself from people until I am convinced they will not leave me.
3. I have gotten to a point where I rarely get mad at people besides my mother. Getting my emotions in a healthy way really helps me not lash out.
4. I was never really manipulative in a harmful way. I mostly just manipulated people into being in a relationship with me which is still bad but i never had any mean intentions. I still am learning how to control this. I mostly just step bad and daydream about the manipulating instead if that makes sense?

I am a lucky person because I am very strong mentally and over 6+ years have learned a lot of self control. It's kind of hard for my to remember all the things I used to do because my biggest coping mechanism is forgetting! Forget all the bad things that happened to you so you wont be chained down by your thoughts. It takes time trust me but that helps me so much. Dont think, just do. Get out and live! Thats what I constantly have to tell myself. Feel free to reach out to me if you need to <3

This might sound kind of rude but it's a genuine question: how do you differentiate people who actually have BPD and people who are just *******s? And what IS the difference?
 
i dont have bpd but i had a close friend w it (we arent friends anymore, she's not dead lmao)
she was Really not great w a lot of things. she would do a lot of mean things and then make everything about her and how she felt. (like, she'd make someone sad and then when they tried to talk about it sje would b like "))): all my friends are leavibg me !!! why do u hate me im so sad everyone should feel sorry for me ):" in a very manipulative and Bad way)
no matter what the situation was like she was always the victim.

the reason why im bringing it up is bc she would constantly bring up her bpd and use it as a defense ("u called me toxic and mean but i have bpd so youre a terrible person for saying that" instead of .. like... applogizing.. ) and she would also be condenscending and tell people that her problems were much worse than other ppl's problems. djdjskfkghl all of that made me really dislike her so i stopped being friends w her lol.

i know many other people w bpd (tho i havent been as close to them as the 1st friend) and none of them fit the "bad, manipulative, evil borderline" stereotypes. i think it is great that ppl are being positive and telling people that having bpd doesnt automatically make u an abuser, but when people take it as a way to defend their bad behaviour i Die.
 
One of my classmates had borderline personality disorder. She insulted people whenever the top grades were announced and others did better than her. She also blew up at the teacher when the teacher asked her to stop using her tablet while she was teaching.

I understand that it is harder to have self control and not lash out. However, mental illness is not an excuse to be a jerk and be completely ignorant of the consequences by not apologizing and mending the situation when you do have a better sense of control.
 
This might sound kind of rude but it's a genuine question: how do you differentiate people who actually have BPD and people who are just *******s? And what IS the difference?

No dont worry it's a legit question. No matter what disorder there will be people who romanticize it or hype up their own symptoms to make it seem as though they have the illness when they don't. I've ran into many, many people who pretend to have disorders to be trendy or the excuse their crappy actions so I have a few things that help me decide if someone is legit or not.

1. If they have never been to a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist.
2. If they have never been formally diagnosed.
3. If they are not undergoing treatment or medication, especially if they are regularly seeing their mental health provider.
4. If they constantly bring it up and say that you must deal with their actions because they are BPD and won't change.
5. If they only show the most common symptoms/only one or two small symptoms.
6. They react to some symptoms the way "outsiders" would. (not the best term but i use it to mean outsiders looking in on our illnesses)
1. This can easily be explained and excused because a lot of people don't have insurance or cannot go because of their parents which is totally understandable. However it is also a concern.
2. Again, if they cannot afford/cant go because of parents then I undertsand but if this is the case they should not be self diagnosing.
3. Again, parents, I know. This is a huge huge red flag though.
4. I have never met someone who actually has BPD or any disorder for that matter that acts this way. i.e "I BPD so you HAVE to deal with my mood swings and stuff because I can't do anything about it!" They may say something similar if they are really heated, but that should not be the general consensus.
5. This is kind of a dead giveaway for me. This is like someone saying "I have depression because I get sad sometimes." Ya know? Not everyone is going to experience every single symptom but hopefully you get my point.
6. Most people are very tolerant and understanding to those who also have the same disorder as them in my experience.


Of course there are always exceptions to every situation. These are just things I personally have saw over the years. I'm not a doctor so you shouldn't take anything as fact especially since i'm not using any sources for information i'm just talking about personal experiences. I hope this helped answer your question!
 
i dont have bpd but i had a close friend w it (we arent friends anymore, she's not dead lmao)
she was Really not great w a lot of things. she would do a lot of mean things and then make everything about her and how she felt. (like, she'd make someone sad and then when they tried to talk about it sje would b like "))): all my friends are leavibg me !!! why do u hate me im so sad everyone should feel sorry for me ):" in a very manipulative and Bad way)
no matter what the situation was like she was always the victim.

the reason why im bringing it up is bc she would constantly bring up her bpd and use it as a defense ("u called me toxic and mean but i have bpd so youre a terrible person for saying that" instead of .. like... applogizing.. ) and she would also be condenscending and tell people that her problems were much worse than other ppl's problems. djdjskfkghl all of that made me really dislike her so i stopped being friends w her lol.

i know many other people w bpd (tho i havent been as close to them as the 1st friend) and none of them fit the "bad, manipulative, evil borderline" stereotypes. i think it is great that ppl are being positive and telling people that having bpd doesnt automatically make u an abuser, but when people take it as a way to defend their bad behaviour i Die.

I was, admittedly, like your friend. I would lash out and be really REALLy mean and then I was too stubborn or heated to mend my mistakes afterwards. Sometimes I was too embarrassed. Then after being hurt so many times (through incidents that were my fault), I realised I needed to start getting in control of my actions.

Admitting to myself that my life is absolute garbage because it was me who ****ed it all up was the hardest thing I've had to do this year.
 
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I share symptoms but I'm not borderline; I have other mental illnesses, though. I really respect most people with BPD for dealing with so much **** from other, unaware people. It's stigmatised like C R A Z Y.
 
I recently wrote this description regarding my issues when it comes to relationships. And someone pm'd me saying they had BPD and could relate heavily to what I wrote. I decided to read up on BPD a bit more and I noticed I related a lot to some of the symptoms/descriptions. I struggle with overwhelming emotions, extreme anger, I have been physically violent in past relationships. I have threatened suicide/self-harm. I have fears of abandonment. I struggle with my identity of self. And I both over value my partner/de-value them. Sometimes I feel like I legitimately hate them at times. Does this sound like I might have bpd? I know this isn't an official diagnosis or anything. But I'm curious if any of you who are diagnosed with BPD relate to my description at all. Btw, I don't get like this with friends/family. But then again, I am not that close with my friends/family. So that could be the reason why.
----
(Some background information on my mental health. I suffered from anorexia when I was 13-14 but have long since recovered.)
I have noticed a pattern with myself when it comes to romantic relationships. I am extremely sensitive to how my partner perceives me. I am really clingy when it comes to my partners. And when my clinginess goes unreciprocated I start feeling extremely rejected by my partner. I start to feel unloved, and unwanted. And when I feel that my partner doesn't love me, I start feeling an overwhelming sense of worthlessness which effects my perception on every other aspect of my life.

At this point, anything can happen with me. I can start being extremely toxic to my partner. I also sometimes push them away, threaten breaking up, and overall just reject them before they can reject me. Sometimes I will self harm. Sometimes I will stop eating. Sometimes I will contemplate suicide. All of this is because I feel unwanted and unloved and rejected by my partner.
I'm not sure why I am like this... I want to love and be loved more then anything else in the world. I value my partner more then anything. So when I feel rejected by them... It's like everything just snaps. I literally become delusional, you can't rationalize with me. And sometimes I lose my grip with reality. I am not like this in any other aspect in my life. It is only towards a romantic relationship. I believe it's due to the fact I value my partner more then all else. Because of how much I value them, their actions have a significant impact on my mental state of mind.

I'm not sure what I should do. I'm currently in a wonderful relationship, and I've felt loved this entire time up until very recently. He's been busy gaming constantly the past month, and the amount of time and effort he dedicates towards me has been significantly dwindling. I had 2 episodes with him the past week, and now I'm scared this cycle is just going to continue again. After my 2 episodes, I finally started to think more rationally. And I let him know how much of an impact his actions have towards my mental state. He agreed that he has been very spotty with me lately, and said he will try to make some time for me each day.

As long as he follows through with this, I know I'll be happy and fine again. But... The fact I even get this way with a romantic partner in the first place is extremely concerning... I don't want to be like this with him, or anyone else for that matter... But I'm not sure what I can do to prevent how I feel. No matter how I try rationalizing this, when I get in that state... I lose sight of all else.

As for self esteem mine used to be extremely low, but I have been working on it. For the most part I value myself, I am happy with who I am as a person. And I value my life. But that is only when I'm in a normal state of mind. When I start feeling rejected/unloved all the progress I have made towards myself gets completely surmounted. I go from wanting to live, wanting to be happy, and wanting to have a good life and future, to suicidal and hopeless in an instant. That's how much of an effect they end up having on me...
 
I recently wrote this description regarding my issues when it comes to relationships. And someone pm'd me saying they had BPD and could relate heavily to what I wrote. I decided to read up on BPD a bit more and I noticed I related a lot to some of the symptoms/descriptions. I struggle with overwhelming emotions, extreme anger, I have been physically violent in past relationships. I have threatened suicide/self-harm. I have fears of abandonment. I struggle with my identity of self. And I both over value my partner/de-value them. Sometimes I feel like I legitimately hate them at times. Does this sound like I might have bpd? I know this isn't an official diagnosis or anything. But I'm curious if any of you who are diagnosed with BPD relate to my description at all. Btw, I don't get like this with friends/family. But then again, I am not that close with my friends/family. So that could be the reason why.
----
(Some background information on my mental health. I suffered from anorexia when I was 13-14 but have long since recovered.)
I have noticed a pattern with myself when it comes to romantic relationships. I am extremely sensitive to how my partner perceives me. I am really clingy when it comes to my partners. And when my clinginess goes unreciprocated I start feeling extremely rejected by my partner. I start to feel unloved, and unwanted. And when I feel that my partner doesn't love me, I start feeling an overwhelming sense of worthlessness which effects my perception on every other aspect of my life.

At this point, anything can happen with me. I can start being extremely toxic to my partner. I also sometimes push them away, threaten breaking up, and overall just reject them before they can reject me. Sometimes I will self harm. Sometimes I will stop eating. Sometimes I will contemplate suicide. All of this is because I feel unwanted and unloved and rejected by my partner.
I'm not sure why I am like this... I want to love and be loved more then anything else in the world. I value my partner more then anything. So when I feel rejected by them... It's like everything just snaps. I literally become delusional, you can't rationalize with me. And sometimes I lose my grip with reality. I am not like this in any other aspect in my life. It is only towards a romantic relationship. I believe it's due to the fact I value my partner more then all else. Because of how much I value them, their actions have a significant impact on my mental state of mind.

I'm not sure what I should do. I'm currently in a wonderful relationship, and I've felt loved this entire time up until very recently. He's been busy gaming constantly the past month, and the amount of time and effort he dedicates towards me has been significantly dwindling. I had 2 episodes with him the past week, and now I'm scared this cycle is just going to continue again. After my 2 episodes, I finally started to think more rationally. And I let him know how much of an impact his actions have towards my mental state. He agreed that he has been very spotty with me lately, and said he will try to make some time for me each day.

As long as he follows through with this, I know I'll be happy and fine again. But... The fact I even get this way with a romantic partner in the first place is extremely concerning... I don't want to be like this with him, or anyone else for that matter... But I'm not sure what I can do to prevent how I feel. No matter how I try rationalizing this, when I get in that state... I lose sight of all else.

As for self esteem mine used to be extremely low, but I have been working on it. For the most part I value myself, I am happy with who I am as a person. And I value my life. But that is only when I'm in a normal state of mind. When I start feeling rejected/unloved all the progress I have made towards myself gets completely surmounted. I go from wanting to live, wanting to be happy, and wanting to have a good life and future, to suicidal and hopeless in an instant. That's how much of an effect they end up having on me...

Yes, it definitely sounds like you have BPD. Even eating disorders are pretty common in people with BPD. What is good is that you acknowlege your problems and you want to work on them. It helps to know what disorder you have and how you got it in the first place, so you should talk to a therapist about this. And know that you're strong and this isn't your fault.
 
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