Born with a genetic disease and in 2008 after a surgery and what thought was flu it all unraveled on me..I have a very rare combo of two genetic diseases and there is no cure around the clock pain care, hardly leave home anymore, all friends abandoned me, now it's spread into tumors and went systemic all organs can't afford to go to big genetic center. Moved home at 22 to finish college had to finish my MA online but good school then disabled can't work didn't put enough money in when young to get much. So now time has passed thirty living at home, my body treats food like poison and attacks me until pain like an appendix burst or knife or gunshot and it rejects it is not describable and one of many issues. Now pelvic uterine tumor and cysts can't have kids not sure, will I live another yr need my mom to pick up a medicine script too expensive not covered for two months till new dr switches they are treating me like I am terrible. I'm scared in acute and chronic pain can't go out to dinner my old fav thing can't cook bring in food no one helps, family is getting verbally abusive yes I must be here right now but they don't help just scream if I even am around.
Met a great guy though is younger than me is in medical proposed, all past relationships were abusive one way or another he has been great then he started yelling at me flying off handle. It's like people know I am kind and want their love and take advantage. He realized and apologized he has a fam member with disability but hers effects her mind my doesn't except headaches and such but he realized was venting that to me and has been great taking over appt calls all that helping with money bodyguard ing with my family by being around will I make it to next year the wedding don't know will we who knows. My family though have to get out, too sick to do anything but grocery and then can't cook or eat it without getting sick. Sorry for the vent, bc my fam is having problems trying to take what I don't have when supposed to care for me but outright told one way or other want me gone horrible things said I can't ever repeat or forget and all because I am ill. My nephew died same disease they are pretty sure at eight months. My mom keeps telling me my wonderful fianc? will leave bc I am worthless and all my issues when am on the floor in pain getting yelled at told to stop acting and being crazy they are in so denial of the medical the proof is all there I am disabled won't work again and I know he won't leave but my mother she gets in my head threatens not to help with this that to scare me in a year will be out of here but if he turns on me like the rest was so sweet now seems to be tired of my issues too or maybe that's fear he will as he is working and school a lot so not around as much right now for a few months when he is they act like people I have never met put on a show...when is gone doesn't realize am alone here in this small room just waiting went two years with no outside fam contact before him I don't know what snapped in my mom we were close once.
That's the tip of an iceberg, sorry but venting helps. My fianc? has been great and when realized that he was being harsh from new meds or stress is trying but every time I bring up a problem have not mentioned since last spoke feel am being a downer. Told him to find someone early 20s in school, well but he does love me that's good family not helping at all with even wedding things I don't think believe anyone could love me and take care of me without resentment. Am shy, everyone I met when was in school the little days could go or work when younger loves me outside people see it but my family has issues coping with their own messes and treating me like a person not their property because I am their child so can go through or take my personal things just because I have to live here now but am an adult, no money for clothes like am used to, fianc? helps but is so young 21 am afraid it's all too much and the vast time apart while he is getting money for us is actually making me withdraw. Then always da.. sick. In hosp this that told can't help you here even there a diagnosis of what combo is doing won't save you no cure. Still I fight and know am a good person.
Long vent but that is what is for right getting it out. Not all of it but am used to no one caring, if I can make it to that wedding and honeymoon in Disney for two weeks come home to someone who will always be my new family and take it day by day will be happy no wedding big just want that honeymoon even though heat hurts me as run 103 average I want that so I look forward and hold on to Disney need something to look toward week by week.
Ok think I feel a weight lifting bc you don't know me so I can tell you how bad well half how bad things are the whole how bad would feel a betrayal to my family feel guilty even talking about them though they sure do me to others always must look good on outside blame me hide truth. Thanks for anonymous vent and sorry for typos and punctuation I just started flowing out the pain and frustration. It helped.
I hope it's nothing serious?
