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What's Bothering You?

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I wantto play Journey but my dad is watching the TV and I'm too scared to go ask.

- - - Post Merge - - -

Also my birthday. It sucks.
 
I got out of my last class for the day at 3pm and I was like yay I can finally go get dinner!

But then I realized the marketplace doesn't open for dinner until 5pm, so I decided to wait.

But then I realized... the marketplace is only open Mon-Thurs.


;-;
 
My mom damaged her van a lot...now she has to pay like $1,600 to get the damage fixed. How she damaged the van? Accidentally hitting a mail box while in a rush to help out my grandparents.
 
I think something may be wrong with me in my head, not like I'm crazy, but maybe something else. My body has been reacting to driving in very strange ways, and I think I may have experienced something like a panic attack earlier today? Very minor, but I thought it was uncalled for since I couldn't think if anything that could have triggered it. But my body felt like it does when I panic any other time, for over an hour. Wut the heck.
 
I think something may be wrong with me in my head, not like I'm crazy, but maybe something else. My body has been reacting to driving in very strange ways, and I think I may have experienced something like a panic attack earlier today? Very minor, but I thought it was uncalled for since I couldn't think if anything that could have triggered it. But my body felt like it does when I panic any other time, for over an hour. Wut the heck.

D: dude i hope ur okay?? if it continues see ur doc or somethin cause i know weird things happen when youre not getting something ya need like i used to get panic attack-like things but i just was pretty dehydrated ahah
that could be a reason : (
 
Oh my god. I just want to effin' kill you right now. I hear your little taunting buzz. Catch me if you can, buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Oh I will, you pesky little mosquito. I will catch you with my bare hands, squish your little body into pieces, and laugh menacingly as I stare at your body parts. You shall be mine.
 
Oh my god. I just want to effin' kill you right now. I hear your little taunting buzz. Catch me if you can, buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Oh I will, you pesky little mosquito. I will catch you with my bare hands, squish your little body into pieces, and laugh menacingly as I stare at your body parts. You shall be mine.

Me with random flies we always get. Darn bugs.

Also the bad environment we have for internet. Wonder if it's the area or if we just need a better modem/router.
 
i'm tired of feeling ****ty all the time. i'm tired of unintentionally hurting the people around me because of the way i feel. i'm tired of everyone asking if i'm okay and if i want to talk about it. no. i don't want to talk about it. why? because if i start talking about everything i know i'm going to have a mental breakdown about it. that's what always happens. i know i'm going to end up hurting you because of my mental breakdown. when it starts, it doesn't stop. i will say horrible things about myself and get angry at you when you try to say none of it is true. i'm not some wonderful, amazing person. i'm just a pathetic piece of trash.
my only purpose in this world is to die. i've been in this ****ty situation for all of my life, all of my childhood. i'm not able to get help and that's what hurts the most.

i want to get help, i want to be happy all the time and feeling normal. but i can't. and when i'm able to get help finally, it'll be to late for me. i'll already be too far gone. i'll be past the point of being able to help. i thought love would help me feel better, just in the slightest. having someone support me even through my roughest times, but everyone who i ever loved rejects me. which, just adds onto the pain. my life is one big disappointment, nothing ever works out in the way i want it to. and being rejected all the time just proves it. i hurt myself as a way of venting so i don't hurt others when i have a mental breakdown. but, it's never enough. i can't do this anymore. i don't want to be alive anymore. even by dying i'll be hurting others. i can never win this game of making everyone happy.

that's all i want to do, make other people happy. the smiles on other people's faces when i make them happy is a wonderful feeling.
if i'm not allowed to be happy, i want other people to be happy in my place. i want to give them that happiness, i want to do something good for at least once in my life. am i going to cry and hurt myself even more after posting this? probably. hurting myself isn't even enough anymore, i just.. i want to be free. i want to be like a bird soaring through the sky, truly free. i don't see a very bright future for me, so i highly doubt i'll find the one day when i can be free. if i only had one wish, it would have been to never been born. i want to be a spectator, watching people. i would be fine being on the sidelines, just watching the people i care about be happy without me is enough. i'm gonna stop now. if anyone reads this, thanks for taking the time out of your day to listen.
 
Oh my god. I just want to effin' kill you right now. I hear your little taunting buzz. Catch me if you can, buzz! Buzz! Buzz! Oh I will, you pesky little mosquito. I will catch you with my bare hands, squish your little body into pieces, and laugh menacingly as I stare at your body parts. You shall be mine.
i was battling with a mosquito last night
 
"attempted delivery" i was home all day you lying heaux
 
I've been feeling sick all week, but my pet apples are feeling really sick. They have the apple version of the common cold.
 
i have to memorize a poem front to back by tuesday. i chose the shortest poem but still
 
just finished moving. the internet sucks and i'm on the verge of tears because i can't watch netflix or do my homework LOL :(
 
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