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Ex boyfriends problems

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So me and my bf broke up after a long relationship together he even told me he wanted to marry me. And then the last month we started to fight a lot and two weekends ago he said we are taking a break Bcuz it was unhealthy and he needs a break for a couple months. Yet I can't stay away we used to talk all the time i used to tell him everything and now whenever I talk to him he doesn't answer I spam him if I'm trying to ask him a question so I spam him and he tells me to stop so I am but I miss him and I don't want him to slip away from me and people say to leave him alone but I'm afraid he will forget about me and move on and forget about our future. And I have so many things I need to talk to him about but he blows me off. And I don't my relationship to end. Yes I'm in high school and he told me I'm the one he wants to marry me Bcuz we had a spark. But I don't wanna ignore him and he will forget about me and not miss me anymore and not talk Bcuz he helped me with a lot and I used to talk to him about my problems and now I have no one. What do I do also none of my friends are fed up with me talkign about him and what should I do next so I have no one
 
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1. if the relationship is unhealthy, any future subsequent relationship will be unhealthy.

2. if you're in high school, you have no idea what you want for your future in reality.

3. if he does forget about you, then he isn't deserving of your time.

4. let him initiate any future talking if you want to continue the relationship despite it being unhealthy in the past. if he doesn't, then have a cry if you need it and forget.

5. it shouldn't be "our" future, it should be "my" future. focus on yourself. you don't need another person to be complete.

6. if he has told you he wants to marry you and then doesn't want to talk, he probably doesn't want to marry you in reality.

7. you're too obsessed with this human being. remove them from your life. take away all ports of contact; delete them on snapchat, instagram, facebook, delete their contact from your phone. if they happen to message you in the future, you can have a clear view rather than the disillusioned truth you seem to be seeing.

8. you're worthy of being loved. this break means nothing for your future. take the support of friends and family in this time.

9. as you're grieving (currently in the denial stage, it seems) you should allow yourself space.

10. going through this will be hard, but trying to rekindle it will be harder. think about why you were arguing and whether that would continue in subsequent relationships. really think, rather than a quick denial because you're upset.

good luck.
 
It might help if we knew what you guys were fighting about in the first place.

It was mostly fighting about little things and then easter weekend when he broke up with me it was a big fight about how he never tries to hang out or of school with me and how he doesn't try for his grades and he gives up easily and he fighter with me saying I fight too much and it's not healthy and it's mature just to break up and I said the mature thing is that talkign to me how we can fix it and he said he will talk to his friend about what he should do
 
It was mostly fighting about little things and then easter weekend when he broke up with me it was a big fight about how he never tries to hang out or of school with me and how he doesn't try for his grades and he gives up easily and he fighter with me saying I fight too much and it's not healthy and it's mature just to break up and I said the mature thing is that talkign to me how we can fix it and he said he will talk to his friend about what he should do

Yeah, if he doesn't really want to hang out with you any other time besides school, then I don't really think that's a good relationship.

My older sister had a boyfriend like that. Whenever she went to his house, all he wanted to do was play videogames. She dumped him and now has a boyfriend that makes her happy and spends time with her.
 
He doesn't sound interested. I think you're too young anyway for stuff like that.
 
Honestly, you should just try to move on. When you keep on spamming him when he doesn't want to talk to you, it irritates him and does not make him want you more. In the end, you're making yourself appear desperate, which is unattractive to most people. You're also still very young! You haven't gained your independence or figured things out yet. You should be focusing on bettering yourself and learning things about the world rather than being stuck on one relationship and making that your focus. Just move on. I know it seems hard and you don't want to, but you aren't doing anything productive for yourself and you are not respecting the space of somebody that you apparently love. You just need to understand that this is not the end of the world and stop acting like it is :) You can be happy without a guy who doesn't even want you. So stop pursuing him. This all might sound harsh, but I feel you need to hear the truth. So good luck!
 
Sounds like he's immature because of him not wanting to face the issues. What do you expect? You're just both in high school. I salute you for at least being mature, wanting to talk about it. I'd say leave him be (at the moment). Let him do whatever he wants and also do yours. Make friends. Surround yourself with people or focus yourself on your own interests/hobbies. Try not to act being clingy or something as if your world revolves around him.
 
To me neither of you seem ready to be in a relationship. He clearly didn't want to play his part, but you shouldn't spam people when they need space and try to force them to pay attention to you. It's immature and selfish, and it makes you look desperate.

Sometimes the mature (and best) thing to do is walk away and break it off depending on the situation, but obviously I don't know yours fully.

Anyways believe me you will forget about him soon enough. Highschool breakups aren't even the beginning of the end of the world.
 
sadly, sometimes relationships end. but you can't use the success of your relationships as your indicator of self worth, and it's not healthy to base your existence and future solely on one person. it's not exactly fair either, and even the sweetest guy or girl or any human being will crack under the pressure to meet your expectations.

a break is a break; ignoring those boundaries will just breed resentment. if you were adults i could maybe blame him for making those kinda promises, but you're both teens and really have no experience beyond the infatuation phase going by how you're reacting, so... yeah refer to gyro's post. you can love someone infinity, but love isn't a litmus test for an adult relationship and sometimes things just don't work out. talking things over, spamming, etc. is basically trying to force a crowbar where it doesn't really go
 
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I think what you need to do is read a book.
 
It sounds like neither of you have a healthy relationship dynamic. It sounds rather toxic at the moment.

Unfortunately, you can't force him or control another person. If he is telling you that he wants space or ultimately that he does not want the relationship, as hard as it may be, you have to accept that and give him the space. It's unhealthy and borders on harassment to push it further. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. I understand it's hard to let go. However, you need to.

I understand he's helped you through a lot. So, you have to be thankful for those moments and cherish them for what they were. Ultimately cherish yourself and how far you've come. I think you need to give yourself time and work on yourself. We can't always rely on others to fulfill ourselves especially not our partners all the time.

I think it would be best for you to reach out to a counselor whether there's one at your school or if you can ask your parents. Talking to someone will help you process.

Relationships coming and going is a part of life and part of maturing. Sometimes we grow apart and that's okay. It can hurt and you're allowed to feel hurt. However, also know that nothing is permanent. You're young and you'll have so many people come to you. Take your time to love yourself before you allow someone else to. When it's right, you'll find the right person and you'll grow together. Think about the things you want to accomplish or the places you want to go in the future. Remember that you're in control of your happiness and you can be happy.
 
Legally bind him to you. Give him a permission slip disguising a wedding contract so hes forced to marry you
And take all his money if he tries to divorce
 
I hate when people use the "I need a break" excuse.

That happened to me in high school; it doesn't mean he actually wants to take a break, it means he wants to break up. He's just too much of a coward to say so.

I know break-ups can be really hard in high school, it took me a long long time to get over my ex. And there was a point where we had talked about marriage. High school is not at all the time anyone should be getting married, let me tell you. I am not even remotely close to the person I was 7+ years ago. You change SO MUCH as a person after high school, it's insane.

I think the best thing you can do is just cut yourself off from him completely - no facebook friendship, no texting, no anything with him - and get over him. And find yourself a new guy. Treat yo self, get your hair did, buy some new clothes, apply to some colleges - just focus on yourself.

Really, take it from someone who has been in your exact same position: just let him go. You are gonna find someone so much better than him eventually, and you will look back and wonder what the heck you were thinking when you were with your ex.

Sorry, but I think that's entirely an assumption. Many people do take breaks without having hurtful intentions. She made it clear they broke up but that he expressed needing a break from communication. That's not a promise or obligation on his part. It's not deceptive in what he stated. That's just honesty. That doesn't make him a coward and it doesn't mean that truly he didn't just want time to also examine his situation. You can also bet that if I asked for space and a break and someone continued to cross those boundaries to a point of obsession...that wouldn't make me feel any better about how healthy things were or could be.
However. I agree that OP needs to just focus on herself.
 
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I get what you're saying but at the same time, I feel like a real, healthy relationship should never need any "breaks". You could ask for some space, but to ask for an entire break away from that person? I feel like that means that that person just isn't that in to you.
You can have some space and still be in a relationship.

Idk, maybe I just don't get it. In my experience, "I want to take a break" actually meant "I want to break up".

Healthy relationships need a lot of things and there's no shame in any relationship needing a break especially if that break helped both parties come to healthy terms about where things should go. Healthy relationships are hard. Marriage is hard. Problem solving, communicating, boundaries, dealing with expectations, compromise,..all of it is hard. There's a wide set of tools you have to learn and that takes time and it takes knowing yourself first. OP and her ex are still learning themselves. Every relationship is also different and not all mechanisms work the same for each one. That doesn't make it less healthy if one relationship employs different tactics. It takes a level of maturity to understand..."here is a bad situation, we can't communicate or resolve it effectively...neither of us are bad people and there's still feelings...let us take time to both figure out where things are and where we are and then come back and lay out the outcome". It takes even more maturity to appreciate that and to be able to move forward whether that means separately or if they do stay together. It's easy to assume that a healthy relationship will never need a break especially for yourself but you may just find yourself in a situation where it is conducive for you and an agreeable measure to take for a relationship you truly care about.

I'd imagine with how much he has been there for OP that making this choice wasn't easy for him. I'd also imagine with the way OP is pressuring him through contact that it also makes it that much harder. I'm sure he very well cares about OP. However, I'm sure he's also realizing that he is still growing and still learning about what he needs. Just like OP really could use the time to allow herself to grow and learn what she needs as well. Having a relationship fail is hard and it's not black and white in feelings. People can very well be torn over how to handle something or what is best. Sometimes we can come back and be stronger for the time taken apart and sometimes we come back and realize we are hindering one another from getting stronger. Nothing about that is cowardice.
 
Young love is powerful and fleeting, and I know it feels nice to think you've found the one. But even if this is the end of this relationship, like I think it should be, this isn't going to be the end of the world for you even if it seems that way now.

At the end of the day none of us know you and your exboyfriend the way you do. Personally I think you should move on to someone else or take time to work on yourself, but if this relationship is worth saving then that's up to you. I do think you should give him some space and not fret. There's only so much you can control and if he slips away then it wasn't meant to be.Try to keep positive. I'm sure everything will work out for you no matter what you choose.
 
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