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Does someone expressing romantic interest in you ruin your friendship with them?

Aronthaer

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This is something that makes less and less sense the longer I dwell on it.

I'm not talking about breakups, I'm not talking about exes at all. I'm talking about when a good friend expresses romantic interest in you. what's your response?

I've seen lots of friendships ended over this, but to be honest, it makes little to know sense in my mind. Putting myself in the person's place, a friend that I don't think of romantically approaches me, telling me that they've had feelings for me for a while. this has happened a few times before, and I've let them know that I care deeply about them, but I wouldn't be interested in a relationship with them. every single time, we've moved past it and stayed good friends. if anything, it made us better friends, because we each knew that we cared about the other person.

But I've seen so many people get upset or embarrassed because someone feels that way and just ends the friendship there. and it's a soul-crushing feeling to see someone you've grown so close to not only feel disgusted when you tell them how you feel, but then put up walls between you and them.

There is one caveat, however, and that is that the other person has to be willing to move on. if they can't let go of those feelings, then I think that you should (temporarily) give them some space. let them think about it for a while, and come back with love and acceptance.

So, what are your thoughts on this? If your best friend came up to you and expressed interest, would you continue being friends? How about that girl you talk to a few times a week in the school halls? That guy you hang out with at the library all the time? really interested to see what you guys think.
 
This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this. :(
 
It's more of the opposite problem with me. I told my guy friend I like him and now things are awkward between us. He didn't say he shared those feelings but he didn't deny it either. So now I'm stuck wondering if he likes me but is too shy to admit it, or just doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
 
This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this. :(

I'm so sorry to hear this. To be honest, you should never try to make someone leave a relationship they're happily in for your own selfish interests. it's a douchey move and honestly you deserve better.

I had somewhat of an opposite experience. I told an old friend of mine that I had an interest in her and she fired back with just brutal words that made me feel bad that I had these feelings and that I hadn't just tried to hide them better. The next day, I texted her asking how her day was going and was yelled at for "acting like nothing ever happened between us last night". The only reason I took a chance on telling her is because I was reasonably sure she would be able to move past it, being a very sensible woman. I was very, very wrong.
 
I'm so sorry to hear this. To be honest, you should never try to make someone leave a relationship they're happily in for your own selfish interests. it's a douchey move and honestly you deserve better.

I had somewhat of an opposite experience. I told an old friend of mine that I had an interest in her and she fired back with just brutal words that made me feel bad that I had these feelings and that I hadn't just tried to hide them better. The next day, I texted her asking how her day was going and was yelled at for "acting like nothing ever happened between us last night". The only reason I took a chance on telling her is because I was reasonably sure she would be able to move past it, being a very sensible woman. I was very, very wrong.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It isn't selfish to express your feelings to a friend, at least if they are single. Love is about taking chances after all. It must have taken a lot of courage for you to tell her and it's awful how she responded. If the friendship meant anything to her, she should have been more understanding, especially if you weren't being pushy. I understand if it was awkward at first, but getting mad is an over reaction. I'm sorry :( Hopefully she gets a hold of herself before she loses a good friend entirely.
 
I don't really have friends, but if I did I feel like it would ruin everything. I am asexual and aromantic, so I would never be able to return their feelings no matter what. Plus, the idea or someone liking me in that way bothers me. I can't stomach the idea of someone being in love with me, so I could never hang around them and be normal again. It would just be too much and I feel like it would ruin our friendship.
 
Definitely not. My best friend and I used to be partners, and often talk about being partners again someday.

I think it's really, really great when you can feel so comfortable with the person that you love that breaking up isn't even a big deal to either of you. That's really great.
 
This has, unfortunately, happened to me many times. A guy friend would express their feelings, even knowing I have a bf, and when I try to move past it, they get mad, or try to sabotage my relationship. I've lost almost all my guy friends over this and they never want to stay just friends, which means that they were only friends with me while having ulterior motives. It's heartbreaking because they meant a lot to me but it's ridiculous to get mad when they know I wouldn't leave my bf for anyone in the first place. So yeah, it's a pretty stupid thing that's always bothered me. If the friendship is real and important, then you should be able to move past it. Unfortunately, some people might have egos that will not allow this. :(
Pretty much this. Even if I want to stay friends with the guy they are too butt hurt after being rejected so it's essentially them that ends the friendship

- - - Post Merge - - -

I think it's really, really great when you can feel so comfortable with the person that you love that breaking up isn't even a big deal to either of you. That's really great.

Personally I just think that shows a lack of interest from one or both parties and wouldn't find that a good basis for a relationship at all but to each their own
 
you guys aren't doing it right. there's supposed to be a drunken hook-up first that prompts the romantic confessions by one of the friends, that way you have maximum awkwardness and drama...
 
I was that friend. I was interested in a good friend of mine for years. I'm nearly positive I was in love with him. And I only ever asked him about it twice. Rejected both times, and despite how awkward it may have been for him, and how painful AND awkward it was for me, we're still close friends. I think before anyone makes any sort of move, they need to evaluate some things. How strong is the friendship? Can it handle a bomb like this? Can you handle the chances of things going badly? Can they? I think I honestly would have been better off if he had ended our friendship, but he didn't want that. And despite my feelings, i helped maintain peace at my own expense. Having to hang out with him and talk to him like it never happened while still hurt from the rejection and still in love with him was one of THE most painful times of my life. But, I'm glad that we're stilk friends. I guess. If the opposite happened to me, and I was confessed to, which would probs never happen LMAO I AM SO UNDESIRABLE IRL, I wouod be drowning in guilt. I know I can't just force myself to have feelings for someone, and I shouldn't because it's unhealthy for both parties, but i cannot help but feel guilt. I feel guilt rather easily, even over nonsensical things.
 
Personally I just think that shows a lack of interest from one or both parties and wouldn't find that a good basis for a relationship at all but to each their own

Nah, it's not like that at all. It's just that, if we were to part ways, we wouldn't be yelling at each other or cutting each other out of our lives or anything like that. We have the comfort that, even if things don't work out, we will always be close friends, and that feeling is something I think is really important in any relationship.
 
I guess it could ruin a friendship, but if things can be worked out then it should be ok
 
I've had some relationships fall apart but I've also had one that grew stronger. My current best friend confessed to me only a few months after getting to know me when we were Freshman (him) and Senior (me) band classmates. I was not interested but I appreciated that he was honest with me and didn't get all weird about it like guys I had been friends with in the past.

We've been friends for just about 10 years now and can be very honest with each other. It's nice.
 
Well...I'm kinda going through this right now. This one girl who I was best friends with had a crush on me late last year, and eventually I ended up liking her back. I asked her what she thought of me about a week or two ago, and I was rejected.

Things are just weird between us now.
 
Nah, it's not like that at all. It's just that, if we were to part ways, we wouldn't be yelling at each other or cutting each other out of our lives or anything like that. We have the comfort that, even if things don't work out, we will always be close friends, and that feeling is something I think is really important in any relationship.

Ah okay I understand what you mean now
 
Lmao YES. I've had guy friends do this and it just pissed me off real quick and made me end the "friendship" we had. Because it made me feel as if the "friendship" wasn't there at all. I think the one thing everyone should keep in mind before confessing is if the other person likes you back. This is going to make me sound like a teen magazine, but if you want to avoid the awkwardness and weirdness and FOs, then learn how to read the signs! Now, for the shallow, super superficial, brutally-honest, controversial, I'm-a-20-year-old-girl part of my answer: pssst! If you're hot, just go for it!
 
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Lmao YES. I've had guy friends do this and it just pissed me off real quick and made me end the "friendship" we had. Because it made me feel as if the "friendship" wasn't there at all.

learn how to read the signs![/SIZE]

Why risk misinterpreting someone else's actions if you can have a mature conversation about it? I don't honestly know what part of someone confessing feelings would make you feel that they weren't a friend, unless they were being superficial and putting you on a pedestal based on what you look like, in which case you probably don't want them around anyhow. but if they're being honest and open with their feelings and want to talk about it with you instead of consulting a magic-8-ball or randomly stitching together your behaviors like a crime scene, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
 
It really depends. Depends on the person, the situation, and the resolution.

Back in middle school, I confessed I had a crush on one of my guy friends. He teased me about it but nothing really came of it: friendship was like it never happened and ya know how crushes are when you are super young...very fleeting. A couple weeks later we were still friends and my crush was gone.

And here we have now, years ago a friend of mine confessed his feelings for me while I had a boyfriend (didn't work out, he cheated/talked to me once every few months and yet ended on amicable terms) and turns out the feeling was mutual. Hooray for me, I'm engaged to my best friend. :)

And I'm sorry to hear about all your experiences, some of them sound like a real doozy! :(
 
Why risk misinterpreting someone else's actions if you can have a mature conversation about it? I don't honestly know what part of someone confessing feelings would make you feel that they weren't a friend, unless they were being superficial and putting you on a pedestal based on what you look like, in which case you probably don't want them around anyhow. but if they're being honest and open with their feelings and want to talk about it with you instead of consulting a magic-8-ball or randomly stitching together your behaviors like a crime scene, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You're absolutely right! If it's a mature conversation, with the guy being honest and open about his feelings, that's absolutely okay! But from personal experience, I can tell you that some guys feel entitled to a relationship just because you guys were friends, as if it's expected that your friendship would "naturally blossom" into a relationship like in the movies. So if you ask me, if I am clearly not into someone, then I'd rather that that someone not confess, push his feelings onto me, and try to coerce/ guilt-trip me into a relationship.
 
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My best friend finally decided to tell me his feelings 5 years ago. *5 years forward* We're engaged & have an awesome son. I love knowing the person I'm gonna marry is not only an amazing dad & my fiance but my best friend too.
 
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