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Homewreckers and Cheaters

Will you be friends with a cheater/homewrecker?

  • Yes, as long as they don't do it with my partner.

    Votes: 7 14.0%

  • Yes, because they need me to be there for them.

    Votes: 4 8.0%

  • No, it is a quality I cannot accept in a friend.

    Votes: 30 60.0%

  • Other. (Please explain in comments)

    Votes: 9 18.0%
  • Total voters
    50
UglyMonsterFace

UglyMonsterFace

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So my sister asked me a question a while ago. Would you still be friends with someone who is cheating on their partner, and knowingly having an affair with a married person? Both of these couples have young children, and neither of the cheaters feel remorse or intends to stop. My brother, my boyfriend, and I all said no, we would not stay friends with a person like that, and she was very shocked about this and defensive about her decision to stay friends with this person.

She is also of the belief that cheating is a thing that should be forgiven in a marriage because the wedding vows say "for better or worse," and that ending the marriage because of that is a violation of that vow. I thought this was ridiculous, since what "worse" refers to are things like perhaps losing your home and money and becoming poor, or experiencing the death of a child (something like that), not cheating.

Please tell me your views on both topics above, please!
 
I would not remain friends with a cheater or home wrecker. I don't care the circumstances that lead up to it, except in the very rare case of one party (single) starts seeing another who they think is single (but is not) so the actual single person is in the dark that they're doing anything wrong. Once they find out if they get the heck out of the relationship, I'll definitely be there for them. If they continue to go on with the cheating because "love" then I will not remain friends. I might make an exception if the person who was not single breaks up and gets with the one who is single, but it will take me a long time to trust the cheater and I will try to convince the one who was single not to stay with a known cheater.

I hope that makes sense.
 
I absolutely could not be friends with a cheater, and if I was already friends with them and I found out they cheated on or with somebody, I would have to cut them off. I've thought about this too, when a friend of the family cheated on her husband and my mom said "it's not really my business" and continued to be friends with her. I couldn't do that. I have 0 tolerance for cheaters. All of your integrity goes down the drain, and if someone makes that decision, they're showing themselves to be no good and I don't want any part of that.
 
probably not. i know there are always variables in situations like this and it can be hard to judge unless you're actually involved in it, but personally? hell no. there is no excuse for cheating, or for knowingly getting involved, flirting, etc with someone that you know is in a relationship. it's unbelievably disrespectful and disgraceful, and causes only pain and misery for the person being cheated on. i can't even imagine how someone would justify this as being okay. i agree with you entirely, that "for better or worse" refers more to unfortunate events or accidents, not one person being selfish, disgusting and preferring to hurt the person they married or claim to love rather than just end the relationship if they're really that unsatisfied. the way i see it, if you cheat, you don't love, respect, or even care for your spouse, and you don't deserve that marriage/relationship.

if someone i'd been friends with for a long time was like this, i don't know how i'd react. yeah, i'd be shocked and probably unwilling to just ditch them, but... it's just wrong. i can't stand by a friend if they really think it's acceptable to treat their partner that way, because a partner should be your best friend too -- if they disrespect their significant other like that, who knows what they'd consider "okay" to do any other friend. ugh. i really, really hate cheaters, lmao. i could go on forever. if you are really that miserable in your relationship, either go to therapy, talk it out with your partner, or split up and save your family even more irreparable heartbreak.
 
Crash said:
probably not. i know there are always variables in situations like this and it can be hard to judge unless you're actually involved in it, but personally? hell no. there is no excuse for cheating, or for knowingly getting involved, flirting, etc with someone that you know is in a relationship. it's unbelievably disrespectful and disgraceful, and causes only pain and misery for the person being cheated on. i can't even imagine how someone would justify this as being okay. i agree with you entirely, that "for better or worse" refers more to unfortunate events or accidents, not one person being selfish, disgusting and preferring to hurt the person they married or claim to love rather than just end the relationship if they're really that unsatisfied. the way i see it, if you cheat, you don't love, respect, or even care for your spouse, and you don't deserve that marriage/relationship.

if someone i'd been friends with for a long time was like this, i don't know how i'd react. yeah, i'd be shocked and probably unwilling to just ditch them, but... it's just wrong. i can't stand by a friend if they really think it's acceptable to treat their partner that way, because a partner should be your best friend too -- if they disrespect their significant other like that, who knows what they'd consider "okay" to do any other friend. ugh. i really, really hate cheaters, lmao. i could go on forever. if you are really that miserable in your relationship, either go to therapy, talk it out with your partner, or split up and save your family even more irreparable heartbreak.
Click to expand...

You just said pretty much everything I told my sister. It's crazy how anyone could feel any other way about this subject.
 
If you could cheat on your significant other OR knowingly get with someone that is married or with someone else, you are scum in my opinion. I couldn't even fathom doing that so there's no way I could talk to someone like that
 
here's my take on it, because once you reach your mid twenties everyone becomes super sexually active rabbits. my philosophy is this with my friends, if you are a good friend to me, if you're there for me, if you treat me well and respect me and enjoy my presence, then whatever you do with others sexually is out of my concern. i won't judge you for that, as long as you're a good person to me. many of my friends cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends, i never cheated but i actively was a side chick before knowing the guy i was hooking up with had a girlfriend of over 5 years. i told my friends, i'd hate if they judged me, and i know they hate if i judged them on their affairs. it is what it is, and it's a small insignificant portion of what our friendship truly is. just be good to me. what you do in the bedroom is what you do.
(im talking about young adults not married with children...if children & quality offamily are involved i would speak up but i won't kick a friend out of my life for it)
 
Tessie said:
here's my take on it, because once you reach your mid twenties everyone becomes super sexually active rabbits. my philosophy is this with my friends, if you are a good friend to me, if you're there for me, if you treat me well and respect me and enjoy my presence, then whatever you do with others sexually is out of my concern. i won't judge you for that, as long as you're a good person to me. many of my friends cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends, i never cheated but i actively was a side chick before knowing the guy i was hooking up with had a girlfriend of over 5 years. i told my friends, i'd hate if they judged me, and i know they hate if i judged them on their affairs. it is what it is, and it's a small insignificant portion of what our friendship truly is. just be good to me. what you do in the bedroom is what you do.
(im talking about young adults not married with children...if children & quality offamily are involved i would speak up but i won't kick a friend out of my life for it)
Click to expand...

While I don't judge people who are very sexually active and like to explore, I believe that if you are going to have multiple partners, then you shouldn't be in a relationship, or just choose to be in a mutually open relationship. I don't think liking sex is an excuse to go behind someone's back to cheat.
 
Cheaters are bleh. I'd end up telling the person whey were cheating on/had cheated on, I can't stay dishonest like that. Even if I hated the person they were with they have the right to know.

could someone explain the 2nd option? just me being thick skulled but I keep reading it in a narcissistic ******* way but idk. thank.
 
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forestyne said:
Cheaters are bleh. I'd end up telling the person whey were cheating on/had cheated on, I can't stay dishonest like that. Even if I hated the person they were with they have the right to know.

could someone explain the 2nd option? just me being thick skulled but I keep reading it in a narcissistic ******* way but idk. thank.
Click to expand...

Do you mean in the poll? Basically it means that you would stay friends with someone who is a cheater/homewrecker because you want to be there for them (as in to offer comfort and friendship and a shoulder to lean on). This was one of my sister's reasons as to why she remained friends with this person. Because she needed to be there for them and not abandon them.
 
What if the person that was cheating was in a abusive relationship and was lowkey seeing someone else?
 
Arize said:
Do you mean in the poll? Basically it means that you would stay friends with someone who is a cheater/homewrecker because you want to be there for them (as in to offer comfort and friendship and a shoulder to lean on). This was one of my sister's reasons as to why she remained friends with this person. Because she needed to be there for them and not abandon them.
Click to expand...

Oh okay! I totally read that wrong then lmao thanks for clearing that up.

And you don't need to be there for a cheater. If someone stabbed you or someone else, you wouldn't be friends with them because they did a mean thing. You aren't obliged to be friends with them because of it.
 
No, I choose my friends based on their morals and kindness and this wouldn't be a person I could be friendly with.
 
Daddie said:
What if the person that was cheating was in a abusive relationship and was lowkey seeing someone else?
Click to expand...

I see this situation slightly differently. While the motives and reasons for the affair are more understandable, I still see it as wrong. However, if a friend were in this situation, I would not abandon them. I would try to get them help. Also, the person they are having an affair with has to be single or I won't be as forgiving in a case of homewrecking. I would also need to know that that person had good intentions rather than taking advantage of my friend's state of mind. BUT while cheating might be a comfort to someone in an abusive relationship, it is not a solution to their problems.

However, this is an entirely different situation from the one at hand. The friend is with a very loving man and great father to his child.
 
Okay so I would like to say no to this but my best friend has been a homewrecker multiple times... and the guy that she is with now cheated on his girlfriend (now ex obvs) with my best friend... but I'm still friends with both her and her bf so honestly it's like I completely disapprove of that and think that's really ****ty to do but like at the same time we don't talk about it and I still am her friend so yeah... granted this wasn't like an extramarital affair it happened in high school but still. And one of the couples she "home wrecked" the girl was pregnant so that's pretty messed up. And she sent the girl nasty messages like "you're just mad your bf likes me better than you" or something weird like that which I was just like okay you're a ***** but whatever
 
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Yeah, I would. I'm not going to cut someone out of my life just because they do something wrong. It's not any of my business what they do sexually. Do I approve of it? No. They're doing what they're doing & me not being friends with them will not stop that. I'd rather be friends with someone I know has cheated on someone than not be friends with them and hold a grudge about something that doesn't involve me.
 
I would stay friends with somebody who cheated on their partner, but I would let them know I don't agree with or like what they're doing/done, I don't want to hear about it and I outright won't be a part of it (as in lying for them/covering for them/etc).



As for staying with somebody just because wedding vows say "for better or for worse", I wouldn't, because that's stupid. Pretty sure that "for better or for worse" refers to "would you stay with this person even if they lost their job and their legs fell off?", not "do you promise to stay with them even if they're screwing your hot friend?".
 
Tao said:
I would stay friends with somebody who cheated on their partner, but I would let them know I don't agree with or like what they're doing/done, I don't want to hear about it and I outright won't be a part of it (as in lying for them/covering for them/etc).



As for staying with somebody just because wedding vows say "for better or for worse", I wouldn't, because that's stupid. Pretty sure that "for better or for worse" refers to "would you stay with this person even if they lost their job and their legs fell off?", not "do you promise to stay with them even if they're screwing your hot friend?".
Click to expand...

I can totally see what you're saying. But what if the person your friend was cheating on was also your very close friend?
 
i'd stay friends with them, but let them know i think they did something wrong. which i've already had to do. :(
 
lol if we were already friends im not gonna cut them off for cheating?? id obviously discourage it a lot but why cut off friendship completely and just let them cut loose and wreak havoc everywhere w/o doing anything??

but yeh if we rnt that close nd i dont kno them or the situation all too well ill go
or if they react badly to me saying they r being *******s too
 
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