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Trusting your parents

I like my parents, even if they did that to me. I love my parents, they are amazing.

I don't understand how someone could just say you don't have to like your parents.:'(

But you do have to respect them, even if you don't like them. I mean they are paying for your phone, your internet, food, clothes... ik some people who have strict and judgmental parents but they just act that way because they care and worry and dont realize theyre doing it in a toxic way
 
I like my parents, even if they did that to me. I love my parents, they are amazing.

I don't understand how someone could just say you don't have to like your parents.:'(

But you do have to respect them, even if you don't like them. I mean they are paying for your phone, your internet, food, clothes... ik some people who have strict and judgmental parents but they just act that way because they care and worry and dont realize theyre doing it in a toxic way

you really don't have to like your parents. not all parents are as nice as yours, some don't even pay for internet, food, clothes, etc., and they're toxic as well. there is always the other end of the spectrum. so for people stuck in a toxic relationship with their parents, they don't have to like the people that starve them or treat them badly.
 
I like my parents, even if they did that to me. I love my parents, they are amazing.

I don't understand how someone could just say you don't have to like your parents.:'(

But you do have to respect them, even if you don't like them. I mean they are paying for your phone, your internet, food, clothes... ik some people who have strict and judgmental parents but they just act that way because they care and worry and dont realize theyre doing it in a toxic way

You're one of the lucky ones, then. Not everyone has loving & supportive parents. If only everyone could be that fortunate.

Your second paragraph is describing the bare minimum parents have to do for their children (i.e. food, housing, clothing). You're not a parent if you don't provide these things for your children. If they complain, then they shouldn't have children. You shouldn't feel obligated to respect them if they are intentionally harming you, emotionally or physically.


Anyway, in this case, it sounds like OP needs to have a talk with their parent. OP, do your best to complete chores (such as keeping your room tidy, doing laundry, cooking, etc.) & it's pretty likely your parents will back off. Snooping on your phone without cause is not okay. Just tell them you'll be open with them but let them know it's making you uncomfortable to being snooped on. I recommend buying your own phone if you really want to keep private. Good luck, OP.
 
some kids do deserve to have their phone looked at if they're doing things they shouldn't be.

someone i know got their phone searched through by their mom, and her mom seen that she was sending nudes to everybody, including people who were way too old to be talking to her in the first place. she was messaging older men on facebook as well. Her mom suspected she was up to something, because she was acting sketchy, and she was right.

she was also posting toxic things to facebook and her mom put a stop to that as well. if a phone is given to you by your parents, and you're living under their roof then they are allowed to check up on you now and then to see if you're behaving.

she has two kids now from two different dads and she is a junior in high school
her mom still trusts her and doesnt look through her phone. sometimes you dont need to be friends to your children so they don't do anything that their parents dont want them to
there's really easy ways to hide things, its just technology.

it really is to just prevent things from happening.
this isn't the thread posters case. but this is why parents should look through phones.

if you aren't doing anything wrong then it shouldn't be a problem tho like idc who touches my phone and goes through it and i have some weird **** on there lol

ok but i wasnt talking about situations like that. also it's a lot better to talk to the kid than to break their trust ha ha

the whole "if youre not doing anything wrong you shouldnt have anything to hide !!!!!!" have you ever heard anout privacy and integrity.

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I like my parents, even if they did that to me. I love my parents, they are amazing.

I don't understand how someone could just say you don't have to like your parents.:'(

But you do have to respect them, even if you don't like them. I mean they are paying for your phone, your internet, food, clothes... ik some people who have strict and judgmental parents but they just act that way because they care and worry and dont realize theyre doing it in a toxic way

lmao no

i think youre speaking from your perspective, but just because your parents are good doesnt mean everyone elses parents are. there is such a strong "you have to love your parents or you are literally satan" attitude in society and it sucks. no one has to tolerate being treated badly and kids dont have to feel any love fir their parents just because the parents are their parents.

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If I'm living under your roof free of charge and you read the diary you gave me that's on your property I would think of it as not really mine in the first place. Your property, your item, even if you handed it to me to use. Same if it's a paid online diary - if you're paying for it and your name is on the bill then I don't really consider it mine even if I'm the one using it. I respect your right to what you pay for and is IMO rightfully yours.

I don't think punching someone is a great comparison. I'd compare it to being at my job on my free time or the library using one of their devices. In that situation the owner of the device (the company or library) has every right to monitor what I do on that device. Even if it's my phone on their wifi they still have the right to monitor me because I'm not paying for the wifi.

Heck, even though I pay for my phone and Internet at home I would be naive to think that I'm not being monitored by the company providing it to me.

And if you think me understanding the point of view of a snooper makes me one (Sheila) that's not true. I can understand something and not get up in arms if it happens to me while also not doing the action myself.

My whole point with this discussion is that there's two sides to every story. Again I think OP understands that and will grow to have a better bond with his parents.

lol

ofc there are two sides to it but that doesnt mean it's ok. you can't do just anything and say that it's okay because you think you're doing the right thing or protecting someone. this is one of those things that are gross to do

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i believe a kid deserves their privacy, and they should learn to have their own safe space and feel safe in that space, basically their home. my uncle has an one year old son, and he has a playpen in the living room. if he is in it and chilling, his parents will knock on the little door, and ask "can i come in?" i thought it was adorable, and it's a great way to teach kids that their space is theirs, and he has to give permission. of course, he can't even speak yet, but it's conditioning him to know that before someone barges in they have to ask.

i do believe trust is a two way street, if you're not being completely honest to your mom about your feelings, she has every right to not be honest with you. i just went to the doctor today, and i was being told how families are supposed to support each other and find ways to compromise, or be honest with each other to be properly healthy. she even told me a way to communicate your feelings without starting to blame others:

1. "what happened?" this question is supposed to show what happened in everyone's eyes, things that people can plainly see or hear. no emotions or bias, just plain and simple "what happened?"

2. "how do you feel?" not "how did they make you feel?" because you should be in charge of your own emotions. so you explain how you feel to the other person.

3. "How can you change what has happened?" basically how can the same situation happen differently, but with a positive effect. tell her how you don't like her snooping, and if she has questions or concerns she should go to you because you are capable of being honest with her.

i get what you mean w the trust is a two way street thing But there are a lot of things that parents don't need to know. kids have a right to have privacy

n thinking that it's fine to gi thru someone elses phone because they don't tell u every single detail of their life is ****ed up

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I would like to add my dad never touched my phone (he doesn't know how to use it anyways) but I never gave him a reason not to trust me.... My mom would, but she never found anything so she stopped lol.
(and I never deleted my text messages... ever lol)

ok but maybe you have a good relationship with your parents and dont have to fear that they will use whatever they saw against you :')
also the giving someone a reasong thing is so stupid bc people still deserve their privacy and nosy ass parents **** their kids up

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what im trying to say is that it is great if you have a good relationship with your parents but if someone's home situation sucks and they feel the need to keep everything about them from their family because of things that the family has done in the past, then that is 100% ok and understandable. i dont care if you "should" tell your parents about normal stuff like homework or what you think of something, if they have lost your trust you dont have to give them anything. going into this extreme defence mode is a way to survive the situation lmao it's not really because youre ab edgy teen who hates your parents for no reason

when i was younger i had a plan/idea/dream to move to another country and basically ghost my parents as soon as i turned 18 just to get away from them because my home situation was Bad and i constantly had to be defensive, careful and take a bunch of precautions before i did anything or my parents would ruin the little bit of safety and stability i had in my life. i've gotten better at coping with it (and hiding everything from them) and i've gotten a lot less tolerant which is funny and useful because my mom gets sad when i get cold and angry with her, which gives me more control over the situation :')
i dont care if im a Horrible Child for doing these things i just want to not get more ****ed up by my parents n i wanna have them ruin as few things as possible in my life
 
ok but i wasnt talking about situations like that. also it's a lot better to talk to the kid than to break their trust ha ha

the whole "if youre not doing anything wrong you shouldnt have anything to hide !!!!!!" have you ever heard anout privacy and integrity.

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lmao no

i think youre speaking from your perspective, but just because your parents are good doesnt mean everyone elses parents are. there is such a strong "you have to love your parents or you are literally satan" attitude in society and it sucks. no one has to tolerate being treated badly and kids dont have to feel any love fir their parents just because the parents are their parents.

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lol

ofc there are two sides to it but that doesnt mean it's ok. you can't do just anything and say that it's okay because you think you're doing the right thing or protecting someone. this is one of those things that are gross to do

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i get what you mean w the trust is a two way street thing But there are a lot of things that parents don't need to know. kids have a right to have privacy

n thinking that it's fine to gi thru someone elses phone because they don't tell u every single detail of their life is ****ed up

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ok but maybe you have a good relationship with your parents and dont have to fear that they will use whatever they saw against you :')
also the giving someone a reasong thing is so stupid bc people still deserve their privacy and nosy ass parents **** their kids up

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what im trying to say is that it is great if you have a good relationship with your parents but if someone's home situation sucks and they feel the need to keep everything about them from their family because of things that the family has done in the past, then that is 100% ok and understandable. i dont care if you "should" tell your parents about normal stuff like homework or what you think of something, if they have lost your trust you dont have to give them anything. going into this extreme defence mode is a way to survive the situation lmao it's not really because youre ab edgy teen who hates your parents for no reason

when i was younger i had a plan/idea/dream to move to another country and basically ghost my parents as soon as i turned 18 just to get away from them because my home situation was Bad and i constantly had to be defensive, careful and take a bunch of precautions before i did anything or my parents would ruin the little bit of safety and stability i had in my life. i've gotten better at coping with it (and hiding everything from them) and i've gotten a lot less tolerant which is funny and useful because my mom gets sad when i get cold and angry with her, which gives me more control over the situation :')
i dont care if im a Horrible Child for doing these things i just want to not get more ****ed up by my parents n i wanna have them ruin as few things as possible in my life

yeah a lot of ppl have ****ty parents.... if its that bad call a family member or cps. idek ur situation, or if you're sneaky and a liar so i cant even place judgment im speaking in general. ik people who had the ****tiest parents and they changed because they realized how toxic they are so they prob have minimum communication/understanding skills if they're constantly *****ing at u

ik some people are ****ty and toxic relationships need to be outed but idk how someone can out the people who give them life. my friends dad is never there for her but even when he talks to her she doesn't disrespect him because it is her dad, the person who gave her life.

if your mom is literally sad she is showing emotion.. that means what you say hurts and i mean at least she cares enough to be upset. my sister is such a ****ty parent that she does not even show emotion towards her children after treating them like ****... she actually has a plan to call the police and report her daughter for theft for a car that was a gift!!!!lolol
i hope your situation gets better but i wasnt really speaking for you kinda speaking for everyone in general... that you dont have to like your parents thing triggered me bc even though you dont have to like them you seem realllyyy ****ing passionate ab not liking them at all. things are capable of changing if u just change ur outlook on everything (not just u everyone in ur family)
and from what it seems ur just extremely negative and i hope that changes cause u cant live ur whole live being angry at ur parents. im not even saying like them. if theyre toxic completely drop them and dont even speak to them so u dont have the chance to even disrespect them

like i know some people with HORRIBLE parents and they just stopped giving a **** and they started being straight forward with what they were doing and their parents eventually accepted it later in life because it wont change. and they had no need to snoop because they were just straight forward and got the information they snooped to find

im sure your parents love u they just have a bad way of showing it....

thats just me tho but im not negative whatsoever cuz it wastes too much energy and being respectful is easier lol

like if u get yelled at over every day **** like homework then they have serious mental issues and idek why the state(or country u live in) or anyone in your family allowed them to parent u
 
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if your parent is worried about your safety or something along those lines its morally not a bad thing to look once. but i know how you feel. being extremely paranoid i get very very antsy if she says "what are u smilin @ :)" mostly because she doesnt really understand the humor of mine or my friends (since shes pretty curious about what i talk about with my online friends)
i have nothing to hide yet i still feel like things should be private with how i dont screw around with her phone even though im incredibly curious with what she does
 
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I like my parents, even if they did that to me. I love my parents, they are amazing.

I don't understand how someone could just say you don't have to like your parents.:'(

But you do have to respect them, even if you don't like them. I mean they are paying for your phone, your internet, food, clothes... ik some people who have strict and judgmental parents but they just act that way because they care and worry and dont realize theyre doing it in a toxic way

Because you don't have to like your parents. And you don't have to respect them either.

I'm glad that you have parents that you can honestly say treat you well and love and care about you, but not all parents are like that, but if your parents are abusing you, neglecting you or otherwise treating you with toxic behavior, it doesn't matter if they pay for your things or genuinely love and care about you, (which isn't true for all parents anyway) they're bad parents and have no business raising children. And those children have a right to hate them for it. Parents are not infallible beings that are above criticism.
 
As they say "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb".

I'm a very reserved person naturally and though my parents have been decent for the most part, they don't know anything about my personal life. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I hope you don't feel like you are missing out on something if you don't develop a good rapport with your mother.

It seems like a few people in this thread have gone through similar situations, and though it may be hard, you'll get through this. Be patient, do what you can to remove any uncertainty you feel and develop a good support system.

Much luck ~
 
yeah a lot of ppl have ****ty parents.... if its that bad call a family member or cps. idek ur situation, or if you're sneaky and a liar so i cant even place judgment im speaking in general. ik people who had the ****tiest parents and they changed because they realized how toxic they are so they prob have minimum communication/understanding skills if they're constantly *****ing at u

ik some people are ****ty and toxic relationships need to be outed but idk how someone can out the people who give them life. my friends dad is never there for her but even when he talks to her she doesn't disrespect him because it is her dad, the person who gave her life.

if your mom is literally sad she is showing emotion.. that means what you say hurts and i mean at least she cares enough to be upset. my sister is such a ****ty parent that she does not even show emotion towards her children after treating them like ****... she actually has a plan to call the police and report her daughter for theft for a car that was a gift!!!!lolol
i hope your situation gets better but i wasnt really speaking for you kinda speaking for everyone in general... that you dont have to like your parents thing triggered me bc even though you dont have to like them you seem realllyyy ****ing passionate ab not liking them at all. things are capable of changing if u just change ur outlook on everything (not just u everyone in ur family)
and from what it seems ur just extremely negative and i hope that changes cause u cant live ur whole live being angry at ur parents. im not even saying like them. if theyre toxic completely drop them and dont even speak to them so u dont have the chance to even disrespect them

like i know some people with HORRIBLE parents and they just stopped giving a **** and they started being straight forward with what they were doing and their parents eventually accepted it later in life because it wont change. and they had no need to snoop because they were just straight forward and got the information they snooped to find

im sure your parents love u they just have a bad way of showing it....

thats just me tho but im not negative whatsoever cuz it wastes too much energy and being respectful is easier lol

like if u get yelled at over every day **** like homework then they have serious mental issues and idek why the state(or country u live in) or anyone in your family allowed them to parent u

are u serious.. cps doesnt interfere unless there's like Ultra Serious abuse issues and/or neglect going on and the parents can't or really shouldn't have kids living w them, you cant call cps and be like "hello my parents are constantly screaming at me" because they won't do anything, they'll b like "k.... why are u calling us about ur bad relationship with ur parents lmfao"

and yes my parents love me but that doesnt mean i have to love them no matter what. i tolerate them and try to avoid conflict (by doing stuff like avoiding talking to them about stuff that are more personal than the weather, hiding and locking things, lying and not showing emotions or being visibly upset etc.) but i'm not like "my parents are the light of my life :') eternal love :')"

im not being extremely negative, im chill at home. i just do not trust my parents whatsoever
 
are u serious.. cps doesnt interfere unless there's like Ultra Serious abuse issues and/or neglect going on and the parents can't or really shouldn't have kids living w them, you cant call cps and be like "hello my parents are constantly screaming at me" because they won't do anything, they'll b like "k.... why are u calling us about ur bad relationship with ur parents lmfao"

and yes my parents love me but that doesnt mean i have to love them no matter what. i tolerate them and try to avoid conflict (by doing stuff like avoiding talking to them about stuff that are more personal than the weather, hiding and locking things, lying and not showing emotions or being visibly upset etc.) but i'm not like "my parents are the light of my life :') eternal love :')"

im not being extremely negative, im chill at home. i just do not trust my parents whatsoever

Pretty much all of this. I live with my mom and she's alright as long as you clean up and put things in the right place even though she can be a mega ***** if she's in the wrong mood and stuff. My dad is just a large piece of butthurt so I don't really see him often evn though he was really mentally abusing when I was younger but yeah cps would hardly interfere and he'd probably hid it anyways so, yeah lol.

And yeah you don't have to love or praise your parents for one bit, unless they actually deserve it or something.. I hardly think they do though.. i mean sure they had you (and sometimes siblings) but it was their choice to keep and I love how people say you should be grateful to them.. just no. You don't owe them a **** to be honest, they are there to provide things that come with parenthood and neither of you really chose each other sooo...

Of course you should try and get along if you can but yeah no "eternal love gratitude" here, no.
 
I mean, to break it down to the simplest answer, in my opinion: You're only 17, so you probably ought to listen to what your mom has to say, but that doesn't mean that you can't communicate and try to get to some mutual understanding. I think that she has a right to know what you're doing, to at least some extent and if she's left with any reason to doubt or mistrust you, that's something that you need to fix. Guess I can't exactly say anymore than that.
 
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