What's Bothering You?

Maycee said:

Spoiler: massive rant

I’m sad all the time and don’t know how to deal with it, but my mother is putting this off as “just teenage angst.” acting like I’m fine even though I can’t stop the negative self-talk, can’t stop wanting to die, can’t stop wanting to hurt myself, can’t stop thinking about how I cry myself to sleep every night because I have no real friends and no one to vent to about my problems. I’m doing worse and worse in school and my parents will keep asking me about every single quiz and test, every single little detail about my entire school life and I can’t take it anymore. I have no privacy, I deleted all my socials media because my parents check my phone, saying it’s their right as my parents to read through all my conversations and look at every webpage I’ve been viewing. My mom randomly gets mad at me and half the time I don’t even know what it’s about. I just told her that I don’t understand the rhythm technique for our quiz tomorrow, and she tries to “help” by googling “how to take a rhythm quiz.” I tell her that’s not the problem, it’s the chant thing I don’t understand, and I’ll be fine, and she starts trying to show me this youtube video on “HOW TO PLAY DIFFICULT RHYTHMS!” and she doesn’t understand that that’s not the problem and she starts saying all this sarcastic, mean stuff like “oh, i know i don’t understand” in this voice that just annoys me so ****ing much and she keeps telling me to talk to the stupid teacher, I keep telling her that I won’t have time (which is just a little lie to cover up the fact that I’m ****ing terrified of talking to any teacher about anything) and now she’s just being extremely passive about all this because obviously it’s all my fault. She freaking annoys me so much. The other day I was having blood drawn (terrifying experience, 0/10 would not do again) and i started having a mini panic attack because I am absolutely terrified of any needles in my body. I’m just sitting there, hyperventilating and shuffling my feet around, and instead of trying to calm me she tells me in this Intimidating Voice™ that I need to stop, I’m overreacting, STOP RIGHT NOW, and starts apologizing to the doctor who promptly ignores her. She always acts like she knows everything about me when in reality if she actually knew about how I feel all the time, she might actually be nice to me??? Whenever I say something remotely related to the fact that hey, I’ve got the classic Depression™ symptoms, she just asks me, “Is that seriously how you feel?” in that intimidating, I’m-mad-at-you voice, so I just quickly tell her no because I feel like I’m going to get in trouble for some reason. She always puts my feelings off to the side because obviously I have no reason to be depressed, and my sibling is the only one in the family who needs counseling for their miniscule little problems. And obviously I can’t do the classic teenage girl thing and talk to a friend, because I don’t talk to people. There’s one girl I know right now who I love to death, but she doesn’t even think of me as a friend, only a person who does math with her. It urks me so much. Every day in choir I see her and her friends (who are also all people I know) giggling and being silly and hugging and I want to be a part of something like that so bad but I’m a terrible talker so that’ll likely never happen. I miss my old close friends back in the Old Days where we could talk about anything. Heck, I joined this site thinking I might make friends, but I guess the social anxiety carries over to the internet too!!! Lucky me. -_-

I hate my life

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Maycee said:

Spoiler: massive rant

I’m sad all the time and don’t know how to deal with it, but my mother is putting this off as “just teenage angst.” acting like I’m fine even though I can’t stop the negative self-talk, can’t stop wanting to die, can’t stop wanting to hurt myself, can’t stop thinking about how I cry myself to sleep every night because I have no real friends and no one to vent to about my problems. I’m doing worse and worse in school and my parents will keep asking me about every single quiz and test, every single little detail about my entire school life and I can’t take it anymore. I have no privacy, I deleted all my socials media because my parents check my phone, saying it’s their right as my parents to read through all my conversations and look at every webpage I’ve been viewing. My mom randomly gets mad at me and half the time I don’t even know what it’s about. I just told her that I don’t understand the rhythm technique for our quiz tomorrow, and she tries to “help” by googling “how to take a rhythm quiz.” I tell her that’s not the problem, it’s the chant thing I don’t understand, and I’ll be fine, and she starts trying to show me this youtube video on “HOW TO PLAY DIFFICULT RHYTHMS!” and she doesn’t understand that that’s not the problem and she starts saying all this sarcastic, mean stuff like “oh, i know i don’t understand” in this voice that just annoys me so ****ing much and she keeps telling me to talk to the stupid teacher, I keep telling her that I won’t have time (which is just a little lie to cover up the fact that I’m ****ing terrified of talking to any teacher about anything) and now she’s just being extremely passive about all this because obviously it’s all my fault. She freaking annoys me so much. The other day I was having blood drawn (terrifying experience, 0/10 would not do again) and i started having a mini panic attack because I am absolutely terrified of any needles in my body. I’m just sitting there, hyperventilating and shuffling my feet around, and instead of trying to calm me she tells me in this Intimidating Voice™ that I need to stop, I’m overreacting, STOP RIGHT NOW, and starts apologizing to the doctor who promptly ignores her. She always acts like she knows everything about me when in reality if she actually knew about how I feel all the time, she might actually be nice to me??? Whenever I say something remotely related to the fact that hey, I’ve got the classic Depression™ symptoms, she just asks me, “Is that seriously how you feel?” in that intimidating, I’m-mad-at-you voice, so I just quickly tell her no because I feel like I’m going to get in trouble for some reason. She always puts my feelings off to the side because obviously I have no reason to be depressed, and my sibling is the only one in the family who needs counseling for their miniscule little problems. And obviously I can’t do the classic teenage girl thing and talk to a friend, because I don’t talk to people. There’s one girl I know right now who I love to death, but she doesn’t even think of me as a friend, only a person who does math with her. It urks me so much. Every day in choir I see her and her friends (who are also all people I know) giggling and being silly and hugging and I want to be a part of something like that so bad but I’m a terrible talker so that’ll likely never happen. I miss my old close friends back in the Old Days where we could talk about anything. Heck, I joined this site thinking I might make friends, but I guess the social anxiety carries over to the internet too!!! Lucky me. -_-

I hate my life

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~Unicorn~ said:

I'm sorry your mom is such a jerk. My mom would be very nice if she didn't have so many chores and depression, her whole life was miserable so obviously she doesn't have the happiness to be kind. But I know my mom is very nice. Your mom is just.....wow. Treating you like you have to be 100% perfect, my mom is kinda like that with me and thinks my depression is just "trying to put the family in more trouble, just acting for attention" but she at least cares.....?

Also, of course people care about you here. Don't feel lonely or left out because we do care about you

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Dawnpiplup said:

I was getting annoyed, and yelled at my grandma and grandpa. They can be annoying sometimes, but I must admit that I could've handled the situation better, without throwing a temper tantrum.

Also, another thing on my mind is, why must my family members gossip about me in Vietnamese? Clearly, they think I don't understand what they're saying; otherwise, they wouldn't have talked about it when I was right there. Oh, they usually talk about things related to my mom and dad...like, how my mom doesn't allow me to see my dad (which I'm fine with), and this and that. Honestly. My dad didn't do much to support me, and after the divorce, he didn't even pay my mom the amount that he was supposed to in order to help my mom take care of me. He was a lazy parasite, a smoker (I've gotten many nosebleeds and was quite sickly when I was little because of that), and an irresponsible dad. Gosh, when I had to live with my dad, he dropped me off at various houses, letting others take care of me, even though he, himself, was supposed to. Honestly, those people don't know a thing about my dad, and I think it's just plain rude to talk ill of someone when there's freakin' right there in another language that you assume they don't understand.



I'm terribly sorry to hear that, Maycee listen, if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me, about anything that's on your mind.

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KaydeeKrunk said:

Anxiety about the fire
Smelling smoke constantly

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Flare said:

I'm tired of my Insomnia.

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Ahhh. Whne u were so cold to me before

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Maycee said:

My sister and I ordered the same drink at Starbucks, they made us wait maybe fifteen minutes for it, then they finally told me, “Oh yeah, we’re actually all out of that.” They ask us if we want something else, I tell them no, seeing as we only have a few minutes to get to school now, and they’re not going to refund us for either drink. K...

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