Misconceptions about mental health: Rant & discussion

Arize said:

So I had dinner with a coworker the other day, and I mentioned that I have social anxiety. I normally don't tell people this, but the conversation just went that way somehow. Anyway, his response hurt me/offended me a little bit. He said, "Everyone has social anxiety. And you don't really have it because you hung out with me and you're a server. People with social anxiety would never even talk to anyone or leave their house." Not his exact words, but that was the gist of it. Now, that is a misconception that I'm just so tired of hearing. Those with social anxiety can still function in society. It just takes much more effort and, in my particular situation, means that I have to suppress multiple panic attacks almost daily. I serve because it is a job that forces me to socialise. This means I get to face my fears every day that I work, which is incredibly stressful and hard for me, but if I did not face these fears, I would have a very lonely, dysfunctional life. At heart, I am an extrovert. This means I love being around people and I get absolutely depressed and lonely on my own. However, because I am also afraid of social interaction, I will never really take initiative to go out and meet people, or even leave my house. There are times I didn't leave my house for MONTHS. I was depressed and sad but I didn't want to see people even as my heart longed to be around them. Yes, this is contradictory, but just because someone has social anxiety, it doesn't mean they HATE people or that they don't want to have friends or go outside. It is like wanting to play soccer but you have a broken leg. There is something holding you back from the life you want. BUT if you force yourself to get better, to heal, you can achieve some part of that life. (That might be a weird analogy, but it's the only thing I can think about right now.) Also, I'm just talking about my experience with social anxiety. Everybody is different so this might not apply to others.

Anyway, that was my rant. I was just hurt and I immediately regretted mentioning it to him. Whenever I open up about it, people have this same reaction, or they just tell me I'm shy and how they all used to be shy but are now outgoing, blah blah. It's just not the same thing. I'm tired of people who obviously never researched it, trying to tell me that they know better than I do what I have to deal with daily.

TLDR: So are there any misconceptions about your mental health issues that you would like to address? It doesn't have to be social anxiety. Just anything that people always seem to get wrong about what you go through.

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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT'S SO AWFUL. I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I would have been so angry.

I have social anxiety as well and people who have social anxiety can function in social situations, but it's extremely difficult. Obviously I try, but sometimes I just end up having to leave and cry in the bathroom, or leave the event altogether. I actually dropped out of school because I was bullied, which sent my anxiety into overdrive and I can't even get myself into a school building without bursting into tears.


Another thing is BPD. When I mention I have BPD, people automatically assume I'm manipulative and abusive, when in reality I avoid relationships because I don't want to hurt people.

- - - Post Merge - - -

I actually talk to myself sometimes because I don't go outside bc of my anxiety, but I really really want friends and people to talk to. All I have is my pets and myself to talk to.

Honestly, in general, I hate people that assume they just "know" how people feel or think and use it as an excuse to ignore what the person in question actually has to say or talk over them. Ugh!

To be more specific/on topic, I hate when people seem to think that all panic attacks are hyperventilating and/or rocking back and forth in fetal position and think they have the right to tell anyone who experiences different symptoms (e.g. dr/dp like I do) that they're "not really having panic attacks".

I want to see and learn more about BPD and NPD from people who actually have the disorders. All I can ever find is stuff along the lines of, "THESE PEOPLE ARE ABUSIVE AND DESERVE TO DIE ALONE. RUN!!" And that really seems quite unfair. I also see people saying similar things about autsitc people and we really aren't bad people at all. People try to talk for us and mess it all up. Like, honestly, just listen.

Ghost Soda said:

Honestly, in general, I hate people that assume they just "know" how people feel or think and use it as an excuse to ignore what the person in question actually has to say or talk over them. Ugh!

To be more specific/on topic, I hate when people seem to think that all panic attacks are hyperventilating and/or rocking back and forth in fetal position and think they have the right to tell anyone who experiences different symptoms (e.g. dr/dp like I do) that they're "not really having panic attacks".

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EXACTLY! Most of my panic attacks are internalised, and it might not even be noticeable at all on the outside. It mostly consists of intense feelings of wanting to die or disappear on the spot. I also cry and get irritable. I do sometimes hyperventilate or scream when it gets intensely bad, but that's usually only at home or around my boyfriend because I don't feel too much need to suppress my panic attacks around him (although I probably should since they freak him out.. lol). But yeah, totally agree. Not all panic attacks look the same so people should not assume. Ugh.

Mr. Cat said:

I want to see and learn more about BPD and NPD from people who actually have the disorders. All I can ever find is stuff along the lines of, "THESE PEOPLE ARE ABUSIVE AND DESERVE TO DIE ALONE. RUN!!" And that really seems quite unfair. I also see people saying similar things about autsitc people and we really aren't bad people at all. People try to talk for us and mess it all up. Like, honestly, just listen.

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I developed BPD because I was abused, neglected and abandoned as a child. Drives me mad when people say "oh, people with BPD are abusive and meanie bobeenies" but how do u think i turned out this way


*not all people who have BPD developed it from childhood trauma, but in terms of my case, i did.

forestyne said:

I developed BPD because I was abused, neglected and abandoned as a child. Drives me mad when people say "oh, people with BPD are abusive and meanie bobeenies" but how do u think i turned out this way


*not all people who have BPD developed it from childhood trauma, but in terms of my case, i did.

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I believe my partner has it because of childhood trauma + Narcissistic parents and brother and I genuinely want to find advice to help both of us out, but it's very difficult to find good information because of this... I can't even look it up anymore because it makes me sick. I would love advice from anybody who wants to give it!

my therapist and psychiatrist diagnosed me with atypical major depression, bipolar disorder, ocd, anxiety, and tourette syndome which is fine and dandy. i can't really be in relationships/have a hard time maintaining friendships because i overshare and i get very attached and all of that jazzy stuff. it's very hard to deal with this day to day, esp keeping up with medication (which is the WORST!!) like everyone gets depressed now and then because of events that happen in their life, but in my case, the chemicals and hormones in my body make it so I moodswing and go from manic to depressed within an hour. this makes school harder than i wish. im going in to college next year so??? ha ha wish me luck

My mom likes to think I am completely normal mentally... even knowing my past of self-mutilation and the fact that you know, I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. But this was back in middle school that I was diagnosed. She likes to think I don't have anxiety, just like OP said, because I have a job where I have to work with people(which I work a graveshift literally to avoid people) and I have friends(that I maybe see a few times a year) so there's no way I could have anxiety, or social anxiety. Funny enough though one of my friends had come over once, and my mom was giving her a ride home (cause we don't drive) and my mom asked why she didn't drive and she said she has horrible anxiety and couldn't do it, the same reason I don't, and my mom was like "Oh my god, that's so horrible, I'm sorry." But when I tell my mom I also have anxiety and thus is why I can't drive she's like "Oh get over it, you're just scared, you don't have anxiety!" It's a good time.

Also the "get over it" aspect being applied to everything else, my depression being confused for laziness all the time as well. It just really sucks when people don't consider them actual illnesses, just because you can't physically see it, doesn't mean it's happening.

KaydeeKrunk said:

My mom likes to think I am completely normal mentally... even knowing my past of self-mutilation and the fact that you know, I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ADHD. But this was back in middle school that I was diagnosed. She likes to think I don't have anxiety, just like OP said, because I have a job where I have to work with people(which I work a graveshift literally to avoid people) and I have friends(that I maybe see a few times a year) so there's no way I could have anxiety, or social anxiety. Funny enough though one of my friends had come over once, and my mom was giving her a ride home (cause we don't drive) and my mom asked why she didn't drive and she said she has horrible anxiety and couldn't do it, the same reason I don't, and my mom was like "Oh my god, that's so horrible, I'm sorry." But when I tell my mom I also have anxiety and thus is why I can't drive she's like "Oh get over it, you're just scared, you don't have anxiety!" It's a good time.

Also the "get over it" aspect being applied to everything else, my depression being confused for laziness all the time as well. It just really sucks when people don't consider them actual illnesses, just because you can't physically see it, doesn't mean it's happening.

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Ugh yeah people always seem to belittle things. It's so frustrating. I don't drive because of my anxiety either. But my family keeps saying I should. That I'll get over my fear if I try. But seriously, if I drive, I'm putting myself and everyone on the road at risk. It's not safe because I might have a panic attack and cause an accident. I hate that they keep pressuring me to without considering how risky it would be, just because they think I'm only nervous and they think when I say panic attack it's some sort of exaggeration. People don't just get over these things! Some people can overcome it but it's only with extreme difficulty. And people should just stop trying to give advice on things they don't even understand.

Adhd is a "fun quirk" and that "everyone has it" and that I NEED TO FOCUS MORE HA.

weLL NOT EVERYONE IS ABLE TOO SANDRA.

I just hate being told "everyone gets hyper" or that I need to focus more, I try I really do try, but people think i'm just failing on purpose. I want to focus, I want to stick to one thing, I want to do things one at a time but I can't. I just get so jealous at the people who get such good grades and are able to accomplish things faster than me. I hate the fact that it's also pushing people away. I always talk about my hyperfixations and no one ever bothers to care or listen or just pushes me away cause i'm annoying i cant help it afsdfaf

i just wish i didn't have this. ADHD isn't fun and i wish it'd be show as fun, cause it's not and I wish i never had it.

Perhaps more at pet peeves and annoyance rather than direct misconception, but alas a rant. Parents who want their children diagnosed really badly, but they still treat them like **** or think they "can do other things" instead of actually helping them get on the right track. And they get horrible overprotective and claim to be "on the weak ones' sides" etc. and somewhat refuse to knowledge they eventually got whatever mental issues unless it's paperwork and/or emergency situations, for a lack of a better term.

And then they start to mentally abuse that kid and pester them even more about it and expects them to behave like normal anyways and not really care anyways. So yeah basically parents have a huge responsibility as well and just not acting like baboons about it.

i remember telling a friend that i have ptsd and they said "are you having flashbacks right now"

Sheila said:

Perhaps more at pet peeves and annoyance rather than direct misconception, but alas a rant. Parents who want their children diagnosed really badly, but they still treat them like **** or think they "can do other things" instead of actually helping them get on the right track. And they get horrible overprotective and claim to be "on the weak ones' sides" etc. and somewhat refuse to knowledge they eventually got whatever mental issues unless it's paperwork and/or emergency situations, for a lack of a better term.

And then they start to mentally abuse that kid and pester them even more about it and expects them to behave like normal anyways and not really care anyways. So yeah basically parents have a huge responsibility as well and just not acting like baboons about it.

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Heey, that's exactly what happened to me.

Ashvenn said:

i remember telling a friend that i have ptsd and they said "are you having flashbacks right now"

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lmao ive had people try to trigger an anxiety attack or flashback 4 Fun after i told them abt my trauma Why do ppl exist

Arize said:

Ugh yeah people always seem to belittle things. It's so frustrating. I don't drive because of my anxiety either. But my family keeps saying I should. That I'll get over my fear if I try. But seriously, if I drive, I'm putting myself and everyone on the road at risk. It's not safe because I might have a panic attack and cause an accident. I hate that they keep pressuring me to without considering how risky it would be, just because they think I'm only nervous and they think when I say panic attack it's some sort of exaggeration. People don't just get over these things! Some people can overcome it but it's only with extreme difficulty. And people should just stop trying to give advice on things they don't even understand.

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I have crippling anxiety too, but I have to drive. I have panic attacks a lot and often dissociate when I drive, which isn't safe at all (I've ended up on the sidewalk before and I need other people to tell me what's going on sometimes because I feel like I'm out of my body, my mind goes blank, I have slow reactions). Some people just can't drive and that should be okay. I totally understand where you're coming from. I DO drive and I still hear that I'm overreacting or it's "all in my head, it'll get better" constantly. I've been driving for 6 years now, I think I'd know if it's getting better or not, thanks.

Mr. Cat said:

Heey, that's exactly what happened to me.

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Yeah. My parents pretty pushed me to get things investigated and get a diagnosis, but after that at least my dad is like "lol what up bro" and doesn't seem to give a ****. My mom is more understanding though and letting me take my time.

But yeah I know people that have it way more rough than me and I can't really do much aside from being there for them I guess but yeah it sucks when parents think they entitled to act ass because they are, indeed parents.

My favourite thing is looking up articles about BPD and seeing how so many seem to say things about "living with someone who has BPD", "surviving a BPD relationship", "how to recover from a relationship with someone who has BPD", etc. etc. (this is all sarcasm)

It actually really hurts to hear people say things like they have to "survive" being with me, as a friend or as a partner. It really feels bad when there's more things online telling people who don't have BPD how to deal with the way we "are" and then generalizing us all into one category (people with bpd are abusive, manipulative, etc etc etc); implying that people need more help dealing with us than we need help dealing with our own symptoms. I've had my diagnosis for like 2-3 years or something now and it doesn't get any easier just to deal with having the disorder myself.

Oh and another thing-- sharing the symptoms of BPD with someone who's trying to understand your disorder and they go "oh I do that all the time" literally, no you dont,

Yuudere said:

My favourite thing is looking up articles about BPD and seeing how so many seem to say things about "living with someone who has BPD", "surviving a BPD relationship", "how to recover from a relationship with someone who has BPD", etc. etc. (this is all sarcasm)

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I mean, it can be challenging. That said, you're right, there should be more sources for the people actually with BPD than for partners of people with BPD.

IMO it's indicative of the mental health system in most countries.

When I told a friend I had an eating disorder once they called it a "basic *insert name of female dog here* disease" and said that they thought I was above that. Because clearly an eating disorder is a personality trait and not an illness that you don't choose to have

Also, simillar to what other people have said, when I told my mom I had OCD she's like "everyone has a bit of OCD" and I'm like no not everyone thinks they're going to be kicked out of school if they don't use the third pen in the pen box

In general I feel like most people get everything wrong, especially when you take into account with most mental disorders the experience is wildly different in each individual. I don't just encounter problems like this with people who don't have my condition, but with people who do also, they assume I have the same ease/difficulty in a given situation to them but really that stuff is all down to the individual. It is hard to talk to people about this kindof thing, and personally I find largely unhelpful - but if I do tell someone about it, I simply tell them what I have problems with. And I say where my symptoms may differentiate from others. The reality of life is most people are dumb, and that includes me, so you have to explain these things like you would to a child to some people.


My biggest pet peeve is the large wave of self diagnosis of autism that has sprung from a widespread misunderstanding of not only the condition, but other conditions that affect similar fields. I don't think people who self diagnose have nothing wrong with them, but I think quite often it isn't what they think it is. I'm also sick of people applying an american worldview to this issue when most people on the planet aren't americans. But this applies to other things too. "Oh I'm totally socially awkward, I must have asperger's" no you don't, stop, you're embarrassing yourself and me. "Oh man I hate when there's no room on the bus and I have to stand! It's so cramped, I must have social anxiety" - no you don't you're experiencing a completely normal level of discomfort, get outta town. Basically I hate people thinking small little things are a mental problem when that's what you're meant to experience in a given situation.

However my biggest biggest annoyance when it comes to mental health, is people who have a problem, but think that their mental health is the burden of others. Met a guy recently who stalked and abused a girl for months but 'oh it was ok because I'm mentally unsound, I couldn't help myself from threatening to kill myself if she didn't reciprocate my feelings'. This is the most annoying thing. The purpose of a diagnosis is to help you learn to live as healthy as you can within the confines you've unfortunately found yourself in, and to slowly push the limits of what is possible for you out all the time. Having a mental problem means your life is harder, but the universe doesn't care if your life is harder, you can only do this for yourself, and you have to in order to live how you want to.

Lol what a rant lads, sorry.