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Trusting your parents

Gregriii

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Have you tried having a conversation with her about asexuality and what it means? I'm assuming she thinks you're gay because you aren't interested in a relationship with a girl so try explaining that it's (sexual) relationships in general that you aren't interested in?

I think the best way to improve your relationship with your mom is to be honest and discuss how you're feeling with her directly.
 
Do you pay for the phone and service or does she? Because if she's paying for it it's technically hers and she can snoop through it if she wants to. It sucks but it's hers.

If you haven't already just confront her and just tell her it breaks your trust when she does that.
 
My mom was like that when I was a teen; you just gotta get through it until you can move out and then she'll calm down. At least that's what happened with my mom.

edit: did not mean the asexual thing, just the whole mother snooping part. my mom would break into my email u_u
 
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Have you tried having a conversation with her about asexuality and what it means? I'm assuming she thinks you're gay because you aren't interested in a relationship with a girl so try explaining that it's (sexual) relationships in general that you aren't interested in?

I think the best way to improve your relationship with your mom is to be honest and discuss how you're feeling with her directly.

I sadly have tried talking with her but it always ends in her telling lies and still not trusting me T.T
 
You're 17 right? Your mom has every right to take your phone even if you pay for it yourself.
She would also have a right to take it, if you were 18. (only if you didn't pay for it)
Even though what she's doing is a little crazy, maybe you should explain asexuality to her. (It should be a part of the LGBTQ community as well. It is just as hard and frustrating to be asexual as it is gay/lesbian people don't think it is normal)

Tell her how you feel, I mean, if you were gay, you would tell her right? You told her about being asexual and people act just as shocked to hear that, as if you were to say "I'm gay"

She also could think "Ok you're 17 you're nuts if you're not having sex"
so many parents I know think that way, including my own. She probably thinks it is weird that you aren't interested.

This is just a thought, every kid I knew at 17 had raging hormones and WANTED it. It isn't abnormal not to want anything at all and it doesn't make you gay, neither does supporting LGBTQ. That's something everybody should support regardless if you're gay or not. So that was pretty close minded of her to do.

My ex best friends dad would always say I needed a boyfriend but I never wanted one. I let them come to me...
I knew that most relationships meant that they wanted more than just that so I stayed away... Some guys would always ask if I'm lesbian because of my one other friend I hung out with a lot. One person stopped talking to me for a week because he thought I was gay.... ugh... Nope, not gay, just don't like you and don't want to date. I know how you feel.
 
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ok so I don't really know if i should post this on here but whatever

so here's the problem: my mom took my phone while I was out and like i don't have anything to hide from her but what the ****??? seriously??? and she started saying about how she didn't care if i was gay and how i'm going to be always her son and like tons of lgbt+ supportive ****, i mean it was cute and all but i'm not gay

You should be lucky to have a Mom who is open-minded and not bigoted. Feel lucky. Don't feel like you're oppressed or treated unfairly. Your Mom is your Mom. As long as she doesn't do anything abusive and shows care for you, I think she's a good mother.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I sadly have tried talking with her but it always ends in her telling lies and still not trusting me T.T

This thread is labeled "trusting your parents." You say, "still not trusting me."

Seems to me you both don't trust each other and have a complicated relationship.

Trust is a two-way street. A street you're not on.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Do you pay for the phone and service or does she? Because if she's paying for it it's technically hers and she can snoop through it if she wants to. It sucks but it's hers.

If you haven't already just confront her and just tell her it breaks your trust when she does that.

Usually people twist things and not give the full story. Gregoriii may or may have not given the full situation. His mother may or may not have had a reasonable reason to take his phone and do whatever and even if she didn't, she's the parent.
 
Well, yeah some people twist stories but some parents DO act this way. He is here for advice so that's what we should give him, advice.

Even if he did twist the story, it could be for reasons that are too personal to post here.

And even though trust is a two way street, it seems like (only from what was said) that she doesn't trust him. When you push people to their limits, and cross boundaries, of course you will lose trust. She doesn't trust him, so he can't trust her right now.

Even though he is 17, 17 year olds deserve some privacy. She has every right to take his phone, but she is definitely crossing boundaries.

My mom took my phone sometimes, not always. Randomly, so randomly it was a rare occasion. But my dad even says, that kids need their privacy, he said "sometimes if you door is closed I leave you alone. everyone deserves their privacy. I am the same way, sometimes you just want to be left alone."

And that is coming from the most over protective parent I have ever met..
 
For all my parents faults, they're not the type to really snoop through my things, thank goodness. uvu

Going by what you've given us, I would say to not bother trying to explain things to her anymore. She clearly doesn't respect you enough to listen to what you have to say and actually ask you things rather than going behind your back. Unless you have a history of lying that you didn't tell us, your mom was out of line to do this. Weather it's "technically her phone" or not, honestly is a two way street and if you chose to snoop in people's things you have to right to expect them to be honest with you anyway.

But that's just my humble advice. :lemon:
 
Thankfully mydad doesn't snoop, and my mom has only snooped twice (one had major consequences because 5th grade me didn't know how to delete my search history and the other had like no consequences) but yeah I'm very careful. I don't give my parents any reason to snoop (even though there's plenty of reason to) and I don't tell them about my personal life at all. I don't trust them at all yet I keep giving them plenty of reason to trust me.
 
Thankfully mydad doesn't snoop, and my mom has only snooped twice (one had major consequences because 5th grade me didn't know how to delete my search history and the other had like no consequences) but yeah I'm very careful. I don't give my parents any reason to snoop (even though there's plenty of reason to) and I don't tell them about my personal life at all. I don't trust them at all yet I keep giving them plenty of reason to trust me.

You admit to being secretive and good at hiding things. Those are two reasons for your parents not to trust you.
 
Um possession of property shouldn't be broken. While yes, it's TECHNICALLY hers if she pays it that doesn't give her a right to just invade prvacy. I would say that if she isn't willing to understand, give some distance. Clearly if she can't be willing to open up to the idea then you can't force her. Some people are stubborn like that :( Best thing to do is logout of everything when you're done with it so she has no way to snoop. Don't hide the phone itself but don't leave the accounts open and if she presses the subject then ask why she thinks it's okay to do such a thing. I can't guarantee that she will take it calmly, as I do not know your mother, but it should prove the point. Also perhaps talk to her, calmly, why you feel like you can't trust her. Perhaps doing that will patch things up?
 
Thankfully mydad doesn't snoop, and my mom has only snooped twice (one had major consequences because 5th grade me didn't know how to delete my search history and the other had like no consequences) but yeah I'm very careful. I don't give my parents any reason to snoop (even though there's plenty of reason to) and I don't tell them about my personal life at all. I don't trust them at all yet I keep giving them plenty of reason to trust me.

I just wanted to say that I hope you can come to start trusting your parents. Even if you think you're great at hiding things parents will usually still know when something is up - they've been in your position before even if it was decades ago. While it's hard when you're living under their roof it's still better to be straight with them. Usually they'll want what they think is best for you - again using their experience from being like you many years ago.

Of course that's not always true and only you can decide what you want your relationship with your parents to be.
 
Yeah like others said, if she pays for the phone she has the right to look through it... and idk she doesn't sound like she's being a terrible mother by trying to support you even if she's not going about it the correct way...
 
Yeah like others said, if she pays for the phone she has the right to look through it... and idk she doesn't sound like she's being a terrible mother by trying to support you even if she's not going about it the correct way...

I agree 100%. Especially reading posts like "I'm careful and dont give my parents a reason not to trust me (even though there are a lot of reasons not to)"

I get it. I've been there. My parents snooped on me when I was 14 and didn't tell them anything about my life. When I came clean abd started sharing stuff with them more they stopped. Of course that was also around the time I started working and buying my own stuff too so idk a lot of factors might've played into it.
 
When I was younger, my dad used to read my diary and then make fun of me on the contents on my way to school. That was in elementary school. At the age of 9, I became crazy secretive as a result. I'd hide my diary and have a fake one to use as a diversion. When I got older and started using a computer, I'd create fake folders and hide my personal things deep in uninteresting sounding folders and files. The craziest thing is that I never did anything that would justify him being an invasive *******. I would write about how unhappy I was at school and in life. Instead of taking me to get help, he would use the parts about my crushes or being last place in the mile and make fun of me. Nice. If anything, I should've been snooping on HIM because he was doing a lot of shady things back then and continues to now. It doesn't matter now because I'm an adult and I never see or talk to him anymore. Unfortunately, I don't think that's an option for you and you probably don't want that either. Luckily my mom trusts me but it's only because I'm honest to the point where I'd call HER out on her lies.

As for your situation, I think your age has a lot to do with it. She wants to keep tabs on you and see what's going on. Keep trying to talk to her about what asexuality means and how LGBTQIA is a larger community now so supporting one portion of it doesn't mean that you ARE gay. Also, try to talk to her about trust. Keep talking to her! If she never understands, I think that's something you'll have to deal with later in life. I stopped trying to explain myself to my mom about my sexuality because she never understands and I'm too tired to care anymore.
 
Do you pay for the phone and service or does she? Because if she's paying for it it's technically hers and she can snoop through it if she wants to. It sucks but it's hers.
Eh, no she doesn't have the right to do that. Then don't give your kids things if you can't trust them jesus.
 
thanks for the advice everyone! I think I will talk with her once again, without getting too angry or too sad, because I think both of us dont understand the other so it's a bit complicated :(
 
Eh, no she doesn't have the right to do that. Then don't give your kids things if you can't trust them jesus.

I disagree. If OP is living at home and not paying for the phone then the privacy is a privilege, not a right.
 
haha in my experience if they do that kind of stuff you cant trust them with anything and even if they say theyre sorry, that they dont want to invade your privacy and that they wont do it again bc non of that's tru lmao. if they want to find out things about you and have a good relationship with you they have to respect your privacy and feelings and not break ur trust. parents dont have to know everything about their kid, even if they "mean well" by snooping lmao


i dont trust my parents at all lollllll they Suck. i always think about what the worst thing they could do would be and then i try to prevent it by hiding stuff (like, i never have important things at home and if i do i keep them close to me and bring them with me when i leave), password protecting everything, not telling them more about anything than i have to and by not talking about things with people who might talk to my parents ha ha.

yes i have major trust issues but i have reasons to have them so :')

- - - Post Merge - - -

also lmao @ everyone being like "it's ur parents' right !!!!!" it doesnt matter if they technically own the phone or computer or diary or whatever bc youre not an adult. it's still gross, breaking the trust their kid had for them, ****ing the kid up and it can be emotionally abusive. no one ever has to trust their parents or even like them. just because they have the "right" to be **** parents doesnt mean they should be or that it's fine and that kids should have to put up with that kind of behaviour.

my favourite thing ever is when parents blame their kid for not trusting them hahahah bc constantly breaking their trust and ****ing them up definitely isnt a Valid Reason 2 not trust someone and obviously the kid is literally the devil for not trustign their parents because you should always be grateful and love your parents no matter what even if they dont show you any respect :')
 
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